Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Love my way, it's the new road. I follow where my mind goes. Swallow all your tears, my love and put on your new face. You can never win or lose if you don't run the race."

Charlie was lost in his thoughts as he looked at his cassette player, sitting idly on his dresser blaring the Psychedelic Furs album. It was a great song, no doubt. But the lyrics felt too directed towards his current dilemma. He should've been more focused on studying for his exam, but his mind was far away from academics.

He began to push the sleeves of his forest green flannel up his arms again just to fidget with something—anything to release his mind of the intrusive thoughts. His white tee shirt underneath seemed to dampen as he broke out into a nervous sweat.

This was unlike Charlie. He always put school, family, and his job first. His emotions came later, preferably when he was alone.

"Charlie?"

Or when he was around a certain mind reader.

"You're in my head again," Charlie said with a sigh, putting down his pencil to stare at Edward who stood by the window like a statue gazing longingly out at the garden he was meant to guard. But what would that matter? The flourishing garden he had sworn to protect was only a few feet away from him. They were safer in this space than they would ever be anywhere else. Free from harm or judgment. Free to be themselves.

"Your thoughts are very loud right now, forgive me. But to answer your question, yes."

Charlie stared down at his pencil and fiddled with the eraser. "How come?" he asked.

Edward's hands found their way into his jean pockets. His patterned grey sweater seemed to reflect the mood of the gloomy Saturday afternoon. "I'm sure there'll come a day where we can feel unashamed of being ourselves."

"Hmph."

"You doubt me."

"My parents keep asking where my girlfriend is." Charlie was quiet for a moment before gazing over at the newspaper he had scrapped that morning from the bait shop he worked at. "Over eight hundred men have died."

This stirred something in Edward, who removed himself from the wall and walked over to the foot of Charlie's bed. Edward followed Charlie's line of sight.

"Doctors in New York and California have diagnosed among homosexual men 41 cases of a rare and often rapidly fatal form of cancer. Eight of the victims died less than 24 months after the diagnosis was made."

"What do you think it is?" Charlie asked.

Edward didn't look at him for a minute. When he did, he offered a smile that didn't match his eyes. "They say it's called AIDS, but that there's no cure so far." His eyebrows quirked up as he heard Charlie's rapid thoughts. "You're scared."

"Well, yeah. Yeah, I'm scared. Who wouldn't be?" His eyebrow lifted as he remembered Edward's immortality. He looked Edward up and down before saying, "Okay, besides you, Mr. Immortal."

Edward chuckled softly before leaning down to press his lips to Charlie's forehead softly. Charlie huffed through his nose, feeling the calm rush through him like the sudden chill over his head. It didn't ease the fear but it sure made his muscles relax.

"It's a difficult time for us," Edward whispered, his fingers brushing over Charlie's. Charlie pulled his hand away as if he had been zapped by an active electrical fence. The contact irritated him further. It wasn't that he didn't like to be touched, but the foreign feeling of being eased by another man still frightened him.

Charlie pushed his textbook away from him, watching it fly off the bed along with his pencil and paper. He clutched his fingers around the newspaper and threw it across the room as he stood up.

His fingers ran along his hair while his flannel started slipping down his forearms. Charlie became annoyed and ripped it off of himself. He barely felt the cool air meet his bare arms as his anger grew to a fiery peak.

"Who knows what they'll say about us now," Charlie scoffed as he put his hands on his waist and looked down . He continued sourly, "'Gay men are diseased, as we have always known.' 'Homosexuals were sick and are now sicker.' 'Finally an end to the homosexual agenda.' 'Gay plague or God's great gift?"" He could feel the water collecting behind his eyes, but he swore to himself he wouldn't let the tears fall. "The Reagan administration treats us like a joke. The damn fucker won't even mention it. I'm sick of it." Charlie choked on the lump in his throat as he almost shouted, "I'm sick of it."

Charlie fell to his knees, feeling his heart collapse in on itself. Tears fell out of his eyes in rapid succession like a faulty sink. He was broken inside, unable to fully grasp or process the idea that other men like him and Edward were gone. They were being eaten alive by a cancer and were left to be forgotten by everyone around them. He wasn't even allowed to comment on it to his peers or his parents without being accused of being gay. Charlie still hadn't come to terms with who he was, and anyone outside of Edward questioning him would send him into a whirling panic.

Edward was on the ground next to Charlie in a flash, holding Charlie to his chest as he cried.

"I'm sick of it," Charlie cried out in a whisper. He feared that if he spoke too loudly, the whole world would hear him. If he got too close to Edward, even in the safe walls of his bedroom, his classmates and his parents would be able to see. He'd be condemned and laughed at for years. Charlie struggled to escape Edward's grasp but Edward was useless to fight against with his strength.

Charlie was tired of repressing himself. He was tired of trying to fight away the lingering thoughts of Edward or the urges to kiss and caress him. He was tired of hearing himself scream, "No" every time they got close. He was tired of pretending he only liked girls. He was truly sick of it.

"You're safe here," Edward murmured in Charlie's hair as he stroked it. "No one can get to us in here, okay? You're safe, love." Edward then kissed the top of Charlie's head. "We're both safe."

"How do you even know?" Charlie asked, sniffling.

Edward pushed Charlie back so he could look into his eyes. Liquid gold met warm brown and searched them for any way of consolation. "Because," Edward started. "in here, I can do this," Edward proceeded to kiss the bridge of Charlie's nose. "and no one can harm us. No one can change what that means to us."

"When I become a cop, I swear people won't have to live in fear," Charlie said, wiping his tears away. It was no use. For once, Charlie was unable to hold back his emotions. "Even if I can't fix this entirely—"

"You'll do your best. That's all you can do, Charlie," Edward encouraged with a soft smile. His fingers massaged Charlie's shoulders affectionately, trying to ease the tension held in his muscles.

They were quiet for a moment, left to their own silent observations. Charlie thought about this, the sweet moments held between them. How could anyone tell him how to feel? Who had the right? When Edward played piano or they sat on the lake while Charlie fished and engaged in lighthearted conversations, it felt natural. Their soft kisses, secret conversations at night while Charlie's parents slept, and their midnight drives when insomnia gripped Charlie all lead him to question what he had been taught.

Charlie had a knack for following rules, but he couldn't help but feel opposed to enforcing this one. It was ingrained in him, but every ounce of his self-control was compromised when Edward was near him.

"I wish I could kiss you without feeling scared," Charlie admitted softly, cupping Edward's cheek while tears continued to stain his cheeks. It wasn't the fear of Edward's desire to drink his blood but rather the pressure society imposed on young gay individuals. No touching in public. No kisses, no hugs. No indication that anything beyond the walls of a platonic same-sex friendship existed.

"You can," Edward assured him, starting to lean in to kiss Charlie.

Charlie hesitantly leaned in to Edward's welcoming lips but pulled back softly like a scared cat encountering a stranger. Edward grasped onto Charlie's shoulders and leaned forward to connect their lips. As soon as they were one, all of Charlie's fears escaped him. There was nothing there besides each other.

In their embrace, there were no locked doors. There were no preachers expelling them to hell or diseases to deteriorate them. There was only each other, the one sure indicator that love was simply love. Nothing else was worth the fight—not even Charlie's pride. Edward was all there was for Charlie, and vice versa. They were going to be okay, just maybe not right now. Maybe the country was failing them, but they weren't going to fail each other.

Chapter Text

"Swallow all your tears, my love, and put on your new face. You can never win or lose if you don't run the race."

Edward considered the song again as he drove through the familiar streets of Forks. It had been years since he had left, and even then it felt like no time had passed. When time moved as quickly as it did for immortals, a hundred years felt like two days. Having been gone for just about six or seven felt like ten minutes.

Somehow, it didn't feel as short. Not today. Not to Edward.

When Edward had left Charlie after the start of Charlie's first year of college, he felt hollow. The weight of the words "I'm sorry" and "we both have to move on" were still thick on his tongue as the day he had spoken them.

The last moment he spent with Charlie had been horrendous. Edward had only seen Charlie cry twice: the first when he read the newspaper about the AIDS victims, the second when Edward said goodbye.

Edward knew he shouldn't have come back but he couldn't help it; he had to see Charlie one last time. He had to know that Charlie was safe and happy. None of the other Cullens knew about Edward's trip and he preferred it that way. He felt glad that he couldn't have his mind poked around in. It left him the ability to keep secrets like a normal human. It still made him shudder to think that Carlisle had turned Rosalie to be with him. He was lucky that Emmett came so shortly after and could distract the family from why Edward wasn't particularly interested. He blamed Rosalie's personality—which was half true—but it was only a deflection from the subject of his sexuality.

Edward parked his car a block down from Charlie's current house and used his abilities to quickly hide in the bushes next to his house. A police cruiser was parked in the driveway next to a scratched yellow Camaro. He smiled to himself to see that Charlie had become what he had desired to be years prior. That hadn't changed.

When he peered into the kitchen, he felt himself freeze as he saw Charlie sitting at an old table reading the paper even though it was the late afternoon. This hadn't changed either. What had changed, though was his face. His jaw was sharper, his cheekbones more prominent. Edward couldn't help but ache at the sight of him.

He could hear the mind of a woman in the house, a youthful voice that was repeating the same lyrics to some popular song on the radio while she complained that it wouldn't stop playing. When she entered the kitchen, she immediately went to the radio. Edward noticed how normal she looked with light brown hair in a loose bun, sporting a t-shirt and leggings. His still heart sank when he noticed the ring on her finger.

"Can you believe that it's already October?" she wondered, sitting down across from Charlie. "I swear, it's like no time has passed!"

"It sure has," Charlie replied absently as he scanned the paper some more. He glanced over at his wife a few times before saying, "Renee, honey, could you turn the radio down? I don't want her waking up. Damn kid doesn't like her father getting any peace and quiet as it is."

"Don't act like she isn't the cutest thing you've ever seen," Renee smiled.

Charlie chuckled to himself, shaking his head. "She's got me wrapped around her finger, I'll give her that."

Edward's body shrunk into itself as he processed that Charlie had moved on. This was what he had wanted, right? For Charlie to live a normal human life and experience everything that the world to offer? To have a spouse and a child? A house and a job he loved?

Right?

Renee moved to turn the volume down on the radio but stopped at the sound of high wail coming from up the stairs.

"Dammit," Charlie muttered under his breath. He put a hand out as Renee started to move. "I've got her, don't you worry about it."

Charlie left to go upstairs, and Renee slumped down at the table. She glanced over what Charlie was reading before she heard footsteps in the foyer. She grinned. Charlie carried her into the kitchen, bouncing her in his arms while the baby began to quiet down. Her eyes were the same shade as Charlie's and it awed Edward momentarily before she fell back asleep.

"Aren't you just the best father ever," Renee laughed as she watched them. "I swear she's going to be the death of us all."

"Nah, she's been a good kid. Stubborn like her father, strong like her mother."

Renee stood up and went to kiss Charlie softly. "I guess we'll have to wait and see."

Edward closed his eyes and leaned his head on the outside wall. There was nothing left for him to worry about; Charlie was taken care of. He had a family, a real one. A far more normal family that would give him a sense of purpose and a reason to continue on. That wasn't something Edward could give him, and Edward knew that. He just didn't know why it stung so much to see him so happy.

They both knew it wouldn't turn out the way they had wanted it to. Edward was immortal and Charlie was human. No matter how badly they had desired each other years prior, it had been better for them both in the end.

He just had to witness it first. But now it was time to leave this in the past.

Edward began to walk away but still caught a whisper of Charlie's words.

"You'll be alright, don't worry. I've got you now. You're safe here, Bella."