Chapter Text
'Everything was better in the past'. No way, Taehyung thought, being an adult must be so much better, because everything sucks right now. Being a fifteen-year-old boy with concentration problems and his head in the clouds is not exactly the key to a struggle-free life. Drained after hours of writing and drawing, a dislike for alcohol and trouble sleeping; he had hoped that all of these things would grow normal over time and acceptation would come onto his path. Society must change to move forward, right? So why not put your hope into this message and believe that this will unpack into some kind of truth?
'Being an adult must be better. Or I won't get better.'
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Taehyung looked up to the ceiling of his room. His hand grew numb as it rested underneath his head. One-hundred-and-twenty-one cracks were recounted. Tear one, tear two, tear three and the dam collapsed under its immense pressure. The twenty-year-old-boy rubbed his lower eyelids to get rid of his troubled eyesight. "Why must it always be this way?" He asked himself. A weight was laying on his chest, and he couldn't breathe anymore. His hands gripped into his cushion as he rolled onto his side.
Replaying last night's events, he could honestly just smash his head through the wall if he had to. Why was he always so damn stiff and dull? His best friend Jimin had encouraged him to come to this party with him. "Just a few guys, yeah?" They were Jimin's brother - Seokjin -, his brother's friends - Hoseok and Yoongi - and Taehyung and Jimin's mutual friends - Namjoon and Jungkook -. As a group, they had come together way too often to still feel so damn awkward to him. Six extraverts and Taehyung; that's how he saw it. No matter how hard he tried, he always felt like the outcast in their presence.
'Try better, do better, open up'
Most of them knew about his untreated social issues. In a drunken haze, Taehyung had spoken his mind and view on this goddamn terrifying world. And they hadn't minded one bit. But he felt like a basket case. And he worried. He clung, manipulated, did things he had never enjoyed and would never enjoy: just to fit in. He could honestly just cry. Old scars reopened and old memories surfaced, stress pressed down onto his shoulders just to weight him down.
A little alcohol could never do any harm, huh? At least that is what Taehyung believed. Just one glass of wine to feel a little freer. He blushed from ear to ear whenever Seokjin looked in his direction. Five years of having a crush and Seokjin's gaze made his heart beat faster every time, caused his legs to feel all wobbly and his mind became blanker than a turned-off television. Jimin liked to tease him about this and even attempted to set up the two of them. 'One day.' He hoped.
Taehyung groaned at the rememberance of the events.
Seokjin had wanted to grab Taehyung's shoulder. The sudden movement had scared Taehyung and he had turned around. Suddenly, that hand didn't touch his shoulder but had changed course to rest on his face, long fingers scraped his lips, and a crimson color flushed his face. "Oh, oops." Seokjin laughed brightly. Such beauty was enchanting: the way his smile lit up every corner of his face and his eyes disappeared into so many lines. A true work of art. His big shoulders relaxed, his body language remained controlled, yet he crept dangerously close.
Everything was spinning. Taehyung's vision was clouded. In a blur, he put his hand on the older male's face, stared deeply into his eyes and whispered. "Beautiful." Jin's face froze, his whole body language changed instantly. One word, one second, and fuck, Taehyung knew he screwed up so badly. It was like a hand slapped him so harshly, a handprint imprinted his face and sobered him up instantly. His stomach sunk to his feet.
He was on his feet faster than his stomach could take. A stumble of his feet and a table to meet, the dropping of his glass onto the floor and a big red stain on his white t-shirt appeared. No way this evening could get any worse. Honestly, he just wanted to laugh, but the tears in his eyes showed differently. Crying meant weakness and he didn't want to show that, ever, to any of the people in this room. Deep regret seeped into his bones. He could feel all eyes burn into his back as he clumsily found his way to the bathroom.
The tiles felt cold against his knees as he slumped down and hung over the toilet. He threw everything out of his system; physically, mentally. The tears just wouldn't stop running. His lungs fell empty, suffocated, as his shoulders shook as they heaved. It took all of his willpower to not scream, to keep all of it inside. 'It wasn't even that bad, you can play it off as the booze talking.' Shit. 'But you had to run away and make it seem like it meant more.' God, his head hurt. It took a few minutes, but he slowly started to calm down.
"Taehyung.." A soft, gentle voice came from behind. He didn't reply. 'I left the door unlocked. Great, just great.' "Are you okay?"
The air beside him became filled by another presence. Taehyung felt a weight on his shoulders, a jacket being laid over him with such gentleness that it stimulated a new gulf of tears. He felt so drained, yet he couldn't help himself. Seokjin reached down his pocket and pulled out a tissue to help Taehyung clean his mouth. After that, he used his hand to clean the sticky tears off his cheeks.
"Are you feeling sick?"
Taehyung shook his head.
For a moment, Seokjin seemed to ponder what to do. But the silence wasn't awkward or heavy. It's was quite nice actually.
"Okay, come here."
Two arms wrapped around his waist, a head rested on Taehyung's shoulder. For a moment he froze. His heart skipped a beat. But the warmness... he couldn't help to melt into the embrace. His heartbeat fluttered even more as he turned his body to face Seokjin's. He let his tears run freely on his shoulder and moved his arms around Seokjin's body to rest his hands on his back and grab onto his shirt. It felt nice. Jin smelled nice. He felt like home. 'Hugs are nice,' he thought as his view seemed to fall away, the exhaustion weighing down his eyelids.
"It's okay, you are okay." A reassuring hand ran in circles on his back.
And for a second he really did believe that just a hug would be enough to get him through the night. He just wished this hug would never end.