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Sometimes, Ray wished he fell in love with the other Hawkman, the one from Thanagar who isn’t bound by some ancient magic to love one soul for all eternity. He knows that other Hawkman is still in love with someone else too, with another woman who also calls herself Hawkwoman, but at least it wouldn’t feel quite so hopeless. At least Ray would know that that Hawkman really chose someone else, and he wouldn’t be lying awake at night wondering how different it would be if Carter wasn’t bound to love someone who wasn’t him, if Carter could choose whoever he wanted, and then…if Carter would choose him.
Because sometimes Carter shares a small, secret smile with him, Carter whose face is usually so serious or bared in a scowl, and it’s because of Ray. Because he was able to put it there. And he thinks, maybe.
Maybe Thursday dinners could be more than two friends catching up, and he could hold Carter’s hand in his own, feel his pulse under his thumb, watch the bob of his throat without looking away once. He could kiss him goodnight, breathing the smell of Carter's aftershave and dragging him down to his height by those ties he always insists on wearing when he isn’t running around bare-chested and wild.
Maybe they could collapse in the same apartment after patrolling all night and lie down next to each other, watching the sun rise on the same bed, listening to each other’s breath even and slow in time.
Maybe they’ll wake up every morning, together, and make love until the physics department secretary calls to yell at him about arriving to his lectures on time. And Carter will laugh at him, and he’ll be close enough to feel that low sound vibrating through his chest. He’ll be close enough to kiss that mouth shut.
Maybe they could work at the same university, and he could make Carter so flustered between breaks that the big guy’ll walk into his next class trying to lecture the students in Ancient Egyptian with his shirt untucked.
Maybe.
And then he remembers he can’t be the only one who’s seen Carter smile like that, because Ray can see from Kendra’s eyes when she looks at him that she knows, too. She knows how the angles of his face can soften when he lets his guard down and how young he looks when he laughs. He can tell that Kendra, for all that she says they’re just friends, loves Carter a little more than she’ll admit. Between the two of them, he knows which one Carter would choose. Of course he does.
After all, Kendra is…amazing. She’s so tough and principled, kind in her own rough way and always knows how to put Carter’s head back on straight when the man is being too stubborn. She has this killer left hook and makes the best très leches Ray’s ever tasted. She doesn’t take shit and is goddamn beautiful in that timeless way both of the hawks are – in the way Ray isn’t. She gets excited about filmmaking the same way Carter gets excited about history and when they start debating film history no one else can get a word in edgewise. Honestly, he can’t blame Carter, because after spending so much time with the two of them now he’s halfway in love with her himself -– oh. Oh, God.
And Ray curses himself for always falling in love with people who will never love him in the same way.
“Hey, Carter.”
“Mm-hmm?”
“I think you should tell Ray about the giant crush we have on him. Because I think lately – God, Carter, you’re not that discreet when you’re staring at his ass, stop looking so fucking appalled. It’s a great ass though, glad we have the same taste. Anyway, I think we should tell him before he, like, starts openly crying at justice league meetings or something. He looks so goddamn depressed, y'know? If he looks at us one more time and sighs like his dog just died I swear I’m just gonna punch his stupid cute face in.”
Kendra reconsidered.
“Oh, or I could dramatically kiss him in front of everyone and that would solve things also, right?”
“Kendra, I don’t think-”
“Aw, don’t make that face at me. You know I’m right. Or! Or, are you mad that I'm making the first move even though you’ve known him longer? Are you mad that I’m calling your coward ass out? What, wanna arm wrestle me for the right to kiss Ray first, Carter?”