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Dear Dean,
We were incredible.
Every part of what we were shone brighter than the fires of your nightmares and the heaven of my dreams. Flames mixed with ice and the rest was history.
There’s no denying that we were beautiful together, not even God could make me doubt what we were.
But the problem is not that I doubt what we were.
I don’t doubt that you loved me, I don’t doubt that you wanted me or needed me. I don’t doubt that you would’ve taken that chance at an apple pie life, with me.
I don’t doubt what we were Dean.
But I doubt what we are, now.
Once, you would’ve done anything to keep me. Once, we would’ve gripped tightly, maybe too tightly, at the connection we shared.
If I left?
Once, you would have followed.
Now, you wouldn't - you didn't follow.
And that's okay.
Not because I don't love you, or I believe that it's okay that you hurt me, but because we missed our chance.
We don't fit like puzzle pieces anymore. Everything that happened to us, around us, with us... shaped us. The pain of heartache, the betrayal - it carved pieces away at the edges until you no longer fit with me.
I think it started the second I made that Deal with Crowley. I saw the first breakage when you found out... and from then on we were doomed.
I tried.
I tried to break off pieces of myself, leave behind the parts of me that I wanted to keep, so I could fit with you again... It didn't matter to me. I didn't care how much I had to carve away if it meant that one day I'd reach you, and be your other half again.
But you kept changing and I couldn't keep up.
And eventually, the pain of lost pieces was too much to bear, and I stopped. I gave up trying to fit with you.
What we were, was two halves destined to find each other's arms. What we are... is two separate, so very different, strangers, who know too much about one another.
I want, I wish we had worked.
I wish, more than anything that we still could find comfort and love in each other's arms. I wish things were different, I really do.
You told me not to change.
And I wish I could've told you the same thing, or understood how to live out that wish but...
How could we not change?
So much has happened Dean, so much has changed since that night on the side of the road.
I still love you.
I don't think that will ever change.
Because you're Dean, and everything about you made me want to abandon every aspect of my life - heaven, my brothers and sisters, my wings.
You are more beautiful than words can explain.
Your emerald green eyes, your freckles, your smile, your bravery, your kindness, your selflessness... all so so very breathtaking, but the most beautiful, Dean, is your soul.
No words can describe the kind of light it radiates... you have no idea how incredible it is.
For these qualities, I love you.
I will always love you.
But I know, better now, and I am aware of the change, and the breakage between us.
It's hard for me to come to terms with but, Dean, I know now...
Sometimes some stories don't have a happy ending.
Sincerely, Castiel.