Chapter Text
Being near Casey… was magical.
There was something about her that Izzie couldn't resist. Something deep and beautiful that she wanted to be near forever and just drink it in. Maybe it was her smile. She had such a beautiful smile. Izzie thought she was falling in love with her. Casey. Her best friend, her everything, her… girlfriend.
Izzie had trouble saying that.
Girlfriend.
She and Casey hadn't labelled anything yet but she knew sooner or later it would come. And she'd have to acknowledge what she was. It was unfair to Casey, she knew that. Casey had given up so much for her yet Izzie couldn't go public with their relationship.
There was too much at risk, at stake. She'd be judged by everyone again. The stakes were too high. Not just for her but for others too.
Izzie was dragged from her thoughts when Casey nuzzled her neck playfully.
They were getting ready for the party. Casey was quicker than Izzie which meant Casey took it as her job to mess with her. A gentle kiss was pressed just below her ear, breath tickling her ear.
"Hey, cut it out," Izzie chuckled, applying her makeup. "I need to concentrate."
"Oh, what?" Casey said innocently, hooking an arm over her shoulder. Fingertips ran along her skin, eyes met hers in the mirror and Izzie blushed. "Am I too distracting?"
Yes. Very distracting. And confusing. And something to be afraid of. She couldn't control her feelings for Casey and she didn't want to. Casey was the best thing that ever happened to her. Yet…
Izzie leaned her head back and gave her a quick kiss. "Stop it. Just five minutes. Five minutes, all I need."
Casey arched an eyebrow before stealing one last kiss. "I'm timing." And then she slid back across the room, leaving Izzie's back very cold.
She amused herself, turning over her phone or checking herself out.
Izzie sighed quietly to herself. She needed to figure this out. Why was she so scared? She could do this forever, playfully teasing and exchanging affection, in the confinement of the room. But the thought of going outside in front of everyone, made her shiver.
Izzie applied the last bit and admired her handiwork. Always a pleasure.
"You ready?" Izzie said, standing up.
Casey leaned back on the bed, running her tongue slowly over her bottom lip. "I was born ready."
Izzie sauntered over, leaned down and kissed her. It was too tempting not to do so. Casey hummed contently beneath her but as Izzie was reminded, the party had already started. They needed to go have fun before the big day tomorrow.
"Let's go."
The corridors were quiet, as expected, but Izzie subtly removed her hand from Casey's. Just in case. She internally cursed herself but there was nothing she could do.
"Hey, Casey!" Sharice, one of Casey's old friends, shouted as they exited the room together. "Party's just starting." She paused then added 'Hey, Izzie," as an afterthought.
Casey looked down at her and shrugged. "After you."
Izzie smiled, trying to rid her thoughts. "Mmhmm."
Music hummed from the walls as they entered the room. The lights were moving and as were the people. The party was already hopping. She knew this was going to be fun.
"Come on!" Sharice said as she tugged them onto the dance floor. "Show us some moves, girl! I know you have them!"
Around them, the room was alive. Teenagers from all over the country were here for regionals. Young, energetic, fit, bundled into a small space was just a recipe for chemistry. With music thudding in her ears, Izzie felt a smile rise to her lips.
Casey started to dance a bit in front of her, that stupid grin that she loved so much on her face. Izzie smiled back and started to dance.
She swung her hips in time to music. Side to side. Other people she knew joined them. Around, circling back and forth.
"Yeah!" Voices were lost in the noise. Izzie started to get lost too.
She was near Casey, in the dark pack of moving bodies. Everyone was so close but all Izzie knew was her.
Casey.
Magical was how she described it? There weren't words to describe the emotion that overcame her. It was powerful. A force that drove her towards her.
Was Izzie falling in love?
In love with Casey. They circled each other hypnotically, swaying, moving to the beat. It was like they were the only two people in the world.
There was no one else around them. Or that was what it felt like.
Her eyes were dark as she moved in. Her body brushing off hers. Yet Casey didn't touch her yet. Izzie's heart quickened. A magnetic force of pure longing drove her closer. Hardly any space between them. Her eyes fluttered closed, lost in the sensation of her. But she didn't touch. Only the gentle lean, subtle tilt of the head, parting of lips just to drive her crazy…
Izzie jerked back, eyes shot open. Too far.
"What?" Casey said. Her eyes widened and Izzie hated how much it broke her heart.
She wanted to be able to be with her in public, to kiss and hold hands, to dance and lose herself in the sensation of her body close to hers. But something was holding her back. Tight, closing around her chest until she couldn't breathe.
Fear .
"I need water."
Izzie turned on her heel and walked away. She was trembling. Her hands wouldn't stop shaking. A part of her wanted Casey to follow her, to demand an answer for pulling away, but the rest of her was glad she didn't. Heart thrumming in her throat, she needed to take a step away. Because with Casey, she just couldn't resist. When she'd been with Evan, Izzie spent nights hearttorn, staring at her ceiling.
Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. A mantra. Used to calm herself down from all extremes. Anything she used frequently when her mother got into one of her mood. Izzie had to hold it together for her siblings.
She wondered how they were doing now. Her grandma would look out for them. But worry still crept in. She'd left them alone.
Izzie went to the bathroom and closed the door behind her. The lights were dim, enough to see her flushed face staring back in the mirror. What did Casey see in her? Why was she willing to risk everything for her? She'd broken up with Evan for Izzie. Yet Izzie still stared at something she didn't quite understand.
"I'm sorry," she breathed, pushing her hair back. "I'm so sorry, Casey…"
She didn't deserve to be with such a mess of a human being. Casey deserved better. Even jealous, Izzie knew Evan was easier. He had his own things going on but at least he'd been able to be with her. Her chest tightened.
She couldn't stay in here forever.
Izzie turned the tap on and splashed cold water onto her face. She needed to keep her cool. Just relax and let everything go. Everything was okay. Okay. Okay. Okay .
She stepped out of the bathroom right into the path of Sarah, a girl she knew from an opposing team.
"Oh, Izzie! I didn't know you were here!" Sarah beamed and pulled her into a hug. "Hey!"
"Oh, um, hi!" Izzie returned the hug.
"I'm having so much fun!" Sarah grinned and grabbed her hand. "Come on! You have to come dance with us! Have you see Jesse? Oh, they'll be so excited-"
Before Izzie could even protest, say that she wasn't in the mood anymore, Sarah had dragged her down the corridor and back into the room assigned as the dancefloor. If anything, it was even more lively than it had been. Sarah quickly got lost in the crowd of moving bodies but Izzie didn't follow. Instead, she hung back to the edge of the room and watched.
Almost immediately, her eyes picked out Casey. Tucked In the middle of everyone but she drew attention from a mile away. Her Newton.
Maybe she should have gone back to her. They could have fun without touching. But nerves grabbed her wrists and held her hostage. And Izzie stayed by the wall. She wondered if Casey noticed her too. If she did, she didn't make it obvious.
"Sup," a voice said.
Izzie turned to see a tall boy standing next to her. He was cute with soft short hair and a smile. She smiled back.
"Hey."
He started conversation. Izzie talked back.
And the next thing she was wrapped up in his arms, kissing him.
She'd made the first move. They'd been talking but she leaned and went for him. And he followed. Guilt came in waves as they kissed because her mind was only on one person. And if wasn't who she was kissing.
Izzie pulled away and smiled awkwardly, hands coming up to push his chest. Gently but enough to put some clear distance between them. "Sorry, I have to go…"
She trailed off when she looked back into the crowd. Casey was gone.
"Oh, okay. It's cool. Um…"
She barely heard him as she stepped away. The music hopped in her ears but it wasn't that. Where is she? Where did she go? She didn't see Sharice either, meaning they'd probably left together. Okay, not so bad.
Did she see me kiss him? The guilt was worse now. One stupid mistake was all it took. Izzie had spent her whole life trying to be perfect, to make sure that no one else saw through the cracks of her fractured world. And she'd broken.
Izzie did a quick scan of the party and they weren't anywhere to be seen. They had to have left. Early. Did she hurt her? Izzie swallowed nervously.
Shit.
The rest of the hotel was quiet once outside and she started to head towards Casey's room. She didn't know where else she could be. She passed a few people she knew and said hurried hellos before moving on. She needed to find her.
"Sharice!"
Izzie spotted her down the corridor and ran over. She had to know where Casey was. "Hey, have you seen-?"
"She doesn't want to talk to you," Sharice said coldly, folding her arms.
"... what?"
Sharice nodded. "Yep. Now turn around and go back the way you came."
Izzie opened her mouth to argue but then closed it. Cssey had a right to be upset. Izzie knew she would be too if their positions were reversed. So who was she to impose on what she wanted? Her heart sank but Izzie nodded.
"I… just… make sure she's okay."
Sharice's gaze was cold angry but it softened just slightly. "I will."
At least Casey was in good hands. Sharice was a good friend who Izzie trusted.
Izzie turned around and started walking back to her room. She'd ficked up. Big time. And maybe she'd ruined everything between them. Casey gave up so much for her and Izzie threw it away.
"I'm sorry…" she murmured, though she knew no one heard, "I'm really sorry…"