Work Text:
December 24, 2021
Natsu stood in front of the newly dug up earth, the bouquet of red roses he’d hastily bought at the market held tightly in his hands. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been standing there reading the epitaph inscribed on the new headstone he and Mira had chosen, but the sky had long ago turned dark.
Here lies Lisanna Dragneel, beloved wife, mother, sister, and friend. You were taken from us far too soon, but your love will forever live on in our hearts.
They’d held the service the previous morning, the unseasonably warm weather they’d been having allowing them to have a proper burial. It had been full of people that hadn’t been able to attend the one in Edolas the previous year, including several of his new friends. It had felt surreal to be experiencing her funeral for a second time, but his attention had been on Atlas and Hana at the time, so he’d never gotten a moment alone with Lis.
He was glad they had finally brought Lisanna home with them, but he felt the familiar lump in his throat as memories of that day overwhelmed him. So many what-ifs had weighed him down for so long, even though he knew they were ultimately pointless. And now that he was beginning to move forward, to open his heart to someone else, he felt guilty, like he was somehow betraying her memory by seeking out happiness for himself. Even though he knew that was the last thing Lisanna would have wanted.
He really should get going, but he couldn’t seem to make himself move from that spot.
“I’m glad you decided to bring her home.”
Natsu startled at the unexpected voice, although he immediately recognized it.
“Really? I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it.”
“We all have our pasts, Natsu, and although sad, yours is better than most. You have good memories and children that brought you both joy. Having her here will be good for them, I think. Especially for Atlas, who didn’t get the chance to know her very well.”
“It doesn’t bother you?”
Gray chuckled and thwapped him gently on the head, “You are such a dumbass, it’s never been a competition. I don’t expect your feelings for her to ever disappear. She was the most important person in the world to you for a long time, and that won’t ever change.”
Natsu thought over Gray’s words and found that they filled him with enormous relief. Maybe that was what he’d been afraid of all along, that moving forward would mean having to leave Lisanna behind, like mementos encased in a box he was only allowed to look at on special occasions.
“Whatever it is that’s happening between us, it will be different. Our own thing,” Gray shrugged, tentatively setting his hand on the small of Natsu’s back, “And as long as it’s still something you want, I’m not going anywhere.”
Natsu couldn’t help but smile. When he’d finally accepted that he had feelings for someone new, he’d been terrified, even more so when those feelings had turned out to be for a man. To hear Gray say there was no pressure, that he would wait for him to come to terms with himself and them was more than he could have hoped for, and he was grateful.
It gave him the strength to finally move. Natsu stepped forward, lovingly placing the bouquet of roses atop the headstone, separating them from the other offerings that already decorated Lisanna’s grave. He brought his index and middle fingers to his lips, kissing them softly before grazing them on the word wife on the headstone.
Thank you so much for everything, my love. No matter where I am in my life, you will always be in my heart.
He let the tears fall, no longer feeling the need to hide them from Gray, who quickly wrapped him in an embrace, kissing his forehead and rubbing his back in slow, soothing motions.
Once Natsu was done crying, Gray held out his hand, and after staring at it for a few seconds, Natsu accepted the offering. He looked back one last time, and for a moment he thought he saw Lisanna waving at him, her short white hair billowing in the wind as her proud smile let him know she approved of his decision.
And whether the vision was real or imagined he returned the smile, letting the experience fill him with hope for the future, something he’d been missing for so long.
His friends and family were probably wondering where he was by now. The Fullbusters had volunteered to host the Dad’s Club Christmas party this year, a potluck event that was bordering on insanity, considering the people slated to attend.
Hana and Atlas had been looking forward to it all day, excited by the smells that were coming from their kitchen as Erza and Mira prepared several cakes for the occasion. Mira’s holiday playlist rang out from her speakers as she and Elfman sang along with the kids while Erza smiled happily. It had been warm and homey but Natsu had been too preoccupied with who wasn’t there to really enjoy it at the time. But now, he couldn’t wait to get to the Christmas party and join in.
“Come on slowpoke, I wanna get there before Sting eats everything,” Natsu pulled at Gray’s hand, urging him to speed up so they could get to the festivities.
Gray rolled his eyes at him as he often did, but he didn’t complain, and even though they raced to Natsu’s house to get to Gray’s car, their hands remained joined throughout.