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Viren wasn’t just remembering the day of King Harrow’s portrait: he was there, experiencing the moment as brand new. Feeling the happiness, the love, the confusing mix of both humility and pride as he stood by Harrow’s side. Viren knew he would do anything for this man. He would kill Thunder for him. He would die for him.
But the sweet dream ended. Viren woke with a panic in a darkened cave. Next to him lay what was once Harrow’s crown, horribly dented and tainted with his own blood and more. Yes. He remembered now what had happened. He was living in the nightmare of his own creation. He became a monster. He died.
Which thought was twisting his empty stomach now? Knowing he actually tried to murder Sarai’s children, the queen who saved him? Harrow’s children, the man he loved with all his heart? Telling Soren that his life didn’t matter? Or was it knowing that his own sweet daughter, a child, murdered an innocent soul to summon back a monster?
Viren had been so disgusted with himself he had barely moved these past days from where Claudia brought him back. As grateful as he was, he couldn’t fathom why anyone would.
Claudia had gone out to find a suitable meal to toss over a fire. Finally alone, Viren did something he had been wanting to do the moment Claudia had woken him. He went to the cold corpse just on the other side of the rock face. Clutching the man’s shirt, his violent sobs echoed through the cavernous chamber. Viren wasn’t sure who these tears were for. But they all poured over this dead man, a soldier boy, no older than his own Soren.
Claudia was surprised when she had found her dad outside the cave. He was laying flowers on a freshly buried grave. A quick flash of shame flushed her face as she held tightly to the wild xadian mushrooms and insects she had found for their dinner.
Claudia: Are you…..upset with me?
Viren would never shame his daughter for this. This, no, this was all his fault.
Viren: No my sweet. Those mushrooms look fresh and delicious. If you’ll prepare the fire, I’ll prepare the meal.
Claudia smiled at that. She had been nursing her dad alone these past days. It was a nice change of pace that he’ll prepare the meal instead tonight. It felt almost normal. But as he ate, Aaravos squirming in his cocoon spoiled his appetite. These past days had been a heavy blur. But now that he had poured his angst out as tears, he could process much easier all that’s transpired. And the word “asset” burned through him like a fever.
Viren set his meal down harshly: Claudia, you must leave.
Claudia: Uh, what? Do you mean like you need to use the potty?
Viren lifted his gaze so that he could meet Claudia’s eyes: No, Claudia. What are you doing? Why are you doing this? You shouldn’t be here. You should be with Soren.
Claudia: What? No. I’m not leaving you! You’re my family. Not Soren. Soren’s not-
Viren gently grabbed her cheeks: He is your brother and he loves you. Soren is your family and he always will be. And you need to go to him.
Claudia’s eyes started to tear: No….I won’t. You don’t know what he did. I could never forgive him!
Viren: What, what are you talking about? Soren’s done you no wrong.
Claudia: Yes he has! He betrayed us! He left us! He…..He tried to kill you!
Viren should be more shocked by her words, but he wasn’t: His actions are, completely understandable.
Claudia: You’re not listening. Why are you not listening? He hates you! You disgust him!
Viren sat back with Claudia’s words. He had always known. But he did wonder for how long he disgusted Soren and if the vile in her words meant that she felt the same.
Claudia: Don’t you get it? He’s just like mom. You disgust him because you’re a dark mage. I AM A DARK MAGE DAD! I disgust Soren too, he just hasn’t admitted it yet but it’s true...Soon, he would have tried to kill me too.
Viren: No! Claudia, none of that is true! Your brother loves you.
But Claudia was shaking now with tears and couldn’t finish her meal.
Viren: Claudia….
Claudia: He left...and then...
Viren held onto his child and was reminded by her small figure just how young she was. She was still his little girl.
Viren: Claudia, Soren didn’t leave you my love. He left ME. But that’s okay! Soren is a grown man now and he has chosen a different path in life than the one I made for him. And that’s alright. That’s natural. As a grown man, he doesn’t need his father anymore. It’s his choice alone if he desires me in his life. My place, is to respect that choice.
His embrace and words seemed to calm her down. So Viren was at a loss with her next words.
Claudia: That’s not how family works.
Viren: Claudia, I - I’m trying to tell you the truth. Soon you’ll be a woman and you’ll understand. Like Soren, you won’t need your father anymore.
Claudia: So what? I love you and I’m not leaving your side.
Viren: YES YOU ARE.
Oh, Viren has felt anger like this before. But never has he SCREAMED like this at Claudia. Except now. The fierceness of his voice shocked Claudia stiff while making Aaravos cocoon wiggle quite a bit. A tense quiet settled after.
He can’t afford for his daughter to be so childishly stubborn. Aaravos is a threat to her life; he would know, he died. Having had enough, he grabbed her by the arm and led her out of the cave.
Viren: You are leaving and you are leaving now child because I have said so.
Claudia: No!
Viren: You will find Soren and you will keep each other safe.
Claudia: No!
Viren had vastly underestimated just how weak his body was still. With just a twist of her wrist he lost his grip and balance, tumbling down several rocky steps.
Claudia: Oh no! Dad!
Claudia was quickly by his side, helping him up: I’m so sorry.
Viren: No Claudia, it’s fine. I’m fine. I just lost my balance. But I am serious Claudia. Please, you must leave me here. Please, go find Soren.
Claudia: Why are you suddenly obsessed with this idea that I abandon you here in some cave, in the middle of Xadia? Dad, come on. Stop this.
Viren: Because I am a MONSTER! And worse than me, you can not be here when that monster crawls out from his cocoon.
Claudia looked back into the cave, where Aaravos’ cocoon glowed softly.
Claudia: Why? What’s up with your bug pet anyways? He’s grown huge.
Viren: He’s a monster Claudia. One that could destroy the world with all his rage and power. And I am the horrible monster that unleashed it. Do you understand? I am a horrible monster. A murderer. Betrayer. You should have never brought me back and please my love, you shouldn’t be burdened with my mistake. Only I should be here when that thing wakes.
Claudia: Oh, so that’s what this is all about.
Her voice was colder, colder than Viren had ever heard before. He hated to admit that his own daughter somehow, frightened him.
Claudia: You think I’m a little girl that you need to protect from a monster? I admire your nobility dad. But you’re mistaken.
She walked over to fresh grave and played with the warm dirt.
Claudia: Do you know that when I found you, your brain was all over the place, like spilled jelly. I put it back in your skull best I could. Most of it was there at least. Hopefully you’re not suffering too much memory loss, I mean if you are, you wouldn’t know.
Your organs were a different and unique problem though. A good portion of it was, unsalvageable. So whatever you were missing, I had to take from something else.
I admit, I was terrified I was running out of time and rushed the process. Sorry dad, not all of you is exactly human. There’s a bit of xadian critter in you! I mean, that’s kinda neat when you think about it! I’ve been meaning to ask you if you feel, magical!
But putting all the organs where they need to go was only the first part. There still was the blood loss that needed to be accounted for. After much sacrifice, your body was ready to host your soul.
Dad, this one, he was the last step. I didn’t need him for your body, I only needed his life energy to summon down your soul. You think a little girl who needs your protection can do this?
Viren could scarcely breathe. For all the evil he had become, he could not conceive of doing what she had done. Even as a dark mage, blood and guts still bothered him. It took him a moment to realize Claudia was stroking his cheek.
Claudia: Dad, you are a monster. You’re the monster that I made. So you should realize now what that makes me. Actually, I know you realize what I am. I’ve seen it in your eyes for days now. You’ve just been too afraid to say it. It’s okay dad, you can say it. I’m a murderer. And a monster too.
Before Viren could process and say or do anything, Claudia had already retreated back into the cave. She grabbed the rest of her dinner and squatted next to Aaravos’ cocoon.
Viren: Claudia….the cocoon.
Claudia: Dad. Seriously, it’s okay. Your monster pet doesn’t scare me.
She gave the cocoon a few good pats.
Claudia: You hear that monster pet! We’re family! And we're sticking together forever! Oh, I wonder what kinda pretty wings you’re gonna have when you come out.
Viren could swear he could feel Aaravos smile from within his cocoon. But he supposed Claudia was right. He can’t fight what he is forever. Or what Claudia is. Or what Aaravos is. Or whatever…..this life is. So he sat next to his daughter and Aaravos and ate the rest of his dinner too.