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Shen Wei wakes up to the sun warming his face. His nose crinkles in annoyance. He turns, trying to go back to sleep, but a hand on his shoulder stops him. He turns to apologize to Zhao Yunlan for waking up later than him, but when he opens his eyes, his own youthful face is staring down at him with a bright smile.
“Good morning, brother!”
Shen Wei sits up in shock. He winces when he accidentally yanks his hair but then he realizes something. He pulls and sees that, contrary to what he remembers, his hair is longer, almost reaching his waist.
“Brother,” That voice again and Shen Wei looks up to see the face identical to his, giving him a worried look, “Are you all right? Did you not sleep well?”
“Ye Zun,” Shen Wei swallows. He hasn’t uttered that name for a long time- which is a strange thought, because wasn’t it just last night, that he’d wished his little brother good night? His head hurts from thinking and he shakes himself awake. He is confused, jumbled. His memories are a mess but- “I apologize, it seems I drifted off. Do you still have a fever?”
“I feel much better now,” Ye Zun assures him with a sweet smile, “And I am glad you got some rest, so don’t apologize for that, brother. You need to take better care of yourself.”
Shen Wei just gives him a smile in reply, “Have you eaten yet? Do we have any food supplies left?”
“No,” Ye Zun says sadly, but then he brightens, “But that’s all right, I was going to go look for something edible anyway!”
“Little brother, please, you’ve just recovered from your illness-”
“Brother, don’t be so overprotective,” His younger brother says, rolling his eyes. Then he gives him a bright smile, “Even if I’m younger, you can rely on me sometimes too, you know!”
Shen Wei feels a small warmth of happiness in his chest, “Ye Zun, I just don’t want you to push yourself.”
Ye Zun huffs, “I promise I’ll rest if I feel dizzy, all right?” He runs off before the older twin could say another word and Shen Wei sighs in fond exasperation. Ye Zun is like the sun to him. Despite his weak constitution, his bright smiles and positive attitude warms him from the inside out. During these troublesome times, with barely anything to eat and danger constantly lurking around, Shen Wei recharges himself with his brother’s smiles. He finds it easier to get up in the morning when he sees his brother asleep beside him, tired but safe.
Shen Wei finally gets up and he stretches before turning around to fold the discarded blankets. But then something touches his shoulders and-
“Shen Wei!”
Shen Wei turns around abruptly, eyes wide.
However, to his confusion, there is no one there. The older twin frowns, looking around for Ye Zun but there’s no one in sight. Just trees, grass, and the occasional bird flying by. Shen Wei shakes his head and goes back to what he is doing.
“Shen Wei! Please- it’s not-”
Shen Wei wakes up gasping.
The night is cold but he’s sweating like he’d run around the mountain. Beside him, Ye Zun is snoring softly, unaware of his brother’s dilemma. Shen Wei lets out a breath and pushes away the blankets, piling them on top of his younger brother. Despite the cold air, he feels overheated and restless, maybe a walk can clear his mind.
Shen Wei makes sure not to go too far from where his brother sleeps. They weren’t safe out here in the wild, with only leaves and blankets to cover them. He makes sure that he’s still able to see Ye Zun sleeping form but he’s far enough that he won’t wake his brother from all the pacing he’s doing.
The older brother takes deep breaths and finally sits down on one of the large rocks between two thin trees. He leans back on his hands and looks up at the clear night sky, littered with stars. Dixing didn’t have stars. There had been only darkness and lamps lit by the people in a sad attempt to mimic the light of Haixing.
There’s some rustling to his left and Shen Wei stands up, grabbing the nearest thing to defend himself. It is a rock the size of his fist, enough to do some damage if thrown. He readies himself to strike if the intruder proves to be an enemy.
A man comes out of the bushes, his form so light you can almost see through him. Shen Wei steps back in bewilderment. Is this a ghost? A bad spirit? How can he protect his brother, if the enemy can’t be hurt?
“Shen Wei,” The ghost knows his name! The older twin takes a few more steps back. This could all be a trap, a lure to lower his defenses. He tries to backtrack slowly towards his sleeping brother. He’ll use his body as shield if he has to, all to protect the only family he has left.
“Shen Wei,” The voice is firmer and Shen Wei can’t help but look up. The man is handsome but he wears strange clothes, cloth made of leather and pants that seem too tight to move around freely in. His hair is strange too, parted in the middle and short.
The man continues to speak, his tone somber, his expression imploring, “You can’t.”
Despite the warning sounds in his head, Shen Wei replies, “Can’t what?”
The man shakes his head, looks over his shoulder, “You can’t save him.”
Shen Wei’s breath stutters and he looks behind him, although he knows what he will see. The man is staring right at Ye Zun’s sleeping form and telling him he can’t save his own little brother.
Shen Wei’s heart feels cold and his fingers around the rock tremble as he shakes his head violently, “No matter what happens, I’ll-” He looks back to the ghost with a defiant glare, but then he stops when he realizes the man is gone.
Shen Wei drops the rock and runs towards his brother. He curls up around his sleeping form and shakes when he embraces him.
Ye Zun is jostled by the movement and he asks in a sleepy voice, “Brother?”
Shen Wei shushes him, tells him to go back to sleep. Ye Zun easily complies. When the younger brother is asleep, Shen Wei drapes the blankets over the two of them and holds on tightly.
“No matter what happens,” Shen Wei whispers between them like a promise, “I’ll save you.”
Shen Wei dreams of the man. He knows his name, it’s at the tip of his tongue but he can’t remember. The man is holding his face, gently, as though he is fragile, “Xiao Wei,” He wipes his thumbs beneath his eyes, “The future is already set, you’ll just hurt yourself going through this again.”
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ Shen Wei wants to say but he can’t find his voice and so he just shakes his head.
“Xiao Wei, none of it is real. The choices you think you can make are just an illusion.” The man leans forward, kisses his forehead, “Please, come back.”
Ye Zun hungrily bites into the bread a couple of travelers were kind enough to give them. He hums in delight and savors the warm crust, happy that they finally got to eat something other than mushroom and berries for once.
Beside him, Shen Wei is quiet, looking at his bread as though it holds all the answers in the world.
Ye Zun swallows down his food before he speaks, “Brother, what’s wrong?”
“Ye Zun,” Shen Wei begins softly, “Do you think this is all a dream?”
Ye Zun blinks, “What is? The bread? I know it has been a long time since we’ve eaten anything decent, but I don’t think even I can dream up anything this delicious.”
Shen Wei is already shaking his head before he finishes, “No, I mean-” He hesitates, “All of this, the travelling, the- the scavenging. Don’t you think this is all a dream?”
His younger brother gives him a worried look but answers, “It does feel like that sometimes but I assure you this is real, brother. If I was going to dream up something, it would be something happier.”
The older of the two bites his lips, “But- what if this is a memory? Like a memory you relive in your dreams because- because you did something wrong the first time and you want to do it all over again? What if this is like that?”
Ye Zun frowns at him “Are you sick? Did you eat the strange mushrooms again?”
“What? No, I-” Shen Wei sighs loudly, “Just, please, for a moment, pretend my words make sense and give me your honest answer. Please, little brother.”
The younger twin looks down at his bread, worry and doubt in his expression. He takes a deep breath and thinks for a moment. Finally, he says, “Very well, brother. Honestly, if this is all just a memory dream of yours, I won’t understand why you’d even relive it.”
“I told you-”
“I know what you said. You want to fix something? Make the right choice?” Ye Zun asks and Shen Wei nods, “But what even is the right choice, brother?”
Shen Wei pauses, unsure how to answer.
“How do you know that by picking something different, it’ll turn out better than the first choice you made before?” Ye Zun asks seriously “And in the end, if this all turns out to be just a dream, then you’ll just be torturing yourself with ‘what could have been’s instead of redeeming yourself. There no point in reliving and changing the past. Not when it’s already happened.”
Shen Wei seems thrown by his brother’s honest words.
“I think everything happens for a reason. The past is in the past.” Ye Zun tells him with a smile, “Besides, even if it wasn’t just reliving a memory, if you really did go back in time to ‘fix’ your mistakes then what’s your certainty that you aren’t just making an even bigger one? The future is uncertain enough, just stick to the one you know. And if you really want to redeem yourself, then face the consequences of your choice. Take responsibility, learn from the past. Isn’t that what it’s for?”
Shen Wei swallows against the swell of emotions. Unable to voice a reply, he nods and offers Ye Zun his share of the bread as thanks for humoring his request. The younger brother lights up.
“You’re wise beyond your years, little brother.” Shen Wei manages a shaky smile. Thankfully, Ye Zun is too busy eating his bread to notice.
Ye Zun finishes his bread and then splits the extra one Shen Wei had given him. He offers the other half to his brother, “Now that I’ve answered your strange questions, answer mine. Are you all right?”
“Yes, thank you, Ye Zun. I’m sorry for worrying you,” Shen Wei accepts the bread gratefully, though he realizes he doesn’t want to eat anything after all. Still, he needs to keep his energy up, so, under his brother’s watchful gaze, he eats.
They enjoy their shared bread under the setting sun of the Haixing sky.
That night, Ye Zun is curled up tight under two blankets and Shen Wei is once again, awake and staring into the distance.
He waits and waits and finally, someone comes through the trees. It’s the man with the strange clothes and hair, his expression still somber, even though Shen Wei knows he often hides such seriousness behind grins and boisterous laughter.
“Zhao Yunlan,” Shen Wei says tiredly, and although his current form is that of a person barely in their teens, his tone of voice reflects his actual years of living.
Zhao Yunlan’s face breaks into a relieved and heartbroken smile, “Shen Wei, you’ve finally remembered.”
Shen Wei shakes his head, “Not everything,” He says, “I don’t know how I got here.”
“We’ll talk about that when you get back. Right now, I want to ask how you’re doing,” Zhao Yunlan says, worry etched on his face, “Do you feel okay? Are you hurt anywhere?”
“I’m fine,” Shen Wei assures him with a halfhearted smile, “Can you tell me how I can get out of here? Did I travel back in time?”
Zhao Yunlan’s expression turns serious, “I-” He exhales, “Xiao Wei, If I say yes, will you change the way things are supposed to play out?”
Shen Wei freezes, eyes wide as he meets Zhao Yunlan’s solemn ones.
“The fact that you’re in this point in time is not a coincidence,” Zhao Yunlan tells him, “Our suspect Dixingren has the ability to trap you in your greatest regret. If you change the way things are supposed to be, you won’t get out. The consequence of your new choice will play out, right until you die.”
“Basically an alternate or parallel universe then.” Shen Wei theorizes.
“Not really. No one is actually powerful enough to travel back in time and change the very fabric of the future. Right now, you’re trapped in your memories. If you play this out differently from how it’s supposed to be, then you’ll be trapped in sleep until your entire life plays out from your new choice. You’ll be in a coma until you die.” Zhao Yunlan tells him, a slight hitch in his words.
“And I’ll never know the difference.” Shen Wei says quietly, “If I pick differently, then the things you’ve told me now-”
“-Will be erased. To you, it’ll be like our future, the one you actually came from, never happened. You’ll live the rest of your life thinking this is your reality but actually, none of it is real.” Zhao Yunlan finishes. Shen Wei could see that his hands have closed into fists and are shaking.
Shen Wei looks down, “When will this end?” He asks, “Will I have to relive my entire ten thousand years? Will I have to stand back and watch you go blind again?”
Zhao Yunlan reaches out, touches his face gently, “No, Shen Wei, you’ll just have to relive your greatest regret. Then you’ll be free.”
A tear slides down Shen Wei’s cheek and he shakes his head, “I can’t leave my brother, Zhao Yunlan. He’s the only family I have.”
Zhao Yunlan touches his forehead to his. Shen Wei can barely feel anything from his ethereal form, “Shen Wei, I’m sorry.”
Shen Wei doesn’t say anything to that and lets himself be held by the shadow of his love.
“He coughs too much and passes out, what trash!” The dixingren with bloody hands approaches them, “Let me see-”
“Don’t hurt a hair on him!” Shen Wei slaps his hand away.
The rebel dixingren gives him a dangerous look, “How dare you hit me!” He grabs the older twin by his throat and dangles him over the cliff. He throws him off the edge without a second thought and Shen Wei-
Shen Wei screams as he falls.
He screams and cries, not because of the incoming pain but because he’s about to lose one of the most important people in his life. Ye Zun will be taken. He will be hurt and warped into the image of the dixingren rebel leader. He’ll hurt himself and countless other people and Shen Wei-
Shen Wei had let all of that happen to him, even though he promised his little brother he’d always protect him. Even though he wanted to stay together and keep him safe. In the end, for a second time, Shen Wei has failed his brother.
The hard impact and the blinding pain after, is almost a blessing, an escape from his thoughts, his heavy regrets. The darkness takes him under even before the tears dry on his face.
Warm fingers trace the skin under his eyes. Shen Wei opens them to see that the world is blurry for some reason. It’s only when he blinks, and tears run down his eyes, that he realizes it’s because he’s crying.
“We’ll leave you alone,” A soft voice says, before there is the sound of a door opening and the sound of footsteps are getting farther away. Shen Wei hears the door close and he turns to see Zhao Yunlan lying next to him, dark eyes worried.
“Hey, Xiao Wei, welcome back to the waking world.” Zhao Yunlan says with a slight smile but it doesn’t reach his worried eyes. Shen Wei reaches out and touches his face, the other man’s expression turns into relief.
“The dixingren?” Shen Wei asks in a hoarse voice. Zhao Yunlan nuzzles against his touch, reaching up to hold his hand.
“In custody. The SID team didn’t go easy on him after what happened to you,” Zhao Yunlan’s mouth twists into a frown but he forces himself to relax as he gathers Shen Wei in his arms, “Old Chu offered to send him back to Dixing on your behalf, so that you can get some rest.”
Shen Wei nods, “If it isn’t too much trouble for him, then I’ll be very thankful for his consideration.” He says tiredly. “How did you save me?”
“We found a dixingren with the power to walk into dreams,” Zhao Yunlan tells him, “That’s how I was able to talk to you. You didn’t make it easy though, when you conveniently forgot which timeline you belong to,” He jokes.
The joke falls flat when Shen Wei apologizes, “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
“For causing so much trouble for everyone. For being easily taken in by the illusion of the past.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s the suspect dixingren’s fault, not yours.” Zhao Yunlan leans forward and kisses the top of his head, “I’m just glad that you were strong enough to come back to me.”
Shen Wei is quiet for a while, before he admits in a small voice, “I very nearly didn’t.”
Zhao Yunlan freezes and Shen Wei hears his breath stutter. Shen Wei places a comforting hand on his chest.
“But Ye Zun told me it’s better to face the consequences of my actions, rather than to go back in time to change things,” Shen Wei’s voice breaks, “Even though he didn’t know, even though he wasn’t real- he told me the things I needed to hear, so that I could get back to you.”
The arms around him tighten, “Oh, Xiao Wei.”
Shen Wei turns his head and buries his damp face on Zhao Yunlan’s shoulder, “I miss him so much, Zhao Yunlan.” His breath hitches, “I know he did a lot of unforgivable things but… he was the only family I had left.”
Zhao Yunlan rubs his back, comforting him as best as he could, “He’s not your only family anymore, Xiao Wei. I’m here and the entire SID team is here. We’re your family now, too.”
Shen Wei grabs on, holds him close.
“We may not be related by blood but we’ve been brought together by it. We’re a family of choice and that’s just as strong,” Zhao Yunlan tells him, “We’re there for you, every step of the way.”
Shen Wei closes his eyes, allows himself to relax despite the tears Zhao Yunlan can still feel dampening his shoulder, “Thank you, Yunlan.”
Zhao Yunlan runs a hand down his back, shushes him, “You need to rest more. Go back to sleep. This time, when you wake up, I’ll be here.”
Shen Wei nods and he doesn’t lift his face from where he’s buried it. His hitching breaths soon slow into deep breaths, the tension in his body relaxes, and he falls asleep.
Zhao Yunlan smiles down fondly at his professor. He arranges them into a comfortable position and realizes he’s tired from the ordeal too. He wonders if the dream walker’s power is still in effect and if he could join Shen Wei in his dreams, keep him company.
“Only one way to find out,” Zhao Yunlan yawns and closes his eyes.
It’s night time, the dark sky is littered with stars and Shen Wei is seated by a large boulder watching the bonfire with his dark hood up and his face covered by a heavy mask.
He could hear footsteps come closer but Shen Wei doesn’t turn. Someone sits beside him and grabs his mask, he startles and tries to grab it back.
Kunlun- no, Zhao Yunlan gives him a wide grin. His eyes twinkle like the stars in the sky, full of affection and love, “Mind if I join you, Xiao Wei?”
Shen Wei feels his heart stutter in his chest and a small smile lifts his solemn expression. He holds out his hand but instead of the mask, Zhao Yunlan puts his own hand over Shen Wei’s.
“You’re always welcome with me, Yunlan.”
End