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Rey doesn’t hesitate because she doesn’t want to — she’s awoken from something impossible with his hand pressed against her, the hand that reached into the darkness and pulled her out. The man who stood by her side and became Ben again, her Ben.
Her Ben, now, she knows that the second she saw him through their bond, his hair a mess, his shirt loose and his determination to be by her side filling her with an indescribable joy.
He fights better by her side. She fights better by his.
That hesitation, it’s also because she’s never, really… Me neither , his voice is in her head and it’s all the push she needs. Suddenly she’s crashing her lips against his and her eyes are pricking with tears. Maybe his lips taste a little like dirt, but she doesn’t care. There’s no need for prior experience, the force moves between them and it’s visceral and beautiful and as she pulls away, she sees something she swears she’s never seen.
Ben Solo smiles at her like she hung all the moons in the sky, he chuckles softly with such genuine happiness that Rey thinks maybe it’s the most powerful thing in the galaxy. The fact that this smile, this beautiful, happy boy has been hidden underneath a mask and trodden down by those who took advantage of his heart makes her livid, but she can hardly feel it. The overwhelming joy takes priority and she lets it. She grins back at him, blinking so tears won’t blur her view of this rare and beautiful moment. Oh, she loves his smile. She loves it so much she’s already decided to make it her personal mission to keep him smiling like this at her forever. His eyes are glassy too but filled with such emotion, she doesn’t know she’s ever been looked at like this. His stare has always been disarming, but this one lays her heart completely open to him.
“Ben,” Rey whispers his name, her voice still raw. She feels unsteady, but renewed. She’s strong. Her fingertips brush against that unruly hair she’s ached to touch for longer than she’ll ever willingly admit. The pad of her thumb glides over his cheek and she feels the words get caught in her throat. She wants to laugh but she wants to cry too. “You brought me back.”
He seems to swallow, ducking his head slightly but she hardly lets him get away with averting his gaze. His shoulders slump like he’s been tensed up. “Of course.” His voice is velvet, his smile remains but he’s a little more hesitant.
Around them, there are cracks and explosions, but she needs this moment to last a little longer. She needs it to just be her and Ben inside this sacred, quiet moment.
Rey can’t help herself, she leans in again and kisses him once more, fingers threading into his hair as she pecks him several more times before pulling back. “Ben, I love you.” She spurts out breathlessly. There’s a warm tear rolling down her cheek that she doesn’t remember shedding and she quickly wipes at it. Ben reaches for her hand, interlocking their fingers as he gazes at her.
For a moment he looks pained, some part of her knows he hasn’t really said that to someone in a while, especially not someone who wasn’t his mother. And, oh, they’d lost Leia. That reminder seems to run through both of them, she can feel it. She worries maybe the words won’t come out and she almost tells him he doesn’t need to, she knows it’s not easy on him. It’s been hard enough to turn, to come to her as Ben.
“I love you too, Rey.” He speaks with such tenderness that Rey melts into a puddle of more tears. It’s clear that it’s difficult to him, he says it a little too fast, almost nervous as if he will be rejected when she’s already told him how she feels, but for her, he does the difficult things. For him, too, she thinks.
Again, around them there is more being destroyed, more coming apart as they unite. Two halves of the same coin. A dyad, Palpatine had said. Their bond, stronger than anything. The strongest thing in the galaxy.
“We have to go.” She tells him, moving a little where he’d been cradling her, but he groans in pain when her body presses ever so slightly against his leg as they try to untangle. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” He mutters, shaking his head. Always holding back his pain, fighting against it. He’s more Ben than he’s ever been, she’s seen it now, but there are still parts of him she’ll have to slowly reveal. Now they’ll have time for it, she thinks.
Gingerly, Rey removes herself from him and then lifts to her feet. She’s not the most steady, but she’s steadier than him. With an outstretched hand, she smiles again and it reminds her of something. When he takes her hand, she holds it tight and together they both pull him up. As he stands, he looks down at her with sudden unease. She knows she has to go to her friends, to the family she’s found. Home.
Ben opens his mouth to speak, but then a crease forms between his eyebrows. They’re both exhausted, but he still expresses his concern. “I don’t know if they’ll be okay with… Rey, I’ve—”
Rey’s eyes fill with tears the second he starts to suggest that they should ever be apart. Especially after everything they’ve just been through. Swallowing thickly, she’s firm with him.
“If you think after everything I’m just going to let you go, you’re—” Rey begins.
Ben quickly interrupts her, stepping closer though it’s more of a limp. His leg needs medical attention, that much is clear. “ No , I don’t want... I’m just trying to...” Instead of finishing his thoughts, he just exhales
“Come with me. Come home, Ben. We’ll figure it out, together.” She says it with such confidence, but underneath it she’s pleading with him. She won’t lose him again, if she has to take him out with the force and haul him over her damn shoulders…
“Okay.” Ben nods, clenching his jaw. “Okay.”
With arm is thrown over her shoulder, his body weight leaning a little on her smaller form they make it back to the X-Wing. Rey focuses on flying them home and not on what she’s going to tell Finn and Poe and everyone while Ben sleeps basically shoved in behind her, the two of them barely fitting in the cockpit.
Their bond is stronger than anything. It’s allowed them to save each other, the Force has brought them together time and time again, it has given them what they needed to come out the other side stronger. It has linked them together, forever. Rey knows Ben understands this as well as she does and that’s why despite his fear, he won’t leave her. That’s why he came to help her, to save her when she needed him.
They’ll just have to just accept it, they’ll have to learn to understand it, because she’s never going to let this tall, frustrating, stubborn, beautiful man leave her side. Never again.