Chapter Text
“ Part of you will remain Jim, but the other part will never be the same. -- this is that choice. “
Merlin's words bounce in his head as Jim's right thumb brushes over the warm metal of the amulet, blue eyes staring into the smooth glowing surface of the stone within. Water drips from the tap into a ink-black pool that fills the porcelain tub. A damning final bath as a human, if he chooses Merlin's madness over humanity.
The first instinct he'd had when entering the bathroom was to smash the jar and let the contents spill out – but it would waste their efforts, and he also had no clue to what would happen to the house. It would be a choice that would really doom them all. Of course, Merlin had tricked them into pulling all these potion ingredients together in the first place.
Of course, Merlin did want what is best for the entire world, and that meant in his eyes that Jim had to be more than human. He'd been told that being human is not enough too much in the last few days.
After all, it is his choice on how to fight. Being human is enough for him.
His shoulders drag up and down in a heavy sigh – there's too many things that could go wrong, and Strickler has all but beat him into a pulp to make him learn the lessons about fighting Gunmar. Jim feels strong enough, confident enough to do so, especially if he used Grave Sand brand coffee – if the teachers were anything to prove with it.
His body hasn't been the same since that – sharp glass cutting his nose and throat as he choked on it – but power had coursed through him so strongly, it was addictive. If one strong whiff had left him with fangs and nails that were more like claws and ever so slightly stone-like, and a grittier voice... what was a cup of Trollish coffee going to do to him?
At that thought, he might as well just go jump in the bath and drown his human body– at least Merlin ensured that he would be borne a-new. Who knew what kind of monster would result from option b of troll life-changing drugs?
His phone buzzed, resulting in his further recollection of thoughts – stirrings of how long it's been since the day Jim had found the amulet in the rubble left of Kanjigar's corpse. Getting to his feet and staring at his face in the mirror – taking in soft cheeks, the barest hint of facial hair.
It reminds him a little of his father, and the facial hair is both something he's glad to have, and hates all the same. Fingers run over his cheek, and he sighs. This would likely be another round of puberty for him if he does take a dip in Merlin's Doom Puddle. Another form of T, he supposed.
Jim pulls away from the sink, glancing over at the hot bath. At least his soak would be enjoyable now. The part that wants desperately to clutch to humanity wants him to drain, and the part that's absolutely addicted to troll-hood wants to just dive on in. He's had brushes with that part of himself, especially after Eclipse's blade was finally glowing red in the darkness of Gunmar's prison.
The fear of himself losing his humanity fully, giving into whatever feral side trolls innately have – facing that growling version of himself that spoke no verbal words, only in the language of clashing swords.
He sighs, almost reaching to dig his arm into the water to pull the plug, but a part of Jim whispers that what if that's all Merlin's spell needs – one hand in and the rest is to follow only split-seconds behind.
Jim turns, staring at his pale face in the mirror. There is no embarrassed flush, no light in his eyes. The colour and life is gone, bleached in this anxiety. Morgana is cracking free beneath their feet in Trollmarket, and here Jim's deciding if he should take a hot bath and relax.
The changes would probably be as painful as they are permanent. Very painful, and very permanent, if Merlin's tone had been anything to take note of.
An azure glassy stare pans from the mirror's pane to the vibrating phone, call screen showing Claire's icon. James Lake Junior sighs, declining the call. It stings, hanging up on his girlfriend, but this is a decision he has to make on his own.
Waffling back and forth on this is not making it any easier, and the first time he summoned his armour flickers forth from his memories again. It seemed too long ago that he'd found the amulet. He thought of Draal's first teachings, resigning to never wielding the amulet and teach Jim instead on how to properly use Daylight. Those skills became invaluable to him.
He thinks of his mother, of Toby, of Claire. Everyone he needs to protect, and Merlin's words ring in his head again, a dangerous song. Alluring, and a siren's voice that draws him to change.
The Trollhunter grabbed the phone and amulet, shoving both in his pockets before turning to leave the bathroom. Jim sighs again, turning to contemplate the obsidian black bath one last time.
He hears the door downstairs bang open, bodies tumble into the hall – Barbara Lake shouting profanities at someone. He smiles, how uncharacteristic of his mom.
“It's okay.” Jim calls down the stairs before jogging down to take everyone in – Claire is just as white as he feels, Toby looks like he is about to throw up and Walter Strickler's face is twisted in such rage and concern – almost like the father Jim always wanted and never had.
His mom looks back at him, relief clear on her face. Jim stares past her at Merlin, wondering what the wizard will think. How betrayed Merlin probably feels.
“So, you have chosen to fight as a human?” Merlin stands up, a silver brow crooked high. It's unclear what Merlin thinks. He might look human, but he's anything but one. “When the world turns to ruin, do not blame me.” Strange metal clad arms cross in front of his narrow chest, eyes narrowed just slightly at Jim.
“The elixir is still in the bath upstairs --” Jim starts, Walter cutting him off.
“No offence, Jim, but I fear you will not be able to keep up with Gunmar, Angor Rot and Morgana as you are.” His left index and thumb pinch his chin in thought, right arm curled under the elbow in support. “Being just human isn't enough.”
“There it is again!” Jim explodes, fangs and claws and stone – everything a troll is but within a human form. “Again, with being told I'm not enough! Watch, I will be enough.” A finger jabs into Walter's chest, stepping forward as he speaks. Jim's voice is snarled out, and he's seeing crimson.
It's not until Walter's back hits the wall and that he's staring down at Jim with Eclipse's armour protecting his body. They're both breathing hard, and Waltolomew's eyes glow yellow, snarling back at Jim. He looms over the Trollhunter, placing the bristling Champion in his shadow.
“Spoken like a true changeling.” Fangs gnash in return, eerie smile on his former teacher's lips. Jim's never felt more eclipsed.