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I will be coming with you. Tonight, you’re all that I want; You’re all I have; You’re all I need.
SIMON
“Baz? Where are we going exactly?”
“You really need to learn to trust me, Snow.”
Baz grasps my hand firmly in his own. He’s leading me down a winding path. I’m starting to become impatient with our little journey. It seems like we have been walking for hours. The uncertainty coupled with the darkness of midnight would normally make me nervous. However, every time I’m with Baz, I feel safe. He makes me feel safe.
We’re walking along a footpath in the Kent Downs. We had decided, a week ago, to take a small holiday away from London. It’s been a little over a year since our previous “holiday” (depending on your definition of holiday – it was more like a bloody nightmare) in America. A year since we almost lost each other. A year since I begrudgingly decided to go back to therapy.
It hasn’t been easy. Going back to therapy. There were moments where I wanted to give up. Actually, they occurred more often than not. The demon of self-doubt perched on my shoulder was, at times, much louder than the spirit of perseverance. Days where the demon was especially loud were the days where Baz and I would get into a row. They were never particularly bad ones, just a lot of frustration from either side. Baz, from not knowing what to do to help; Me, with myself, for falling into the familiar toxic thought patterns. Those days, I’d look at Baz and again wonder what this beautiful vampire saw in me and when he would decide that it just wasn’t worth it anymore.
Those days were the worst.
I had decided long ago that I would fight for us. I’m not sure when exactly everything clicked into place, but sometime after the talk on the beach in San Diego, I think I realized that Baz and I completed each other. And that whatever I had to face or battle, it was better with Baz by my side. That no matter what argument we had, Baz would always be there, ready to talk.
And Baz never pushed me. Not through the struggle to talk about my feelings or my trauma; Not through the days where I was in a particularly bad mood; Not through the many long nights struggling with intimacy; Not through any of it. Crowley, I loved him so much for that. Eventually, with Baz’s patience and love, I had begun to find my voice again. Through finding my voice, I started to gain confidence again and the rest had begun to fall into place.
I’ve even started to become comfortable with my wings and tail. Although Dr. Wellbelove had offered to remove my extra appendages, I decided to reject his offer. They are a part of who I am. To amputate them would be comparable to removing my arms or legs. I’ve learned to appreciate and love them. Besides, Baz adores my wings, so there is no way I’ll be removing them. I’ve found a way to live with them. Whether it be to spell them invisible, or to act as if they were a part of an elaborate costume when walking in town.
Things were getting better.
We had decided to take this little holiday in Dover, as a sort of celebration for how far we’ve both come. We decided to go to Dover because Baz’s family has a small cottage in the town that was rarely used. It had fallen into disarray within the last fifteen years. Baz had requested, to his father, that in exchange for fixing up the place, that he be allowed to use it freely. After going over budgets and plans, Mr. Grimm agreed.
So that’s what we’re primarily using this holiday for. Our plan is to spend the summer fixing up the small cottage. To be honest, I don’t understand the significance of the place, but Baz seems to be happy, so I just go along with it. It’s been interesting, to say the least. Neither one of us really has any experience with renovating a property, so it’s been a learning experience if anything.
Today was spent getting acquainted with the townsfolk, particularly with the small business owners who could supply us with the materials needed to complete our project. It never ceases to amaze me, just how polite and courteous Baz is with everyone he meets, and how they are all charmed by him. Most of them even seem to know who he is and who his family is. It wouldn’t surprise me if the Pitch influence spread all across the United Kingdom.
“We’re almost there!”
My thoughts are interrupted by Baz’s animated voice. I can feel my heart fluttering as Baz turns back to me. The light from the moon is hitting his white skin, making it look nearly pearlescent. His deep sea-grey eyes are shining with glee, almost in an innocent, child-like manner. Even in his light grey jeans and dark blue jumper, he looks elegant. He’s always elegant, the beautiful git. Baz lets go of my hand and starts to run up ahead, raven hair flowing in the wind. He turns to me and joyously beckons me forward.
I’m spellbound by him. I’m always spellbound by Baz. I’d follow him anywhere and everywhere. I give Baz a half-smile and follow, hands shoved into the pockets of my Levi jeans.
I’m glad that I follow him here, because what he has to show me is beyond incredible. A small sound escapes my lips as I take in the view. Just up ahead, is the cliff’s edge. But it isn’t the cliff’s edge that exhilarates me, but what lies beyond it. Just over the cliff is an endless array of sea and stars. I turn to Baz, whose expression can be summed up as a combination of amusement and delight.
“Baz… this is… it’s… incredible.” I feel long cold fingers intertwining with my own, and a soft bump on the side of my face as Baz leans closer to me.
“These are the White Cliffs of Dover. We used to come here often when I was a child, before my mother died. She loved this place,” There’s a hint of mournful nostalgia in Baz’s voice. I now understand why the holiday and project were so important to him. I offer him a kiss on his cheek and give his hand a small squeeze.
“Come. Let’s sit down for a while, shall we?” Baz sits down on the grass and pulls me down with him. A giddy laugh escapes my lips at the surprise and at how uncharacteristically light-hearted Baz is acting. I assume that it’s due to being in a place where he felt true happiness. I settle in and snuggle up close to Baz. His long legs are pulled up close, and his hands are resting lazily off his knees. I reach over and grasp one, as I lay my head on his shoulder. As I feel a soft kiss being placed upon my head, I can’t help but smile dreamily. One of my wings wraps around Baz in a protective embrace. I’m so in love with him right now. I look out to the endless sky and sea, and back to Baz.
“Baz?”
“Hmm…?”
“I want to try something.”
Baz arches an eyebrow at me, “Oh? Should I be worried?” I flash him a playful smile.
“You really need to learn to trust me, Pitch.”
I decide to ignore Baz rolling his eyes and his embarrassed smile, I know he loves it when I call him by his last name. I lift myself up from the ground. I wonder if this is a good idea as I roll my shoulders back and stretch my neck. I stare ahead, with a look of conviction plastered on my freckled face. My wings stretch out behind me and flap in the wind. I look down at Baz who is frowning at me.
“Snow… what are you…”
I don’t let him finish, because I’m off. I sprint towards the edge of the cliff and jump. I barely hear Baz shrieking as the wind rushes around me.
“SIMON!”
BAZ
He’s a damn fool!
Simon Snow is a damn bloody fool who takes a sadistic pleasure in scaring his boyfriend half to death.
At least, that’s what’s going through my mind as I watch Simon soar into the sky from the bottom of the cliff.
I had tried to grab him as he sprinted off the cliff, but I just missed him. And for a moment, I truly thought the world was ending. For a brief moment, I believed that everything was lost. I was ready to jump down after him. Luckily, Simon flew up from the darkness in a matter of seconds, and my fear turned to fury. As Simon took off into the sky, I just stood near the edge of the cliff (not too close as these cliffs were known to be highly erosive — a fact that I would have gladly shared with my idiot boyfriend had I known what he was planning on doing), arms crossed over my chest and an angry scowl across my face.
As I continue to stare at him, I cannot stay mad. Simon is breathtaking. His wings flapping magnificently as he glides through the air. I sigh as Simon spins around and flips over. It is incredible. A man obtains a pair of wings and all of a sudden they start pulling stunts as if they are in Cirque de Bloody Soleil.
I can feel myself melting inside. Simon looks alive.
So alive.
Over the last year, Simon had been making so much progress, and today, it was all coming to a head. Bit by bit, the love of my life was becoming more and more like himself. He was finding his light once more, and it was such a beautiful thing to see. As Simon soars in the sky, I take a deep breath, so as to not show the happy tears that were forming in my eyes. With his bright smile, Simon is a beacon in the night. A sun amidst the darkness of midnight.
My sun.
Simon spins around, dancing amongst the stars. He is so elegant, so graceful. He belongs there. The skies have accepted him as one of their own. A reimagined version of Apollo.
Suddenly, he twirls back towards the cliff. I roll my eyes as Simon dives towards me. Before I can comprehend what is happening, my feet are longer touching the ground. In one fell swoop, Simon has scooped me up with ease and is taking flight once more.
I yelp in surprise and wrap my arms around Simon’s neck. Simon holds me close, one hand under my legs and the other securing my back.
“Snow! Have you gone mental? Put me down!”
“Baz. Trust me.”
We rise higher and higher. I feel the wind whipping around my hair, and I wish I had my mother’s scarf with me. I am glad that I’m wearing a thick jumper, even though I had begun to get a chill. I clutch onto Simon tighter, more for warmth than in fear. Suddenly, Simon stops soaring and straightens his body out. I look out and gasp in surprise. I can see the town on one side, and the coast of France on the other. The tiny lights dotting the cliffside like the fireflies we had seen in America. I look above us, and where the sky is normally full of clouds, it is now full of tiny speckled stars.
It is breath-taking.
I turn to Simon and smile at him. Cheeky idiot, knows I’d love this. He knows that I’d remember our brief moment of closeness in America. The night we lay in the back of a pickup truck and just held each other.
I do. I remember, Simon.
I move one of my hands to his face. I trace my finger down the curve of his jaw and study the moles that dot his features. Simon’s eyes are lit with wonder, his smile bright enough to light our way home. My other hand moves to Simon’s chest to feel his heartbeat. It is strong, steady.
Simon leans over and plants a soft kiss upon my lips. He smiles lovingly at me. I decide to grab a hold of his neck and pull him down in order to respond with a deeper kiss of my own. The sudden shock of passion causes Simon to lose focus and he loses a little height. Our kiss breaks and I giggle in surprise.
“Next time you decide to play cliff-diver, warn me first, will you?”; I say as I playfully hit Simon’s chest.
Simon laughs and rolls his eyes. “What, and have you try to convince me not to do it? No, I think this was more fun.”
“I think you’ve finally gone mad.” I drawl while poking Simon’s nose. My hand reaches up to twirl his curls affectionately. Simon leans over me and plants another kiss on my forehead.
I feel a soft breath on my cheek. Simon speaks tenderly to me, “It was bound to happen eventually. I am in love with you after all.”
My heart stops. And my breath hitches in my throat. I blink stupidly at Simon, slowly trying to comprehend what just happened.
He loves me.
Simon Snow loves me.
I grab Simon’s face and draw it towards mine. I nuzzle our noses together. This amazing, insane, disaster of a man loves me. I feel so happy in that moment, that I am practically dizzy. I plant two delicate kisses upon Simon’s closed eyes.
“I love you to.”
Simon laughs and embraces me into a final deep kiss. We remain that way for a few more moments, lost amongst the skies.
Oh you, will be shining on me. Like a Midnight Sun, you’re the only one who could set me free. You will set me free.