Work Text:
I held his hand. He fell silent in his position. I could see it. He was looking at somewhere far in front of us, below us. There, at the bottom of this valley, large tanks were moving. They’re pointing their muzzles to huge overcast-coloured buildings outside the borderline.
There was never ‘heaven on earth’. There was no paradise. None.
He told me that once that he was afraid. I told him that I do too. We’ve stated the same feeling right after we met several minutes ago. Funny that I felt grateful for our similar feelings. Funny. ‘Cause we’ve just ran from our barracks. We left each of our army posts.
Now we’re standing right between each of our headquarters, far from each of our borderlines. We were standing at a no man’s land, with no politics and no authority to regulate, to destroy, to stain. Yet here Yuta and I were, with the other soldiers under orders to stain this fertile land with politics, with those tanks to destroy living beings on this very land, and with rifle in our hands to blow each other heads.
Yuta.
He shouldn't be in the battle field in the first place. He never signed himself to be soldiers. He told me once that he never wanted to be part of the military force. He told me he dislikes violence. He cried many times when he knew I was assigned - by obligation - to the military force in my country. He gripped my uniform tight, and prayed that I would never had to wear this uniform. Ever.
Then it happened. Humans had been taking things for granted way too long since... forever. The country where Yuta lived was lacking for fresh water so they need this land for the abundant source of it. At the same moment, my side wanted to seize this land for the fresh air since the one we had in our nation was already polluted so bad. When more than one nations wanted to occupy one free land, that was when this war occurred.
The thing was, the country where I lived was prepared with the military force and all. This country was ruled by a general already. While Yuta's side was mainly controlled by the economy. The military sector they had only reached the minimum requirement if I had to compare it with what my country had. There, they released new sudden-regulation that all male in their working-age should be assigned to the military force.
He didn't even get the chance to cut his hair when the heavy rifle was forced into his hands for god sake.
It's not that he's too weak to wield a rifle. But wielding it for practice and using it in real battlefield were two completely different things. He, I, all of us here were expected to kill each other not because we had to survive. We were awaited to - either - put down one of the opponents, or take one in as hostage. We were fighting each other to seize this free land. And I don't think Yuta had the heart to do any of that.
His hand was trembling in my hold for the fear he felt right then and there. Why won’t he? I was scared to death as well watching our surroundings like this. Fools of us, I know, for standing here like an ignorant statue. But I could barely make a single move.
I was torn. Stay still like this was equal to let them found us. But make any move here was equal to give signs to any radar that could capture us. If any eyesight or any radar caught us now; we won’t need to wait until we found a muzzle pointed at our head after. Some of those soldiers might wait for order to shoot us at the very moment, but some other would immediately make a hole in our heads at the same time.
“When will it be over, Jae?” he asked.
I didn’t answer the question. I couldn’t answer it. I didn’t know the answer. My low-rank as a private won’t let me know more than I should have. knew nothing about the certainty my general had in his head. I didn’t know what those politicians were doing behind their expensive desks, while being saved from harm inside their luxurious rooms. Several patrolling jet-fighters piloted by high-rank airmen were protecting them from any harm. Those jet-fighters were ready at all times to fight back any missiles that were directed to those politicians’ saved buildings.
Here I was even with no helmet to protect my own head when I lose it earlier. I fell on dusty soil when soldiers from Yuta’s side were chasing me with rifles in their hands before. There, I lose my helmet and I didn’t even care to look for it.
All I had it in mind that moment was only how to find Yuta.
Here, at this very moment, after I got him and after we both ran from the chase, I pointed my view to our uniforms. My green one was already turned into brown for the dust. Those soldiers’ marching feet, the wind from the chopper’s propellers, walls that were destroyed and collapsed after a bullet as big as my head collided with the building behind us minutes ago; all of those and God knows what else made the dust flying all around us.
More to it, it wasn’t only stuck to your uniforms. Any ammunition dust might taint your lungs after you accidentally inhaled it for too many times already.
The opposite of it, Yuta’s brown uniform now had stripes on it. It striped with blood. Some of it were still fresh with red blood, the others were already blackened because the blood was already dried on his uniform.
I thanked God because none of those were Yuta’s blood. Yes, he’s fine. We’re both exhausted and scared, but both of us were just fine, currently. The blood Yuta got on his uniform were from his comrades.
Back then, Yuta with his comrades were inside a fortress where they were getting ready and were protecting themselves from our attack at the time. There came a tank from my side and aimed at the fortress. I screamed, but of course, no one heard it for the war noises, and so it didn’t give more time to any of them to run, or the tank to wait.
The tank won’t wait, and Yuta’s side didn’t have the time to flee either. That moment, the tank took a shot; a jet-fighter stormed and bombarded the fortress. The fortress was destroyed, some of Yuta’s comrades were dead instantly.
The others injured badly. Only several of them got away, and Yuta was one of them. I was so grateful when I saw him breathing with mere scars while he ran to me after the assault. Repeating the entire scene in my head was really made me want to cry in relief now.
“I’m scared…” he repeated.
Nothing changed after I heard the bell tolls two weeks ago. The bell was placed at the Headquarter near the barrack where my comrades and I were waiting for the war to start. The bell then followed by a long siren, the sign for us to start the war.
That was the sign for me to face Yuta as my enemy.
Two weeks ago was when I heard the bell tolled and the siren rang. Two weeks ago the war started. Two weeks ago I started to feel my heart beat faster than its healthy rhythm. Two weeks ago I started to feel that my blood was pumped quicker than it had to.
Two weeks ago I started to feel the breath I took were tighter than I need to. I didn’t count how many times I held my breath already, every time I saw our side took in a brown uniformed soldier to our post. Was that Yuta? Did they get him? Did they wound him?
Did they shot him to death?
I always kept one gun at my right thigh. I never used that gun in my whole life. What for? I wasn’t even a sniper. I was never good at shooting anyone or anything. I was never good at using any weapons. I was standing here in this field just because I had to.
But two meters distance won’t make me miss my target. I guess. In two meters gap, the whizzing sound of a bullet beside your head could drive you crazy. The adrenaline that rush in your blood could drive you mad anytime.
Those were enough to make me want to do things I shouldn’t do. If my side captured Yuta, I would use this gun to shoot down my own comrades. I would leave two bullets. I would use one of those to shoot Yuta’s head before I put the gun inside my mouth and use the last bullet to blow my own head.
I’ve prepared it all. I’ve even talked about this to Yuta before. That’s why I never used this gun that I kept in my right thigh. I might need it later. I didn’t know when. I just had the feeling that we might.
Fortunately, fortunately… FORTUNATELY, I never got the chance to do it all. It wasn’t Yuta. The brown uniformed-soldier they took in wasn’t Yuta. The brown uniformed-soldiers they shot right in the head right in front of my eyes were never Yuta.
The blood that splattered all over the black floor inside our post wasn’t Yuta’s blood.
It was not Yuta.
“Jae..!” Suddenly I felt his grip got tighter in my hold. He called me with mere whisper, but I found it louder in this hell called “war” around me. That moment, I instantly detected the shock and the fear in his voice easily.
Way. Too. Easily.
I looked at the same direction where Yuta’s was looking at. I looked at a medium-range surface-to-air missile far in front of us, below us at the bottom of this valley. Those missiles were directed straight at us.
At me and Yuta.
Dear, God.
I didn’t even got to think of why I still had the time to take in a breath when one of those missiles was launched. I didn’t count the speed I needed to move my hand, to take Yuta’s head, to pull him into my embrace, to protect him, and to get both of us down as close as we could get on this very earth soil.
But what was good in lowering our position when the thing that we’re facing at the moment was a missile?
.
.
The explosion could be heard far too clearly in my ears it almost deafened me. I opened my eyes that I didn’t remember ever closed it and looked at the shards of burned irons fell not far behind our position. I gazed upward. Slow but in a real surreal certain; the Apache typed helicopter fell in blaze.
I exhaled one relieved breath.
The Apache was the missile’s target instead of us!
For whatever sake, of course they won’t direct a missile to mere humans! Why am I so stupid?!
I rose from my position and pulled Yuta with me.
Run with me, Yuta.
Run!
In these two weeks, I didn’t know how many times we ran like this already. We’ve ran from our barracks, we’ve ran from our comrades chase, we’ve ran from tanks, we’ve ran from the missions that were given to us, we’ve ran from what dear life served for us that came into a shape of a missile just now.
Now we ran again. We’re running from another massive explosion that would happen in a few seconds after the Apache fell and crashed on this very earth. We’re running from the possibility of where those missiles were aimed right now.
We’re running from any soldiers that might approach the spot where the helicopter fell and crashed. They might look for living enemy, living comrade, living any soldier. They might also look for any saved ammunition or any other things.
I didn’t know. I didn’t want to know.
I didn’t count how long I’ve been in my reverie before I realized another war-chopper was actually behind us now and was chasing us. They were even firing at us now. They didn’t get any closer right now might be because the missile was still there, waiting the right time to launch again.
Neither had I cared for. I didn’t want to look back. I just wanted to look at anything we had in front of us now. I just wanted to prevent any stupidity like falling down because I stumbled or any other stupid things. I just wanted to make sure the field where we’re running upon now was saved for the both of us.
I didn’t care for any soldiers that were chasing us right now. I won’t be bothered about which side was chasing us at the moment. I won’t concern whether they came from my side or Yuta’s.
I don’t know. I don’t want to know. All I know now was to make sure that Yuta won’t stop holding my hand. That is the least thing I want on this very earth, right now. So don’t let go, Yuta. Don’t let go.
“When will this be over, Jae?”
I didn’t know how Yuta voiced out the question while we were running like this. I knew for sure he was panting too like I was right now. I could hear it in the way he’s breathing. And…
I didn’t know how to answer the question either.
All I know right now we’re running through thick woods. We’re running among pine trees. I’ve seen the profile of these pine woods on a map when I was still in our base camp. And after these pine woods…
There were land-mines planted all over the field.
There was a shot to a tree branch beside my head. I was pretty sure it’s a missed shot that was actually pointed to my head.
“Jae!” Yuta screamed.
Then I heard another voice. “STOP!!”
Dear God…
I tightened my grasp. I pulled Yuta and we kept running. I ignored the call and the warning after. I knew it’s my captain’s voice. And…
He knew…
My captain knew about the scandal I made with the private from the enemy’s side.
“I love you, Yuta…”
And we kept running, from my captain and those soldiers that were chasing after us behind us…
We’re running toward the field that filled with land-mines planted all over the place in front of us. But I don’t care… because… after that, I see the hope of us being free men… for…
We’re running for life…
___...+++***++・fin・++***+++...___