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It’s been four hours since Liv’s last update. Rafael checks his phone for the time and pockets it back just as quickly, stuffing his hands against his sides so he can keep them warm. He had only been sitting on the front steps of their apartment building for a few minutes. When Liv and Sonny had texted him separately to tell him of the sudden break in the case they had been called in to work on Christmas Eve, Rafael had been tempted to go down there himself just to give as much time between him and his husband as he could. Instead, he walked around the block, grabbed dinner at a bistro on the corner, and finished up the mystery novel he had been reading. And against his better judgment, he’s growing restless.
Every year, Sonny works on Christmas Eve. He says it’s a family tradition—his grandfather used to do it as a courtesy to the city and his fellow officers and did what he could to make it home in time for Mass. Sonny had not been so lucky this year; Rafael would have gone in his place if he had known Sonny wouldn’t have made it back in time. As if their families would never understand.
All he wants is an update. All he needs is an update. Going this long without one, his mind wanders to dangerous places. The absolute worst-case scenarios run through his mind at once and he can’t stop them.
The sunlight is piercing through the window, the exact source of their alarm, but Rafael hides his face from it by hiding in Sonny’s shoulder. Running over smooth skin, sighing at each push inside him, Sonny glides inside and keeps his head down, eyes shut and lips parted to release small puffs of air across his neck. Of the times they have sex, Rafael is sure that he will never get tired of the times they have it in the early morning hours. Their hair is mussed, free of products and flickering in too many directions to track. The press of their bodies is always slow and easy, heavy from the remains of sleep but alert at the possibility of enjoying each other before they’re forced to get out.
“I love you,” Rafael breathes quietly. His smile is gradual but bright, and he curves into the hand that rubs his sides. “Fuck. I love you.”
“I love you,” Sonny chuckles, his breath hiccuping when Rafael squeezes around him and arches off the bed with a heightened gasp. “God, I’ll never get used to any of this.”
“I certainly don’t want to.”
“Good.” Sonny grins, and the corners of his lips stretch out and pierce as intense as the sunbeams outside. His entire existence is comprised of nothing but glowing light that burst and explode across every inch of his skin. “Neither do I.”
Rafael types out a single request for an update to Liv’s phone again but he doesn’t send it. If he wasn’t getting a response from his previous texts, he wasn’t getting one from another one.
He should know better, he scolds himself. Being a detective was dangerous, regardless of whatever squad or unit he was part of. They didn’t have the privilege of answering every text that was sent to them.
A crisp breeze passes over, and Rafael pulls his long cardigan closer over him. He should have gone to Mass. It would have distracted his mind long enough for his focus to shift onto something besides his missing husband. Even if the poinsettias decorating the altar and aisles would have made him gloomy at the thought of Sonny missing any of this. Even if the gentle hymns and lights around the church would have seen how strongly he yearned for the taller man by his side.
Or maybe it would have been too much. Maybe it would have made his melancholy even worse to witness something beautiful without the person who truly cared about it. Rafael went to Mass just to watch the joy cross over Sonny’s face, to hear the prayers and listen to the songs drip from those perfectly pink lips.
Rafael runs a hand through his hair. He needs a scotch or five.
“I don’t wanna leave,” Sonny groans as he slumps against Rafael, brewing their morning coffee. He already plated their waffles and decorated them with chocolate chips, whipped cream, and maple syrup. All they needed was their coffee. “Let me stay under the covers all day with you.”
“It’s only eight hours,” Rafael points out. “And I’ll be able to wrap your gifts without you snooping around.”
Sonny hums softly and nuzzles the side of his neck. “You like my snooping. Keeps you on your toes.”
“Only for so long.” Rafael pecks his cheek and pats his hands gently. “Go eat your waffles, will you? I don’t want Liv to yell at me for holding you up again.”
“ I’m sorry we didn’t get back to you sooner ,” Liv says over the phone. Rafael lets out a sigh of relief, the tension in his fingers going slack at hearing her voice. He had pressed the call button as soon as he saw it on his phone and saw her name on the screen. “ We had a bit of trouble getting our suspects, but we’re safe. ”
“Thank god,” he breathes out. Sonny is safe. He is okay. That’s all he needs to know. “I was starting to put out an APB for you.”
Liv chuckles, dry and a bit lacking in amusement. “ We’re all accounted for. Not a gun fired, just a chase and a scuffle. ” She pauses, then adds, “ Sonny wanted me to let you know he was safe. All through processing, he kept on going with one more perp and then he’d call you back. ”
Rafael can imagine the hurried rush across the squad room, the frantic attempts to grab his phone before he was busy, only to be denied the chance to warn his husband. If Rafael had been mad, he would have been soothed from the minute he answered the call and heard it for himself.
“Anything I can do for you while I’m out?” Sonny asks, curling his hands into Rafael’s shirt as they pull apart from their tenth goodbye kiss.
“Just come home safe,” Rafael sighs. “Don’t do anything dumb. My typical spiel.”
“Mm. Remind me one more time what it is?”
It only takes a few minutes after he hangs up with Liv that the familiar car pulls up to the side. Rafael is already on his feet and rushing to the driver’s side to open the door and tug Sonny into a tight hug. Sonny—a bit disheveled, his tie coming loose and his hair sticking up in multiple places—is just as eager to get his arms on him, his right leg barely out of the car. He just holds him close, allows Rafael to smell the familiar scent of earth and sweat that Sonny seems to always emit. It’s something he’s come to associate with home and safety.
Sonny is safe. He can breathe again.
“I’m sorry, Raf, I’m so sorry,” Sonny is already spouting, babbling as always when he gets nervous. “I promise I wanted to tell you, but I never found the time, and we got a few extra men on the bust that we weren’t expecting.”
“I know, love,” Rafael whispers into him. He shuts his eyes and lets those thin arms consume him, let them wrap around his waist and back and keep him tight and close and safe. “Liv told me. I was never angry, just worried.”
Sonny kisses his cheek and presses his nose against the spot. “I should have told you sooner.”
“You never had the chance.”
“How long have you been waiting out here?”
“Only a few minutes, don’t you worry. Have you eaten?”
“No. I’m satisfied with you alone.”
Rafael smiles at that. Sonny always liked to deflect questions about his status with a quip like that. Romantically cheesy, he would tease, like something out of a poorly written holiday flick. “Of course you are. As if I ever forgot.” He tries to step back to look up at him, but Sonny’s embrace tightens, causing him to laugh. “Sonny, I’m not going anywhere. I’m here.”
“I know.” Sonny swallows and bows his head so he can hide in his neck, nose nestled right against his sweater. Rafael imagines he’s enjoying recognizing the warm smells of a cafe and books worn from a loving usage. “Just gotta remind myself.”
Rafael kisses him. Like every time before, and like every time after, it’s exhilarating. Fire flares at the contact of their lips and hands, sparking the electric sparks along his spine. He hopes he never gets used to such a sensation, but he doesn’t think he’ll have to. Sonny has a skill for making him feel as loved as the first time he saw him, their first date, their first and only wedding.
“Merry Christmas, my love,” he says, and Sonny beams.