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See, the thing is, Haruka Nanase has only ever wanted to be free. He knows that, his team knows that, hell, even his careers advisor knows it.
So when he's overcome with the urge to touch Rin's face, Haruka is afraid.
"What's that expression for eh, Haru?" Rin asks, looking up from under his long eyelashes as he ties his shower-damp hair back. Haruka clenches his fist at his side to refrain from tucking a stray strand of hair behind Rin's ear.
"It's nothing," he says, looking away and focusing his vision on the view of the sea from out of Rin's dorm room window, and silently thanks his luck that Sousuke is at the gym alone today- he surely would've noticed how Haru's gaze lingers on the dusting of pink across Rin's cheekbones.
Rin rolls his eyes, tightens his hair, and says, "Let's run along the beach today."
Haruka nods, and follows Rin out of the building.
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They are sitting on a bench looking out into the sea when Haruka feels that itch in his limbs that makes him want to pull off his clothes and jump into the crashing waves.
He doesn't do so, though, because Rin is sitting on his left, and he is crying.
Haruka has seen Rin cry a lot of times in his life, but he has never seen it like this- never seen Rin look so peaceful, so blissful as tears leak from his eyes, run down his cheeks and drip from his chin.
It takes all Haru has not to wipe away the tears with long strokes of his thumbs across Rin's face.
When Rin speaks, his voice is thick with tears, but he has a smile on his lips, and his eyes are shining with what Haruka could only call relief.
"I never thought I could have this," Rin says, and he laughs, and the sound makes Haruka think that the aching that is so different, so much stronger than an itch, to take Rin's face in his hands is worth it. It will always be worth it to see Rin look like this.
Haruka tears his eyes away from the tear-stained cheeks, the softly sloping nose and that damned smile and forces himself to look at the horizon that looks like it is on fire underneath the setting sun.
He does so because if he touches Rin's face now, he will never be free. To be free is all he's ever wanted, and it could all end, that dream could be diminished in a second if he brushes his fingers over the circles under Rin's eyes that seem to get lighter every day.
Haruka clenches his fists on his knees until his knuckles turn white because he's wanted to touch Rin's face since the boy introduced himself with the brightest grin Haru had ever seen, but he's never given in, and he never will.
Haruka wants to be free, even though even he isn't sure what that means anymore. He is very, very afraid.