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The Saddest My Chem Song

Summary:

Cancer was always just a word to Eva, a fifteen-year-old student. It was never a possibility, never a thought that crossed her mind. But cancer doesn't care what your future plans are, it is vicious, capable or ripping families and bodies apart. And now she has leukaemia, her non-existent plans are shattered. Angry at the world, she plans with Virgil how she is going to beat everything, even if she only has a couple of months left.
However, life doesn't work around plans, and when a miracle happens that runs beyond logic or sense, hoe will Eva choose to use her new-found time? Or will she return to a normal teenage life?

Chapter 1: The Day Everything Went Wrong

Chapter Text

Let me tell the story of how Eve’s life changed.

Eve had gotten up early that morning, having felt ill through the night. Her skin, pale and sickly, was covered in a thin veil of bronzer and blush to maintain her healthy glow before she left the house for school. On her way down the front steps, she waved to her neighbour, Virgil, who she took the bus with everyday. 

"Hey Virge."

"Hey Lena. You look as bad as I feel today, what's up?"

"Oh nothing, I'll be coming down with a bug or something from school, I'll be fine!" She gave him a hug and they linked their hands together as they walked to the bus stop.

 

Eve had never enjoyed the bus ride to school, but that day it felt less bearable than usual, and being squashed between Virgil and the window was cramped instead of cosy.

School went by in a blur, lessons dragging and smudging together, until it was almost the end of the day. By now, Eve’s head was pounding, her blood felt like gum in her veins, and having had two nosebleeds already, Virgil finally convinced her to go to the school nurse. Standing up to leave the classroom, the treacle blood rushed to her head, and before she could move away from her table, she was crumpling to the floor.

A few hours and scans later, Eve woke up in a hospital bed. Her parents by her side, a strong unit that could outlast anything. 

“Evie!” Her mum, Maisy, exclaimed, shuffling towards her daughter and squeezing her hand tightly. “How are you feeling?”

“Foggy...” She tried to lift her arm to rub at her heavy eyes, but it felt like lead. “What happened mum?”

“You passed out at school baby. They had to call an ambulance because you wouldn’t wake up. They took some blood tests and scans to find out what’s wrong, but you’ll get through it because you’re our strong and beautiful baby girl.” She planted a gentle kiss on Eve’s forehead before moving back to her husband. 

“The doctors wanted to know when you woke up, they’ll be here soon to explain everything.” David, Eve’s dad, sat down next to Maisy, and everything felt peaceful. Until the doctor came in.

“Hi Evangeline, I’m doctor Granger. How are you feeling?” Despite being a tall man, doctor Granger wasn’t imposing, and he stood semi-awkwardly inside the door.

“Icky,” Eve half laughed, “and heavy.”

He scribbled it down on a clipboard that was folded inside the tray at the foot of Eve’s bed. “I’m sorry to hear that Eve. I’m also sorry that right now I don’t have a lot of answers for you either. Your x-ray shows some swelling in your chest, and you have some abnormalities in your blood test results, so I have referred you to a haematologist who will be able to get to the bottom of the problem for you.” He smiled kindly. “They should be here to see you by tomorrow, but in the meantime we are going to keep you in overnight if that is okay, just so we can keep an eye on you. Great! I hope to see you fighting fit tomorrow ready for discharge.” Placing the file back in its place, doctor Granger left.

“What does he mean? Why can’t I go home?”

“I don’t know kiddo,” David comforted, “But we’ll stay with you all night.”

“We will, but I’ll also go home and pick you some bits for the night. Is there anything you want?” Maisy stood.

“Can you bring me my bear?” 

“Of course sweetie. If there’s anything else you think of, let your dad know and he’ll text me. I’ll be back soon. I love you so much.” Another kiss on Eve’s forehead and Maisy left. Whilst she was gone the haematologist came to see Eve.

“Hi Eve, I’m doctor Brown, but you can call me Amy. I’m going to be your haematologist, so I’ll be investigating the abnormalities that appeared to get to the bottom of what made you pass out today. If you would like, I can go over in a bit more detail what we found that we want to investigate?” David nodded, Eve starting to drift asleep. Noticing, Amy started to talk to David instead.

“Okay, so the x-ray returned that there was some swelling around her chest and neck, specifically where we would consider her lymph nodes. This in itself isn’t a huge worry, but there was also a deficiency of red blood cells in her sample. Again, on its own this wouldn’t be anything to worry about, but because of her age, we just want to rule out some more severe possibilities. At this point I would say it is too early to be worrying too much.” She smiled reassuringly. 

“What are these possibilities?”

“Well, mainly cancer. The symptoms demonstrated are parallel to those of a specific form of leukemia, but it is extremely rare, so it’s most likely no cause for concern.”

“Okay...” David was slightly in shock. “What’s the course of action now, then? There’ll be more tests?” Amy nodded.

“Yes, in the morning, I’ll be back to talk it over again with Eve and Maisy as well, answer any questions they have, or that you may have thought of, and I’ll take a sample of bone marrow from her hip before she is discharged. I understand that you are going to be worried, but try not to, as of now there is no real evidence that it is leukemia, we just want to rule it out as quickly as possible.” Another friendly smile before she left David and Eve alone. Maisy returned to a sleeping Eve and a crying David.

 

Amy returned the next day to take the sample of bone marrow, which she did quickly, and she took another sample of blood for further analysis. Then she was gone again. And then came dr Granger, who discharged Eve from the hospital, with a time arranged for when her test results would be back so they could be expecting a phone call.

Eve continued to bounce through the days, half maintaining her usual energy. It was her phone that was meant to get the call, so all day she carried around the note, brandishing it to each teacher at the start of the lesson. And eventually, at eleven forty seven AM, it rang in the middle of french. Dashing out of the classroom, Eve answered it.

“Good morning, is this Evangeline Miller?”

“Yep, that’s me.”

“Hi there Eve, it’s Amy Brown. I’ve got your test results back today. If it isn’t too much trouble, I would like to talk them over with you in person, if your parents could bring you through?” Why couldn’t she just say it over the phone? Didn’t that mean something was wrong? If everything was okay why would she have more to say?

“Yeah, yeah they’ll bring me. What time?”

“As soon as possible, if that’s okay?” Something was definitely wrong if she was urgent.

“Yep, I’ll be there soon. Thank you.” The line buzzed silent, until it rang. Her mum would be able to help. 

“Mum?” A lump had formed in Eve’s throat.

“Evie baby, what’s the matter?”

“It’s the doctor, she wants to speak in person, asap. Can you pick me up?”

“Of course, I’ll be there in ten.” Once again the phone went dead, leaving Eve in the silence of the corridor. She was going to have to go back into the class eventually. Nobody knew, but she was still scared of being asked what was wrong. But it was barely a few minutes until her mum would be here, and she didn't want to keep her waiting, so she balled up the lump in her throat and pushed it into her stomach, trying to imagine it into courage. She had a feeling she was going to need a lot of that. In the classroom, she packed up her things, earning strange looks from her peers and a sympathetic glance from her teacher, who wandered over while the class was working in its groups. 

“Is everything okay Eve?”

“Peachy, I just need to go.” She walked off, not wanting sympathy as if she was already dying. There was still a chance she wasn’t.

Amy met them at the hospital reception, walking them to a private consultation room. It was cramped with four people in there, but Eve felt empty enough to make up for it.

“Okay, the reason I wanted to give you your results face to face Eve is because I didn’t want you panicking.” Eve looked at the paper on the desk, but she couldn’t read upside down. “The sample of bone marrow came back, and it revealed cancerous cells. From the bone marrow and the blood sample, we’ve confirmed that you do have acute lymphoblastic leukemia.” Everything froze, silent and cold. Eve heard her parents stop breathing, she felt the tears welling in her mum’s eyes and the fear in her dad’s mind. But she felt nothing.

“So what does that mean? Is there a treatment?” Maisy was panicking, so much for that plan.

“Acute lymphoblastic leukemia is a type of blood cancer, and it’s quite rare, that makes white blood cells enter the blood before they are ready, taking up space for the rest of the important bits of your blood. But just because it is rare doesn’t mean it is terminal. We have caught it early enough for it to be treatable; the majority of patients live a healthy life for at least five years. We’ll need to take some more tests to confirm the best route of treatment for you, but it will likely be based on chemotherapy and blood transfusions until we can get it into remission.”

“Okay." 

"How long until treatment starts?” More panic. Eve wished that they would stop panicking.

“I’ll take the samples I need now, and then treatment should start within a week. If you would like, Eve, I can connect you with some charities and sources of information that should help you to learn more about what you’re going through?”

“No thank you, not right now. I think I just need to let it sink in. Thanks though. Can we just get the samples taken so I can go back to school? I have drama this afternoon.” It was the most she had spoken, and it snapped right out of her.

“Of course, right this way.”

The sample was taken, and Eve returned back to school just after the start of drama. 

“Sorry I’m late.” She dumped her bag in the corner and joined the circle sat on the floor. 

“No worries Eve. As I was saying, today we are learning about emotion memory and context. Does anybody know what emotion memory is?” A few people put their hand up, and somebody answered, but Eve didn’t pay attention to who. Maybe she didn’t have emotions, that was why she was so calm about all of this.

“Eve!” She looked up to see everyone on their feet in pairs working. She hadn’t even heard the assignment. 

“Sorry sir, what are we doing?” She climbed to her feet, trying to muster the amount of energy she normally had. 

“Right now Eve, you and me are going to have a little chat.” He walked up the few steps to the back row of seating, watching the students pretend to break up and give bad news. “What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing…” That was a lie. “I’m fine.”

“Is it a school thing?” She shook her head. “A home thing?” She shrugged. How could she even begin to categorise what kind of thing was making her upset.

“Is it a thing that a coffee would help?” She shook her head. At least for now, a coffee and a chat sounded like the worst thing in the world. While Eve waited for Mr Derbyshire to think of anything else to offer, she thought about what was happening at home. Were her mum and dad crying? Had they gone back to work, trying to ignore it? Were they sitting with coffee trying to figure out how to tell people close to them that their daughter had cancer and it might be terminal? She didn’t know.

The bell rang, and everyone clambered for their bags. Eve hoped that lesson was the only one of its kind.