Chapter Text
Readjusting to life in a world that had been left in the past would have been a difficult enough task in itself, but when Bucky could still only remember things in patches and waves it was a different kind of challenge. He was proud to say that he was steady in rehabilitation now, functioning as a person of his own at all times and the number of periods where he was left feeling lost during the day was diminishing with each passing week.
Every once in awhile it still happened. He'd space out and feel like things were slipping away from him, or he'd get overwhelmed and shut the world out. Living with Steve was helping things and he'd come a long way in the few months he'd had but some habits were dying hard and some reflexes were difficult to shut off.
Waking from cryo had involved quite a few procedures to get him going and being fed a significantly large meal a few hours prior to being sent out on a mission had been one of them. It'd always been bland, and foods for the sake of the nutrients they contained; boiled vegetables, sardines, broths, and bland meats were foods he never particularly wanted to eat again, but with the way things had been going so far it didn't really seem like he was going to have to.
The serum kept his appetite up and he ate normally given the circumstances, but not breakfast. It was almost habitual to eat a large meal upon waking to the point where he didn't feel right if he didn't, but now that his days involved shorter walks around the city and significantly less physical activity, the food had started to catch up to him. He hadn't put on much weight, the serum made sure of that, but he'd managed to pack on a good ten pounds and Steve had certainly taken notice.
Not that he'd said anything. Mostly because it didn't matter to him what Bucky looked like—though he'd caught himself admiring the healthier glow in his face at times. Whether that was due to living a better lifestyle in general or the weight, again, it didn't matter. Steve was just happy that his friend was healing, not to mention just alive. It was still almost unreal, and he was guilty of losing himself staring at his friend a little too often.
It wasn't that he was ever doing anything noteworthy, point in case: eating, but Steve told himself it was just the fact that he was here that still had him awestruck. In reality? He was starting to think he had a thing for his lips.
Steve had always had a thing for him, that wasn't a secret to the other man. They'd had their moments, they'd experimented when they'd been younger and for Steve it'd been a little more than that but he hadn't found the right moment to bring that back up yet, if he ever did. Bucky was recovering from a lot and adjusting to a whole new world and he knew what that was like. It was possible that the other man would remember the things they'd had together on his own, but until then he was giving him some space and he was happy just to have him here.
Until he found the right moment though...He watched his friend chew the large mouthful of pancake he'd just shovelled in and lingered on the sticky sheen that was coating his lips, eating his oatmeal slowly as he split his attention between that, the morning paper, and the show going on in front of him. Bucky had already packed away half a dozen of those pancakes and was going for the full twelve by the looks of things, and that was on top of two hard-boiled eggs, a sizable stack of bacon, and a large banana. It was a lot of food, would put a normal person in a coma but Steve thought if he tried he'd be able to match him. Comfortably so? Maybe. He had a super appetite of his own thanks to the serum but he found that a large bowl of oatmeal stuck to his ribs as well as it ever had.
Could Bucky eat more than he had in front of him? That was the question lingering in his mind as his eyes moved back up from the paper and back to his friend's lips, to his throat as he swallowed, and he found himself disappointed when the table cut off his view of Bucky's stomach as his gaze had continued to drop. He took another bite of oatmeal, watched Bucky fold half a pancake into pieces before stabbing it with his fork and shoving the whole thing in his mouth. He mirrored the thick swallow as he looked back down.
It'd started with staring at his friend's mouth the times he'd caught him sleeping, appreciating the fullness of his lips and the curve of his adams apple, the line of his jaw and the familiar line of his nose. How could he help himself? That his appreciative gaze had started to wander lower when the lines of Bucky's abs had started to soften with the weight he'd put on hadn't set off any warning signs, he'd just been happy to see someone that he cared about enjoying himself and living the life he'd been missing out on.
It'd been one night after Bucky'd had a small episode in the night that'd ended with Steve's arm slung around his waist in bed that'd gotten him thinking. His hand had brushed over the small mound of Bucky's belly and he'd given in to curiosity and had smoothed his palm along the curve, giving him the lightest squeeze and then almost immediately putting distance between their hips when the feel had turned him on.
Steve hadn't allowed himself to stare lower than Bucky's chest since and he'd spent a few days feeling disgusted with himself for getting turned on--not only over touching his friend while he'd been asleep, but because he'd done it after Bucky had been through an emotional episode. The touch had been innocent, he'd intended it to be, but it'd done something to him and he didn't know what to make of that.
In all honesty, he was getting worried that he didn't have a thing for his lips.
It was something more than that, something about the way he swallowed, about the way his breath seemed slightly laboured as he ate another big bite of pancakes as if breathing between bites was standing in his way of more food. The more he stopped himself from stealing glances at Bucky's middle the more he wanted to, and he was starting to obsess over it. It was wrong and things didn't make sense and then Bucky was breaking from food to gulp down some water, taking a deeper breath and hiccuping once before stifling a soft belch against his fist and Steve knew if he didn't take his mind off of this soon he might be in trouble. They had things to do today.
“Did you remember to confirm the appointment?”
Steve's voice broke through the silence just as Bucky had leaned back in his chair to take a breather and he stared at the blond with a content look on his face even if Steve's eyes were still glued to the paper. He didn't know what was so interesting in there that he'd barely taken his face out of it since he'd sat down, but he did know he'd been on page six for at least ten minutes now and page six just had a bunch of comics on it. It hadn't escaped his notice that his friend was acting a little weird lately but if Steve needed to talk, he knew where to find him.
“One fifteen, just like last week. Confirmed it yesterday.” Remembering had been a challenge at first. His therapy appointments were scheduled the same day at the same time every week and had been for three months now. It was part of the therapy itself that he needed to call the day before and confirm his intention to attend, but he hadn't missed that for a good few weeks now.
“I'm proud of you.” Steve looked up then, playful smirk on his face and Bucky gave him a lazy roll of his eyes, breaking into a reluctant smile of his own.
“Give me a break.” It'd meant something the first few times Steve had said it, but now it was almost a joke. Two months from now, Steve would be proud at him for remembering to take a piss before they left the house.
“Not this time.” Steve took another bite of his oatmeal and Bucky licked his lips as he mopped another piece of pancake through some buttery syrup and popped it into his mouth. He was starting to feel full which meant it was time to slow down. Too full to move quickly and he wouldn't be functional enough to feel okay about the day.
“You keep saying that like you're going to own up to it one day.”
“I will.”
“I can make a phone call and eat a meal myself, Steve.” They were talking light-heartedly, but Bucky wasn't quite sure why Steve was still chipping away at that oatmeal when it was probably cold by now. The only reason he could come up with was that Steve wanted to sit here and make sure he was eating.
“Really? I didn't notice the meal. You sure you're eating all right?” Steve was doing his best to keep the weight of where his thoughts were going out of his eyes, but his look was deeper than his words as he kept up the banter.
“I might need you to hold my fork.” The flat look Bucky gave Steve before he smirked was still playful, though it turned thoughtful as Steve almost immediately averted his eyes to glance at his watch.
“Next time. We've gotta be out the door in ten minutes.”
“Damn--” Losing track of time was another thing they were still working on, but Steve didn't look smug at Bucky as the other man wiped his lips and then almost bolted from the table to go get dressed. The reminder had been a dig in itself considering Steve was already dressed and ready to go, but he was only half-listening to Bucky's complaints as he stared at the uneaten food still left on the abandoned plate.
“Why didn't you remind me sooner?--” Called from the other room.
Three pancakes left. If Bucky wore the blue button-down that fit just right he was going to catch himself wondering if those three pancakes would have made a difference in how he swelled beneath it, and before he knew it he was up and scraping them into the garbage beneath the sink. Bucky'd had his fill and wouldn't be coming back for them so why leave them there laying around?
His own quarter-full bowl of oatmeal sat at the table still as they walked out the door, Bucky wearing a looser shirt that left Steve feeling disappointed and Steve vowed to stop ignoring this and think about it while his friend was out. It was going to eat away at him until there was nothing left and he couldn't even get himself to avoid the mental puns. If there was anywhere he was going to find some answers, it would be on the internet.