Chapter Text
“That’s the last of it, then?” Finn asks.
He’s quiet as he hands her the final box, full of books, memories of Christmases past where they’d honored the Scandanavian tradition of gifting books on Christmas Eve, both too broke and too adrift in life to not cling to the first tradition that felt like home. There’s a look on his face, halfway between pride and like he might burst into tears.
He’s being silly.
She’s only moving to Ben’s.
It’s practically right down the street.
Things will change after Finn and Rose get married, she’s not naive enough to pretend otherwise, but they could bet their britches she’d still be over all the time. They couldn’t get rid of her that easily.
Rose slides between them, wrapping an arm around each of their waists and drawing them together for one last, nostalgic look of the now empty bedroom. It’s a moment that Ben doesn’t want to intrude on, so he hangs back, leaning against the doorframe to her bedroom and simply watching as they take the time to embrace each other.
He doesn’t understand sometimes, this fierce loyalty she so easily forms with others, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t give her the time.
She’s worth it.
As she turns and moves to pass him, he pushes off the wall, hands falling around hers to lightly tug the box from her hands.
“Let go,” he requests gently.
“Ben—” her eyes rise to meet his, and the protest dies on her lips. They’re the softest brown, tender and crinkling lightly at the corners, an unspoken something gleaming as he meets her gaze head on. She could definitely get lost in that look.
It’s something private between them, the kind of look you only share with a lover, and she is acutely aware of the fact that Rose and Finn are standing mere steps away, watching with keen interest.
Rey fights the instinct to blush.
Lover.
If only.
“You know I can take what I want,” he quips, unable to prevent a lopsided grin from breaking over his face as she rolls her eyes. It settles, a barely there smile still playing on his lips as he nudges her with his foot. “Finish saying goodbye; I’ll wait in the car.”
With that, Finn swoops in to steal her away, a muffled ‘thanks man’ spoken into Rey’s hair as his arms wrap around her and he swings her straight into his fiance’s waiting arms. She’s loved here, safe in the embrace of the two people who care most for her, but there’s still something missing. Someone missing.
“You better come barging through that front door anytime you feel like it,” Finn demands, voice catching just a bit as he hooks his chin over her shoulder so that he can see them both. “You’re always welcome.”
“Bring him back, to!” Rose’s eyebrows dance, dipping and bobbing beneath her bangs comically as she teases Rey. “You two look so good together.”
“Stop!” Rey protests laughingly, throwing her hands up to shield the hot flush that’s suddenly raging under her skin. She’d never hear the end of it. “We’re friends. Only friends. He doesn’t like me like that.”
There’s a beat of silence, and then Finn bursts out laughing. He drops a light kiss on her temple before ruffling her buns. “Sure, Peanut. Keep telling yourself that.”
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The drive to Ben’s house - their house, she’s got to get used to that now - is quiet and peaceful. Fluffy snowflakes have started to drift across the sky, although they melt almost instantaneously by the time that they hit the windshield. Rey leans her forehead against the cool glass, letting her breath create a foggy canvas before beginning to sketch out a Christmas scene.
“Can we get a real Christmas tree for our house, Ben?”
He hums softly, not taking his eyes off the road, as if he’s transporting precious cargo and can’t even risk a second of inattention lest he lose it. Her belongings aren’t even that valuable. It’s all secondhand, easily replaceable.
She leans forward, fiddling with the knobs for the radio. The last notes of Wham’s “Last Christmas” drift through the air as she settles back, satisfied, only to be replaced seconds later with the jarring over-enthusiasm of a sponsored ad.
Tired of being alone for the holidays? Did Santa Paws miss your stop? Boy, do we have the purrfect opportunity for you! Volunteer at the Takodana Animal Shelter today!
“Stop!” Rey screeches, putting her hand on Ben’s arm for good measure. His very muscular, very strong arm. She really should stop thinking about such things if she’s going to be living with him.
He curses as he slams on the brakes. “What?” He’s not looking at her. He’s looking out the front window like they might have just…
“Oh, no. There wasn’t anything out there…”
He lets out a huff of breath and leans back in the seat. “Then what?”
“Sorry,” she mumbles. “It’s just…that ad. Did you listen to it?”
“The one with all the people meowing and barking in the background?” She’s surprised at just how amused his voice sounds. Ben is quick to anger at times, but he’s also quick to let it all go. His mercurial moods used to take her by surprise, and not always in a good way, but now she just weathers them like she’s an old pro.
She supposes she is, really.
It feels like they’ve known each other forever in some ways and like they just met in others.
“Yes, that one. It’s the perfect idea!” She exclaims. At Ben’s quizzical look, she rolls her eyes. “Look, you said yourself that Christmas is ‘not your thing’…”
“Air quotes, Rey? Really?”
She laughs at the cocked eyebrow and lightly punches him on the arm. “Whatever. It’s not. I know that. You usually hole yourself up in your little house.”
“Our little house,” he reminds her.
It takes her a moment to speak after that. Because he’s right. It’s their house now. She’s been there any number of times, sometimes even crashed on the couch or shoved all his extra crap off the guest bed and spent the night there. But now it’s going to be her room, and she’s going to be living in close quarters with Ben. Ben who is larger than life and who always seems to fill the room with his presence. That Ben, the Ben she’s been harboring a crush on practically since she first met him.
“Yes,” she finally says. “Our house.” And she smiles. “But anyway, instead of just sitting around the house eating Chinese take-out and watching Netflix until it harasses us about how long we’ve had it on for, we could do something. Something that really means something.”
He levels his gaze on her. “Volunteering?”
“At the shelter. I know you have a soft spot for animals,” she points out. “Don’t think I haven’t seen the way you light up when your father stops by, and it’s not because of your father. We all know that.”
“Chewie,” he admits. His father has this gigantic brown dog, all hair and slobber, and Ben loves him. He’s down on the ground with his hands in his fur and letting the dog’s massive tongue bathe his face every single time his father stops by. And Han knows it. She knows there’s tension there, a relationship gone sour at some point, but the dog seems to somehow allow the two men to connect.
“Exactly.”
Ben purses his lips before, finally, agreeing. “Alright.”
“Yes!” Rey shouts. “Let’s go.”
He shakes his head and pulls the car back onto the road. “Unpacking first. Animals second.”
“Sure thing, boss,” she says and can’t help but laugh at the look he shoots her.
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She feels welcome almost as soon as she steps inside the door of the shelter. It’s a strangely cheerful place, considering this is where animals come when they’ve lost their homes. There’s soft Christmas music playing and a tree in one corner, decorated with plastic bones and bits of string. It’s a haphazard little thing, but Rey likes it, wandering over to take a closer look.
“Can I help you?”
She turns around to see an older woman with bright pink hair approaching them. She almost laughs at the hideous Christmas sweater she’s wearing, a bright blue cat chasing a large scary looking dog around a tree, but she chokes it back.
“We wanted to volunteer,” Rey says.
“We… uh… we heard your ad,” Ben manages to get out, and she reaches out to pat him on the arm.
Rey is amused to see the woman cringe a bit. “So that thing actually worked?” She laughs then. “That was Poe’s doing. He loves these animals like they’re his own kids.”
“It did,” Rey says. “We’d very much like to volunteer here for the holidays.”
The woman watches them for a moment and then holds out her hand. “Amilyn Holdo. Please, come with me if you’re serious. We have some paperwork you’ll need to fill out, and I have a few questions.”
“Of course,” Ben says. Amilyn walks off, and Ben waves his hand in front of himself. “After you,” he says, and Rey can’t help but grin, racing ahead of him to follow Amilyn down the hall.
It’s only when they reach what she assumes must be the office, does she realize Ben hasn’t followed. He’s stopped at one of the cages. Most of the animals are in the back, Amilyn tells them, but there are a few out front. Ones that have been there the longest, ones she has a hard time adopting out. There’s a small dog there, black and brown, and missing one eye.
“Ben?” she says, stepping back and touching him lightly on the forearm. When he turns to look at her, she feels like someone punched her in the gut. There’s such a look of longing there, and she’s not sure, for a moment, if it’s directed at her or the dog. Maybe both. She feels her heart beat a little faster.
And then it passes, and he closes his eyes. “Sorry. Let’s go talk to Amilyn.”
❄️❄️❄️
Only when Rey returns to the office, with Ben in tow, does she notice that he doesn’t have the same enthusiasm like earlier in the morning, back at their house.
Instead of the usual spark and warmth always present in Ben’s gaze, all that Rey can see now is uneasiness and conflict. He seems adrift in the sea, looking for something only he can see.
She only manages to take a few steps towards Ben to ask him what's wrong before Amilyn's voice stops her in her tracks.
"I see you managed to find your boyfriend," Amilyn says, while looking at some papers on her desk and failing to notice Rey's blush and Ben's reddening ears. After the briefly embarrassing moment, Amilyn raises her head from the papers and motions both Rey and Ben to sit in the chairs at her desk.
"Like I mentioned earlier, I need to ask both of you some questions, and I need honest answers, before I give you these papers to sign," Amilyn adds in a serious tone.
"Of course, we will offer you honest answers," both Rey and Ben answer in unison.
And so Amilyn starts asking them about their motivations for volunteering at the shelter during Christmas, a little bit about their experience regarding animals, and some questions about themselves. It sounds more like an interrogation than an interview, Rey thinks.
Ten minutes later, Amilyn, satisfied with their answers, is giving them the papers to fill out.
After both Rey and Ben sign the papers, Amilyn gives them two Christmas sweaters that are identical to the one she wears. Only then, Rey notices that the sweaters have the stamp of the shelter close to the neckline.
Rey scrambles into her sweater, grinning wildly as she watches Ben hold his out at arm's length and inspect the image on the front while pursing his lips incredulously.
Good. Maybe the gorgeousness of the sweater will distract him from whatever it was that had made him so gloomy.
Once they are both set, Amilyn gives them a few instructions and a list of things to do and then sends them to the back to meet Poe.
Once they get in the back, they are welcomed by a handsome man with black hair and a contagious smile who wears the same matching sweater.
"I'm Poe Dameron," the man presents himself, while he stretches out his hand.
"I'm Rey and this is my friend, Ben," Rey replies, while she shakes Poe's hand.
From the corner of her eyes, Rey notices that Ben grimaces after she started talking to Poe. Rey can't help herself but to wonder if Ben is jealous. Then she remembers, that Ben considers her only a friend.
"So, I suppose, based on your sweaters, that you two are the new volunteers for Takodana Animal Shelter?" Poe asks after he lets go of Rey's hand.
"Yes, we started today," Ben adds curtly, before Rey can answer.
Poe, who doesn't seem to be put off by Ben's irritation, replies with the same big smile, "Okay, allow me to show you the ropes around this place."
❄️❄️❄️
After a few hours of hard work, Poe leaves to talk to Amilyn about some stuff regarding the shelter while Ben and Rey take a break. Rey drinks her mint tea slowly, watching Ben's back from atop a crate. The silence wraps around them uncomfortably until Rey approaches him slowly and puts her hand on his back.
"Are you all right, Ben? You didn't seem like yourself since you saw that small dog earlier."
Ben's shoulders tense, and then he takes a steadying breath before turning around to face Rey.
"Rey," Ben starts with a hitch in his voice, "when I saw how that small dog from earlier still wags her tail and the big smile from her face, despite being abandoned by the people who were supposed to love her, something inside me broke for the little puppy."
Ben finishes, letting his head drop, while Rey puts her arms around his neck, hugging him.
If Rey wasn't already so gone for this giant, sometimes intimidating man with a heart of gold, she would be from those words alone. Her heart is stricken by how soft he is inside. It’s so different from the image he shows the rest of the world. The fact that he even allows her these small glimpses of the overwhelming empathy that he carries for others endears him to her more.
“Healing often starts with admitting that you need it,” she says to the world in general, her tone softer than it would be during a normal conversation, and if he heard her he gives no indication of it.
Thinking it better to leave Ben to his own thoughts for awhile, Rey decides to wander around and get herself acquainted with her companions if she is to spend so much time with them. Dogs and cats are housed in various rooms, all so cute and with such vivid personalities that she wouldn't trust herself in here if she—if they—had the room for a wild pack of furry beasts.
It is going to take some time to get used to, if she's honest with herself, because waking up and falling asleep in the same house, day in and day out, is a dream come true, or it would be if she didn’t have her own room and her own bed instead of sharing his.
Those thoughts are dangerous, she reprimands herself.
She’s made a full lap of the place before she realizes it, coming to see both the cat and dog that Amilyn referred to earlier. Her heart breaks a little at seeing the dog look up at her with one eye filled to the brim with so much love.
“You’re just Ben in animal form, aren't you?” The physical resemblance isn't there, but emotional scars carry the same amount of pain as physical scars.
One last scratch on her belly, and she moves over to the cat cage where a sleek, black Oriental cat is lounging in a quilted cat bed that looks handmade. His eyes track her, but he isn't as easily excited like his canine companion. Winning him over will take work.
The sign on the cage doesn't give any warnings about a bad temperament or an aversion to touch, so she doesn’t hesitate to open the square door and put her whole hand in. His head rises up, but only looks at her and her hand as if it's a mistake that will quickly be corrected.
Good thing Rey has the patience of a saint and downright refuses to give up on anything. “C’mon, bud. One little pet. It won't hurt, I promise.”
Untrusting eyes glance up at her face and back to her hand again before stretching long, taking up nearly the entire width of the stupid cage he's stuck in, and there's only an instant of hesitation—a single moment of trepidation—before he's pushing his whole head into her outstretched hand.
“There, now that wasn't so hard, was it?” A contented purr from her new friend is the only response she receives.
“You have a fan,” Ben says as he walks up behind her, nearly startling her half to death and causing the cat to glare at him when she pulls away.
Quickly closing the cage, Rey slides away from Ben, moving swiftly to take the seat behind the desk to greet any new visitors. She can't help that being so close to him frazzles her to the extreme. He's her friend, just a friend, and she schools herself to remember that.
People come and go looking for puppies or kittens to give as gifts for Christmas, not even batting an eye at the older animals who have been around for much longer.
Rey’s happy to see every animal that gets adopted go home with their new families, but, as the day passes, her heart starts to hurt for the older animals. The ones that gaze longingly and wag their tails in expectation as people approach and love on them but ultimately move on. The ones that won’t have a home for Christmas.
The latest group of people to come in, an elderly couple, adopts the last of a pair of Siamese kittens for their grandson, and Rey is quiet when Ben approaches. He steps behind her without a word, hands trying to rub the tension out of her knotted-up shoulders.
“I know it's hard,” he whispers, his chin resting on her shoulder, right next to her ear, “but look at how happy these guys are because you're here.”
Lifting her face, the first thing she sees is the dog watching them with her tongue lolling out of her mouth. Her eyes are firmly fixed on Ben, and when Ben leans over the desk to waggle his fingers in the dog’s direction, she barks excitedly.
“Looks like you have a fan, too,” Rey says, smiling softly as she watches Ben. She walks over to the cat cage, reaching in and pulling the sweet little thing out to cradle him in her arms. “They’re both so sweet. Why can't people see that these two deserve a home, too?”
There is no hesitation in wrapping his arms around the both of them. Even though he doesn’t say anything, it puts her at ease, his strength and solid form are what she needs while she pulls herself together.
“Thanks.” She offers him a quiet smile before snuggling deeper into his embrace, listening to the soft rumbling of the cat as she softly strokes his back and Ben strokes hers.