Archive of Our Own

Riku

Oh no… I’m sorry the cats didn’t like you!

You’re a really nice person, Touma-san, so
that’s their loss!

Me

Eh, it’s all right. The others had fun, so it
was worth it.

Riku

But it’s disappointing, right? Everyone else
says getting too close to animals is bad for
me, but I always want to pet them so badly…!

Didn’t you feel the same way?

Me

Now that you mention it… Maybe it was
disappointing.

I’m thinking of going to a dog park for my
birthday, though. That’ll make up for it for
sure!

And I want to drive instead of Tora for once…!

The Rabbit Chat has been quiet for over an hour, but Touma’s still visually tracing over the words.  The living room is dark around him, save for his phone screen and the TV to his right. In the back of his mind he half-registers snoring, quieted surround sound, manufactured television gunshots.

“Inumaru-san.”  Minami’s voice cuts through his half-asleep haze, and Touma is roused to the room around him.

“Mina?”

"I'm going to sleep, Inumaru-san.  I advise you to follow shortly." Minami rises from the easy chair, casting a contemptuous, if fond, glance in the direction of Torao's sleeping body sprawled across the couch.  Touma watches as he disappears into the dark in the direction of his room, lit only by the flickering of the TV's light. There's an action movie on, something American. Japanese subtitles narrate the silenced dialogue of what Touma assumes is the pair of starcrossed lovers, but he's long since lost interest.  He looks down at his phone again. With a sigh, he slides his phone into his pocket, fully giving up on the conversation for the night. Beside him, Torao lets out an enormous snort, causing Touma to shiver. He rises from his own chair, yawning.

Up close, Torao's face looks much more tense, as if he's dreaming of something awful.  "To-o-ora, you should sleep in beddd. This is bad for your back." Touma roughly shakes his hair in an attempt to wake him, but there's no response, not even a growl, as Torao is so prone to when rising in the morning.  Normally Touma would be far more insistent, but too much noise will upset Minami, and Haruka is already in his room, asleep. For tonight, he'll leave Torao here. There's a blanket cast over the back of the couch, and Touma throws it over him.  He yawns again; Minami's right, it's time for bed. He spies the remote on the floor by his feet and shuts the TV off mid-lovers' kiss, casting the room into darkness.

Touma makes his way to his own bedroom by feeling along the walls, and to his surprise there's still a faint cast of light from below Haruka's door.  It's a school night, and Haruka rarely stays up late; Touma's worried. He knocks softly. "Haru, are you up?" he asks, hushed.

There's a sharp, startled shriek from behind the door.  "N-n-no!" insists Haruka's voice.

"But you just talked…"

"N-no I didn't!"

"Hey, quiet down.  Tora and Mina are sleeping already."

"S-sorry…" Haruka replies, softening his voice.

Touma's still worried.  "I'm coming in."

"Wait, d-d-don't!"  But Touma's already opening the door.

The light in the room is coming from Haruka's desk lamp, just bright enough to illuminate Haruka's body sprawled out across his bed.  His eyes are closed, but he's too stiff to really be sleeping, and he's still dressed. Definitely faking. Touma forces back a laugh at the sight, taking a seat on Haruka's bed beside him.

"It's a school night, y'know.  You should be asleep by now, Haru."

"Go away, Touma," Haruka gripes, his eyes still closed.

"If something's wrong, you can tell me.  I'll help."

"I'm fine!"

"Then why aren't you sleeping?"

"I SAID I'M FINE!"  Haruka's voice is suddenly very loud in the dim room, and Touma starts, leaning back from him.  Haruka buries his head under his pillow, and in the process something falls to the floor— Haruka's phone, the screen still lit.  Touma recognizes the video playing instantly; it's the final preview video of TRIGGER's musical, uploaded three days before the first showing.  It's paused on a closeup of Kujou Tenn, one that Touma has paid no small amount of attention to himself.

Haruka snatches up the phone from the floor before Touma can look any closer.  "Don't look at it…!"

"Can I watch, too?"

Haruka peeks out from under the pillow at Touma, his eyes curious, and maybe a little wary.  "…sure." He rolls over toward the wall, making room, and Touma flops down beside him.

"Wait, can I turn out the light?"  Minami, if he wasn’t already in bed, might have been bothered by the noise, and Touma, for one, does not want to be obviously awake if that turns out to be the case.

"Oh.  Sure, I guess."  Haruka looks away sheepishly.  "Sometimes I get scared of the dark when I'm by myself, but if you're here it's okay."

Touma's silent for a moment, startled at Haruka's sudden honesty.  "You're so cute, Haru."

"I'm not cute!" he pouts.  "And don't ruffle my hair!"

"Why not—?"

"JUST GO TURN OUT THE LIGHT ALREADY!"  Haruka squirms away from Touma, hiding himself under his pillow again.  Touma laughs, pulling Haruka's blanket over him before rising.

After Touma flicks the lamp light off, the only light source in the room becomes Haruka's phone screen.  He has it gripped in one hand above him, too close to his eyes. Already it seems like he's forgotten his surroundings, his attention caught by the rosy light that illuminates his face.  Even Touma sliding into bed beside him doesn't seem to register. The video, too, is motionless, paused to the same spot as before, capturing Kujou Tenn's picturesque smile.

"Haru, start it over."

"Ah!"  Haruka's jarred from his daze, his free hand fumbling from the screen.  "Start it over, right." He flicks the video back to the beginning and hits play.

The music is barely audible, but Touma latches onto the notes of “Last Dimension” immediately.  The video is short, not even spanning two minutes, but upon its closure, Haruka’s phone jumps to another video, and another.  There’s even a few videos in the queue Touma himself hasn’t seen, and he mentally notes the titles for later.

“…can I have the link to this playlist?”

Haruka doesn’t say anything back.

It's in the middle of the DIAMOND FUSION MV, right before the… racier parts start, that Haruka's phone dies, and the room is plunged into darkness.  Touma's relieved, but Haruka jolts beside him, flinging his phone against the wall. He grabs for Touma's arm, clinging tightly. It takes a few moments for him to adjust, and in those moments his breaths are shallow.

"You okay, Haru?" Touma asks, after Haruka's quieted.

"I'm f-fine."

"Did you get scared?"

"I w-wasn't scared!"  It's too dark to see now, but he must feel Touma's eyes on him, because Haruka revises his answer.  "…yeah."

“I used to be really scared of the dark, too, y’know.”

“No way.”  Haruka’s incredulous.  “You’re just saying that to make me feel better…”

“I was!”  This comes out as a shout, and Touma quickly quiets his voice.  “I used to sneak into my mom’s bed so I didn’t have to sleep alone… until I was eight…”

Haruka snorts, dissolving into a fit of giggles.  He’s too loud, but his joy is warm and bright, and Touma can’t bear to quiet him.  “You’re making that up!”

“I’m not! … okay, okay, maybe I exaggerated the age by a couple years.”

Haruka cackles only louder at this, his bed almost shaking with the force of it.  “I’m telling— I’m telling Torao and Minami— that you said that—” The words barely make it through his lips, syllables swallowed up in the bubbles of his laughter.

“Don’t!”  The words come out so strongly and so loud that Touma is surprised by his own voice.  Everything always seems so much louder in the darkness… It’s so deafening that even Haruka’s laughter is silenced.  He grows still beside Touma, and it’s in this stillness that Touma realizes his eyes have adjusted. He can just barely make out the silhouette of Haruka’s face.  He’s tucked his chin under his blanket, the tips of his fingers poking out from underneath the hem. His eyes, round and amber, still hold the remnants of his giddiness, but they seem… distant, almost.  Touma wonders if he’s imagining it, and then Haruka flicks his gaze back towards him and the illusion is gone.

“D-don’t look at me!  It’s embarrassing!”  Before Touma can respond, Haruka pulls his face under the blanket entirely, his silhouette vanishing from view.  The sheets rustle as Haruka cocoons himself, curling himself into a ball under the blanket’s shroud, and then even that falls silent.

Touma lets the quiet sit, laying on his back in the dark, Haruka’s blanket tossed carelessly over his feet.  It’s not all that quiet after all, he finds, his ears no longer trained on conversation; the distant hum of insects, calling out in the final throes of fall, reaches his ears.  There’s a soft electronic buzz from Haruka’s desk, perhaps a gaming console he forgot about and left on. And Haruka is breathing. It’s muffled by the bedding, but his breaths are steady, regular.  He’s falling asleep.

And then Touma’s phone buzzes in his pocket.  He’d forgotten about it entirely.

Pulling his phone from his pocket with as little motion as possible is a challenge, to be sure, but he manages it.  Haruka doesn’t stir.

Riku

I’m really sorry!!!!!! I accidentally fell
asleep!!!!!!!

A dog park sounds like so much fun…! Can you
send me pictures?!

Touma smiles in spite of himself.

Me

Sure thing.

Riku

Thank you so much Touma-san!!!!

Hey, Touma-san…

What do you want for your birthday?

It ruins the surprise to ask, but since
we won’t get to see each other often because
our work schedules, I wanted to make sure I got
the best possible present right away!!!

“Who are you talking to?”  Touma nearly screams, but of course it’s only Haruka.  He’s poking his head out from under the blankets again, just enough to allow his eyes visibility.  Suddenly embarrassed, Touma frantically tries to tuck his phone away, but Haruka stares him down.

“Uh—!”

“Nanase Riku?”  Haruka raises his eyebrows, daring Touma to disagree.

“… yeah.”  Touma takes his phone out again.  “Sorry, did I wake you?”

“Your phone screen light did,” Haruka replies, but he doesn’t sound angry.  He’s just quiet.

“Sorry,” Touma says again, lamely.

Tentatively, Haruka rests his head against the side of Touma’s shoulder.  “Do you like talking to him?  Nanase, I mean.”

“Well, yeah… we’re friends.”  Normally he’d hesitate to say that — Riku’s too… bright of a person to need a friend like him — but in the still darkness of Haruka’s room, it feels safe to voice this desire.

“So you’re friends now?”  Haruka’s voice is judging him.

“Hey!  I didn’t ask you anything about your giant TRIGGER playlist, so shut it.”  Touma’s voice is a little harsher than he intends it to be, and he’s instantly regretful.  “Sorry, I— I didn’t mean to yell…” 

Haruka has gone silent beside him, and though his breaths are even, his heart’s racing… or maybe Touma’s imagining it, visualizing his own traits in place of the dark stillness the room provides.

“Please don’t tell anyone.”  Haruka’s voice is suddenly sincere, soft…  Normally, he sounds so much… older. It’s startling, and Touma feels suddenly like he should hug his teammate, his friend.  But Haruka’s bad with that sort of thing… He ignores this impulse in favor of idly scrolling within the Rabbit Chat, keeping the phone screen lit.

“I won’t tell.” His voice is sincere. Even if he wanted to, and there’s certainly no such desire within him, Touma would be in no place to spill secrets. The two of them, they’re caught in the same damnable circumstance.

Haruka, at his answer, breathes a deep sigh beside him, snuggling himself further into his blanket. “Thanks.” And he lets his eyes close, and soon, once again, his breathing steadies. He must have been exhausted…

Alone again, almost, Touma lets his phone screen go black. The darkness of the room folds over him, a heavy but comforting weight, like a warm blanket. It’s later than he’s used to being awake now; even without a clock to guide him, he can tell. He’ll fall asleep here himself if he doesn’t move, and yet…

The beginning notes of “Last Dimension” begin to play in his mind, and they carry with them the image of Haruka’s face, taut with awe and, Touma realizes now, turmoil. The feeling is all too familiar. For the two of them, torn asunder from their destinies, and who made terrible decisions in their misery, a connection is impossible. They could never hope to reach out quite far enough, and so they’re frozen, their eyes to the heavens.

What do you want for your birthday?

… or maybe not. In the quiet, in the dark, beside Haruka, it’s easier to believe that someday, somehow, things will be okay. He pictures Riku, bright and shining, laughing from the opposite side of the table, parting the doors of ŹOOĻ’s dressing room, reaching out with one hand…

Touma smiles dumbly. A moment later he’s blinking away the visions, once again being greeted by darkness. He fumbles for his phone, still in his hand, and unlocks it. The brightness of the screen momentarily blinds him, and he blinks rapidly in an attempt to clear his sight.

Me

Riku, for my birthday…

Will you do fanservice for me?

It’s cocky, all too confident, and Touma cringes the moment after he sends it. If it were Torao, perhaps the single-line message would hold more weight, but from Touma…

No. It doesn’t matter. These daydreams of his, he’ll ground them to something real.

Beside him, Haruka mumbles something, soft and incoherent, and curls towards the heat of his body.