Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Buck just moved to LA, he needed change and he couldn't find something more different than LA and Pensylvania. The first thing he does is visiting the hospital where he will be working. He transferred from Pensylvania and he can't wait to see what it will be like here. Kindred Hospital, that's where he works now truth be told, Maddie recommended him there. They won't work in the same unit, but the same hospital is enough. He knows he's going to work on the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit as a level II NICU nurse. He loves working with babies, even if sometimes he hates it. Working with babies isn't always the best thing, having to deal with anxious parents either, but Buck's been doing it for a while now and he's good at it, at least he thinks he is.

So he finds himself getting a tour of the hospital, to get his bearing and meet his new team, he thinks he will do well there. They look like nice people. He meets up with Maddie at the end of her shift and he wonders if they'll be able to have lunch break together sometimes.
_______

That night, he settles in his new loft, a nice and cosy place he found with Maddie's help. He's happy he fixed the thing he would need in preparation because he sure as hell doesn't feel like unpacking now. Fortunately he doesn't have a lot of things, which he's grateful for because it would have been hell. When Buck finally gets in his bed, he sighs, today is the start of a new life.
---------

The room is dark, he can't see anything, but he knows that he's not alone, if not because of the presence he feels because of the voice he hears calling for help. It's distant, as if the voice is really far away and he only hears the echo of it, but he moves blindly toward the sound, slowly, methodically. After a while, he feels like he's getting close to the voice, it's a man, definitely and he's asking for help.

"Help me! Is anyone here? I need help! I don't know where I am. I'm lost. Is there anybody? Please help me!" It says and Buck wants to help, wants to talk, but he can't, there's no sound coming out of his mouth and the voice sounds so desperate that it breaks his heart. When he finally feels close to the voice, something tugs in his chest and he puts his hands there to check if everything is alright, but suddenly there's a bright light that blinds him.

--------
He wakes up with a gasp, his hands flying to his chest. He's in a cold sweat, breathing hard. His alarm rings loudly beside him and he jumps at the sound of it.

"Fuck!" He says, panting. He breathes a couple of time to call down and then he remembers his dream and he frowns. "What the fuck kind of dream was that?" He says to himself before stopping the alarm and getting up. He doesn't work today, so he takes the time to have a coffee and then he makes a grocery list, he needs to eat after all. Maddie works at 9 am, so they planned to get breakfast before her shift, she does 8 hours shifts, 9 am to 5 pm. He will work 12 hours shifts, 6 am to 6 pm about 5 days a week. He's happy with that, it's carefully planned, he worked in places who were schedule was hell. He knows he's lucky.

______

When Maddie meets him for breakfast, he must look like shit cause she frowns.

"Did you sleep?" She asks, frowning at him.

"I did. I had an awful dream. It was just... ugh. I was stuck in a dark place and there was a voice, Maddie it seemed so desperate, it kept saying it needed help and I couldn't talk and it kept asking asking for help and I couldn't see and then there was this bright light and I woke up. It felt like I was having a heart attack. I swear to god it was bad." He says, shivering.

"That does sound awful. What the fuck." She said frowning.

"Yeah. Anyway, I'm fine." He says smiling. They take their time with breakfast, talking and catching up.

________

Buck goes to the grocery store, buying essential he needs, toilet paper, snacks, coffee, cleaning products and the likes. Once he's done he goes back home to set his things and spend the rest of the day home, watching tv and relaxing before his first shift tomorrow. He thinks he will like it here. When he gets into bed, he hopes to all the Gods who will listen that his dreams will be nice and peaceful.

----------

He's in darkness again, completely immersed into it, he almost feels like he's drowning in an ocean of it, getting into his lungs and making it hard to breathe. The only thing around him is that, darkness. He can still hear that voice, calling, pleading for help and he wants to help, he wants to do something. He wants to see and heal, he wants to make the pleas stop. He's running toward the voice, trying to reach it in time. Somehow he knows there's a time limit and he fears he's not going to make it. Fears for this person that he doesn't know. He feels a terror that makes him ache and run that much faster. He's close, so, so close. He feels something tugs him again, as if trying to prevent him from reaching the man and just as his fingertips touches something warm, he's tugged back and the light blinds him again.

-----------

He gasps for air, eyes opening and feeling like he didn't sleep at all, checking the time, he sees he woke up just before his alarm, it's 4:54 am, 6 minutes before his alarm. He takes those 6 minutes to drag himself in the shower, again, he woke up drenched in sweat. He'll need to wash his sheets when he comes back. Looking up in the mirror, he looks exactly how he feels, like shit. He can still hear the voice echo in his ears and it's awful.

Shaking his head to clear it, he starts his morning by getting dressed up and putting a pair of scrubs into a bag, with spare shoes, tooth brush and clothes and he makes himself a lunch, a simple sandwich with fruits that he packs into a lunch box. Then he eats breakfast, an egg with a toast, he's not that hungry this morning, brush his teeth and takes his things to go to work. He walks there, he lives pretty close to the hospital. It's the main reason why he wanted the loft. When he gets there, there's already someone waiting for him there. Her name's Abby, she works with him and she's supposed to show him around, make sure he gets used to the equipment and overall supervise him, to make sure everything goes well. After showing him the locker room and where he can put his lunch, she guides him back to the NICU department and smiles at him.

She's really nice, polite and practical. He's sure she's wonderful with worried parents. When they get to work, Buck gets in charge of a little girl. She's 3 days old, she was delivered into the 33 weeks of pregnacy and needs a little push to go back to her parents. Of course, they do encourage parents to be engaged into the recovery, but somethings need to be done by them. Of course, Buck has to introduce himself to the parents who are looking at their little girl who's inside the comfort of an incubator which helps keep the temperature stable for the newborn, a tube to feed her intravenously, she also has nasal prongs in her nostril, pushing oxygen steadily into her lungs, she has electrode and patches on her chest to monitor apnea or bradycardia.

"Hi, I'm Evan, you can call me Buck. I'm the nurse that will take care of your little girl, Emma, you're welcome to stay here till I have to change the tube, but once it's time, I'll have to ask you to go wait outside, which I'm sure you already knew." He says smiling softly.

The couple is nice, their baby didn't have much complications, they're just monitoring her and helping her to breathe more easily, until she can do it easily on her own. Which is why she has nasal prongs, once she does it easily on her own, she'll be able to go back home.

Buck looks at the pad to see when the baby had his TPN last, she's going to need her external tube changed soon and a new bag of TPN will be added.

He politely asks for the parents to step out for a little while, making sure everything is sterile and going to work to change the TPN line and connect it to a new bag and check the catheter to make sure everything is fine.

"You're doing so great Emma. You're a little warrior, going to go back home in no time." He says softly before closing the incubator again and notifying the parents that they can come back in. Once he's done with Emma, he goes sees another baby, this time almost ready to go home. There's no parents on the room, checking the pad, he sees his time to be fed is close and starts heating up breast milk, the mother expressed that she wanted them to use her milk, taking the small bottle and the little boy, Noah, in his arms and giving him the bottle in his mouth, he has a little trouble at first, but in the end gets it and Buck smiles fondly.

"You're awesome little guy. You're going home soon, Noah!" He says, walking around with the little boy in his arms. Usually the mother would be here to feed the baby herself, which Buck finds weird. He continues to talk to the little boy until he finishes the bottle and makes him burps and settle him back down into the nursery, smiling at Noah's little face. He's asleep almost instantly.

About an hour later, he finds out that the mother and father weren't there because when they went to the little restaurant down the street, the mother got hit by a car and is fighting for her life. Buck really hopes she'll make it.

All days he makes sure to keep an eye on Noah, coming to feed him every 3 hours or a little sooner if Noah cries, he goes to check on Emma and two other babies he's in charge of until his shift ends. Just when his shift is about to end, he goes back to see Noah and sees that the dad is there this time.

"Oh, hi there, I'm Evan. Noah's nurse. Do you need any help?" He asks, walking carefully, toward the man.

"Uh, yeah. I'm not... I'm not really good with him yet." He says, his voice is shaky and Buck smiles calmly.

"That's okay. I'll get the bottle ready, once it's ready I'll put him in your arms and you'll help him eat, how does that sound?" He says gently, already getting the bottle out.

"Nice, that sounds nice." He says smiling softly.

"Did you have any news from your wife?" He asks cautiously.

"Yeah, she's stable. They think she's going to make it." He says smiling down at his son.

Buck brings the bottle over, it's not her milk anymore, but from a breast milk donor. It's better for babies than formula and since the mother asked for breast milk, they went with that.

He puts the bottle beside the nursery and takes the baby in his arms, taking the time to show the father how he's holding him and then softly passing the baby into his father's arms, then guiding him to a chair where it will be better for him and then getting the bottle for him. He explains how to feed him and stay a little while, until his shift ends and another nurse comes to take his place.

_________

When he gets home, he calls Maddie while doing his laundry and then making himself dinner.

"I did that weird dream again." He tells her after they talk about their day.

"Really? That's strange. Maybe your subconscious is trying to send you a message?" She says, trying for teasing but missing by a mile.

"Yeah, what would that be? That I'm lost in LA? Cause yeah, I know I am." He says lightening the conversation.

"Yeah, I need to show you around on our day off." She says smiling.

"Yeah you really do. Also I need to meet this boyfriend of yours. Howard? Howie? How do you call him again?" He says laughing.

"Chimney!" She says laughing too. "Now may not be the best of time tho, his partner at work is in a coma, he's my patient. He's taking it hard." She says sadly.

"Oh, that's awful Maddie, I'm sorry."

"It should be fine, it's medically induced, until the swell of his brain reduce enough for them to be reassured." She says quietly.

"I really hope so."

"Yeah. Me too. He has an eight years old. For now it's Chimney's boss, Bobby and Carla who takes cares of him, he's at the hospital each evening after school. You'd like him, I'm sure." She says.

"That's rough. I'm sure I would. Anyway, I start at 6 tomorrow so I'm going to crash soon, finish my laundry, make my bed and sleep while I can." He says smiling.

"Yeah, have a good night little brother."

"You too." He says before hanging up.
________

When he's finally into bed, he feels his stomach knoting up. He's a bit scared to have this nightmare again. He sighs, it's not as if he has another choice, he has to sleep. So he forces himself to lay still and try to calm down. He doesn't even notice he's slipping into a deep sleep until dreams swipes him away.

Chapter Text

When he opens his eyes, the place where he is is dark, but after a minute, his eyes adjust a bit. It's a big space of nothing, except he can hear the voice and the more he approaches it, the clearer things become, there's a silhouette on the ground, on his knees, pleading for help. He gets closer and this time he just have the time to reach the man before the tugging starts. The man starts to turn toward him, but the light flash again and he's blinded by them.
----------

When he wakes up, he feels angry, he was so close! He touched the man's shoulder. He was about to finally see the man and he woke up again. Not that he would have seen much, but the man wouldn't have thought he was going crazy feeling people touching him. After a while, he realises it's just a dream and that the feeling of anger he feels is inappropriate for the situation. He sighs, rubbing his face and jumps at the sound of his alarm.

"Fuck!" He says, hands on his chest, trying to calm down. He closes the alarm and gets up, he's not drenched in sweat, he still takes a shower to wake himself up a bit and then takes a quick breakfast, puts new clothes into his bag, brush his teeth and goes to work.

He sees Maddie quickly, she's talking with an Asian man, it seems serious so he just waves quickly and continues his way to work. He's tired, he feels like his sleep isn't really helping. He goes to check up on Emma, sees that they tried to remove the tube, but the try failed soon after they removed it. It stays for another day. The parents are not there this times, he changes the TPN line quickly, used to the movement, he makes sure everything is fine, that her vitals are good and notes them into her chart. He spends another 5 minutes talking to her and when the parents comes back into the room, he lets them privacy to go check on Noah.

Noah's dad is already there, giving him a bottle, he comes to check the chart and sees everythimg went well for him, the night uneventful. He's glad. After checking him over and filling the chart, he goes to see a new born, Thomas, days two. He was delivered in the middle of week 32 and his case is similar to Emma, a bit more complications it seems, also his mother died while giving birth. The dad is having a hard time even being in the same room as the baby for now and Buck understand that. He still reminds the father that the baby has more chance to get better with him there. He sees he also has a TPN, so he checks that up and then change everything quickly, talking to the little boy all the while he's working. He's so small, probably even a bit smaller than Emma. He just wants to pick him up and never let him go. He wants to protect him from the grief he will feel one day, the guilt, he wants to protect him from the world. He knows he can't, but he will make damn sure Thomas will have a future. Buck checks all the machine around him, make sure the oxygen hood is good, check the pulse oximeter is still placed on the bottom of his foot and check the heart monitor, the little electrodes and pads are still all in place, everything is good. He writes everything in the chart before smiling fondly at Thomas and praises him for doing so good.

When he gets outside the room, the father is still sitting there, head in his hands.

"You can come in if you want. I can stay with you for a little while if you need." He offers, keeping his voice soft and trying to respect the boundaries of the man.

He takes a deep breath and looks up, unsure.

"It's alright if you need more time, I'm just saying, there's a perfectly good chair in the room, too." He says, offering a small smile. The father accept to sit in the bigger chair in the room, it's little steps.

He checks up on other babies, some almost done in their care, other completely newborns.

________

At lunch, he sees Maddie and joins her, happy to be able to talk to her. She explains her boyfriend came to visit his friend today, there isn't much change, which isn't bad, but isn't great either. He tells her about the man who just lost his wife.

When he gets back, the father is up and close to the incubator. He tells himself he will come back later. He goes check on Noah, his father gone from the room, he checks the pad and notes he's been gone for close to three hours now and Noah starts to whine a bit in his nursery. He makes a bottle and feeds him, talking and humming to him softly.

When he's done with Noah, he makes sure there's a nurse level one in the room before going away to see other babies. His days go pretty well.

________

That night, when he goes home, he has a bad feeling he can't shake. He feels like something is wrong, but he can't tell what. In the end, he tries to stay busy as to not think too much about it and finally when he gets into bed, he's exhausted. Tomorrow is his last day before his day off. He falls asleep while watching a movie on his phone.

----------

He's in the same place again, Buck feels a deep panic inside of him, like something is wrong. The voice is quieter, weaker. Buck doesn't waste time and runs toward the voice, he can see the shape of the man, it's a little easier to see this time, he gets his hands on the man, finally and the man turns, Buck can't see clearly, but the man sobs in relief.

"Please. Please help me. I don't know where I am." He says desperation in his voice.

"I'm here. I'm right here." The sound of his own voice almost makes him jumps. The man latches onto him. Breathing ragged.

"Where am I?" The man asks, sounding completely lost.

"I don't know, I think you're in my dream." Buck says and then he feels the light tugging again. "I have to go, but I'll come back soon, okay? I'll be back." He promises. The man's grip on him gets tighter, but so does the pull that tugs him away. The lights open in a bright flash and the only thing he hears before he wakes up is the desperate cry of the man.

----------

When he wakes up, it takes him a couple of second to get his bearing and breathe in. When he does it's in big gulps, as if he's been underwater.

He reaches for his phone and dials Maddie's number, not even checking the time.

Chapter Text

Maddie answer at the second ring, her voice tired.

"Hey, what's up?"

His ragged breathing is the only answer he can give and he can hear her shift.

"Evan?" She asks, worry clear in her voice. "Are you alright." She asks, now fully awake.

"Just.... just talk." He wheezes into the phone.

"Okay, okay. You're alright Evan. Just breathe." She says, her voice still concerned, but firm.

After a minute, he can finally get his breathing under control and sighs.

"Okay, I'm fine now. Sorry." He says into the phone, his voice still shaky.

"What happened, Evan?" She asks, worry coming back full force.

"It's this damn dream again." He says, embarrassed. "It just doesn't stop. I finally reached the man, but Maddie I couldn't do anything. I couldn't do anything and he seemed so lost and confused and... and just begging for help." He says, his voice cracking.

"Evan... Maybe you should see a specialist, like a therapist or maybe see someone specialised in sleep pattern or something." She says, trying to help.

"Yeah. Yeah, maybe I should. If it continues I will alright?" He says, trying to be reassuring.

"Okay. You should get ready, it's almost time for you to get up." She says and when he looks at his phone he sees that yeah, it's almost time 4:50 am.

"Yeah. Thanks again, sorry for waking you up." He says, as she waves it off and then the call ends.

He cancels the alarm before it starts ringing and starts his morning routine, he will need to change the sheets again, he notes sadly.

He puts music because he can't support the silence and skips breakfast, he tells himself he'll bring snacks to eat at the hospital. He comes in sooner than usual and goes check on Thomas instantly. The man is sleeping in the chair. He smiles and checks the monitors and various machine before reading the chart. He stops breathing when he sees they had three scares during the night.

He talks to Thomas softly, telling him to be good before starting to change the TPN line again, as quietly as he can, and then check the catheter with great care and gets out, closing the door quietly. He goes to do the same with Emma and sees she's now in a warmer instead of the incubator, the nasal prongs are still there, but the TPN line is gone. She started to manage the suction.

He smiles softly, checks the chart quickly and prepares a bottle for the parents, who arrive soon after the bottle is done.

He asks if they have questions and answers them while passing them their baby and the bottle. He's glad she's doing better.

When he goes to see Noah, he finds he's being discharged today and takes his chance to talk, to the little boy and give him his last bottle from the hospital.

"So you be good for your mom and dad, yeah? I know you're going to be great! Yeah, I want you to be nice and keep fighting little man." He says softly to him, beaming to the baby.

When he's done, he once again make sure there's a nurse level one to take care of the baby and goes to check on a pair of newborns twin that's just a little early, 3 weeks and two days early. The little girls are a little small, they're in a warmer, but otherwise seems to be doing good. He's just about to check, one chart when his beeper makes a sound, looking at it, he sees it comes from Thomas' room. He goes to check up on him, while a pediatrician enters the room, he takes the time to escort the father outside, reassuring him that Thomas is in good hands. He tells him he needs to go inside and help, but calls a nurse level one to make sure the father is okay. Getting in, he finds that they decided to take the hood off and get him on ventilator, instead. Buck helps as best he can, giving the right equipment and assisting the pediatrician. Once they're done, Thomas' little chest lift up and goes down and everything else seems alright. Buck makes sure everything is fine and then goes back into the little girls room.

When he gets there, he sees that the parents aren't there yet, but there's a nurse in the room, so he goes back to what he was doing and reads both chart, Lea and Maya.

They're both due, but none of them are crying, they're awake and making little noises. He prepare two bottles, the parents didn't mind the formula, so he goes with that and gives one to the nurse with him and takes the little girl, Maya in his arms to feed her.

He's humming a song to her and smiling when the door opens to both parents, making a surprised sound.

He introduces himself quickly and then let's the mother have Maya to finish the bottle. He smiles at them both and write their last bottle on the chart with their vitals. They're doing fine.

________

He finally meets Chimney during one of his breaks, close to the end of Maddie's shift. He's talking to her into the cafeteria and he meets them there.

"Hey Maddie." He says, her sister cuts herself off to turn to him and stares.

"Dear God Evan." She whispers, cupping his cheeks. "You really need to go see this specialist. You're wasting away." She says concerned.

"I'm fine. Just a bit tired. It's okay." He says, removing her hands from his face gently.

"Ah, so you're the famous little brother." Chimney says to him, smiling a bit.

"And you the famous boyfriend." He says cheekily. "Nice to finally meet you." He says, shaking the hand of the other man.

They talk a bit and then his beeper makes a sound and he prays it's not Thomas again. Checking it quickly, he sees it isn't, it's Abby paging him to the NICU desk.

"I need to go, but it was nice seeing you both!" He says, already backing away and walking quickly toward his department. When he gets there, Abby is waiting for him.

"There's a worried father asking for 'Buck'." She says, making quotation marks around his nickname and he smiles before following her. They're in front of Thomas' room and his father is pacing.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. There was this nurse and I'm sure she's great but-"

"It's fine Mr. Wheeler, I'm here for you. What do you need?" He asks gently.

"It's just, there's a lot of machines and tubes and things around him and it's just..."

"That's alright, I can go over everything with you and answer your questions, come on in." He says calmly as he guides the man into the room.

When he's done with that, he makes another round, making sure his babies are all doing okay and changing everything that needs to be changed and noting everything that need to go in their charts.

_________

When he gets home, he instantly open the tv to make a background noise, then does a bit of laundry, his sheets reeks of sweat. He does heat up leftover, not feeling up to cooking and then sits in front of the tv to eat.

When it's time to finally sleep, he feels an anxious ball in the pit of his stomach. He takes the time to meditate a bit and then gets into bed and convinces himself it was probably the movie that got into his head or something.

He can sleep more in the morning because he and Maddie are going to explore the city tomorrow, but they decided to meet up for dinner instead.

Chapter Text

The room is smaller now, Buck can't see much, but he can see they're in a room now. The lights open, but it's not the bright light he's used to that blinds him and wakes him up. It opens gradually and Buck finds himself in a sleek white room. There's just a slump that Buck guesses is the man, white walls, the floor is white, everything is white. Strangely, it smells like disinfectant. If he didn't know better, he'd think he was in a hospital. The man looks around and his eyes focuses on Buck. He makes it to his feet, unsteadily and Buck rushes to his side. The man looks tired and quite pale, he looks like he needs sleep and a meal or two. Buck looks him up and down, he seems otherwise fine. The man is crying in relief.

"Thank you. Thank you. Please help me." He says desperate.

"What's your name? What can I do to help?" He asks confused as to why the man keeps asking for help.

"Eddie. My name's Eddie. I don't know where I am. How do I get out of here?" He asks, pleading.

"I don't know, I want to help, what do you need? Are you hurt?" He asks, he doesn't know how to get out. He just does. He wants to help so badly but he can't.

"No, I'm not hurt, I don't think so." He says, confused, suddenly he brings a hand to his head and when he gets it back, it's full of blood. "Oh. Right. My head. I think I hit my head." He says softly.

"Eddie. Eddie, look at me. It's okay, it's just a dream. You're in my dream." He says, he knows he's in a dream, so why can't he wake up? Eddie grips his wrist and squeeze so tight it hurts. Eddie seems confused and his grips lighten.

"Why am I stuck in your dream? I was supposed to save a little girl." He says curious and confused and before Buck can ask about it, he's pulled away and and all he can hear is Eddie pleading him to stay.
----------

Buck wakes up normally, his alarm waking him up, he's not sweating, not panicked and he actually feels a bit better.

He smiles and starts to get ready, he can't wait to tell Maddie. When Maddie text him if he's ready, Buck text her he's on his way.

He's in a good mood, ordering at the restaurant with a smile on his to face and beaming at Maddie when she comes in.

After she sits down, Buck wait for her to order and then he smiles brightly at her.

"You're in a good mood today."

"I didnt have a nightmare!" He says excited. "Well, I finally saw the guy, the dream was confusing and I don't understand a thing, but I didn't wake up terrified." He says, beaming.

"What do you mean, you saw the guy?" She says frowning.

"Oh, well my dreams are always in a dark place and it's always super creepy, but this time I was in a completely white room, there were lights and the man, he's so hot by the way, even if he looks kind of sick. Anyway, he's there and I can see him and he talks to me, it's a bit confusing, he's lost apparently and when I ask him how to help he asks me how he can get out. After a while his head starts bleeding you see and he tells me he hit his head. I reassure him, telling him he's just in my dream, it's fine, but then, Eddie, that's his name, tells me he doesn't know how he can be stuck in my dream cause he was supposed to save a little girl." He says and when he looks at his sister, she's completely frozen in place.

"Buck." She says with wide eyes.

"What?"

"Is Eddie... Does he-" She doesn't seem to find the words so she gets her phone out and taps a couple of time before turning the phone toward him. "Is this your Eddie?" She asks, almost scared. Buck is about to ask her what she's talking about, but then he sees the same face that was in his dream a couple of hours ago, only he's smiling and holding a little boy in his arms.

His face must be an answer enough because she gasps.

"Buck. That's Eddie, it's my patient who's in ICU. It's Chimney's friend." She whispers yells.

"That's not possible. Maybe I... Maybe I saw him somewhere and I-"

"He was on a call, getting a little girl out of a fire, the floor gave up on him. He fell and hit his head. His team had to get him and the little girl out. He was unconscious. When he got to the hospital, he was a 7 on the GCS. Barely mumbling incomprehensible things and reacting only to pain. They found quickly enough that it was Acute Subdural Hematoma. He was treated quickly and everything was fine, but the pressure in his brain wouldn't lessen, they tried what they could, but it didn't work, so they put him in a coma to help reduce the swelling and help healing. Buck it's been a week." She says, biting her lip. "He's doing a bit better, slowly."

Buck feels like he's going to be sick, this can't be happening, right?

"Am I dreaming? This sounds like a nightmare. Please wake up." He tells himself, but the doesn't and when he opens his eyes, Maddie is looking at him with empathy in her eyes.

In the end, Buck asks for his meal to be wrapped up to take out. They end up in the hospital, Buck and Maddie in front of a door Buck's never been to. He takes a deep breath and when Maddie opens the door, Buck can't breathe. Eddie is lying in bed, eyes closed, like he's simply sleeping peacefully. He can't even make his feet move, he just stay frozen in front of the door.

There's a pull in his chest and then his stomach turns. Before he knows it, he's being sick in the hallway, not even being able to get to the toilet or get a contenant.

Maddie is rubbing his back and Buck keeps saying sorry to her, he's shaking. When a janitor comes to wipe the floor, Buck keeps apologizing to him, feeling so bad and even more embarrassed.

They don't go back in the room, Maddie drives him home.

Chapter Text

Buck spends twenty minutes staring at his bed before he scoffs. He's being ridiculous. He's not in danger, it's just nightmares.

Nightmare in which you meet a guy in a coma, his mind supplies so graciously. He sighs and takes his blankets to sleep on the couch. Maybe he can trick his brain by sleeping away. He tells himself.

When he finally lies down, it's like he's being swiped away by exhaustion, he falls asleep almost the minute his head hits the pillow.

--------

Buck is in the room, it's the hospital room. Eddie is lying on the bed, asleep. He's also standing on the other side of the bed, looking at himself in horror.

"What is this?" He asks, terrified.

"It's you." He says simply. "You're in a coma. Apparently you decided to hunt my dreams." Buck says, annoyed.

"That's not-"

"Possible? I know." He says, shaking his head. "I work here. In the hospital your in. I met your partner, Chim. It's my sister's boyfriend." He says, slowly. "It's how I found you." He ads.

"I fell." Eddie says, looking at Buck with wide eyes.

"Yeah, you hit your head. Pretty bad trauma." He explains quickly.

"My son." Eddie says, voice panicked.

"He's okay, Carla, I think that's her name? There's your boss Bobby, too." Buck says, smiling a bit.

"Do they visit? Is it them I hear sometimes? They can't hear me, but I hear things sometimes." Eddie says, hopeful.

"Yeah, he comes everyday after school. Chimney comes often too." He says, biting his lip.

Eddie looks at him curiously and frowns.

"Why you?" He asks.

"I don't know? You tell me." He says, laughing.

"Will you visit me?" Eddie asks, hesitant.

"I... I'm not sure that's a good idea." He says, quietly.

"Okay. Well... When you're ready... Come visit me?" Eddie's voice says and before Buck can say something, he's tugged away.

-------

He wakes up and when he checks around, he feels disoriented for a minute before remembering he slept on the couch. Looking his phone, he sees that he slept for only about three hours. He has almost 4 hours left to sleep. That never happened before. He moves a bit and then falls back into a deep sleep, there's no other dreams. When he wakes up, it's to the annoying sound of his alarm.

He gets ready quickly, not feeling the day at all. He sighs and takes his things before going to work.

Thomas is still fighting, which Buck is grateful for, he sees that Emma nose is now free, she breathing on her own, her parents now taking care of the feeding, he just checks her up quickly, write in the chart and goes into the next room. Noah has been discharged, there's a new little boy in there. He smiles sadly at the little boy, he's in for a fight, connected to the ventilator, into the incubator, wires and tubes everywhere, Buck sees in his chart that he's only 30 weeks. He changes the TPN line and the bag, checks the catheter, makes sure everything is good and notes in the chart and go sees the twins. They're being discharged tomorrow if everything goes well. He does his job with a focus he didn't know he had this morning and when he finally gets a break, he finds himself in front of Eddie's door, but he can't find the courage to enter.

In the end of the day, he has to stay in close observation with the new little boy, he need constant supervision. He doesn't even has a name. Buck sings to him in a soft voice and waits for the parents or his replacement to come. When the parents does, he talks to them softly, advise them to stay in the room and just talk to their son and to listen to the staff, to ask any question they may have and to support each other in this stressful moment. Just before his shift, he learn that the little boy's name is Evan. He hopes he makes it.

_______

It's been three night now and Buck looks at his bed with a frown. Not one time did he dream of Eddie. He's starting to get annoyed at the man and so this is why at 9 pm on a Wednesday that he finds himself walking to the hospital with a determination he feels down to his soul. When he gets there, he walks up to Eddie's room and looks into the little window. He knows visiting hours are done, but he can't help himself, he opens the door and goes in.

"Okay, you asshole. You can't hijack someone's dream for a week, scare the shit out of me and then ask me to visit you and completly disappear okay? It's just not a thing. You can't just do that." He says, accusing. "I'm going mad aren't I? I just walked in here after visiting hours, for no other reason than I missed your pretty face. I should be glad." Buck says, looking at Eddie's chart on the bed.

"Wait. You did a lot of progress. They're thinking about letting you wake up?" He asks to no one, Eddie's not going to answer, of course. He sits in the chair and talks to Eddie about the babies he takes care of and then the door opens and there's a nurse coming in.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She asks him, frowning.

"Uh... sorry. I just... I'm going to leave. Sorry." He says quickly, getting up and looking guilty.

"Wait. You work here. Buckle? No wait. Buckley." She says smiling and pointing at him.

"Yeah. Evan." He says, extending a hand.

"You know him?" She asks, pointing to Eddie.

"Yeah, family friend." He says, smiling sadly.

"Oh. Well were taking him off the Barbiturates in the morning." She says, nodding toward Eddie.

"Really?" He asks hopefully.

"Yeah. I guess you can stay, just don't touch anything. You know the drills." She says, checking Eddie over and taking his chart.

Buck checks her while she does her job and then when he's left alone in the room, he starts to drift off, slowly falling asleep in the uncomfortable chair.

--------

"You came." Eddie says.

"You're back!" Buck says, turning to find Eddie behind him.

"Yeah. You're sitting beside me. You told me you missed my pretty face, here I am, showing off." He says, smiling.

"I'm Evan. Evan Buckley. Pretty much everyone calls me Buck." He says smiling. "Since I know your name." He explains.

"Uh, nice name." He says smiling. "Evan Buckley. It suits you."

"Thanks, I guess?" He says while laughing.

"You should wake up, Evan." Eddie whispers into his ears and Buck shudders, he didn't even realises Eddie was this close.

"What?" He says, frowning, but he's being shook awake by the nurse and almost falls from his chair.

"What?" He says, eyes wide.

"It's morning. We're taking him off the sedative and you, are going to be late." She says.

"Oh." He says looking at his phone. It's 5:52 am. "Oh shit." He says running to his locker, to get into his scrubs and then to the NICU, he makes it just in time.

He spends all his morning wondering if Eddie woke up and then he gets a page from the ICU. He makes his round quickly and makes sure to notify Abby that he got paged into another service and to page him if something is wrong. After that he's walking toward the ICU with quick and anxious steps.

When he gets there, Chimney and Maddie are gapping at him.

"First of all, the night nurse totally told me you slept here and second of all... He's asking for you." She says, crossing her arms. "How insulting. You visit him once, the first thing he says when he wakes up is where's Evan? Right in my face." She says, lifting her arms in exasperation.

"Uh... He remembers?" He asks frowning.

"Well I guess he remembers you." She says, pushing him toward the door.

When he enters, Eddie is looking at his hands over the blanket and then he's looking up at him and smiles.

"Evan Buckley." He says, testing the name out.

"Eddie." Buck whispers, like he's afraid if he talks too loud Eddie will die.

"You're really here." Eddie says, hand reaching out to him.

"Yeah. Yeah I am." He says, smiling and then taking the hand offered to him. "I can't stay long, I'm on shift and... You offended Maddie and Chimney and I'm sure there's lots of people that will want to see you." He says awkwardly.

"Yeah. My son. Stay a little with me?" He asks, biting his lips.

"Yeah, sure." Buck says, sitting in the chair and just rubbing his thumb on Eddie's knuckles.

When Maddie opens the door again, there's a little boy that he recognizes from the picture. He removes his hand from Eddie's and smiles a bit at him, before nodding and waving at the man.

Once he's outside, Maddie is on him like a shark.

"Was that hand holding I saw?" She asks with an arched eyebrow.

"Uh-" just like that, he gets a page and Buck looks his beeper. It's Evan's room. "I have to go." He says running toward his own service, avoiding colliding into people by chance alone.

When he gets there, he finds a level one nurse trying to reassure anxious parents, but it seems like it's not working very well. There's seem to be a fight between husband and wife and the nurse doesn't know what to do or how to fix this.

"Hi there. Mr. And Mrs. Michaelson. What's the problem here?"

"It's just a lot to take, I need a break!" The mother is saying, for sure stressed.

The man is arguing with her and Buck interrupt.

"Okay, I get that I said to be engaged into the recovery of your son, it is important, but its also important that your baby comes home with healthy parents, if you need a little break it's fine. No need to be with him 24/7." He says calmly.

"But what if-"

"Let's avoid the what if, you both need some rest, food and also to talk to each other about how you feel. It's important that you stay together through this." He says smiling.

"Right. I'm sorry I yelled Sweetheart, it's just stressful." The man says and the woman shakes her head.

"It's fine, were exhausted and stressed and I know we just need rest and food and maybe a little time together and we will be fine. How about we go get something to eat?" She asks and the man nods, relieved.

______

When Eddie finally gets discharged, Buck and him can officially be called good friends. He spends his lunch there and his breaks and he talks about his babies to Eddie. When Eddie finally can move and walk around, Buck shows him the healthy babies and even goes in, asking the nurse there for a minute. He spends this time showing Eddie the babies close to the window. Eddie find it hilarious, how excited Buck is.

________

"How's my favorite boy?" He asks Christopher the day Eddie finally gets out. Chris beams at him and bumbs his fist.

"I'm doing good!" He says smiling at Buck.

Eddie wasn't surprised when they hit it off instantly. Buck loves babies and kids. Just before Eddie can says good bye, Buck finds himself running across the hospital for a page from his service, a new premature newborn in his care. He's distracted with the baby pretty much for the hour left at his shift and when he finally can go home, he realises that Eddie won't be there anymore and he's surprised by the emptiness it leaves in him. When he goes to sleep that night, he keeps dreaming about not being able to find what's missing, yet feeling like there is an important piece that he needs.

Chapter Text

The next day he's about to go get lunch when he finds Eddie talking to Maddie, she smirks and point right at him and Eddie turns toward him with a nervous smile.

"Hey, back so soon?" He asks Eddie, smiling, but worry laced in his voice.

"No, well yeah obviously, but it's nothing health related." Eddie says, waving him off. "I forgot to ask you out yesterday, or more accurately, you ran away to take care of babies before I had the chance. Which, points to you, I can't even get mad about." He says, looking away with his lip between his teeth, he looks nervous. Buck is supposed to be able to deal with anxious, sad, panicked parents and yet now he feels like an idiot.

"Oh. Wow. I mean yeah, sure. I'd love to." He says beaming. So much for having tact.

"Really?" Eddie says, eyes wide.

"Yeah. Really." Buck says, smiling at him.

"Great. Uh... tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow's my day off, so sure."

"Okay. Uh... at 5 pm? The restaurant across the street?" He asks unsure.

Buck nods, beaming smile still in place.

_______

Buck is a nervous mess all day as he prepares for the date. He knows they chose a casual restaurant, but Buck feels like he has to dress up, but he doesn't want to look like a fool. He's about to just call and cancel the whole thing, but after five minutes staring at his reflection in the mirror, he decide to just say fuck it. Eddie saw him in his scrubs which sometimes had baby vomit on it, if he's still interested after that he can't really go wrong, can he?

So he goes for a blue button up with dark jean, he looks good in that, right? Right. When he checks the time, he sees it's 1:47 pm. Perhaps he should slow things down a bit. He sits on the couch and wait, trying to watch a tv show that's on TV, but it's impossible to focus on anything. In the end about an hour before 5 pm, he texts Eddie to know if he wants to do something else before going to eat. He's restless and he needs to do something. Maybe they could just walk around and Eddie could show him some places or whatever.

Eddie agrees to walk around and just talk and pass time together. In the middle of their walk, Eddie takes his hands gently and then wait until Buck squeeze back before relaxing.

"To be honest I was so nervous about this date I almost bailed." Buck says, chuckling nervously.

"Really?" Eddie says smiling. "Being hunted by me in your dreams is fine but you draw the line at a date in real life?" He says chuckling.

"Yeah." Buck says smiling. "No for real I almost had a panic attack choosing what I should wear."

"Well, you chose well. Did you call your sister in panic?" He asks smirking.

"No, this is all me! I told myself if baby vomit didn't send you running away from me I could only get better from that part." He explains, biting his lip.

"True. I'm seriously into you, so I don't think you could have gone wrong." Eddie says softly.

"Real smooth. Did you practise that in the mirror?" Buck says teasing.

"Oh yeah, lots of practise." Eddie says laughing.
______

In the end they have a really nice time and while Buck still wonder how Eddie travelled into his dreams, he's not going to complain about it.

______

When two years later Maddie learns they're finally thinking about adopting a kid together, other then Chris, she's not surprised. She's even less surprised when about a month later Buck calls her, screaming in her ear that Eddie proposed. He said yes, of course.

When a year later, she's bouncing her niece up and down on her knee while her fathers finally exchange their vows, she's really happy she convinced Evan to come to LA.