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I've never seen Penelope look this excited before, not even when she'd got a higher grade than me in our second year. She's practically squirming on the sofa in anticipation while Simon eats a bag full of crisps, smiling fondly at her and looking stupidly proud.
“It's a really good spell, Baz.” He says now, seeing the sceptical look on my face. “Penny's got the hang of it.”
“Why me? Why do I have to be experimented on?” I whine, wringing my hands. Simon's face clouds over.
“Because I've got this done on me.” He huffs. “It's your turn now.”
“Why? Isn't it enough if it worked on you?”
“We're trying to see if it works on everyone.”
“Nicks and Slick, Baz, can't you do this for me just this once?” Bunce cuts in pleading, and I roll my eyes at her irritatedly, before stubbornly shaking my head.
“Bazzzz.” Simon whines, abandoning his crisps and flinging his arms around me. He wraps them around my neck and rests his head on my shoulder. “Baz, please?”
I sigh. I'm a weak, weak man when it comes to Simon Snow.
“Fine. Try that infernal spell, Bunce.”
Simon squeals and kisses my cheek gratefully and goes back to his crisps again while Bunce looks delighted, before she flourishes her ring hand at me.
“Ready, Baz?” She asks.
“Not at all but let's get done with it.”
Bunce clears her throat. “So I'm sitting there, barbecue sauce on my titties!”
There's a tug in my stomach and suddenly, I find this entire situation ridiculously funny.
Bunce looks so fucking hilarious in those glasses and with her ring pointed at me like that and her triumphant expression is the funniest fucking thing in this entire goddamn world. And Simon? Fucking hell, Simon's a bloody riot. He looks so ridiculous with those huge dragon wings and with his mouth half open. Crowley, what a pair of clowns. I love them both but how come I never realised how absolutely funny they are? I can't stop laughing!
I've slid down the sofa, holding onto my sides as I laugh away at them and at myself. Crowley, I'm so fucking funny too. Who wears a shirt with a fucking bee print? And my hair's so stupidly posh and wild. And I'm the vampire equivalent of a vegan. So ridiculous! So fucking lame! So absolutely hilarious!
Penny waves her ring over me and I laugh harder. Wow, she looks so stupid like that. “As you were!” She says and just as suddenly the mad urge to laugh had descended upon me, it leaves too.
I'm wheezing for air as I struggle to get up and Simon's giggling away like a loon.
“Baz, your laughter is precious.” He says, once he helps me to sit down on the sofa again. I roll my eyes at him. Goodness, I have no dignity left now, do I? I've decided I hate this spell with my entire heart and soul.
“Congratulations, Bunce. Your spell is a success.” I say dryly. Penny preens.
“Thank you, Baz.” She says, still beaming at me.
Simon gives her a happy look before he kisses my cheek and I sigh. “Laugh like that more often. You look gorgeous when you do.”
So maybe that spell's not that shitty, after all.