Work Text:
Miss You Most At Christmas Time
“Hey love,” Harry’s voice is a low rumble, he sounds tired, Niall thinks as he unlocks Studio 3. No one’s booked it for the evening and he’s anxious to finish Harry’s Christmas present.
“Hey, how are you?” With his phone lodged between his ear and his shoulder, he grabs his guitar from the office. He’s got a client in Studio 1, an up and coming grime artist and he stops to check on him, “Wait, hang on a minute babe,” he tells Harry as he sticks his head in the door to if he needs anything.
“Niall,” he stands to shake his hand. “We’re all good, my brutha.”
Niall closes the door and grabs the phone with his other hand. “Okay I’m back, sorry.”
“Why are you still at work?”
“Just finishing up some things, making sure the client’s all set. How’d your meeting go?”
“Good, but we’ve been delayed. They want cost estimates on an expanded product line so I’ve got to work those up tomorrow. I’ll present it on Wednesday and hopefully they’ll sign on Thursday.”
“So you won’t be home till Thursday night?”
“Sorry, love, I know it’s not ideal but this could be a huge contract for us.”
“It’s Christmas Harry. We’ve not done our shopping or decorated the tree. I’m not doing it by myself.”
Niall hears a groan over the phone, “I’m sorry Ni, I just can’t get home earlier.”
There’s silence on the phone.
“You can’t keep running the business on your own, H. You’re exhausted all the time, we never see each other.”
“If I don’t do it who will?”
“I’m beginning to think you don’t want to give it up.”
“That’s not fair,” Harry sighs.
It’s not and Niall knows it, but they’ve had this conversation too many times lately. It’s the first time, however, Niall’s dared to voice the concern that’s been gnawing at him. He’s the one always left in London, paying the bills and fixing what’s broken, while Harry’s off wining and dining businessmen across Europe.
“I don’t hear you complainin when it pays for the new studio expansion.”
Niall knows he doesn’t mean it, not the way it sounds, Harry knows he’s worked his ass off the last two years making Twist Studio one of the top-ranked in the city. The expansion makes good business sense and he’ll be damned if he’s going to let Harry throw it in his face.
“The studio more than pays for itself and we both know it. The expansion is already booked solid for the first six months and that’s growing every day. The idea that I’m somehow using you and your money is insulting, I can’t believe you.”
“Fine!” Harry yells into the phone.
“Fine!” Niall yells back and disconnects, hating himself the moment it happens but too stubborn to call back and apologize.
***
Niall drags the Christmas tree out of storage and decorates the flat by himself, feeling guilty for his behavior but not ready to talk to Harry. On Tuesday he leaves work early to purchase gifts for Harry’s family and spends the evening wrapping, carefully placing it all under the tree. The last one is the gift he made for Harry, a mix tape of sorts. He stayed late in the studio on nights when Harry was out of town recording all of his favorite Christmas songs.
In bed that night, he hugs Harry’s pillow, missing him so much he almost can’t breathe. Harry’s always travelled for work, this is nothing new, and most of the time Niall handles it pretty well but there’s just something about the holidays, he seems to miss him most at Christmas.
In the wee hours after tossing and turning, Niall picks up his phone but instead of calling Harry, he makes a decision that may ultimately break him.
Wednesday afternoon Aiden calls to tell him he and his partner Dev are on their way to pick him up. Niall parks his suitcase by the door and walks back to the kitchen taking one last look at the note he’s left on the kitchen counter.
Harry,
I think I need a break so I’m going to see my parents for Christmas. Maybe it’ll give us both time to assess our priorities.
I’ll be back in time to re-open the studio after the holiday break.
I love you,
N
He almost throws it away and starts a new one but the door buzzes downstairs announcing Aiden’s arrival and in the end Niall walks out the door, not knowing if he’ll ever return.
Sitting in the airplane, he sips on beer as the other passengers board the plane. When it lurches backward, pulling away from the jetway and the air hostess begins the safety announcement, Niall sits back in his seat and closes his eyes.
It was just two Christmases ago he was driving drunks around London when fate turned his bland, gray life upside down. Christmas Eve morning she sent him a call to drive a very hungover Harry home for Christmas. That day started much like this one, cold and snowy, ending with Niall stranded in Cheshire with Harry and his mum.
They’d fallen, fast and hard. Almost instantly Harry’s kindness began chipping away at the icy wall Niall’d built around his heart. It served its purpose, protecting him from the havoc love can wreak, but preventing him from living as well.
Harry showed up, beguiling him with his smile, never taking offense when Niall groused in annoyance. They spent Christmas Eve in front of a fire, sharing a few beers and their tales of lost love. It wasn’t until Christmas morning, when Harry’d taken him for a walk in the woods to show him around the property that things changed irrevocably. Under the mistletoe growing wild in the trees above their heads, Harry kissed him, and that’s when the last of the ice guarding his heart well and truly melted.
They quickly became inseparable, fitting easily into one another’s lives and Niall found he liked the smile Harry put on his face. They met friends and family, blending their lives seamlessly.
Harry and his mum enlisted Niall’s help at the family’s recording studio. He was happy to stop driving drunks and found that after all his years of commercials and session work, he had an aptitude for studio production. It wasn’t long before he had it ranked among the city’s top studios, catching the eye of a popular American singer looking for a place to record his new album. Once word got around, they had to turn away clients which is when they’d begun to talk about expanding.
After sleeping most of the way to Ft. Lauderdale, Niall squints as he cracks the blind in his window and sees the bright Florida sun.
His parents are waiting for him in baggage claim and he has to admit the first hug from his mum has him feeling better than he has in days.
It’s an easy life, days spent golfing and evenings filled with dinner and cocktails. Niall’s laying on a lounge by the pool when his mum sits beside him.
“You gonna tell me what’s going on or do I need to drag it from you?”
Maura Horan is a tiny woman but fiercely protective of her family.
“It’s nothin,” Niall sighs, hoping to get her off this track.
“Niall,” she cocks an eyebrow and he realizes he inherited this trait from her.
“We had an argument.”
“Did he hurt you? Cheat?”
“Nothin like that. He’s just never home and he won’t think about hiring help.”
“He’s carrying a pretty big weight on his shoulders, running his family’s businesses and supporting them. Look how much he’s grown it just in the time you two have been together.”
“I know mum, he’s tripled the revenue in such a short time but at what cost? He works too hard.”
“So do you, my love, but this isn’t gonna work itself out with you sittin on your arse here with us.”
“Thanks,”there’s more than a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
“As much as I love having you here, I don’t like seeing you so upset. I think you know where you need to be, but it’s your call,” she pats his arm and starts inside. “Lunch’ll be ready in five. We’re golfing this afternoon.”
Niall’s on the 17th hole when his phone buzzes and he steps away to take the call from Aiden.
“Niall?”
“Yeah Aid, what’s up?”
“Harry’s just been by, he’s in a right state. He says you’ve left him.”
Niall’s silent for a moment, knowing he needs to choose his words carefully.
“Niall? Is it true? What’s going on?”
“Just needed some time t’think s’all. I’ll be back.”
“When? You know our Christmas party is tomorrow night. He’ll be sittin here all mopey, ruining the Christmas cheer. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I dunno,” Niall shrugs. “Send him to his mum’s.”
“It won’t be Christmas without you, I wish you’d reconsider.”
He does reconsider, which is why he finds himself standing on Dev and Aiden’s doorstep with a bottle of Sainsbury’s finest bubbly in hand, contemplating ringing the bell. If he wasn’t already a bit drunk from the airplane champagne he’d have gone home straight away, but not knowing if he even has a home or a job, pushes him to ring the bell. At least here they’ll let him pass out on the sofa.
“Happy Christmas,” Niall smiles, pressing the bottle into Dev’s hands and hugging him.
“Niall, you came?” his brow creases, causing Niall to look behind him.
“Uh, yeah, got an invite. Am I not welcome? I can go.”
“No, fuck, sorry, I’m just surprised t’see ya. Hang on,” he opens the door to let Niall step inside. “Aiden, c’mere!”
“What, we’re listenin to the cd Niall made for,” Aiden’s laugh stops as he rounds the corner, a pair of Bose headphones dangling from his fingertips. “Oh fuck, mate, I didn’t think you were going t’make it.”
Niall looks between his two friends and understanding floods throughout him. Turning around in the cramped entryway, he begins to open the door when a hand covers his.
“Don’t go.”
“He’s here isn’t he?”
“Yeah,” Aiden nods sheepishly. “He phoned earlier asking if he could come. Anne’s gone with Gemma and Michal to a party tonight.”
“Niall, don’t be an twat,” Dev urges. “Go and talk to him. Stop acting like fools.”
“Yeah but,”
“No buts, we all know you didn’t come back for our party.” Dev presses a drink into his hand. “Here, Dutch courage.”
The liquid burns as it slides down his throat, whiskey from the taste of it, and he knows he’ll regret it later. Shucking his coat he walks through the hallway and into a lounge filled with people milling around a brightly lit Christmas tree.
As he looks around the room he sees Harry sitting on the sofa, cozy among the cushions, with headphones on, smiling and nodding his head to whatever he’s listening to. As if he feels Niall’s eyes on him he turns and looks over his shoulder.
Their eyes meet and Niall feels his heart race when he sees that brilliant smile, the smile he woke to so many mornings, and it makes his heart ache in a way he’s never felt before.
When recognition dawns, the expression changes as Harry pulls the headphones off and tries to stand. Niall knows in that instant he can’t bear the thought that Harry doesn’t want to see him. He turns, heading for the door, needing air, if he can just get outside maybe he can breathe and get through this
He’s in the street gulping cold air into his lungs, trying desperately to breathe when he feels a hand on his. It’s familiar, the warmth radiating from it like fire, and another quickly slides over his back, soothing words murmured in his ear.
“You’re alright,” Harry gently coaxes. “Just breathe.”
It’s only happened once in front of Harry when they’d just come out of a crowded tube and he thought he might pass out, but Harry’d gotten him out of the station and up to the street where they sat on a bench until it passed.
“Niall?”
He closes his eyes and listens to the deep rumble of Harry’s voice but can’t bring himself to turn around.
“I can’t believe you came back. Shit, I know you don’t wanna see me right now. You want me t’get someone else for you? Dev or Aiden?”
“You’re the only person I do wanna see right now,” he whispers, still gulping deep breaths.
“Will you turn around?”
Niall slowly turns to face Harry and he sees relief flood his eyes. Arms envelope him and he’s sure Harry must feel the pounding of his heart against his chest but if he does, he’s to kind to show it.
“C’mere,” Harry tells him, holding him tightly. “I’ve got you, I’m so sorry, Niall.”
When his breathing slows, he lifts his head from where it’s resting on Harry’s shoulder and looks into his eyes.
“I’m so sorry, baby.”
“It’s only you, H. It just got on top of me, I dunno. I can handle the traveling most of the time, but the thought of not bein with you at Christmas,” Niall shakes his head.
“D’you know I bought a plane ticket for tomorrow? Was gonna fly to your mum’s and beg you t’come back t’me.” Harry confesses, reaching across to touch Niall’s cheek. His palm is warm in spite of the weather. “Been an absolute wreck since I found your note.”
Screwing up his courage, Niall closes his eyes and presses his lips to Harry’s palm. “It’s been hell.”
“We’ve been wankers,” Harry sighs, pulling Niall close to him and searching his eyes.
“Hundred precent,” Niall agrees. “Harry?”
“Mhmm?” he murmurs against Niall’s ear.
“Take me home.”
“Remember the last time we were in the car together on Christmas Eve,” Niall asks, grasping Harry’s hand over the console.
“Thank my Christmas angel every day that you got my request.”
“I think it should be our Christmas Eve tradition now, a little drive, just the two of us. So we remember where we started and how far we’ve come together.”
“I like that idea,” he pulls Niall’s hand to his lips and kisses it. “I talked with mum and Gem. Told them the business has grown too much and I need t’hire help so m’not on the road all the time. Gonna start interviewin after the holidays. I’ll need a bit of time to train, but it shouldn’t take too long and then I’ll be home more.”
“Are you sure it’s what you want?”
“Positive.”
When they arrive home Niall carries his bag inside while Harry parks the car. After a shower, he falls onto the sofa, looking around for Harry.
The lights dim so the room is lit only by the Christmas tree and Niall hears his voice softly singing Christmas songs in the background.
“You opened your present,” Niall smiles as Harry sits beside him.
“Was beside m’self when I got home last night and found your note, but knowin you left me a gift gave me hope.”
Harry walks toward him and kneels between his legs.
“Niall, I never want to think about life without you again. I thought long and hard about priorities this past 24 hours like you said and it’s you, babe, you are my only priority. Let’s spend our lives together, will you be my husband?”
Niall’s stunned, they haven’t talked about marriage before, and for a moment he’s speechless. He thinks back to that first kiss, remembers thinking it was a kiss that meant the beginning of something important, something that could last.
“Yes,” he nods, pulling Harry into his arms and kissing him. “Best Christmas present ever.”
Happy Holidays to those of you celebrating. Hope you all find a little Narry magic in your stocking
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