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It started like this; Some dangerous new organization was being scary enough to warrant a referral to the Avengers. God, Tony made them sound like a principle. Now, this was normal, run of the mill stuff. What was not normal, however, was the sheer size of the organization.
Yikes.
The utter destructive force and time needed to take down these guys, who were calling themselves Ophidia, was huge and not something the Avengers could take on alone. So naturally, they put out the equivalent of an add in the super community. Yes, this was a thing. No, this wasn't unusual, unfortunately.
They didn’t hear back from anyone until they asked someone in person, surprisingly. Kate Bishop was the third person to ever bear the Hawkeye name and was an avid part of the super community, so if they ever wanted news on the rest of the Supes, she was their girl. So when she dropped in to pass on some files, they asked how their “ad” was blowing over.
Kate just laughed. “No one’s touching that with a ten-foot stick. It’s got Team Red written all over it, and y ’know how that always goes.”
Tony just stared at her, because no, no he did not know how that always went. “Who’s Team Red? And why do they sound like a knock off backstreet boys?”
Kate looked at him for a second before laughing harder. “Don’t go asking around. You don’t find them. They smash through the wall singing Mariah Carey’s song “Emotions”, desperately trying to hit that one high note that the song has become famous for, throwing flash bombs, and constantly arguing.” She paused, “Don’t ask. That situation with the mutant butterflies still freaks me out.”
Then before Tony could even formulate a response, which would be somewhere along the line of “Wait, what ?” she sauntered out of the room, still laughing, and off to who knows where.
Huh.
So, Peter heard. So did Matt, and so did Wade. It was hard not to. Because when the freaking Avengers put out a ‘Now Hiring’ sign, it’s pretty hard to miss. They also heard that no one was taking the job, because it seemed like the kind of insanity fit for Team Red. Not that Peter could blame them, really. Team Red was formed under questionable circumstances with even more questionable motives and way too much Mexican food involved to be safe. It had gotten worse from there, and if anyone asked who’s fault the existence of the team was in the first place, Peter was immediately shoving his finger in Wade’s direction with no hesitation and zero regrets.
Peter really had to re-evaluate his life choices. It was at a point past madness and more towards the edge of the abyss.
Peter pointed out this particular fact to Matt, because pointing it out to Wade was completely pointless by reason of the fact that he’s Wade and breathed craziness better than oxygen. Matt just shoved another burrito in his direction and gave him a look that said ‘I am so far past that point that if something normal happened, it’d be concerning’. Peter knew this particular look well. It was one of Matt’s favorites.
They had decided that they should probably sit down and talk about the whole Avengers thing, and no one ever had a successful meeting without food, and well, Wade. So here they were with way too much Mexican food, Matt’s apartment, and a possibly life-changing decision.
Peter gave an exasperated sigh, an all too common action. Peter swore he was starting to get wrinkles.
“So,” Wade began, exaggeratedly kicking his feet on top of the coffee table only for them get shoved violently off in less than half a second by Matt. “I don’t care about the Avengers thing.” Peter just blinked at him for a second. “Well yes, it’s a big thing and there’s the big spooky government that works with Avengers, and yes the Avengers are also very spooky, but I also don’t have much of a secret identity, unlike you two.” Wade closed one eye and raised his hand, miming pinching Peter and Matt together. That action also lasted less than half a second before Matt shoved his hands down.
Matt let out a puff of deliberation. “We don’t really know what their conditions are. It could be off the books.”
Wade pointed his finger at Matt and mouthed ‘lawyer’ to Peter. His hands were elbowed down faster than last time.
Peter rubbed at his face with his hands. Wade had a good point. The Avengers was an official force, not some vigilante group. They got paychecks and everything. It came with a price, though. The Avengers were first-class celebrities. They couldn’t go anywhere in New York without being recognized. Peter couldn’t do that, he had school to finish, and not to mention taking care of Aunt May. He wouldn’t let her be hurt because someone had a grudge against Spider-Man. Likewise, Matt was a fully functioning adult. Well no, that was a lie, Peter had seen first hand on an almost daily basis that Matt Murdock was a human-disaster with anger issues and a tragic past involving immortal ninjas. But he had a job, a fully functioning business, and friends. Granted, Matt’s heart was as big as the city he lived in and consequently was paid almost purely in food and favors. And not to mention that Matt’s social life went just about as well as a decent straight off the edge of a cliff, and ended in a blaze of flames so big that even Peter, with his very long list of villains that were once friends, had to be impressed.
The point still stands, though. They had lives .
On the other hand, Ophidia was a very large organization that was going to impact hundreds of lives, nevermind make every kind of crime-fighters life Very Not Fun.
“Peter,” Peter turned his head to look at Matt, who was now looking a lot more serious. He fiddled nervously with his sleeves, somewhat anxious of what he would say. “ You decide.”
Peter spluttered in indignation. “ What ? What are you, four ?”
Wade raised another hand in preparation to make what looked like to be a very well-rehearsed and repeated speech before it was shoved down again by Matt who had an honest to god pout on his face. “Firstly, no. Secondly, while I would really hate being a celebrity if it came to that, it’s not going to impact my life like it’s going to affect yours. I’m pretty sure I could find a way to be a lawyer and publicly be Daredevil. There’s a very long list of why not to, but getting to number three,” Matt made direct eye-contact with Peter, and while Peter knew that Matt couldn’t really see him, (Wade sometimes brought up that the reason they called Daredevil the man without fear was that they really didn’t know that Matt couldn’t actually see the danger, other than with his weird bat radar senses, something he valiantly protested didn’t count) but when Matt stared you down with glassy eyes and a serious attitude, you sat up straight and listened. “I trust your judgment.”
Peter’s mind raced. The lines had clearly been drawn and now it was up to him to decide what in the world to do with them.
Tony had asked a total of four people personally who would be best for the job of taking down Ophidia. The only answer he kept getting was ‘Team Red’. The answer he didn’t get, however, was who Team Red actually was .
So all in all, they were making great progress.
He sighed. He was getting too old for this.
The Avenger’s tower wasn’t purely for the Avengers. The building had other functions, and therefore employees. The cafeteria for said employees was a great place to people watch, mostly because no one was going to call him out for staring in his own building, and because he had designed the cafeteria to be a nice place to be and enjoy a cup of coffee.
Said cup of coffee was black today, with no added sweeteners. He’d like to think it was as black as his soul.
So imagine his surprise when in the middle of what definitely somewhere above his tenth cup of coffee, the window smashed inwards.
Not a small, little explosion, either. The resulting bang was probably heard from blocks away, and the scientist part of Tony was actually really interested in how an explosion of such a small diameter was so loud .
The other part of Tony was completely shocked. Not because of the explosion, he’d witnessed plenty of those in his lifetime, thank you very much. But because through the smoke of the explosion came what was definitely a flash bomb, and through the ringing in his ears, he could hear Mariah Carey’s song “Emotions” blaring at an obscenely loud volume, with two even louder voices desperately trying, and completely failing, to hit the high note that the song had become famous for. Distant arguing noises could also be heard.
The fleeting thought that this was the end crossed Tony’s mind.
When the smoke cleared and the flash bombs stopped, he could clearly make out three figures dressed in red. The only thing Tony could think was that Kate didn’t exaggerate.
Tony carefully set down his coffee as the team moved closer, then was suddenly glad he had when he realized who they were.
One of the most highly profiled ex-mercenaries ever to grace the threat lists of S.H.I.E.L.D, the wittiest and simultaneously most annoying superhero Tony has ever encountered, and a vigilante that was so cryptid and made up of urban legends that Tony doubted their existence, stood before him. And they were arguing. Very loudly.
“-breaking windows. And for the love of God if I hear Mariah Carey one more time-”
“I thought you said that was blasphemy?” Spidey raised his voice in curiosity and completely false innocence.
Daredevil leveled with the most severe and obviously well-practiced ‘so done with your existence look’ he had ever seen, which was saying something because he was Tony Stark. “What I’ll do to the song if I hear it again is blasphemy.”
Deadpool whirled around. “Red, that doesn’t make any sense.”
“Neither will your vocal cords.”
“Hold on, what ?” All eyes turned to Tony as he spoke.
Before he could continue, a sharp and direct voice cut in.“If we work with you, do we keep our identities?” Tony blinked at the straight-forwardness and turned to face Deadpool.
It wasn’t a good plan, and Tony was sure that some higher-ups would definitely want to know the faces behind the masks. But then again, they really needed help on this one, and no one else was volunteering. Besides, if the sheer property damage they’d caused in less than thirty seconds was anything to go by, he’d say they were perfect for the job.
Sighing, Tony put up three of his fingers in salute. “Boy scout’s honor. I was never actually a scout, but schematics. We’ll give you resources, a pay-check, yadda yadda yadda, we’ll even give you health-care, as long as you get it done quickly.” He was again instantly surprised as Daredevil immediately reached over and pushed his hand down violently, glaring harshly at Deadpool.
. . . Tony gave up trying to understand.
Meanwhile, a large grin spread under Peter’s mask. They would get health-care! And a pay-check ! Deadpool let a loud whoop, heedless of Daredevil’s glare. It was basically a dream job for a vigilante, mostly because being a vigilante wasn’t technically an occupation, and Peter was poor, okay ?
Daredevil clapped him on the back as Wade started jumping around Tony, who was looking so honestly confused that it was hilarious. A smile flashed across his face, and Peter could tell he was relieved, too.
Peter let out a sigh. He’d made the right choice.
“You guys know you’re paying for this damage, right?”
And just like that, Team Red was gone.