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Tsubasa looked at Shingo skeptically. “Practice- kissing?” he repeated slowly. “Like, on each other?”
Shingo was all nerves, embarrassed and excited and a little scared. “Don’t you have a crush on that girl in- in class?” he stammered lamely.
He’d heard Tsubasa mention her once or twice in passing: the dark haired girl who’d been gifted a little earlier than the others.
Tsubasa narrowed his eyes. “I said she was cute- doesn’t mean I have a crush on her,” he said, almost defensively, folding his arms over his chest.
“Okay?” Shingo replied, a little confused. “Um, okay. It was a stupid suggestion, anyway. Just- forget it.”
He was being cruel, anyway- using such a childish guise as an excuse to try and get a kiss from his best friend. And childhood crush.
This went, like, totally against the lesson they’d had earlier in the year against consent, didn’t it?
Tsubasa sighed loudly and Shingo looked up, maybe a little too fast. “Are you really okay with your first kiss being with… me?” he asked, sounding skeptical once again.
Shingo almost laughed. God, yes.
“Um. I trust you,” he answered honestly.
Tsubasa hummed. “It would make things less awkward in the future,” he mumbled thoughtfully, tilting his head. “But then we’d have to lie about our first kiss, which is kind of annoying.”
Shingo opened his mouth, closed it.
He would be totally fine with- if not proud of- Tsubasa being his first kiss, but. Right, Tsubasa obviously felt differently.
Stupid, painful, annoying one-sided feelings. Shingo could hardly remember the day- night, actually- he realized he had feelings for his best friend.
They’d been spending the night together and had stayed up almost all night, laughing and playing cards, pretending to be grown-ups.
Tsubasa had just won a game and was beaming with it, grinning with wide, sparkly eyes.
Shingo had paused then, thinking clear as day: he’s beautiful.
The realization was… honestly not shocking at all. Shingo was aware, however vaguely, that those feelings had been building up for a while.
But since then it’d been even harder pretending to be just his friend. One of many, though according to Tsubasa’s own words he considered him to be his best friend, too.
Which should’ve been comforting, but.
It wasn’t: each time Tsubasa called him his best friend Shingo felt a little sadder, a little more wound up.
Tsubasa sighed dramatically, ripping Shingo out of his own thoughts.
“Okay,” he said and before Shingo could say a word Tsubasa was standing up and joining him on the couch.
Shingo swallowed around the nervous lump in his throat. “Sh- shouldn’t we- ” he gestured lamely at the hallway.
Tsubasa raised both eyebrows. “Your parents said they wouldn’t be home until eight and your sister is sound asleep.” He scooted closer. “This should be fine.”
Shingo smiled awkwardly. “Right.”
Don’t make this weird, don’t make this-
Tsubasa leaned forward and softly pecked Shingo on the lips, barely longer than a second. When he pulled back Shingo’s lips were still warm and buzzing.
“That was… ” Shingo started then stopped, clearing his throat. “Nice,” he finished lamely.
Tsubasa looked amused as he stared at him. “Wow, yeah, exactly what a person wants to hear after kissing someone.”
Shingo flushed and looked away. It wasn't like he could say the truth: that was the best thing that's ever happened to me. Please never stop kissing me.
"Though admittedly it was kind of plain," Tsubasa continued with a thoughtful hum. He scooted closer and Shingo took a sharp breath.
Calm down, you freak.
After collecting himself, he looked back at Tsubasa with a slightly confused frown. "What do you mean?"
"I mean," Tsubasa narrowed his eyes, "do you only ever want to kiss like a grandma?"
Shingo huffed out a laugh. "No?"
"So, we should try again," he said, like it was an obvious thing.
Shingo no longer felt like laughing. His fingers twitched against his thigh. "Actually- " he said because he was finally feeling rightfully guilty. He'd already stolen something from Tsubasa and all because of his own selfishness. "I don't think- "
"Then stop thinking," Tsubasa interrupted and when Shingo focused on his face he realized he was grinning, a little cheeky.
He blinked. Once, twice. Stared pointedly at Tsubasa's lips. "Um. Okay?"
Still grinning, he leaned in and kissed him again. Shingo was so- confused, really, but he was not complaining. He was kissing Tsubasa... again. He leaned in, too, and kissed back, a little awkwardly.
Tsubasa parted his lips and then his tongue was in Shingo's mouth what the fuck- it should've been gross, probably, but it wasn't. Not even a little bit. Shingo startled when Tsubasa reached up and cupped his face with his hands.
Eventually Tsubasa pulled back but not before nipping at Shingo's sensitive bottom lip with his teeth. He was grinning coyly when Shingo finally opened his eyes.
"Wh- " he asked before stopping himself. He gulped. "Um. Wow," he breathed.
Tsubasa rolled his eyes and leaned against the back of the couch, watching him closely. "Liked it?" he asked teasingly, as if he didn't know the answer.
Shingo licked his lips, slowly. There was something off about the look in Tsubasa's eyes. He was too dumbfounded and distracted by the leftover tingling of his lips to do anything but just nod, though.
"Yeah," Tsubasa breathed, but it obviously wasn't a question or seeking comfirmation. He shifted and looked away. "I- I should probably admit something, Shingo."
Shingo opened his mouth, closed it. "Okay?"
Tsubasa sighed heavily and looked back at him with an unexpectedly serious look on his face. Shingo stiffened, waiting. "That wasn't my first kiss," he admitted, looking a little guilty.
"Wh- " Shingo relaxed a bit. That was not what he'd been expecting. "What?"
Tsubasa cleared his throat. "I've- I've kissed- " he winced, like he was in actual pain "- two people before."
Shingo was still processing, not really understanding why that was a big deal. But then things finally clicked and he blushed, cheeks growing hot. Because why- "why would you pretend you haven't and go along with- with my stupid idea?" he asked, a little too loudly.
Tsubasa gestured wildly, gently shushing him as he glanced back over his shoulder.
Taking a deep breath, he nodded and calmed down, lowering his voice. "Were... were you making fun of me?" he asked, dreading the answer.
His eyes went wide. "No!" he exclaimed. "I just- "
Shingo waited, but he didn't say anything else, just went quiet, looking away and squinting at nothing in particular. He was still so confused and maybe just a little hurt, but... did he really have the right?
He'd used him, too. Just in a different way.
"Okay," Tsubasa said finally. "I- I knew I was in the wrong," he started slowly, "but when you first mentioned it... I thought- " he closed his eyes, tight "- I thought it might be my only chance to kiss... you," he finished, a little quieter, opening his eyes again.
Shingo was no longer hurt, really, just confused. He tilted his head. "But you pretended like it was a dumb idea," he muttered lowly.
Tsubasa smiled tightly. "I couldn't just jump on it, could I?" he asked with a sharp shrug. "Wouldn't you have found that, like, weird or something? I was trying to be... natural. Or something. I don't know," he huffed, ruffling his dark hair. "I'm sorry. It was- stupid and- and wrong of me and- "
Shingo ignored the fluttery feeling in his chest. "I lied, too!" he blurted, interrupting him.
He'd been too loud, he knew, but he glanced down the hallway at his sister's door, which, thankfully, did not open.
Tsubasa's mouth closed slowly. "What?"
"Um," Shingo cleared his throat and fidgeted with the hem of his baggy t-shirt. "I- well, lying isn't exactly... I mean, it's true I've never kissed anyone before and the idea of having some experience isn't, like, the worst- " he barely realized he was gesturing wildly now "- but really, I just wanted an excuse to kiss you."
The air was thick with tension. Tsubasa was silent.
Shingo gulped audibly. "Please say something?" he asked quietly.
Tsubasa surprised him with laughter, a little sharp. He shook his head back and forth a few times, slowly quieting down. "That's so- " he snorted. "Are you telling me we both lied to get the same thing?"
"Um, yes?"
Tsubasa rolled his eyes. "We're both idiots," he said, eyes sparkling.
Shingo relaxed a bit. He was still a little confused, but obviously Tsubasa had not connected the dots yet. He still didn't know about his feelings and that's all that mattered, really. They could write this off as a stupid experiment between boys.
"So," Tsubasa said with a light sigh. "You feel the same way?"
Shingo stared at him, not answering. What?
Eventually, Tsubasa's expression shifted something a little tight, uncomfortable. "Oh," he breathed. "Okay." He laughed again with much less humour. "Never mind."
"Wait, no, I- " Shingo stammered. "What are you talking about?"
Tsubasa stared at him. "Why did you think I wanted to kiss you?" he asked, squinting. "I have feelings for you, you big idiot, but- it's not like I ever expected you to return them and that's okay, obviously, I mean you're my best friend and I would never want to, like, press- "
He was cut off, oh so elequoently, by Shingo lurching forward and kissing him.
The kiss was rough and messy and their teeth clacked together but neither of them cared, not a bit. Shingo pulled back and swallowed thickly.
"I think we're both really, really big idiots," he whispered.
Tsubasa nodded dumbly, staring at Shingo's lips. "The biggest," he agreed.
Shingo smiled, just the edge of shy. "So."
"So," Tsubasa repeated with a slow nod. "I think you still have a lot to learn," he said after a long moment, the corners of his mouth quirking up, "I think you almost just knocked a tooth out."
Shingo grinned; he didn't look ashamed or embarrassed at all. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," Tsubasa confirmed, already reaching out for him. Shingo leaned into his touch, still grinning. "Let me show you a thing or two."