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The breeze that came in whistling through the half-open window hit the curtains slightly making them fly up in the air. The room was cradled by the smell of an oak tree.
The dining area was now deprived of all the things that once had made it so full of light. It was quiet and heinously chilly. Though, the reason behind it was not the fresh spring air raging outside. Even for the dimmest, it was painfully obvious: so many words were left unsaid, making all the warmth and the familiarity diminish. Possibly, it was due to fear.
Perhaps admitting the cold hard truth would only bring it closer.
Yuu was a wreck, of course, considering the circumstances, but he was still alive and had at least a small chance of living the life he deserved. At least that’s the way Mika saw it.
He had known it after all. Known that the world wouldn't just turn back to what it was before the apocalypse. Losses were bound to come their way. And truthfully, everyone really was craving for things to change. But appealing to everyone’s perspectives and needs really was all too hard.
"So," Yuu hesitated, "we're just not gonna do anything about this?"
Mika also knew Yuu wasn't willing enough to give up that quickly. After all, it’s in his nature. The desire to save everyone.
"Sure, we’ve all got some beef with vampires, but you? Without you, I think we’d all be dead!” The tone, despite it seeming repressive, no longer held the power it had before. It was more like a whine. A beg. The indefinable pain slowly wandering through those shaky words and faded eyes, piercing Mika like thousand knives.
"Yuu—," Mika had said this already, way too many times, but it seems like Yuu just refuses to condone. And somehow, even with its annoyance, Yuu’s behavior was comforting. It was familiar. A warm reminder of who they once were and who they still were, even under that heavy layer of distress and tears that had had its time to thicken. Yuu was still Yuu, and Mika was relieved.
Hard times could change a person, usually for the worse.
But Yuu was better than that.
"No, don't! Don't you dare say it!" Yuu's hand hit the table hard, knocking down a paper cup filled with cooled, untouched coffee. "You are family, Mika. If you really are dumb enough to think I'm just gonna let you get killed..." he shifted his gaze down towards where the coffee was slowly wandering off the table, "I, I just don't get it."
His voice cracked at the last syllable, almost turning it into a sob.
The sound of coffee dripping to the floor was unnaturally loud, perhaps even dreadfully so. The vigorous wave of desperation and loss making it harder and harder to breathe, drop by drop. While the silence kept stretching a bit too long again, turning almost harrowing.
"You do realize there is really nothing we can do about this," Mika said slowly, possibly for the hundredth time and for the hundredth time Yuu denies the truth.
"Let's figure something out then! Mika you're important to me and I don't wanna watch you die!"
Mika turned his head away, then I'll have to watch you die, he thought, but didn't let the words spill from his lips, despite how much he wanted Yuu to see his true fear. The fear of experiencing bereavement, yet again.
Mika needed Yuu’s comfort, needed his understanding, even through knowing he held the same fear as him.
One could say it was selfish. But after seeing how much Yuu’s new family meant to him, how they could easily make him forget about the haunting screams of their past, again and again. Even to the point where Mika felt like all those years of desperately trying to stay alive for Yuu were suffered in vain. He had really started to think Yuu didn’t need him. At least it didn’t seem like he needed him. He would be fine as long as Shinoa and the others would be there to pick him back up.
His new family was all and more he could ask for.
Who was Mika to deny their connection, when he could do nothing but watch Yuu so blindly holding onto his loyalty and kindness towards the humans.
Mika felt anger. But mostly it was envy that took the better of him. He couldn’t help but think he really was only an instrument that made Yuu’s grief greaten. A sad reminder of what they had lost. A barrier between Yuu and his newly found friends. A drag. Even if Yuu tried to convince him this wasn’t true, Mika didn’t know how to believe otherwise
After all those years of living for Yuu, dying for Yuu only seemed like the natural next step. The final destination.
Though, Mika felt hollow.
He would be lying if he said he didn’t wish to live alongside Yuu. But he was too conflicted, stuck at an impasse.
There, on the kitchen counter they had laid an ugly note, some kind of a declaration or a guide, the start of all current grief. Something they had already read too many times to count, and memorized every sentence in their most cruel form. A word after a word it got more depressing, mercilessly draining every last bit of hope they could see. After a while the words started to seem incoherent. But one thing remained as clear as it was given: all remaining vampires were to be executed.
No exceptions.
It goes without saying, there’s no way to evade it. Not after this.
Sure, right after the letter was given, Yuu and the others from Shinoa's squad tried to gather enough evidence to make the higher-ups pardon Mika, but without results. In their eyes Mika was just another arrogant bloodsucker ready to attack the minute guard was let down, despite him helping them end the war.
Yuu, due to Mika’s wishes back from Shibuya, had even considered running away together and hiding somewhere until they would eventually either find a way to hide Mika's identity or find a loophole in this madness. But with the military monitoring every step they took, accomplishing their little plan would be nearly impossible.
What concerned Yuu the most, was that Mika wasn’t too keen on finding a way out of this mess. Even after Mika’s countless of explanations of how he already knew that sooner or later it would all end bloody, Yuu kept on questioning. Kept on crying.
Deep down Mika also knew something he didn’t have the heart to share. He knew that in the end, after all the pretending, he would just be in the way. Never aging, never changing, just emotionally repressed, deceitful monster. A divergent. He wasn’t fit to be in Yuu’s life. He wouldn’t be able to grow old with Yuu. Not to mention both he and Yuu would always, for the rest of their lives, be frowned upon.
Yuu deserved to be surrounded by people who can grow old with him.
There was no way to sugarcoat this.
Though, it really hurt. The truth always hurt.
“Knock, knock,” only Yuu turned his head towards the voice at the door, where Shinoa was leaning against the doorframe, “hope I didn’t interrupt anything.” Her teasing voice cut through the musty air, clearing it enough to make Mika jump out of his head.
Mika immediately stiffened when Shinoa stepped into the room and pulled out the chair next to him and sat down with a sigh. Even if Shinoa was mostly comfortable around Mika, especially when comparing it to the other humans, she was still wary.
He didn’t know whether to feel relieved or upset by it.
Yuu sat down too, eyes glimmering from anticipation, or perhaps it was just fear of disappointment. “Any news?” he asked, clearly fidgeting, as Shinoa crossed her legs and started humming an unnecessarily happy tune.
“You know,” she reached for the letter that lie on the counter, “if we really wanna go through with this, we might have to do something pretty damn illegal.”
She sounded surprisingly serious, which made Mika tense up even more, “Yeah, right, because putting all of you in danger just to get me to safety is a very good plan.”
“It could work, I’m great at being sneaky!” she exclaimed, pulling a frustrated snigger, or maybe it was more like a grunt, out of Mika.
It would never work, he thought. He was monitored more than anyone else in the building after all. To think that the military would make at least a small mistake was truly obnoxious, let alone not noticing him leaving the premises.
Yuu didn’t care about the dangers, obviously. Mika saw it coming. He knew Yuu.
“Okay, so where do we begin?” He was really going through with this. As oblivious and naïve as always, Mika’s thoughts running around restlessly, he didn’t want this, or more like: they shouldn’t go through with this.
Yuu’s eyes only seemed brighter as he continued, “Distraction?”
Mika didn’t have the heart to see that hope diminishing again, but was there really any other choice?
“Well frankly, yes.” Shinoa seemed a bit impressed, considering Yuu’s unstable state.
“Wait, you can’t be considering this!” Mika wasn’t stupid, if running away was what they were planning, the plan would be an immediate failure. Just like any other plan, in fact.
“What do you want me to do then, Mika? Sit around doing nothing?” Yuu hissed, startling both Mika and Shinoa.
Whether Yuu was just angry, or those words were simply twisted around pure sadness, he wasn’t sure. Not anymore. His head was a mess. This whole situation was a mess.
A mess Mika was ready to leave behind.
“I promised–,” Yuu paused, looking for the right words, or perhaps, looking for the courage to say those words, “I promised I would never leave my family behind ever again.”
Like back in the vampire city.
Mika already knew Yuu blamed himself. “No, Yuu,” Mika held his eye contact, as if it was a rope that kept Yuu from running away or chiding, “You shouldn’t blame yourself, You escaping only left me at ease. Knowing that at least one got away, I thought, the other kids wouldn’t have to die in vain if you really were safe out there.”
Yuu seemed to be considering Mika’s words. Tasting and evaluating.
“And besides, if anyone should be blamed, it should be me,” Mika added, “I led you all blindly, straight to a death trap.”
“You only tried to save us!” Yuu immediately protested, “To lead us away from that hellhole. You gave us hope Mika, not the despair! The despair was something that damn vampire gave us, hell, the Hyakyua sect and all that other shit are the ones to blame, since in fact, that’s where it all started for us! You should know this…”
But if I hadn’t led you, Ferid wouldn’t have got to us in the first place, Mika thought, truly wanting to refute Yuu, to say what was as clear as day. Though, he knew Yuu would always find a way turn his words around. And Mika was too tired to fight him.
Shinoa cleared her throat and got up, “So about that plan… Only thing we really need do, is to make the security go lose.”
“And how do you suppose we are going to do that?” Mika released in an exhale, eye twitching a little.
Shinoa threw her hands in the air letting an impatient sound escape her lips, “like I said, I’m good at being sneaky!” she exclaimed, smirking widely before turning towards the door.
“Mika please, let us try at least,” Yuu lifted his hand to squeeze Mika’s shoulder softly and leaving it there to just rest, for comfort, or maybe it was to make it harder for Mika to say no. And he would be lying if he said Yuu’s puppy-dog eyes and soft casual touches didn’t get to him, they always did. And before he could even think his words through he whispered, “Okay…” Had Yuu been just a step further away, he might have not even heard it.
A wide and genuine smile was now covering Yuu’s face, making Mika’s chest tighten. And before he could even register it, Yuu’s hand were around his back, “Thank you, Mika,” he whispered just as quietly as Mika had before, “Thank you.”
All worries seemed to have drained out of Mika. Almost like magic, it was so easy; he could no longer see only the darkness, but the light as well. Maybe he could be fine after all. Maybe this wouldn’t be the end of their path together.
So Mika hugged him back.
Whishing he could stay like this forever.
Knowing better than to believe, but still let him lie to himself. Just for a short while.