Work Text:
one
When Taehyung meets Yoongi for the first time, he has stars in his eyes. Yoongi is older than him, a former underground rapper, and he has his shit together. Taehyung thinks he's so cool that he practically vibrates with excitement when he gets to shake his hand. But Yoongi doesn't become Taehyung's hero until months later.
It happens when Taehyung's making funny faces at Jungkook and Jimin instead of practicing his choreography like he's supposed to. He thinks it's fun to make them laugh and lose their footing.
Their choreographer doesn't see it that way.
"If you're not going to take this seriously, then you're wasting my time!" he yells at Taehyung. "You're wasting everyone's time! Can't you see how hard everyone's working?" This choreographer is strict so to see him explode like this, face red, eyebrows drawn, is terrifying. It's also terrifying for another reason, especially when he adds, "Start behaving, Taehyung, or you won't debut!"
Taehyung freezes, a chill going down his spine. They're months away from debuting, but nothing is written in stone. Taehyung is their hidden member. He hasn't been announced as an official member of Bangtan yet. His position in the group is the most precarious, and a respected member of the industry is threatening him with his worst fears in front of everyone.
His hands are shaking and he blinks against the tears he feels building in his eyes. He doesn't know what to say or what to do. "I'm sorr--" he starts to stutter, head lowered and feeling thoroughly chastised, but he's quickly cut off.
"You're what?" the choreographer asks, hand cupped to his ear mockingly.
But before Taehyung can try to apologize again, Yoongi, of all people, calls out, "That's enough!"
His tone is harsh and angry. He's sitting with his back to the far wall, and Taehyung watches through blurry eyes as he slowly gets to his feet and walks towards them, putting himself between Taehyung and the choreographer.
"You can't talk to us like this," he tells the choreographer, his voice low, even, and cold. "The company has been using this same threat for years, but you can't anymore."
"What?" the choreographer snaps.
Taehyung holds his breath.
"We're going to debut soon. It's been announced," Yoongi points out. "You can't threaten to fire us anymore."
The choreographer scoffs. "Do you really think you're that special?"
Yoongi shrugs and throws back, "Taehyung is one of us. You fire him, we all walk. Then what?"
And before Taehyung can process that or the way the choreographer's mouth falls open, Yoongi grabs him by the wrist and steers Taehyung out of the room. Taehyung's hands are still shaking and his vision is still obscured by tears, so the next thing he knows, he's in an empty office with Yoongi maneuvering him into a desk chair.
He doesn't know how long he sits there, but his tears are almost dry when it hits him that debuting has been Yoongi's dream for far longer than it has been his. He knows that Yoongi's family doesn't support him, and that before he came to BigHit, he barely had the means to support himself. He needs this job, arguably more than Taehyung does.
He finally looks up at Yoongi, where he's sitting on the edge of the desk. "Why did you do that?"
"The way he treated you was wrong," Yoongi answers easily.
"But I messed up." Taehyung was the one who wasn't taking practice seriously. He deserved that dressing down even if it hurt. Maybe the choreographer was right. "Maybe I deserve to go home."
"No." Yoongi locks eyes with Taehyung. "He had no right to threaten you. You've worked as hard as the rest of us." Taehyung opens his mouth to protest, but Yoongi isn't done. He places his hands on Taehyung's shoulders and speaks with a confidence that leaves no room for argument. "Bangtan's going to debut and you're debuting with us."
two
The second time Yoongi is Taehyung's hero happens years later when they're in the planning stages for what will become their first Love Yourself album. It happens when they're in a meeting room, just the seven of them, hashing out ideas.
"I like the 'love yourself' idea," Namjoon says. "We could use this as an opportunity to celebrate diversity, like race and gender."
Taehyung likes this idea too. It's a nice message and it would appeal to their worldwide fanbase.
"We should include more understandings of diversity," Yoongi says then, rubbing his chin with his hand.
Namjoon hums. "Like what?"
"How about disability?" Jungkook asks.
There are murmurs of assent and that's when Yoongi says, "Let's include sexuality as well."
The room goes quiet. Taehyung hears himself swallow. This is one of those topics they aren't supposed to talk about as idols. Or in general, really. But Yoongi is persistent.
"It's a natural form of human diversity that shouldn't be persecuted," he tells them. "And we know it will resonate with our fans."
Namjoon sighs. "It may also alienate some fans."
"Namjoon's right," Taehyung says because he's uncomfortable. "Maybe we should play it safe."
Yoongi stares down at the tabletop and frowns. There's a crease in his brow and Taehyung can tell that he's thinking -- that this conversation is making him uncomfortable too. "But it's not safe for a lot of people," he says after a moment, his voice quieter now, almost a whisper. "Liking the 'wrong' genders gets people kicked out of their home or beat up... or even killed. We should include it." He raises his gaze and he and Namjoon share a look.
Namjoon nods. "Okay," he says. "I'll ask if we can do it. I can't promise anything, but I'll ask."
"Thank you," Yoongi says, and even when they move on to discussing other potential themes, Taehyung finds himself staring at Yoongi, at the way his brows are still furrowed -- at the way that despite his own obvious discomfort, he stood up for what he believes in.
*
(Taehyung remembers an interview from shortly after they debuted. They were all asked why they wanted to be idols. Taehyung answered that he wanted to support his family, make art, and make people happy. They all answered the same general things, except for Yoongi.
Yoongi said something that Taehyung didn't expect -- something that when he thinks about it now, helps him understand Yoongi a little more. Yoongi answered, "I want to change the world.")
three
Shortly after Taehyung turns twenty-three, he realizes he's not straight.
He and Jimin are lying together on the couch watching videos on Taehyung's tablet. Jimin is cuddled up behind him, his body a warm weight against Taehyung's back, his chin propped up on Taehyung's shoulder. The video is funny, and Jimin curls forward with the force of his laughter, squeezing Taehyung tighter as his breath tickles the side of Taehyung's neck.
Taehyung has an urge then -- an urge that feels like it comes out of nowhere -- to turn his head to the side and kiss Jimin. Not peck him on the cheek like he does sometimes, but kiss him in a way that's decidedly not platonic.
Later, he tries to push the thought away, telling himself it was just a one-time thing, but it isn't. He finds himself watching Jimin from across the room, his heart racing. When he lets himself think about it, he knows that what he's feeling isn't exactly new. It's something that evolved over time, creeped up on him slowly -- something he's just now learning to name.
But naming it means facing it, and facing it is hard.
That night, he curls up in his bed and cries. He knows that this is a realization he can't go back from -- that from now on, liking boys is part of his reality. It shouldn't be scary, but it is, and he hates himself both for his feelings and for hating them so much.
It isn't until the early hours of the morning, when they only have a short time before their alarms go off, that he remembers Yoongi in that meeting months ago, arguing that they should include sexuality as part of their album concept -- arguing that what Taehyung's feeling is natural and not something life-shattering and awful.
He stumbles to his feet, and on unsteady legs, he walks through the darkness, down the hallway to Yoongi's bedroom door. He hesitates, a tightness in his throat, before he finally raises his hand and knocks.
There's silence from the other side of the door. Of course there is. Yoongi is asleep, like Taehyung should be. Taehyung shouldn't be interrupting his rest given the schedule they have but...
Taehyung covers his mouth with his hand to muffle the sob that wants to escape. He leans his forehead against the door and knocks again.
He almost falls forward when the door opens.
"Taehyung?" asks Yoongi's rough, sleep-worn voice, and Taehyung feels his face crumple. He lets out a sharp whine, and then Yoongi's arms are pulling him inside and wrapping around him. His whole body shakes, and Yoongi holds him through it.
Eventually, he tugs Taehyung towards the bed and has him sit on the edge of the mattress while he fetches tissues for Taehyung to wipe his eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asks softly.
Taehyung shakes his head. The realization is too new. Too raw.
But he's grateful -- so, so grateful -- that he could talk about it if he wanted to. That if he says his revelation aloud to Yoongi, Yoongi wouldn't hate him. That Yoongi would continue to support him.
It means a lot to him that even if he isn't okay, that he isn't alone, and so he feels something in his heart settle as leans against Yoongi's side and closes his eyes.
*
He tells Yoongi a week later. He sits on the couch in Yoongi's studio, his legs pulled up against his chest and says what he's never given voice to before.
"I like Jimin."
He doesn't have to explain that he isn't talking about liking Jimin as a friend. He doesn't have to explain that this was what was eating him inside when he showed up at Yoongi's door in the middle of the night. Yoongi just nods and slowly slides his chair across the floor so that he's in front of Taehyung. He offers Taehyung a small, lopsided smile that softens his expression and says, "You know I'll always love you, right?"
Taehyung's eyes water and he nods, and though he knew Yoongi would support him, he still feels nothing but relief when Yoongi takes his hand in his own and squeezes it.
*
(It takes him a year to figure himself out enough to tell Jimin that he's bi.
Jimin doesn't hate him either.)
four
Renegotiating their contracts is a miserable process.
They don't like the first or second offers BigHit puts on the table and they have a serious, heart-breaking talk about potentially disbanding. Taehyung is not the only one who cries through it.
But though Yoongi's face is streaked with tears, he points out, "We're the only act BigHit has right now. If we don't agree to a new contract, there's a chance they could fold."
He suggests that they make a list of the things they want and present it to the company. Slowly, sitting around their living room, they create their terms, Namjoon with a pen in hand to jot down notes. They talk about money the most -- figuring out what percentages of their profits the company will get and what will go to them. But when they talk about living expenses and things like the cost of choreographers and makeup artists, Yoongi says, "We shouldn't have to pay for that. The company should cover it."
Taehyung thinks Yoongi is right. They all do, but this is how the industry works. The money a company invests in a group -- for everything from practice space to wardrobe to housing to food -- is expected to be paid back out of the group's earnings. Bangtan is no exception. It took them almost three years after they debuted to get their first paychecks. All the money they made before that went towards paying down the debt they owed BigHit for the cost of their training. Even now, their paychecks still get docked with their current expenses.
"They're not going to agree to that," Seokjin says.
Hoseok nods. "We're going to be lucky if they agree to even half of what we're asking for."
"But we have leverage," Yoongi reminds them, and then asks, "What are things you would change about the industry if you could?"
They all have something to say, mostly about finances and working conditions. Taehyung takes time to think about his answer, and there's something that has bothered him for a long time.
"Our first dorms," he says. "They kept all us in one room." They had made it work, but their tiny apartment packed full of bunk beds wasn't the best experience. "They shouldn't do that. They had the money to get us a bigger place."
Saying this aloud feels ridiculous, because there's nothing they can do about it, but Yoongi simply nods. "Add it to the list," he tells Namjoon.
Over the next few hours, the seven of them create a list of demands so long that Taehyung is sure that BigHit will laugh in their faces the second they see it.
*
But BigHit accepts it. They don't accept everything and they have to renegotiate and clarify their terms a few more times, but by the end, BigHit has not only agreed to pay them more equitably and cover more costs, they've also promised things Taehyung would have never thought possible, like a complete overhaul of their trainee system.
They're all given a paper copy of the new contract to review, and Taehyung ends up sitting in his room with it in his hands, reading and re-reading the new clauses over and over again and feeling something akin to awe. Their new contract doesn't just benefit them, it's going to benefit all the acts that come after them too.
He's also in awe because he knows that this contract wouldn't exist if wasn't for Yoongi.
five
The five-member group Saturn is called "the next BTS". They're produced by Toseong Media and for the last two years, they've been a force to be reckoned with. They've had top selling singles and albums, and a sold-out worldwide tour. They're nowhere near Bangtan's level of success yet, but they're popular and that popularity is only rising.
So when one of its members, Park Dohyun, is photographed in a car kissing a man, it's a big news. It's all the media outlets talk about, plastering the same picture on every television screen and magazine. Toseong Media sends out a press release stating that the photo is fake, but regardless of its authenticity, the backlash Saturn and especially Dohyun receives is very real.
The whole thing makes Taehyung want to cry at the same times it makes his hands close into fists at his side. It's a nightmare, and one that if he's not careful, could be his. One that gets worse when two of Saturn's members publicly turn against Dohyun, and Toseong Media announces the disbandment of Saturn a few days later.
Taehyung has Jimin though. Jimin who holds him close and runs soothing hands down his back. And he has Yoongi, who he finds out from Namjoon walked into Bang PD's office and demanded that BigHit take on and represent Dohyun.
"Why?" Taehyung asks Yoongi later when they're alone in his studio. He doesn't understand. Dohyun is a basically a pariah in the industry. Seemingly everyone is blaming him for Saturn's sudden collapse.
"Because no one deserves to be treated liked this," he tells Taehyung, reminding him of the way Yoongi stood up for him when they were still trainees. But then Yoongi frowns and gestures between Taehyung and himself, and when he speaks again, his voice is much quieter, like his words are meant only for Taehyung. "Because one day, it could be one of us."
*
Taehyung doesn't see this coming, but when he looks back, it makes sense. Taehyung is still a little in shock when Yoongi explains to him that he's only the second person to know after Namjoon.
Though Yoongi's voice is confident, Taehyung can tell that he's nervous. His fingers are digging into his thighs and his gaze is focused on a spot in the carpet. Taehyung remembers what it was like to tell Yoongi and to tell Jimin, and he crouches down in front of Yoongi's chair and covers Yoongi's hands with his own.
"I love you, hyung," he tells Yoongi easily, looking up at him and smiling when Yoongi meets his eyes.
*
In a move that shocks the industry, BigHit takes on Dohyun.
Dohyun is talented and funny, but also undeniably sad. His group and company abandoned him and so did his boyfriend, Taehyung learns. He's less sad, though, when Yoongi invites him to his studio.
Yoongi starts writing Dohyun songs, and sometimes, Taehyung sits in with them, mostly observing the process and trying to make Dohyun feel welcome. Namjoon helps too, writing lyrics and helping with producing.
The reactions of the other members to Dohyun's acquisition are mixed. Jimin is one-hundred percent behind it. So is Jungkook. Hoseok and Seokjin are wary at first, fearful of how this could impact Bangtan and BigHit, but they come around quickly. And as they do, Taehyung realizes that if news about him ever came out, Bangtan wouldn't disband like Saturn did. Because Bangtan isn't like that and because Yoongi would be there. Because Yoongi would fight for him, media hellstorm be damned.
*
When news breaks that Yoongi and Namjoon wrote most of the songs on Dohyun's upcoming solo album, rumors start up that Dohyun corrupted Bangtan -- that Bangtan has been tarnished by this and that their sales will suffer. The media even find ARMYs to interview who are willing to say they won't support Bangtan anymore, but their entire discography just entered the charts again so Taehyung knows that these so-called fans were cherry-picked.
That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It doesn't make it any less scary.
But it's easier when they publicly promote Dohyun's album whenever a reporter asks some backhanded question about it. It's easier when Dohyun isn't as sad anymore. And it's easier when at a fan-meet, a fan quietly tells them that she's gay and says, "You helped me love myself."
*
(Yoongi comes out to the rest of the members soon afterwards.
Taehyung comes out six weeks after him, and Yoongi is there the whole time, like he's always been, a steady support at his side.)
plus one
It's a year later, almost to the day, that another scandal surrounding Dohyun becomes breaking news. It's not a photo this time. This time it's video footage of Dohyun kissing another man.
It makes headlines not just because it's video evidence of Dohyun doing what got him in trouble before, but because the man he's kissing is Yoongi.
In the video, Dohyun bends down and kisses Yoongi on the forehead first and then on the cheek and mouth. They're alone in a kitchen in someone's home, presumably during a small get-together. It would be cute, if it wasn't clear that neither Dohyun nor Yoongi knew they were being filmed, and if this video wasn't released without their consent.
Yoongi is understandably furious, but also a wreck. Taehyung finds him in Namjoon's arms on his studio floor, his hands over his eyes as he cries.
"I'm sorry," he tells them both. "I'm so sorry."
"For what?" Namjoon asks gently.
"I didn't want there to be a scandal. I never wanted to hurt Bangtan."
Namjoon shushes him gently. "We'll figure this out."
As Taehyung presses himself up against Yoongi's back, it hits him that when he imagined something like this ever happening to them, he pictured Yoongi being the one to handle it. It was always Yoongi who swept in like a knight in shining armor and made things right.
He's Taehyung's hero, but this time, Yoongi is in no shape to save anyone, least of all himself.
So Taehyung hugs Yoongi tighter and knows what he has to do.
*
(After Dohyun joins BigHit, Yoongi asks Taehyung why he hasn't told Jimin how he feels. Taehyung admits that he's scared. Not just of Jimin saying no, but of him saying yes. If the media ever was to find out that he's dating a fellow member, they would eat Bangtan alive.
Even though Taehyung knows Bangtan wouldn't disband, the thought of being dragged through the mud is no less terrifying. The thought of Jimin being dragged through the mud with him, however, is unimaginable.
"I wouldn't want someone I love to be involved in a scandal because of me," he says.
"It wouldn't be your fault," Yoongi tells him. He says it simply like Taehyung would be able to consider logic if something like this happened -- as if the guilt wouldn't eat him alive anyway. "It would be the fault of the media who make it a scandal in the first place.")
*
Taehyung's up all night, thinking about his next steps. In the morning, while Yoongi is finally sleeping, he tells the others and Dohyun what he plans to do. They're surprised but they all agree to support him, so he's ready when they're called into a mandatory meeting that afternoon.
The management team and the publicists start, going over the best damage control options and drafts of potential press releases. As they speak, Taehyung watches Yoongi lower his head to hide his face. Taehyung can still see his anger, his guilt, and especially his fear. Taehyung feels an echo of these same feelings in himself, including the fear. He's terrified too. In so many ways, this is like coming face to face with his ultimate nightmare. But that's why he needs to do this.
When a publicist declares that Bangtan is to go on mandatory hiatus, Taehyung interrupts him before he can finish his sentence.
"We're not going on hiatus."
There's a beat of silence. One of the managers breaks it. "Excuse me?"
Taehyung's caught them off guard. After all, meetings like this are reprimands. They aren't expected to speak. Just listen and be disciplined.
He wets his lips. "We're not going on hiatus and we're not releasing a statement saying we were wrong," he says more forcefully.
He has their attention now, but he has Yoongi's too. He looks up from his lap and stares at Taehyung with wide eyes. Taehyung looks back at him when he says, "Because we haven't done anything wrong. We shouldn't have to apologize or be punished."
A publicist shakes her head and Taehyung doesn't miss the way she glances at Yoongi when she says, "The video is damning."
Taehyung lets his gaze slide over to her. The look he gives her is impersonal and unimpressed and it hides the way his hands are trembling. "The video was an invasion of privacy."
Another publicist scoffs. "It was released publicly. It's something we need to deal with."
"That's not our fault," Taehyung says. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices that Yoongi is sitting up straighter, Namjoon's hand a supportive weight on his shoulder. "And this isn't up for debate. As I said, we're not going to apologize or be punished for something we weren't in the wrong for."
"That will just cause another scandal," a manger tells him, clearly frustrated.
But Taehyung is ready for him -- he's ready for all of them because of Yoongi. Because he's watched Yoongi fight like this for others for years, and now it's his turn to return the favor. "This is about doing the right thing," Taehyung says, recalling a conversation years ago. "Sexuality is a natural form of human diversity. It shouldn't be persecuted."
"What we need to do is damage control. You're Bangtan," another manager says. "You can't afford a scandal like this."
But Yoongi prepared Taehyung for this argument too. "We can afford a scandal like this because we're Bangtan," he says, and even though he's still trembling, he feels the corners of his lips curve upwards. "We're the most popular group in the world. We have leverage."
*
Instead of planning a hiatus, they plan a comeback.
*
When they make it back to the dorms, Yoongi's watching him, his eyes bright with something more than tears -- something that looks like wonder. Taehyung closes the distance between them and pulls him into his arms.
"Taehyung..." Yoongi starts to say, his face is pressed against his shoulder.
Taehyung understands though, and beats him to it. "Thank you."
Startled, Yoongi pulls back quickly, just enough to look up at him.
"You taught me how to do that," Taehyung tells him, and when he smiles, he finds that his eyes are wet too.
Yoongi's mouth falls open. "Taehyung..." he says again.
Taehyung pulls him back in against his chest. Yoongi clings to him, his hands digging into the back of Taehyung's shirt, and Taehyung buries his face in Yoongi's hair, holding on to him just as tightly.
*
("You should tell Jimin how you feel," Yoongi says to Taehyung much later.
While Taehyung's still afraid, it's not as scary as it was before. Not when Yoongi is encouraging him. Not after the worst happened to Yoongi and he survived. So Taehyung finally sits Jimin down and pours his heart out.
He's nervous, especially when Jimin asks him for time to think about his answer. He's not sure Jimin even likes men and Jimin knows, first-hand now, the risks a relationship between them would bring.
But Jimin comes back to him with a brilliant smile and Taehyung forgets to be afraid.)
*
Yoongi always wanted to change the world.
Taehyung knows he already has.