Archive of Our Own

Since that night, Ignis knew the only way to bring himself any peace was to find Noctis again. He needed reuniting. The man set his heart to it knowing he simply could not give up. All prayers, hopes and dreams rested within the midnight raven from the bar. There just was no other direction. No other way.

Noctis was the only answer.

Perhaps he was stubborn. At first, Ignis had believed himself mad for assuming he was the one Noct spent all those singing nights searching for. Expending the harmony of his vocals to call out hidden messages of love laid in plain sight. Subjecting himself to the backrooms and crying for a long lost companion to him. Yet, a silly (or slightly practical) thought crossed his mind: what other goddamn Ignis was even out there? And what were the odds the two of them should cross paths under those circumstances and not have anything to do with each other? It was too fucking stupid to let go just like that no matter the stress and tears that followed. Noctis felt something. The smile and warmth of his skin could not be wrong.

After forcing himself with food and sleep, Ignis was decided. This endless living repeating cycles of boring self-preservation had to come to its conclusion.

Given his final words with the stagesinger before he slipped right through his fingers, Ignis bared in himself the urge to be the one Noctis needed. To hold his hand in times of loneliness and see him safe and happy at whatever cost. To belong to him; somewhere he would be taken care of. Never forgotten, never neglected. He wanted to prove Noctis was someone worthy of love and the intimacy on that couch in the backroom. Ignis wanted to be different from anyone else who would ever use that precious quality against him. Watching him walk away was unacceptable when he knew he could be better. “Ignis” wasn’t a lover to leave Noctis alone. No... Not this Ignis. It wasn’t happening.

“I refuse to let it end like that.”

Noctis – though still a technical stranger – deserved a “lost love” who would remain. A faithful man who wouldn’t give up was only befitting of him. After finding this boy, it was his grand awakening. His discovery to who he wanted to be. Noctis was an adventure into the worlds of mystery and he wasn’t about to let that pass him by without giving chase.

So, the man shoved away the stray material off his coffee table back at the apartment and brought out his city map. Between paper and his mobile, Ignis began to do some research. Where were the other bars in the city? What licenses permitted stage performances and what gigs did they run? When? Who had presented vocal routines? Ignis made phone calls. Tried asking questions about line-ups.

He even contacted coffee shop managers. He sought for an ‘attractive and gifted singer with a mole on his cheek and dark hair,’ even going far enough as to include his approximate age, weight and height in what must have been a fiercely determined mission. He grimaced when met with the voices of too many opinionated people questioning back about Ignis’ sanity in concern when his descriptions grew suspicious. A few even inquired whether Ignis was an investigator or if this gentleman Noctis was in some kind of danger. Those conversations were quickly corrected then brought to an end. Couldn’t have people looking too closely at his actions or else they might be sending the real investigators to him instead.

Upon some luck subsequent to the many failures, he was able to discover a few things. It wasn’t a lot but it was something and that was better than nothing in his book.

Next were the visits. Waking from late nights with hardly any sleep, summoning the lights to flicker on with sharp stains of white drenching the walls down to the floor. Staring with squinting, un-lensed eyes at the screens of his phone and the television monitor, then taking to the streets with little more than a few shots of coffee keeping him upright. Tightly wrapped in his coat watching traces of their constant city storms through the smudged and foggy windows from inside dozens of city buildings. He pretended to care about where he was and the world around him… all for one purpose. One person.

Not only had Ignis lost track of time in the next several weeks, but he’d also lost hours of working at his job as well. He hadn’t noticed the way it depleted his on-hand cash until his pockets were emptied to sate the presence of hunger bringing pain to his stomach. All his senses told him to focus as though food wasn’t important anymore. Only air and moving forward. He couldn’t stop his legs from forcing him along, consciousness in a spiral. Obsession made its home inside, conquering him, devouring first his brain and then his body from the inside out.

His mind nearly rewrote to erase himself and solely remember his goal. Through shaking hands did he check his phone at doorsteps and on sidewalk edges, all the while smelling the various scents that carried along misty winds. Reality seemed to be unraveling. He couldn’t explain what was happening to him…

How had Noctis become so important? Was Ignis trying to right a wrong he had committed? Was this the product of guilt from abuse of confusion… intoxicated by lust and longing self-punishment?

Or was he really mad now and believed himself in love?

No… It couldn’t be. What a fool he was. That must surely be it. He was just crazy.

~

His ears started going deaf to the radio stations when he drove the car. Noise of bypassing traffic and wet tires, the hum of his heater, the scrape of windshield wipers and faint radio tunes were all muffled. It was the same as being underwater… like drowning in a moving tank with the windows rolled up. Listening instead to the throbbing of his heartbeat in sync with the back and forth swaying over the roads ahead of him. His morality was weeping, with his soul crying loudest of all to find Noct again.

He combed perilously, hunting and observing. Waiting. Praying. Room after room. Desperate. Afraid. Sorry and lonely worse than ever before with every passing tick of the clock from his wristwatch. He ventured districts both busy and barren. Establishments he otherwise never would have found any interest in. When he came to no conclusions with his questions, he resisted the urge to take alcohol for the resolve to pay attention. He loomed. He regretted. Wondering. Hoping as long as it took, just to get another moment with the one he held that night. He swore this time he would change things for real. He would try harder. Mean more with his words. The fingers he sent to touch around his neck reminded him.

When it seemed the emotions wore him thin and faith was running out that Noctis even stayed anywhere near this place after what happened, he cast aside the more sinister side of himself and discarded thoughts of crushing Noct’s body beneath him, straining him between the legs. Instead he took a breath. Cleared his head. “Focus, old boy…” How long had it been? A month? Two? He anticipated whatever words he’d need would find him when the time was appropriate. But he would not abandon this cause resonating inside him. Tired though he indeed was, this was his purpose now whether it bore fruit in the end or not. He would justify what he took and all his time spent searching to make it right by giving back all the world he had to offer. For Noctis.

Ignis sighed while trudging along the outskirts of the city and tucked his hands further into his pockets after flipping the collar of his overcoat closer to his jaw. “Please, may I do this one thing…” For Noctis.

Going along a blind path, some bizarre sound drew his head to the side. A peculiar impression crept along his skin, sinking below the surface until all of him was suddenly very very still. Just a single man blocking the path for others to pass him. He bat his eyes a moment, frowning. The odds of catching Noctis here were slim to none in his assumption. A flashy dance club didn’t seem Noct’s style. It suited neither of theirs in fact, so anything could happen.

He hadn’t had much chance to give it further thought before he was deep in a sea of people. Falling to the crook of a wide open room where a glowing rainbow bar counter lured his footsteps, he thought, “just one drink.” He feared a single sip would force him into immediate intoxication which didn’t sound all that appealing anymore when he hesitated. Gripping around inside his pockets and squinting as his ears adjusted to the powerful bass of the speakers rocking his entire self, he discovered a remarkable weight loss in his wallet. Unbeknownst to anyone, he tightened his jaw.

All behind him were waves of blurred faces. Nameless bodies bouncing with dancing rhythms at obnoxiously loud volumes. He kept his back to them, thinking this wasn’t how miserable he’d envisioned his future turning out when he was younger. What a waste of human life. He sneered at that mentality. Pitiful. There was an underlying pride to admitting what he hated to face. Though it was harmful, it was truth. And it did him good to answer honestly than to smother it out with a toxic bottle.

Ignis was debating the possibility Noctis may feel just the same… when after what felt so long… at last; he heard that voice.

“Watch me, watch you.”

It came from every direction. Ignis’ eyes went wide behind his glasses. The barstools instantly forgotten, he slowly rotated on his feet to face the crowd. Upon scouting had he found the DJ booth outlined by luscious curtains. Inside stood two figures. One spinning the music. The other… creating magic.

“Come on and reach me, come on and fly.”
“We'll make a star, just for the night.”
“Everything old and everything new.”
“I want to know…”

There was a flat round microphone placed in front of the singer. Much different from his alternative. No foldable chairs pointed to his stage this time. There were no floorboards made of ancient creaking wood but a wall of vivid colours and spray-painted shapes of art. The memories of marveling him at the bar were replaced instead with this ocean of minds likely wishing the same of their surroundings but by different standards: an overwhelming ambition to simply let go of their worldly woes and trade them for this shining galaxy of bliss all blended together. This was their freedom, and Noctis (against all odds) was here among them.

The tempo seemed so outlandish from what he was used to – if he could call listening to Noctis sing any kind of familiarity. Had he the right? Ignis shook his head and wondered what this music meant to him as he went onto the dancefloor. The lyrics yet again- heavens above. They had to hold mean. They just had to. Closer… I need closer. “Noctis,” he said aloud not to be heard through the song. “I’ve been looking all over.”

What began as a means to divert from his neurotic pursuits shape-shifted into something so suddenly inspiring as though he was ripped right from the arms of reality into the realms of daydreaming again. Was this possible? Surrounded by all these people… Bright lights casting like the bridal veil of supernatural other worlds? Noctis’ voice came up over and over again into the blend of sounds. It summoned him. Self-aware. Grateful and longing. He was the only one in the sea not dancing.

“I want to know if it’s for me or you.”

While standing there engulfed by scents of booze and cries of laughter staring at this foreign planet which had embraced him, Ignis surprisingly wasn’t sick from the motions at every turn. He actually thought his chest might start to hurdle with joy, pupils wide and unoffended by the way shoulders brushed up against him. All this delight Noctis had caused. Maybe what happened between himself and that heavenly entity wasn’t a mistake afterall. The proof being this happiness growing within. And maybe by the way his words reached out to everyone – to Ignis, by his wishes – it could very well be… that Noctis did feel the same about him.

Adrenaline seized him when Ignis caught sight of a face through the strobes. Decorated arms swayed to obstruct his vision in temporary spurts. Heels and boots moved across the floor. Mouths curled to outrageous smiles, men and women alike chest to chest and all around him… around them, someone slipped in past the legs and hands that made the space of everything simply burn with energy.

“I needed you always.”
“Can you feel me, weak inside…”

Noctis.

One with the many. His glossy lips and heavy lashes. Lost between flashes of black to white. His expression both of enjoyment and flair. Ignis remained frozen. He wasn’t sure he could move even if he wanted to. It could have been a product of his diluted mind. He may have been losing it. Noctis came nearer merging through the people. Was he… no, it couldn’t be. Was he coming towards-

The showstopping sight of two fantastic blue eyes shot right into him. Aligning with minty green. Ignis and the stagesinger locked gazes with one another. The younger man rocked in his direction past the others. He appeared so playful and unafraid. Was this on purpose? How could he move so effortlessly while sharing this stare with Ignis now?

Noctis danced and Ignis could do nothing more than ogle. Unbridled fascination on his face. He knew he couldn’t be heard speaking yet his expression was screaming what wanted to be known straight from his core. And something incredible happened because of it. Between the flashes, Ignis saw Noctis there passionately surrendering to the music around him – close enough to convince anyone that they were each other’s rightful company. That fact by itself could have ripped Ignis’ heart in half if it weren’t for the fact that he swore he saw images of someone he once held dear. Someone he would have given anything to protect. For a moment, Ignis felt himself resurrecting a past, a present and a future all at once. He felt forever in those seconds. Watching a Prince bend the rules to escape his crown and run away underground to experience a life in the night with his common folk.

A strangled gust of air squeezed Ignis’ lungs and passed through his mouth. He was certain by now he’d choke should he dare to blink too long. Noctis’ voice faded from the song as a new mix was born from its end but this wasn’t over for them. It was a pure fantasy weaving into their very lives without warning or explanation and would just as quickly be gone if he didn’t take this chance. Ignis came inches from Noctis and memorized how the one slowed down in front of him. He wasn’t alone when leaning in as Noct met him in the middle. At that precise second, the two tilted, touched into a kiss, and the rest was an explosion of pleasure. Dozens of lives wrote themselves in his flesh. Carved there by the will of his Grace. His center of religion and drive of purpose. To love and fulfill promises.

His fingers descended to curve around Noct’s face. Nothing nasty dominated his senses this time. It was a kiss of understanding. Something they finally had in common. Thousands of times he had kissed these lips in thousands of dreams prior to this one. His form in life was but a mere projection. No matter the vision, he would always love him. Always come back to him. Always belong. He could see it beneath his closed eyelids and in tasting his sweetest gestures.

They’d known each other forever. Their forever… was for the reuniting.

In all the different ages, all the unfathomable structures of him – his cosmic soulmate, lover and eternal companion – Ignis speculated internally if Noctis could see those same things of himself. What would become of them next? As his lyrics portrayed, Ignis too wished to know. Alas, his young King was lost to the crowd, leaving Ignis as he had been when he arrived. Swallowed not by his own accord now, no, but by human waters. Ignis stood on his own in a daze. He had been too mesmerized to even grieve the loss of his gift from the universe while the memory of kissing Noctis caused such rich aching.

This would not be the last time they saw each other. Noctis felt him too. He believed it. How he wanted him to stay despite what had come to pass. To never leave him again for any reason... The most beautiful and mysterious being to ever cross his path.

~

More time had passed since that night. Ignis couldn’t call himself content, but he had grown to let the idea of who Noctis was stay close to him. He revered him as his one and only despite that his face hadn’t surfaced in quite some while. After that fantastic dream was over… Ignis went back to work. Continued about his expected schedules. Noticed by peers and coworkers with a newfound drive. A passion, some called it. Maybe being awakened to the possibility—no, the proof that reincarnation was real had straightened him out in a way. His drinking lessened, dropping in appeal and overall pleasure until he gave it up altogether. He ceased blind dating, even working up the courage to deny those that asked him instead. His heart wasn’t in it. Or rather, he knew it belonged somewhere else.

The world reverted seemingly overnight to the way it was before. But it wasn’t the end of the most incredible journey of his life. He’d caught himself regretting the way he handled his encounter with Noctis more than once, wishing he could have given him the love a partner deserved. With his new promotion, he could provide him anything and everything. The desires were jaded, leaving behind undiscovered wonder and putting Ignis’ proper behavior back in line.

He organized himself. Straightened out to see the bigger pictures. But he still questioned where the Prince would go. Questioning how he might move forward or what fate might befall him next. So many faces he’d seen at the underground dance hall. His best friend from childhood. A mate. A liege. His company so dear and spectacular he was flabbergasted the years after rebirth ever took those precious memories away. He was certain those conclusions weren’t misconception.

Ignis found it hard to sleep after hours. The queries were endless …Were Noct’s prayers answered at last? Could he feel him, losing rest trying to reach out with all his mentality? How long had he lived this way knowing Ignis was out there without ever finding him? Then when he did… calling out to him… What a monster he’d been for reuniting them in the foulest way possible…

How many lives did Ignis remember? How many had he forgotten?

Noct’s love for him ran deep. Stronger than any eternity. More immortal than the gods themselves. Whatever beings allowed them to return to the living realm on repeat – sending the souls of mortals to retake form without end – would have made his existence the most putrid of nightmares. If it hadn’t been for finding the only man who could come back to him in each and every cycle, those gods would surely be the reason he’d lived empty until now.

~

He couldn’t keep his head from running wild on darker evenings. When the rain poured heavy like this, his burden of thought was unbearable. He patrolled the streets, a method over the months that developed into something just as customary as the rest of his responsibilities. As he passed through town up and down those same sidestreets again and again (oh the broken record he was, now ironically tracking his own “lost loved one”) the inviting neon sign to a classic diner gave him temptation for a meal and beverage. It wasn’t ideal to be ordering a coffee at this hour, but dammit, luxury had to be found somewhere. He was starving afterall. Besides, sitting down to take care of his needs wouldn’t be such a bad choice. It was more uplifting compared to the old ways even if it meant he must make himself content with the loneliness.

“I suppose it couldn’t hurt.”

Ignis noticed the waitress who came quickly to him once he stepped inside, stripped off his coat and laid it dripping on the rack beside the doorway. Awaiting him at his table of choice, she spared him a wink while speaking enthusiastically. Her words must have been in another language for he couldn’t understand what she was saying. He didn’t really want to. It had been like this with so many people. Their conversations were null. Uninteresting.

The woman made an attempt at lifting his spirits, he wagered, but was unamused. Yet Ignis still produced a thankful smile somehow for her efforts. It was that little bit of kindness that changed the world afterall.

He placed an order from the waitress then sat back to take some deep breaths while holding a mug filled to the brim with black roast in his palms to keep them warm. The raindrops were drying from his hair, glittering from the overhanging lights like crystals scattered in the strands. His shoulders were dampened which cast a scent along the booth where he sat. The feeling of the menu in his fingers as he picked at the corners made him nostalgic. Unsure of what should come next.

That draining sensation was coming back. Peaceful yet empty. This was reality and he could never completely escape that. Would it be fine enough like this until he died? Was death even that far away in a world without Noctis in it…? It could be looming on him right now. Dragging at his heels, watching every move he makes, seeking opportunity to release him from this horrible outcome where the one he prized was not beside him.

“What a dumb thought,” he mumbled. “That’s not an option.” He spun a spoon from the napkin left at his table by the considerate woman but couldn’t manage the smallest crack of a smile. But I miss you.

Ignis thought he might choose a nice meal and just spend the night out until the restaurant closed then wander the main street. He glanced upward for a moment and his heart broke rhythm when he saw the world was shining with sunlight. Ignis saw luminous rays of golden day. Impossible… it was going on eight o’clock. The yellow beams broke through the hazy glint of the windows and shone over everything. Beautiful. Incredible it seemed… and in the light of it, scents of roses and vanilla… Ignis’ eyes met an enigmatic blue gaze.

Dear gods, it couldn’t be. How many times was this going to happen? He couldn’t stand it. Noctis was here in the same walls as him once again. His spirit radiating and bringing fantasies of heaven with the sheer awareness of his presence. Ignis’ eyes widened upon him. So peaceful; a dove uncaged. Draped in radiance meeting his line of vision. Content and gleaming. They seemed to smile at one another. The white collar of Noct’s suit creased as he nodded his head. Powers were at force in the air and Ignis completely converted. Masters of space and time, have mercy on him. He was astounded.

The moment the waitress had delivered his order to the table and passed Ignis’ vision (offput by his lack of communication and reduced to simply position the plate and leave him to it without being nosey) Noctis was fucking gone. The glorious sunlit view vanished and corrected back to this gloomy, rainy darkness. Another hallucination. Ignis jerked his head left to right in search. The encounter definitely happened. So where—

There Noctis went, running right out the front door. His body no longer donned the ensemble worthy of ceremonious occasion. He was never wearing it in the first place, was he? Ignis suddenly sprang back into life and jumped from his seat, ignorant to the unpaid dish that clattered when his knees knocked against the table and sprinted after the boy in black. He nearly tripped when getting down off the raised platform and skid through the doorway. His coat stayed at the rack. Gusts of wind howled after Ignis’ body upon his abrupt dive to the outside.

Rain. It was loud, it was thick, and it was everywhere. It swept away that muffled hum of quiet which granted him numbness indoors. The sound now forced him to wake up.

He was swift to spy Noct’s figure making a getaway down the sidewalk at the right. Farther than that and he would be around the corner in the density of the downpour. No… Not on his life! The very turning of the planet felt as though it were frozen. Today would determine everything.

“Noct!!!” he screamed after him like he’d never done before. It was startling hearing himself that frantic.

Noctis quickly sent his gaze over his shoulder. Nonetheless, he continued splashing down the concrete path.

Ignis shook his head and pushed through the drench of water between breaks in the canopies as he put his legs to work. It wasn’t long until he caught up and heard Noct whimper with every pant. Then he clasped his palm down over his fragile shoulder. Ignis forced him to turn around and face what they started.

“I’m tired of doing this-!” he shouted, staring at the pain written in every flinch from rain in his eyes. The misery quivering his bottom lip saddened the form of his brows half hidden beneath the droop of his hair “I see I’m frightening you but I don’t understand why you are running from me! I’ve been searching ubiquitously for you!”

“Ignis…” Noct’s whisper was hardly audible but hearing it at all was a saving grace despite the definitions that followed. “No… l-let, let me go. You’ve been stalking me and you need to stop! …You shouldn’t-”

“To hell with that!” he exclaimed. “I’m over it!”

“We’ve been through this already.” His silence made Ignis’ skin crawl. His struggle to speak did not come from the cold. “I can’t go through it again.”

Ignis paused. Meanwhile, rain began to weigh him down with every pelt pushing and pulling him apart. At first, he wasn’t sure what to say. He tugged at both Noct’s shoulders to draw the sulking of his eyes back up. If he was going to earn him – whatever the reason for his fears – he needed to give his all. “You listen to me, Noctis. I’ve been sober since that night. When we were together… when we kissed, I learned so much, but there is still much more I’ve yet to share with you. This life… it is meaningless to me if we cannot have it together.”

“Oh don’t go grasping for straws!” Noctis yelled in defense.

“I assure you that isn’t-”

“Was hitting it that good for you? You’d really pretend to know who I am just to keep me around?” The hurt in him was tangible as he snapped. “Is that all you want from me? I’m not a whore. I have feelings!”

The other did not hesitate to answer despite the pain it caused him. “This isn’t about sex nor any other deplorable thing I’ve done to you. It never was, or at least it never should have been. I… I’ve been meaning to tell you how sorry I am. It’s true.” Releasing his apology at long last decelerated Ignis’ speech pace. It rendered him desolate to the strength he’d mustered to get here, pinning Noct on the moist brick wall. “But I cannot live letting you walk away. All my life, I… I’ve had this visceral calling toward something unknown. I could never find the reason for being here or even being alive. Losing you… I realized I needed to know, just as you do; the same as your music told. Now that you’re here…” Ignis dared to bow his soaked hands against Noct’s face and stroked the sides of his cheeks with his thumbs. He wasn’t sure if the water touching his skin belonged to the rain or if was the culprit of Noct’s tears. “It’s you, Noct. You’re what I need.”

Baffled, the younger one gaped. It came to the space between them. Swirls of magic and sky water. Was the universe at work on his side for the relentless determination Ignis carried to find him again? Did it matter that much? Ignis could see Noct was considering to run again. He could see by the hesitation. The darting of his eyes. How he fought to disagree with his pleading. It was convincing, but it was equally terrifying. The terror of an uncertain future was too much to bear in this one moment, somehow burning their bodies even though they must have both been quaking for many reasons.

“Please don’t go. I want to be here for you,” he went on. “I can listen… and you can tell me everything you remember. Let me make well what I’ve done and start anew. I wish to treasure you and… recapture what has been lost.”

It must have been horrible for him. The fear of choice was indeed a heavy weight to carry. All this washing over and with nowhere to run, he must have thought his feet would carry him anywhere just to get away. Panic was an evil thing but had Noctis believed fate could be outrun? So unfair to know the heart before him was writhing within its cage of flesh. Dying to do what he felt was right while allowing himself the right to deny getting hurt again.

That was when Ignis refused to cave in. This was the reason. The motivation. The proof and the purpose for everything he’d lived for. He would live forever for this. Noctis was worth the chase. He would never let him go and he sensed this fragile bird would regret flying away for the rest of his days.

I know you’re scared. I know that. I swore you would never be alone. You can trust me. Don’t go!

“Highness-!”

Just like that, Noctis wasn’t jerking away from him anymore. He stopped fighting and his eyes turned to saucers. Admittedly, Ignis never wanted to see Noctis this way again, petrified and shocked.

“…I never told you that,” he mouthed.

“I remember being your teacher,” Ignis professed as his shoulders heaved. “We were victims, you and I. The last of our kind in a world of war. For ten years, Noctis… I lived without you in the dark. I beseech you, don’t make me live without you another moment longer.” The words tipped out of his mouth straight from the depths of his lungs. A clog in his body finally coming loose and spilling truth for what may have been the absolute first time. He tried reaching again to hold Noctis. Comfort cannot be summarized in a hug, but maybe embracing him was a start to healing all the wounds they’d endured.

Noctis shook his head. For once, the tables had turned on him instead. Ignis hoped he was still breathing.

“Ignis… y-you, you remember?”

“You were always scrutinizing my recipes and picking at my need for visual enhancers. How could I forget that?” Suddenly, His Highness was letting Ignis take him into his arms. They were gravitating. So safe, so secure. “I remember.”

The pressure of slamming into one another in that split second was tremendous. The greatest pain. Everything they needed and all they’d never known. Noct clenched him hard. Fingers squishing through the sodden fabric of Ignis’ clothes. Latching without any intension of letting go. Ignis’ face pressed to the side of Noct’s own and the two mended into one. He heard his Prince sob. His voice was now light like a sigh. Laughing perhaps? The sway with Ignis in his squeeze was plenty to tell him whatever it was had set him free at last.

“Ignis…” Noct clung to him. Crawling, clawing to be nearer. “Ignis-”

“I know… I know. I’m so sorry it took me so long to see it.”

“You really remember?” The anguish claiming them fell apart piece by piece until it blossomed into a cascade of joy.

“I do. I remember the scars that took my eyesight. The sweetness of you coming back from the Crystal. You were all I ever wanted. I felt such rage when the Old Kings too you away from us again… But you are here now, just as I am… and I will not leave you again, if you shall have me.”

Yes, it was real laughter coming from him now. “You can’t take it back though; do you understand me?”

“You wouldn’t wish me to then, I presume?”

Ignis already knew the answer. They met eyes with one another through fog of the falling sky and let themselves share a kiss different from the rest. It made promises unbreakable. Ignis’ days of wandering around alone broken and hollow were no longer. As were Noct’s. Neither would he be in a perilous search for answers crossing stages watching lovers elope while he clung to the shadows away from spotlight view.

Ignis discovered a brand new definition in the texture of Noct’s lips pressed upon him. They were healing. They stood that way, showered by heaven itself. Where once was created dread, the world now flowered in hope for tomorrow. For every second forward. Life itself was rewritten.

“Noct…” Ignis began after pulling back. The sound of a smothering kiss broke away with him. “Will you let me walk you home? I’m still awfully remorseful I frightened you so and… this weather is atrocious. You’re certain to get sick.”

“It’s alright…” the image of his past, present and future gave him a reassuring stroke down the front of his chest. “I wasn’t even planning on going back tonight. Besides… this may take me some time to explain to Prompto.”

Prompto. Due to mentioning it, this name became extremely informational. “Goodness. And here I’d thought-” the man cleared his throat. What silliness to be jealous not knowing a single thing regarding their status or what memories were rightfully in play. Noct’s slight smirk furthered that impression. Ignis grew anxious standing there. The realm of recollections was sure to engulf him with previous experiences about the boy with the camera. He could envision it; a cheerful expression dusted by freckles, ever at the Prince’s side. He must have still stood the same way in this life too. Ignis wondered how dearly he’d taken care of Noct until now. A good heart to heart was in order for some other time. “I see. Well… I have a place where you can sleep—ah, you can, stay. Stay there. At my place. And rest. And maybe just be… with me. Won’t you… let me take care of you tonight?”

Right away Ignis was getting his words mixed up and it brought Noct an even wider grin. It couldn’t be put to words. Describing that physical lift of sorrow unleashed genuine contentment. “Is that really okay? Can I talk to you? Being with you again sounds… wonderful. You have no idea.”

“Yes, Noctis. I think I do.” Ignis nodded to him. What else could he plausibly convey?

~

From then, Noctis and Ignis went side by side back to the diner. The eatery was destined to become a favourite location for them – one they’d talk about years ahead and, if it were plausible, in the next life over from this one. Ignis quickly sought out the waitress to apologize for fleeing the scene on the spot the way he did. ‘Not his normal behavior’ he explained as he retrieved his coat and stood far to the side where his dripping puddles wouldn’t obstruct traffic with customers. While he knew it didn’t excuse the reaction, he offered to pay double. The kind young woman waved at him with a certain charm that jolted him.

After choking a few times Ignis summoned an old name from the arsenal of unraveling history within him. “M-Miss Iris?”

The girl was surprised to be called by name without having a tag on her apron. Assuming she’d been recognized from somewhere else in town, Iris politely thanked him for all his worrying and recommended he come back on a better day when he and his friend weren’t trying to make up from a fight. That was the story she invented and the one they stuck to.

“She doesn’t remember much,” Noct later told him. “Some people never do.”

The stormy conditions pounded down the roof of Ignis’ apartment when he and Noct arrived there. Sleep became a fast myth as soon as the conversations started. The two chattered well into the night with an undetectable dawn following with the hands of the clock. So much came back. Triggered through every second he spent in benign vicinity with the one who started it all. Ignis prepared himself for it but nothing was able to protect him from the real gravity of boundless, overwhelming memories.

Noctis remembered plenty. Dozens of stories. Masses of tales. Instead of recalling early in his lives, they seemed to strike him in little moments so he claimed.

“I knew I was missing part of me one day when I took a bite of my dessert and starting crying for no reason. It hit me almost without warning,” he elaborated. “By then, I knew who Prompto was the first time he snapped my picture. It’s incredible what carries over.”

Noctis folded his hands over the blanket Ignis provided to warm his body after letting him change into dry layers. Spares from his rarely accessed dresser. Incredible indeed that the one he adored in complete fascination was now trusting him so and inside his very living space. He could forget all about ever hating this place until tonight. Those negative thoughts were millions of miles away.

“Do you still like cooking, Specs?”

“How long has it been since I’ve heard that…” he mulled. “I never felt the need to as I had no one to cook for. It can’t be hard to learn though, can it?”

Noctis giggled. “You don’t have to go that far.”

Hearing him that way was unbelievable after those callous trials at the bottom of whiskey bottles and loveless games grown old. This was the real identity of belonging. It was in his heart. With this newfound healing encircling around them, this world never seemed quite as comfortable. And they had it together.

Holding a coffee mug in his hand come the late afternoon fresh from a hair-knotting sleep felt more rightful than ever. Noctis was there to wake beside him and shared in an awkward evaluation of his kitchen. The two attempted to improvise breakfast (which they brutally failed to do) and inevitably took to the streets in search of something more… ah, let’s say edible. Their city was still rainy as ever but at least their lives were starting to shine. Ignis took him place to place along those interwoven roads. Learning who they were. Falling in love again and again.

Some details about their pasts justified the outcomes that lead them to ugliness. There were fights that resurrected as they discussed the topics. Things said between them but never meant. Incidents leading to disaster. Accidents that separated them. And the most frightening of all were clear awareness of former deaths. In distant existences already had and gone, Noctis vibrantly depicted a funeral he attended for Ignis and how he was too late to save him. From the pits, Ignis as well unlocked a recollection of burying his love alongside his father, Regis. Grim and heartbreaking consultations over dinner or cold nights staring at shop lights. Some necessary, others electrifying.

Beyond the days, weeks, and months of gluing himself to Noct, Ignis’ vaults came open. He’d been an Advisor, a hitman, a barista, a woman – the absolute most hilarious one to date – and many more he might never fully reobtain. It was ludicrous. No one would believe it unless they’d lived it for themselves. Ignis didn’t need anyone to accept that anyhow. Noct’s opinion was the only one besides his own he’d ever really care about. That was good enough. Hell yes it was.

Seasons came and brought holidays. Noct told him just as Ignis suggested (if not implored) to speak of his reminiscence. Standing secluded from afterparties and in doorways during celebrations, he started growing attached to Ignis in a way neither of them imagined could cause indestructible degrees of fondness when they felt it. But it had. Amazingly, their bond strengthened. Noctis – this extraordinary being whose voice brought them together – had seen a throne as Chosen King of Eos, the victim of permanent handicap, an ichthyologist, a degenerate, and with lots to add.

They never grew tired of it. Being awake meant adventure and sleep meant nurturement.

~

Noct and Iggy revisited the old bar where they first ‘met.’ The humiliation of what happened there in the backrooms was still a haunting impression for the two, so they didn’t linger for too long. However, their return did bring a few interesting revelations to light.

“You must be joking,” Ignis uttered in shock.

“Nope.” Noctis shook his hair from side to side as he ordered a drink over the counter for them to share. “He’s been bangin’ the boss since I’ve known them.”

“But-!”

Noctis emphasized. “Yeah. I know.”

“With Cornelius of all people. That’s quite the leak if ever I’ve heard one. I suppose that explains a few things. Still, I wonder if I’ll ever see Loqi again. It’s almost sad. He did keep me company on my worst of nights.”

“Oh, he’ll be around. You guys kinda had it in common that you came here to be close to someone. You know though, I heard a rumor from someone he had a bit of a thing for you.”

Ignis couldn’t help stuttering. “Oh, gods. Don’t say that. Do you think they remember much?”

“Cor? Ah, I think he actually knows more than he lets on. Funny when you think about it. I suppose second chances change the game.”

Ignis linked his arm around the curve in Noct’s back. True words, he spoke. It made him consider a time he’d known nothing. Maybe there were choices that would have ensured he never could. Loqi was a firecracker but he wasn’t all that bad in his own rights. And to have someone he cares about means everything. Of that much Ignis was certain. His fingers squeezed a little tighter into that dip along his friend’s spine… and Noctis leant into him.

~

The sound of water pelted down over the pair. Instead of the merciless chill of a winter rain, it was the heat from a shower faucet inside the confines of a freshly cleaned bathtub. When the curtain touched Noct’s thigh and stuck to his skin, he began giggling against Ignis’ mouth as it pressed over his lips for the next hundredth time. They’d already kissed enough times to run the shower cold by this point but the steam from its temperature remained. They were more appreciative of that warmth than expected by the time their rasps had calmed down and the pitches of pleasant gasps slowed to a stop.

The soap from their hair and bodies drained away long ago but with a touch so tender between them, how could they bother to stop? Noct finally unbent his leg and lowered the curve of his foot off the edge of the porcelain tub leaving Ignis’ hand to free of the space between his thighs. Their arms slid along one another, sincere and sweltering with devoted, gentle caresses.

“I don’t want to be the one to say it…” Noctis groaned.

Ignis’ lips barely spared the time to part away from his face. “But?”

He sighed. “We should get the towels. I’m starting to give out. Don’t think I can keep standing.”

Ignis’ throaty hum forced Noctis to regret the suggestion as soon as it left him but he didn’t want to be the cause of whipping them both onto the slippery shower bottom. They made their affections last just a few moments longer while brushing noses.

“What about you, Iggy?”

The man’s immediate sneer looked devilish with both his eyes closed. “I haven’t forgotten… but I am in no rush to expend your limits. Let us dry off for now and we’ll return to that later.”

“Right…” he huffed. “Later.”

“A moment to rest first then.”

The faucet handles screeched under Ignis’ palms as he twisted to turn off the water tap. They took their time giggling with one another as Ignis stepped out to retrieve their cloths. Noctis claimed ownership of the heat remaining in the bowl of the tub with the towel wrapped around. The security of a blanket to shelter his unruly hair.

“You look lost,” Ignis joked. He approached that smug little smirk of his and reached inside past the curtains in desperation to keep his hands on him before helping him step over. They blew out the candles keeping that space dim and romantic one by one. Trails of smoke flowed into the bright of the hall all the way to the nearby bedroom where they dressed for a relaxed afternoon.

Ignis paused here and there to admire some of their photos finely framed on the wall. A simple stroll through memories… The scent of the new paint they’d layered over yesterday was something that enlightened him taking that sight in, making him proud. Before meeting Noct on the deck to take in the brilliance of the day, he adjusted a shot showing them with Prompto and Gladiolus. They looked happy as a group. It felt right to see the four of them that way.

He kept it to himself, but Ignis thought about what would happen to everything once he passed away in that moment. He shook his head and quickly caught up to where Noctis was encouraging him again to join. His hand pat enthusiastically at the wicker seat beside him.

“Take a seat in your chair, my blind friend.”

“I’ll get my glasses in a moment.” The man with distorted vision sat carefully and chuckled. He passed Noct’s shawl over. “Have you forgotten to stay warm like the doctors told you? You wouldn’t listen to me after the third time you got sick.”

“I didn’t forget,” his dark-haired lover objected. “I won’t get sick again, okay? Relax.”

“I recall someone saying the same exact thing last time. And who do expect will wait on you hand and foot when you fall ill anyway?”

Being scoffed at hadn’t quite felt so carefree. Just that was beautiful. Naturally appealing. Simplicity. The birds sang their sweet songs despite the horizon’s infamous storm clouds approaching over neighborhood rooftops and vine covered fences. For the time being, they had a break from nasty weather and the sun actually peeked out for a rare shine. Ignis was happy to behold it all. Today, he could enjoy it. Humble as that. Tangible happiness. No panics over impending destiny or overthought worries regarding hardship.

“You know, Noct. I think there’s something I’d like to say…”

The boy beside him now aging steadily into a splendid young man – having developed quite a generous body weight through the length of their time rediscovering culinary palettes – sent his undivided attention to Ignis. The formal tone of his partner’s speech caught him a little surprised.

“I considered biting my tongue but if I do not speak it now perhaps I shan’t ever have the courage.” He bit his lip and folded his hands between his knees. “Of all the lives we’ve lived, somehow— well, this one seems so normal… which is spectacular to me. I know it didn’t start out that way. Undoubtedly, I’d been afraid this life had no meaning. I expected to live and die without reason. But it was you who made the time worth passing.”

The sunlight sparkled on Noctis when Ignis glimpsed at him. Jewels glimmering in his eyes as they meet in alignment. Each second Ignis beheld them, he prayed and prayed he wouldn’t forget it as he knows he’ll pray a thousand times more in vain. He damns the curse of forgetting yet cherishes his seconds the same as though the next would be his last without relying on reincarnation.

If it weren’t for hearing his voice, Ignis may have never known there was more to life itself. It changed a lot about him for the grander. Love wasn’t a superficial emotion for idiots. There were greater powers constantly roaming the skies connecting people. Hearts really led the way to lost pasts… and a promise could hold a tune that never died even when their bodies were departed. Apologies could save souls. Answers were not meant for everyone. And for Ignis, Noctis was the source centering those revelations. He wasn’t afraid. When he woke up dead, Ignis knew he would find Noct again. This fantasy was not their final one.

“What I’m trying to say is, no matter who we are or what separates us… I will always, always love you.”

Precious how Noctis tucked his hair behind his ear. It was clear he knew not what to say. How could he? Through his fluster, he spared a honey-sweet sound. “You know, I thought it would be silly but… I wondered what it might be like.”

Ignis sensed his cheeks blush. “What’s that?”

“To have each other in any way we liked. Because I knew you felt the same about me for years. I couldn’t explain it all. But now I think you know…” Ignis scanned his beloved companion while perplexed by what thoughts were being left unsaid. Then they crashed over him like a bombshell of comprehension. “I wanted to marry you, Ignis.”

The blunt statement rattled him. He should have anticipated the effects of jokingly by now though something sparked inside realizing it was no tease. After a pause he said, “Well… what stops us from that now?”

“…Us?” The grip of Noct’s fingers tightened into the cloth of his shawl as he beamed, inspired by merely conceiving it. “Being together for real?”

“There is nothing stopping us now. Why don’t we do it, Noct? Why don’t we get married?”

It was a practical proposal. Without asking just yet due to lacking the means of making it work just right, the visible reactions gave Ignis all the confidence he would need anywhere ahead of time to pull the whole thing off. He’d never predicted himself having the legal right, the willpower or even the finances to bow down on one knee. If being reborn and falling in love forever was possible then surely the next profound thing was too.

Noct was speechless. If he answered, neither one of them heard it. But their hands snaked towards each other and entwine by the fingers. Thumbs stroked affectionately over sun-warmed skin.

“If I may,” Ignis diverted. “Have you any indication of your future as a singer? Is that over for you?”

“If you’re asking whether I need the gigs in order to get by, it should be clear I don’t. But you shouldn’t worry either. I don’t mind singing songs for you still.”

Ignis’ mouth curled. “You absolutely do not have to live like that anymore. That is, unless you wanted to. You know I would support you.”

“Oh, no. Thank you. I’d rather not, really.” Noct ran a shy hand along the back of his neck. “Iggy? Could I, uh, let you in on a little secret just between you and me?”

“Of course,” Ignis curiously adjusted his eyes. It was a pity he couldn’t see Noctis well without his lenses. “What is it, Noct?”

“Okay. Well… about that,” he gave a laugh. “I actually have pretty bad stage fright.”