Chapter Text
Juza rolled over in bed and checked the number on his alarm clock. It was almost 1 am. He blinked as he peered through the dark, over to Banri's side of the room. He didn't see the glow of a screen that was the usual telltale sign he was still awake, so he figured he must be asleep. Which was great, it meant it was safe for him to go.
He slipped out from under his covers, and as silently as possible, he grabbed a sweatshirt, and he exited the room unheard. As he crept down the stairs, a giddy feeling arose inside him and his heart beat faster. He spotted the kitchen and hurried over, feeling the giddiness turn into excitement.
He entered the kitchen and flicked on the light. It was a dial light, so he quickly turned it down to dim, he didn't want anyone getting curious. He got out his supplies as soundlessly as he could and when he had everything he would need to begin, a calm settled over him. It was finally time.
He pulled the crumpled piece of paper out of his back pocket and carefully unfolded it. He smoothed the creases and studied the handwritten instructions inked neatly by Omi's hand, and he smiled to himself. Tonight, under the cover of darkness, and in secret, he would finally teach himself how to bake. And as he got started, a feeling of pure happiness filled him up, and his heart beat a steady rhythm inside his chest.
Banri, who had been unsuccessful in his attempts to fall asleep, had taken to staring at the wall in front of him. He was thinking of getting up and trying the hot milk and honey remedy the director was always talking about, when he heard movement in the room. At first, he just figured it was Juza turning over, but then he heard footsteps. Those were followed by what sounded like the ruffling of clothing and soon after that, the door creaked and shut with a soft click of the lock.
He thought it was a little strange for Hyodo to be up in the middle of the night, but giving more thought to it; he figured Hyodo had probably just gone to the bathroom, so he turned over and forgot about it.
Ten minutes passed, and Hyodo still hadn't returned, and Banri started to question whether or not he'd actually gone to the bathroom. But if he hadn't gone to pee, where did he go? Another five minutes ticked by and yet, still no sign of the guy. Banri was curious now. He debated staying in bed and letting it go; however, he was nowhere near tired and something in his brain told him to go and investigate. Hyodo was up to something, and he wanted to know what it was.
He threw his covers off and got up. His bare feet connected with the cold floor, and he shivered. He quickly began searching for a hoodie to throw on. It was nearing late December, and the air had gotten a lot chillier in the past few weeks. He really needed to dress warmer. He found an old red hoodie and put it on, then he stuffed his feet into some nearby slippers, and strode out of the room.
The hallway was decorated here and there with Christmas lights, but none were turned on and Banri felt like a thief in the pitch-black darkness as he crept towards the bathroom. He would check if Hyodo was there, but not because he was worried or anything; he only wanted to see if he was in there. But, when he approached the room, the lights were off and the place was empty.
Okay, if Hyodo wasn't in there, where else could he be? He thought about it for a moment and figured that maybe Hyodo was also having trouble sleeping and had gone to the kitchen for hot milk and honey. It seemed a valid enough reason, so he headed in the kitchen's direction.
He made it to the top of the stairs where, upon spotting Hyodo below, he paused. From his viewpoint, he could see down into the kitchen, however, the sole occupant of the kitchen right now could not see him, unless he were to look up and across the room. But even then he might not catch him because it was dark, and he was partially obscured by the railing that ran down the side of the staircase. The railing was also decorated with enough garland to help further protect him from view.
Banri was about to walk down the steps but something made him stop. He realized in an instant that Hyodo was definitely not down there just grabbing a mug of something hot, no, what he saw made him hesitate. And was that the scent of ginger?
It was definitely Hyodo in the kitchen, but for a split second Banri almost didn't recognize him. He was wearing a black apron over a dark green sweatshirt. His hair was messy and fell in wavy strands into his eyes. From this distance, he couldn't make out his expression, but there was just something about the way he held himself that seemed different. He appeared more relaxed, less imposing.
Banri moved down a step and sat down. He peered through the rungs of the railing, past the main room and into the kitchen. It was odd, but there was no mistaking that Hyodo was baking. There were ingredients placed out neatly on the counter top as well as two mixing bowls and a bag of flour and there were dirty dishes in the sink. From the smell of ginger and cinnamon in the air, he guessed that he was making gingerbread cookies. Plus, there was the fact that gingerbread would fit the current holiday theme, not that Banri was particularly interested in Christmas.
He wanted to go down there, but he got the feeling that if he did, Hyodo would get really pissed and they'd probably end up fighting, and then the whole dorm would wake up, and they'd both be in serious trouble. He didn't want that, and besides; it was clear Hyodo was trying to keep this a secret. Personally he didn't think Hyodo needed to hide this side of himself, but he understood why he did. Baking didn't fit his image, but maybe that was why Banri was still watching him. Seeing him looking so relaxed wasn't bad. It was maybe even a little cute, not that he wanted to admit it. He never let thoughts like that linger too long, nothing would come of them, so he was content just to ignore them. At least that's what he told himself anyway.
He could've just gone back to bed where it was warm and in the morning he could've just pretended he had not seen anything, but for some reason he wasn't quite able to make himself leave. So he stayed, and he watched Hyodo measure ingredients and stir batter and roll out dough and the longer he observed him the more he began to realize that he had no idea who Hyodo really was.
He and Juza were in the same troupe; they acted and rehearsed together daily, hell they even performed opposite each other on stage and yet, until now, he hadn't really noticed that, in a way, Hyodo was like him. A tough guy who let nobody know what he was feeling, somebody who always hid whatever didn't fit with people's assumptions about them, somebody who put on a mask in front of others all the while hoping that one of them would see past it to the person underneath. That was how he himself sometimes felt and it was possible that Hyodo felt the same way. Why else would he be baking in secret
Hyodo was placing some brownish looking cookies onto a pan and Banri didn't really know anymore if it was right to see him like this. Maybe he should go back to bed after all. He knew that if it were the other way around, he wouldn't want Hyodo to see the things he kept private.
Quietly, he stood up. He was about to leave, but was startled by the sound of metal falling to the floor, then he heard Juza cry out in pain. He quickly looked down to see that the pan of cookies had fallen to the floor. Hyodo was clutching his hand and even from where he was, Banri could see that the back of his right hand was an angry red colour. He must have burned it. Hyodo wasn't moving; he was just standing there, cursing under his breath, and Banri was running before he could think about it. He scrambled down the stairs and burst into the kitchen.
“Idiot, don't just stand there!” He called out, racing to the sink. He quickly turned the cold water on full blast and grabbed a stunned Juza by the wrist. He shoved his hand under the water and held it there.
“Ah... shit it hurts!” Juza exclaimed, he was looking down at his hand and he tried to yank it away but Banri tightened his grip and plunged it back under the running water. It splashed both of them, and soaked the sleeves of his hoodie, but he didn't let go.
He turned to look at Juza. “Yeah well you burned it didn't you, and then you just stared at it! Don't you know you gotta run it under cold water immediately?” he asked.
“Obviously not...” Juza said, grimacing.
Banri was surprised. He'd thought that was common knowledge. “Well now, you know.” he said, “Leave it under the water for at least five minutes.” he said, and he released his hold on Juza's wrist.
He went over to the light switch and turned the lights up brighter. Now he could see the state of Juza's hand better, and it didn't look pretty. He had taken a First Aid course once, and he knew that it would need more than water. “How did this even happen?” he asked Juza, who was looking at him as if he were a ghost or something. He'd have to explain his sudden appearance later.
Juza's eyes flicked over to the oven. “I went to put the cookies in the oven and somehow my hand hit the inside of the oven door. I think I tried to close it too fast.” he said, and Banri watched his eyes move down to take in the crumbly mess on the floor. He looked disappointed.
“You should've worn oven mitts dude,” he tried to sound casual, but looking at Juza's hand made him concerned, “but seriously, you have to be more careful... Autumn Troupe needs you in good condition.”
Juza met his eyes. He looked as if he didn't believe what he had just heard. Then his eyes narrowed, “Wait, why do you care and also, why are you up? I could've sworn you were asleep when I left.” he said.
Banri shrugged and crossed the kitchen. He closed the half-open oven and turned it off, and he picked up the pan and placed it in the sink before turning back to Juza. “I wasn't sleeping. I heard you get up and sneak out of the room. When you didn't come back, I got curious. I didn't think I’d find you down here baking cookies though.” he laughed, “That was a surprise.”
Juza narrowed his eyes. “Was?”
Crap! He hadn't planned on telling Hyodo that he was here prior to right now. He was going to make up an excuse of wanting a glass of water or something but now...“I mean it is a surprise. Cuz, I totally just found out, it wasn't like I watching you the whole time or anything...” he lied, and he quickly busied himself by picking the cookies off the floor.
“You were watching me?” Juza exclaimed.
There was something in his voice that Banri couldn't interpret. He sounded both angry and shocked and Banri wasn't sure if he should react by lying to make Hyodo feel better or if he should just tell him the truth. It would be weird to explain; however, if he was going to get Hyodo to open up to him, maybe now was the time to try it himself.
He discarded the last of the cookie mess into the waste bin before replying. “Well... maybe. But only because you looked so...,” he should just tell him how he felt, that seeing him baking was like seeing him in a different light, like seeing him for the first time or something. But he didn't really know how to describe to him how or why he felt like watching, why he had been incapable of looking away, “um, never mind...”
Juza gave him a questioning look, but Banri said nothing. Juza didn't pry, he just turned the water off, and he hissed when the air stung his burn. Banri eyed the red mark; it looked sore, and even though it hadn't been his fault, he felt a little guilty. If he had been down here earlier, he could've prevented it. Juza looked at him and his eyes were bright with pain and Banri quickly turned around and began searching the cupboards for a first aid kit; that burn would need to be cleaned and bandaged in order to heal properly.
“What are you looking for?” Juza asked, coming up behind him.
“The first aid kit. I need to bandage your hand so it won't get worse.” he answered.
He opened the top cupboard, but he still couldn't find it. He remembered Matsukawa mentioning they had one, so where was it? If he couldn't find it, Hyodo might have to go to the hospital and that would mean waking up someone with a car, and he didn't want that. Plus, he wanted to be the one to help. He could sense Juza behind him, watching him, and he was moving stuff around so desperately that he most likely looked like a crazy person.
“There it is, on the left by the mason jar,” Juza said calmly, his voice was right by Banri's ear, “I'll get it.”
“No wait-”
Banri felt a weight against his back as Juza pressed into him, reaching up over him to retrieve the kit. He was pushed into the counter, and he tried his best to ignore the warmth of Juza's body against his back. But Juza was so close and Banri could feel his muscles move when he rummaged around to get the kit free, and he wondered what it would feel like to be embraced by someone so strong; perhaps, it might make him feel a little less alone...
“Got it.” Juza said, and he pulled away, taking his warmth with him.
Banri spun around and found himself face-to-face with a pair of amber eyes. It startled him that Juza was still so close. He hadn't backed up yet and Banri quickly dropped his eyes to the box in his outstretched hand. He couldn't meet his gaze, not when certain thoughts were still racing around inside his head, not when Hyodo was close enough to reach out and touch; if only he had the nerve. But he didn't.
“Here.” Juza said, pushing the box at him.
Banri let his fingers brush against Juza's hand when he took the kit from him. That was all he had the courage to do. Even so, just the feel of his skin was enough to make his heart race.
“Uh, thanks.” he mumbled. He hoped he wasn't being obvious, but he doubted Juza was smart enough to notice things like the heat in his cheeks. At least he hoped he was, it would get really awkward if Hyodo knew he was thinking such things about him.
Juza stepped back and after a moment, Banri managed to get his head back in the game. This wasn't the time for thoughts like that anyway, he needed to focus and help Hyodo, who was now studying the burn on his hand with a sad sort of look on his face.
“I know how to bandage it properly so don't worry, I've also done it on myself once or twice. It's no problem so...”
“You don't have to help me,” Juza said, and he turned his attention to the floor, “aren’t you tired? You can go back to bed if you are. I'll be fine on my own.”
Banri wasn't tired, and he didn't know if Juza was trying to get rid of him or if he honestly didn't want to keep him up. But he knew one thing: Hyodo was only pretending to be fine. Banri didn't like the idea of leaving him alone. He wanted to help him, if he did, maybe they could finally connect on the level he had always wanted. It wasn't like he hated Hyodo, and they got along well enough that he had always considered him a friend, but he wasn't sure Juza thought the same way. It bothered him. He at least wanted Hyodo to know that he would be there for him when it really mattered.
“I'm not going to leave you alone to do it by yourself,” he said sternly, “besides, you don't know First Aid and I do, you want it done right or you wanna mess up your hand even more?
Juza turned to face him. He seemed slightly confused for a moment but it faded and morphed into something Banri couldn't quite discern. He seldom knew what Juza was thinking half of the time, and that was just as true right now than it had ever been. He waited for some kind of grunt of approval, but he got nothing.
He sighed. “Come on then,” he said, and he carried the first aid kit with him as he walked towards the kitchen island, located between where he was right now and the main room.
He set it down on the marbled surface and pulled out a stool. He sat down and from here, he had a great view of the dorm's gigantic Christmas tree. He smiled. He remembered when they had all come together to decorate it. It had been the director's idea to have a party and 'Christmas-fy' the whole place. He and Hyodo had been paired up and they had gotten the duty of tree decorators along with a hyper Kazunari, a loud Misumi, a sleepy Hisoka, and a reluctant and grouchy Itaru; needless to say, there were complications and a lot of fighting over what and what did not go on a tree at Christmastime, as well as an incident with the tinsel he'd rather not remember, but in the end, the tree came out all right and Banri was glad he had helped. And even though the lights weren't shining on it right now, he thought it still looked very beautiful, not that he would ever say it out loud.
He looked back over at Juza and another memory from the party came rushing back to him. It was of that evening, after all the work was done and everyone was enjoying cups of vanilla hot chocolate Omi had made. He had been exhausted, so he'd decided to take his mug of hot chocolate up to his room. He hadn't thought he would find Hyodo already in there, lying on his bed and fast asleep. Hyodo had scarcely ever fallen asleep before him. He was always practising late into the night, long after he himself had played his game and passed out. So, he was surprised to see him like that. He had let himself walk over to him and when he peered down at his face, he remembered thinking that he looked so young and so perfect, and he had reached out and placed a hand on his cheek without even thinking.
He glanced down at that hand now and it was almost like it remembered what his skin had felt like, the smoothness of his cheek, the curves of his cheekbones when he had traced his fingertip over them. He had looked so peaceful then too. Banri found himself wanting to know that Hyodo; the one who looked like a boy when he slept, the one who calmed a room when he baked, and the one who made his heart ache whenever he smiled.
Banri shook the memory of his sleeping face away. This wasn't the time for that. He opened the kit and took out the gauze and some mild disinfectant wipes. When he turned back to see if Juza was coming, he saw he hadn't moved yet. He was just looking down at his hand, at the pinkish burn mark and the face he was making was one Banri was unfamiliar with. If he had to describe it, maybe he'd say he looked lost. He didn't understand; was Hyodo seriously having a hard time accepting his help?
“Hyodo, get over here already, I don't have all night.” he said, waving the roll of gauze in the air. “Is it really so bad if I help?”
Juza's faced changed, and he slowly walked over and joined him. He no longer looked confused or sad or whatever that look from before was supposed to mean. “No, I was just thinking about something...” he said, and he took a seat.
“Okay...”
Banri wasn't going to ask for the details. Hyodo could keep his thoughts to himself for now. But he did wonder why Juza was acting so weird tonight. Was it really that much of a problem if he helped? Did Hyodo actually hate him, like for real? He honestly didn't know anymore. However, if Hyodo did hate him, then why would he come over, why not just get angry and tell him to piss off? Maybe he had accepted his help because he wanted to get closer, same as him. That wasn't the likeliest of answers, but Banri would take any chance he got, because if that was the case then it was possible Juza was looking for the same connection he was. Maybe Hyodo wanted someone to see him too. And if that was true, then Banri wanted to look at him. He wanted to look long enough and hard enough to see past his mask, all the way to the person underneath it.
He would figure Juza Hyodo out; even if it took all night.