Chapter Text
Jared took deep calming breaths as he prepared for the attack.
He’d just survived the cross-town rush-hour traffic on the Friday before a holiday weekend. He drove another thirty minutes on small-town, barely plowed roads. His death grip on the steering wheel left his knuckles sore. That was nothing to what lay ahead.
Christmas with his family in a small town inn. The inn was his mother’s idea. She and his father had moved into a retirement community and couldn’t host the family holiday gathering. The Forty Winks Inn was centrally located and had enough rooms for the out-of-town aunts and uncles and cousins. Jared squinted through his quickly frosting windshield. The inn looked like something out of a Currier and Ives print but inside was Jared’s hell on earth. There was no escape.
He was the last to arrive, meaning he’d be the center of attention. Jared promised himself a drink if he made it through greeting his family.
Mom would hound him about his health, his eating habits, and then hit him with relationship questions. Dad would interrogate him about work and his 401k. His older brother was the successful golden boy who grew up to be a doctor and was now engaged. His younger sister was the beautiful, adorable, baby who was always dating charming, successful career-minded young men.
Jared was the part-time novelist and full-time community college professor who didn’t have time for real relationships.
Jared stepped through the front door and into another time. The lobby was also the great room. A small bar lined one end of the room. On the other side there were sofas and chairs and a fireplace complete with roaring fire. Two large evergreens stood at either end of the room and there wasn’t an inch that wasn’t covered in festive decorations.
His sister slammed into his side. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I’ve been dying for you to get here. You will not believe who’s here.”
“Oof.” Jared dislodged her from his side. “Hi, Megan, nice to see you. And who’s here? Wait, if mom invited Sebastian like she threatened to do, I’m leaving right now. Christmas or not.”
“Ew, no, not Sebastian. So much better and hotter-”
“Ah, you must be Jared, I’m Ellen. Welcome to the Forty Winks.” A middle-aged woman with a friendly smile interrupted them and shook Jared’s hand. “You can hang your coat on those hooks there and I’ll show you to your room.”
Jared hung his coat and when he turned back around his brother had joined them. His size effectively cutting them off from the room. “Dude.”
“Hey, Jeff.”
“Dude -”
Megan nudged her oldest brother. “I was just about to tell him.”
“Um, would you like to wait to go to your room?” Ellen looked from one Padalecki to the next.
Megan grabbed the key from her hand. “We got it, Ellen. What room is he in?”
“Twenty-four. It’s at the end of the hall on the third floor.”
“Thanks, come on, Jare, I’ll even carry your bag.” Jeff put a hand on Jared’s shoulder to guide him to the stairs, but Jared shrugged it off.
“What’s going on? I can take my bag up later. Let me go say ‘hi’ to Mom and Dad and get a drink-” Jared glanced at the bar. Then he blinked slowly as if to clear his vision. “Holy shit,” he whispered as the rest of him froze to the spot.
Almost as if he had heard Jared, the bartender looked across the room and forgot how to mix a gin and tonic as he met Jared’s eye. He stared open-mouthed until the man across from him tapped his hand to get his attention.
“Is that...how?” Jared mumbled letting his siblings shove him to the stairs.
“I think so and I don’t know how,” Jeff replied taking the stairs two at a time.
“It wasn’t Mom,” Megan said answering Jared’s unasked question. “I don’t think she recognized him. If it is him.”
“If it’s not him, it’s his twin,” Jeff said. They turned the landing for the third floor. “Figures they’d put you in the farthest room.”
“You’re the one who offered to carry his bag,” Megan reminded him.
Jared huffed out a breath. “Did you guys talk to him? What is he doing here? Does he know I’m going to be here?”
“I didn’t say a word. Megan told me about him the minute I got here.” Jeff set down the suitcase as he waited for his sister to unlock Jared’s door.
“He poured me a drink but we didn’t really talk. But who can forget that face?” Megan said when she opened the door and turned on the light. “He’s still -- holy shit.” All thought of the bartender left them as they took in the decor of Jared’s room.
Jeff started to snicker. “Oh my god.” He walked past Jared to put the bag on the bed. “They think you’re a ten-year-old girl!”
Jared looked around in mock horror. “Are all the rooms like this?” A bottle of Pepto must have exploded in the room. Everywhere he looked was another shade of pink. The furniture was painted white with pink trim and pink stuffed bears grinned from every shelf. The queen sized bed had a frilly pink comforter with matching canopy. Sitting amongst the many pink and lace pillows was a giant teddy bear holding a heart. The room also had a gas fireplace, two overstuffed pink chairs and French doors that opened onto a balcony.
Jeff shrugged. “Mine has a baseball theme. Mind you, I thought it was over the top until I saw this,” he chuckled and walked over to the French doors. “Looks like you share the balcony with a neighbor but you won’t get much use of it in this weather.”
“My room has sunflowers. A lot of sunflowers but nothing like this,” Megan replied eyes still wide as she took in the splendor of pink.
“Guess I’m just lucky,” Jared chuckled.
Megan sobered instantly. “And if you want to get lucky you’re going to comb your hair and change into something that makes you look less like a professor and more like a male model.”
“Megan!” Jared began to chastise her.
“She’s right. Tell me you packed something besides Mom’s ugly Christmas sweaters.”
Jared exhaled heavily. “Fine. I’ll do my best to look decent, but you guys have to keep him away from Mom.”
“Absolutely,” they said in unison.
“Do you think he even remembers me?” he wondered out loud.
“I don’t know. He didn’t seem to recognize me, but I was eleven-years-old last time he saw me,” Megan replied.
Jeff shrugged. “If he doesn’t, who cares? You can have a fresh start, or jog his memory with a Christmas quickie.”
Jared rolled his eyes as they left him to agonize over his wardrobe and twelve years of heartache.
Twelve Years Ago
Jared felt exposed, like that dream where he’d go to school in his underwear. It seemed like everyone was staring at him. It didn’t matter that no one knew his secret. He was just as vulnerable. He kept his head down and shoulders hunched so he wouldn’t draw attention to himself. Despite how hard he tried to hide, someone was always watching.
He scanned the hallway and, like always, Jensen Ackles was leaning against a locker with his gorgeous green eyes following Jared.
All the air disappeared from his surroundings. Jared would hold his breath from the moment the bell rang to when he entered his fourth-period calculus class. He couldn’t help it. Ever since he spotted Jensen Ackles in the hallway during passing, Jared could not breathe. Jared didn’t know why this happened. He knew Jensen wasn’t an alien or some kind of magical creature able to suck all the air out of the building. He affected no one else. But the moment Jensen made eye contact with him, Jared stopped breathing.
After a week of this torture, Jared understood it was a defense mechanism. If he could not breathe, he wouldn’t say something stupid like, “I love you. You are the most beautiful boy I have ever seen. I want to have your baby.” Jared didn’t care how impossible that last one was, he was willing to try.
He could live without air for those few minutes, but when Jensen started to attend study hall in the school’s library, Jared assumed he would die. Or at least he’d fail out of school because he spent study hall daydreaming about Jensen.
Then in October, it happened.
Jared sat with his calculus work spread out before him. This study hall he would study and not daydream about Jensen and how kissable his lips looked. He didn’t even bother to look in the Jensen’s direction.
It was a great plan until a scrap torn from a newspaper dropped in front of him. Jared looked up to see Jensen rushing to his seat. Had Jensen dropped it? Jared read the torn clipping. It was an ad for a movie theater downtown with Friday’s double feature circled in red with a question mark next to it.
He glanced at Jensen who was biting his lip as he watched Jared read. For a moment Jared couldn’t tear his eyes from those teeth wishing they were his biting that lip. But Jensen’s slightly anxious eyes finally got his attention. “Well?” they seemed to ask with a slight nod of Jensen’s head.
Jared looked down at the paper then smiled back at Jensen. The other boy beamed and scribbled something on another scrap of paper. He balled it up, looked around for anyone watching, and then tossed it to Jared.
“Pick you up at 8.”
Jared blushed, but it didn’t stop his grin. Somewhere, way back in his mind, he heard ‘never gonna use calculus anyway’.
“How did you know?” Jared murmured. Jensen was only a block away from his home and this first, most perfect date, would soon be over.
“I didn’t, I just hoped,” Jensen whispered, miraculously knowing exactly what Jared meant. “And I knew you wouldn’t hate me or make my life hell if your answer was no.”
Jensen parked in front of Jared’s house and double-checked the deserted street. There were lights on in the Padalecki house. But, no one was standing at the window looking out. It seemed like they were the only souls left on earth.
Jared fidgeted in his seat. He didn’t want the night to end but he couldn’t bring himself to make the first move. Jensen glanced at him then gripped the steering wheel and shifted in his seat. “Jared, do you want to --”
“Yes.”
Jensen nearly laughed at the quick response. “I haven’t even finished asking yet.”
“Okay, but the answer is yes. If you’re asking if I had fun, yes. If you’re asking if I want to do it again, yes.”
“What if I’m asking if you want to kiss me?”
Jared nodded. “Yes,” he replied breathlessly and moved closer to Jensen.
The kiss was a tentative brush of lips that grew more confident with each passing second. Soon the car’s windows were steamed up and the world outside the car ceased to exist. Jensen cursed when he hit the steering wheel as he tried to get closer to Jared. “Next time we’ll find someplace better to park,” he promised stealing another kiss.
At school, they nodded ‘hellos’ in the halls and sat together during study hall, but they never appeared to be more than friends. Dates were never where they might be seen or recognized. Jared’s favorite dates took place in his room.
They’d turn on a movie and spend the next few hours making out and dry humping. “Please, Jared,” Jensen whined, his voice a hot breath against Jared’s neck. He had Jared pinned against the floor, one leg between Jared’s. “I wanna touch you. Can I?” His hand brushed over Jared’s jean covered crotch waiting for permission.
“Jesus, yes,” Jared sighed.
Jensen shifted his position to allow him to tug off Jared’s jeans completely. He pulled off Jared’s shirt leaving his boyfriend naked. “You are so fucking hot, Jared,” he whispered as his eyes worshipped Jared’s body.
Jared blushed and his hand moved to cover his dick. “How come I’m the only one naked here?”
Jensen blinked at him before smiling. “Cause you’re so hot my brain fried.” He yanked his shirt over his head.
Jared propped himself up on his elbows so he could see Jensen better. His breath caught in his lungs. Jensen was gorgeous. Jared had never been naked in front of anyone before, locker rooms didn’t count. Hell, he never dated before and now, now the most stunning guy he’d ever seen was naked in his room.
Grinding against each other while dressed was good, but this was so much better. Jensen positioned them on their sides, allowing him to wrap his hand around both of their cocks. Jared gripped Jensen’s hip and tried to watch, tried to hold on, but it felt so good. It was like the rest of his body didn’t exist, all sensation was focused on his dick and what Jensen was doing. “Fuck, fuck, Jare,” Jensen gasped as he shuddered and covered them in a hot wet mess. Jared’s eyes rolled back in his head as he lost control immediately.
Jensen rolled onto his back to catch his breath. “That was awesome,” he chuckled, more of a breath than a laugh.
“Yeah,” Jared said, panting and lying next to him. “We definitely need to do that more.”
“Definitely,” Jensen agreed. “But I want a lot more, too.”
“Like what?” Jared asked. He sat up and grabbed the tissue box next to his bed. He pulled some from it and handed the box to Jensen.
Jensen took the tissues and wiped the mess from his hands and stomach. “I wanna suck you off,” he began. “I want you to suck me off. I wanna fuck you.” He paused and glanced at Jared. “I wanna spend a whole day with you and, like, make you come a hundred different ways just so I can watch it happen. You are like so fucking hot I can’t even, like, think around you.”
Jared stared at him and nodded as he tried to process Jensen’s ideas. “Yeah, yes, all of that. I want that, too.”
Jensen grinned then tackled him and kissed him. Jared never wanted to stop but his stomach growled making Jensen laugh into the kiss. “Yeah, we should probably eat something. Pizza?” He grabbed his phone. “Shit! My dad’s called three times!” He sat up in a panic, his thumb hovering over the call button.
“Doesn’t he know you’re here?” Jared asked not disguising that he didn’t understand the panic on Jensen’s face.
“He knows I’m not at work and that I’m at a friend’s. He never calls. Fuck!” Jensen dressed hurriedly and paced the room. “Shit, he must be so mad.”
Jared dressed while he watched Jensen pace. “Do you want me to leave the room while you call him back?” he asked wondering if the need for privacy was why Jensen wasn’t calling his dad.
“Huh?” Jensen looked at Jared as if he had forgotten where he was. “No. You don’t have to. I will call--”
A knock on the door interrupted him. “Jared? Jensen? Can I come in?” Jared’s mom asked.
Jared glanced around the room to make sure it didn’t look like they’d just been naked. After he got a nod from Jensen he replied, “Sure, Mom.”
She opened the door but didn’t enter the room. “Were you boys planning to go out? It’s really coming down out there and they’re saying the roads are getting bad.”
“It’s snowing?” the boys said in unison and went to Jared’s window. Several inches of fresh heavy snow covered everything.
Jensen looked at his phone then Jared. “I guess I should --”
“Mom, is it okay if Jensen sleeps over?” Jared asked before Jensen could decide.
“Of course, dear. Jensen, call your parents. I don’t want them to worry,” she smiled and closed the door.
Jensen stared at him slack-jawed.
Jared grinned like he’d won a prize. “Go on. Call your dad. Tell him you’re sleeping over.”
“Your folks are okay with that?” Jensen asked as if he didn’t believe his ears.
“Yeah, obviously. Now call.”
Jensen studied the phone in his hand like it terrified him. “Right okay.” He pressed the call button and waited. “Hey, Dad.”
Jared couldn’t hear the words spoken but the loud angry tone came through loud and clear.
“I know, I’m sorry. We were watching a movie and I lost track of time,” Jensen said putting on his coat. There was another angry burst from the other end. “I’m leaving right now.” He hung up and didn’t look at Jared as he put on his shoes. “I’m sorry,” he said just above a whisper. “My dad is not as cool as your folks.”
As Jensen stood up, Jared thought Jensen had tears in his eyes.
“Call me when you get home?” Jared asked.
Jensen shook his head. “He’s gonna ground me so I won’t have a phone or my car. I’ll see you Monday.”
Jared followed Jensen down the hall. “What are you doing?” Jensen asked over his shoulder.
“There’s like four inches of snow out there, dude. I’m gonna shovel the driveway while you clear off your car.”
It took longer than either of them expected to clear the snow away. It was still falling in big fat flakes as they finished, covering everything in a soft white and silencing the world around them.
“Thanks, man.” Jensen gave him a half-smile. He was red with the cold and exertion and his breath clouded the air.
“I was gonna have to do it anyway and this way I got to be with you a little longer,” Jared replied.
Jensen looked around. The street was deserted, the snow keeping everyone indoors. “C’mere,” he whispered and tugged on Jared’s coat until he could press his cold wet lips against Jared’s. Jared eagerly kissed back. If he wasn’t going to be alone with Jensen for a week, he wanted to make this kiss count. It had to convey everything he couldn’t find the words to say.
The sound of the plow at the far end of the street made Jared realize they were out in the open and could be seen by any of his neighbors so he pulled away.
Jensen grabbed Jared’s hand before he could get too far. He stared into Jared’s eyes. “I love you.” He placed a quick kiss on Jared’s cheek.
Jared became as frozen as the world around them. He stood by, mouth gaping and dumbly blinking, while Jensen climbed into his car. “You, too.” He wasn’t sure that Jensen heard him but he smiled at Jared as he backed his car onto the street.