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Metallicus looked around the boarding school for bad boys, feeling pretty nostalgic. It wasn't every day that you celebrated Ninjagoan Independence, the day when the three nations of Ninjago united -Daehran, Coemix, and Terris- and thus end the pointless war.
Now red, white, and blue streamers were hanging everywhere- they weren't too impressive, probably the kind you'd buy at under fifty cents, but... well... er... it was patriotic, at least.
"Ah, to breathe the free man's air!" Metallicus declared. "Sort of, since I'm covered head to toe in a silver suit of armor. But you know what I mean! Oh, great, I've explained the joke..."
Meanwhile, at the auditorium, Coach Yelatem was ranting on about how their forefathers won independence... except it wasn't so accurate.
"JIM CLEANINGTON PUNCHED THE MONARCHY OUT OF NINJAGO!!!!" Yelatem screamed, waving a giant banner for Ninjago. "THEN HE WIPED UP ALL THAT MONARCHY, AND HAD TO STORE IT INSIDE KING GEORGE THE 57193749724975TH!!!!!"
"That's NOT what I learned..." Gene muttered.
"QUIET, KID!" Yelatem roared. "JIM PUNCHED A LOT, AND PUNCHING IS PATRIOTIC! SEE!"
He grabbed a passing Mr. Scors and slammed his fist into his masked face.
"I'M BEING PATRIOTIC!!!!"
"ACK!" Scors growled. "Well, our forefathers will be DANCING in their graves when they see what I'll do to YOU!"
The two of them promptly began attacking each other.
Elsewhere, Arakchos was busy experimenting in her lab. Trexdis came up to her, interested.
"Er... Arakchos, what're you doing on the 4th of July?!"
"I am creating the most PATRIOTIC monster of all time!" Arakchos cackled. "And once the fireworks start, I'll unleash it onto the populace of Ninjago!"
"How do you make a monster PATRIOTIC?!" Trexdis muttered. "And how would attacking the citizens be patriotic, too?"
"Well... um..." Arakchos muttered. "Uh... I'M JUST DOING IT FOR MY PERSONAL, SADISTIC AMUSEMENT!!!!
"So why even bother pretending?" Trexdis asked. Arakchos shrugged. "So to make my crime seem more justifiable."
At the cafeteria, Spirius-2, 3, and $ were baking several 4th of July-inspired foods.
"I never knew painting blue stripes on bacon was so much fun!" 3 cackled.
"They ARE just food dye, right...?" 2 asked uncertainly. 3 stopped laughing. "What do you MEAN, food dye?!"
"I don't get it!" Spirius-$ complained. "If Jim could punch the monarchy out of Ninjago, why not just punch the monarchy out of monarchy? No, wait... ugh, MONARCH-CEPTION!!!!"
In the cafeteria, the students were celebrating.
"And so I bathe in the rich, luxurious feeling of freedom, the ability to do as one pleases..." Felix said, finishing his speech. Francis raised his hand.
"Yes?"
"So if we can do anything, does that mean I can take over the world?"
"No."
"So how am I free?"
Felix chuckled. "Silly boy... well... you can do SOME things... but you can't do anything mean or harmful to others..."
"Like this?" Francis punched Diablo in the nose.
"YAGH!"
"No, you can't do that!" Felix cried, exasperated.
"But punching's patriotic!" Francis complained.
Elsewhere, Brad was switching out the fireworks.
"Let's see..." he said to himself. Grabbing a bag filled with rattling canisters, he emptied the powder out of each firework and stuffed the canister inside. "Wait till they see what happens NOW!" Brad did an evil laugh.
"More volume." Scors muttered as he passed by, covered in bruises after his encounter with Yelatem.
Back at the auditorium, the other Spirius Drones were finishing decorations.
"NO, 4..." Spirius-5 hissed. "I have no idea where you got that from, but the Ninjagoan Flag DID NOT have Jim Cleanington punching the Monarchy out of George the 57193749724975th!"
"But Yelatem said..." Spirius-4 grunted.
"Now we have to redo all the flags!" Spirius-1 complained. "QUICK, what's red-white-and-blue that you can slap on an empty canvas?!"
"Spirius-3's bacon!" Spirius-9 suggested.
"Captain Ninjago!" Spirius-8 said.
"Hypnobrai!" Spirius-4 yelled.
"The Ninjagoan Flag!" Spirius-7 added.
"Perfect!" 5 praised. "Except the Hypnobrai, because those are just myths. That aside, get as much of those things you can! I'll get the Kragle and use it to glue them on!"
9 flew off to the kitchen, snatching 3's bacon. 8 traveled to a studio where they were shooting the latest Captain Ninjago movie and made off with the lead actor. 4 made a bunch of Hypnobrai plushies, and 7 tore the Ninjagoan Flag off of a bunch of schools and the White House.
"Are we all back?" 5 asked as the Spirius bots reunited. "Good! I managed to snatch the Kragle from some loser named Vi-true-V-us, at least I THINK that's how you spell it..."
"Let me go!" Captain Ninjago cried, sobbing.
"Ya better close your eyes, because this'll hurt you a lot more than this is gonna hurt me!" Spirius-8 cackled, aiming the kragle at Captain Ninjago.
While the Spirius drones prepared the auditorium, everyone was getting ready in the cafeteria. Lloyd had been chosen ceremoniously to sing 'Oh say can you see, by the Dawn's early light' except that Lloyd, by the time he got up, was suffering through a serious sugar rush... so this is what it sounded like;
"OSAYCANYOUSEEBYTHEDAWN'SEARLYLIGHTWHATSOUNDIGNIFIEDWEHAILEDATTHEDAWN'SFIRSTSHININGWHOSEBOARDSTRIPESARELIKEBACONLIKESPIRIUS-3'SBACONWHICHTASTESFUNNYANDNOWIFEELHUNGRYAGAINHEYWHAT'SFORLUNCH?!?!!"
Everyone stared, until Felix awkwardly clapped. Everyone else joined in, albeit reluctantly.
"Well, then," Principal Draik announced, getting back onto the stand. "That was strange. Anyways, it's only a few minutes until-"
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!" Spirius-$ suddenly screamed, even as he, 2, and 3 ran/scuttled/flew out of the kitchen. The kitchen exploded, and a giant blob of cake batter, icing, sparklers, and the Ninjagoan Flag emerged, roaring.
"BUUUAAAAAWWWWRRRRRUUUUPPPPP!!!!!"
"What the heck IS that thing?!" Trexdis muttered.
Spirius-3 glared at 2. "I TOLD you we should've used KRYPTONITE, not vibranium!"
"CAKE!!!!!" Lloyd squealed.
"Why am I not surprised?" Metallicus groaned. "Oh, I know- It's because ALL OF YOU KEEP DOING STUFF LIKE THIS FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON AT ALL!!!!"
"Other than to be evil!" Spirius-$ pointed out.
Yelatem slammed his fists together. "Punching is patriotic!" he growled. "Cakes are patriotic! So PUNCHING CAKES are patriotic!"
"BBBBUURAAAAGGGHHHRRR!!!!" The cake monster slithered forward.
Suddenly, the doors crashed open, and everyone looked to see Frared, the math teacher, covered head-to-toe in red, white, and blue paint, with stars and wielding a giant axe.
"THIS! IS! DARKLEY'S!!!!!!!!!!"
Frared launched himself at the cake blob, cutting off several slices.
"I don't even want to know," Metallicus grumbled.
"CAKE!!!!!" Buzz and Lloyd launched themselves at the monster as well, eating away at it. Metallicus nonchalantly checked his watch.
"Oh, look, it's time for the fireworks. We'll just leave you three to either eat the cake, or get eaten. Bye!"
He and the others flooded out of tthe cafeteria, 2, 3, and $ locking the foursome inside just in case.
"Yeesh. Back in High School, we only celebrated the Fourth of July with some cheap cake, sparklers, and then watched the fireworks!" Trexdis grumbled. Metallicus sighed. "I don't normally agree with you on anything, but I will this time- that certainly sounds like a much more preferable Fourth of Ju-"
Everyone stopped. Inside the auditorium were a bunch of canvases over the wall, with things such as toy Hypnobrai, Spirius-3's bacon, the Ninjagoan Flag itself, and a screaming Captain Ninjago glued to it. The Spirius Drones were in the middle, several launching mechanisms ready to blast off the fireworks.
"TA-DAAAA!!!!!!" The Spirius Drones declared. "HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!"
"How'd ya like the decorations?" Spirius-1 asked. "I'd say we sacrificed a lot -about $10, and with our budget that's quite a bit- to make this the BEST Fourth of July of ALL time!"
Trexdis raised her hand.
"Yes?" Spirius-5 said.
"You DO realize fireworks go UP, right?" Trexdis pointed out. "So how will you send them into the sky if this place is indoors? Heck, there's not even any windows!"
"Which is WHY we have THIS!" Spirius-8 grabbed a remote and pressed the button. The ceiling above exploded from several dynamite sticks strapped to it, and even as the drones yelled, "TA-DA!" they were crushed beneath the giant pieces of rubble.
"Well then," Draik said dryly. Francis pointed at the sky. "WOW! Look at the stars!" he said in awe.
"I don't see any stars,"Richie observed.
"That's because I blew them all up!" Draik declared, cackling evilly.
"Let's just take out the sparklers and celebrate, hmm?" Metallicus decided. "Arakchos, Scors, you two go man the fireworks! We'll just, well... wave these things around, eat the bacon off of these empty sheets, and make ears bleed with these kazoos! Happy Fo-"
Metallicus stopped, seeing Yelatem dragging a giant silver cone as big as a car.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm firing this giant MISSILE!" Yelatem declared, slamming his fists together enthusiastically. "CUZ IT'S PATRIOTIC!"
"Did a ROCK teach you your history?!" Metallicus snarled. "And WHERE will the missile land once you shoot it?!"
"Somewhere!" Yelatem cried happily.
Meanwhile, everyone cheered as Arakchos and Scors lit the fuses. The fireworks flew into the sky, before exploding in several bursts of... fire?
Everyone screamed as giant monsters made of fire began falling onto the school, destroying everything.
"M-MY FIRE DEMONS!" Arakchos cried. "WHO PUT THEM IN THERE?!"
Brad began slowly moving away inconspicuously, whistling and averting his eyes.
"Honestly, I think you're only upset because they landed in the wrong place," Scors grumbled. Arakchos nodded. "Of COURSE!"
Meanwhile, the Spirius Drones emerged from the rubble, eyes rolling around and heads woozy.
"I'M SEEING FIRE DEMONS..." Spirius-4 muttered, wobbling.
"WE MUST BE GOING CUCKOO...." 5 decided, and promptly fell on her face.
"Okay, where's the sprinkler system?!" Metallicus demanded. Spirius-6 floated shakily to him, trying to make the world stop spinning. "We BLEW IT UP... with the ceiling...."
"I've got a hose!" Felix declared, bringing out a giant rubber hose. "LUPUS! ACTIVATE OUR HYDRO-BLASTING RUBBER SNAKE OF TERROR!!!!!"
Water blasted out of the hose, sending Felix flying around, screaming and soaking everything except the Fire Demons.
"FIRE IS FOR COOKING SMORES!" Yelatem howled, slamming a giant piece of rubble into a Fire Demon. "GET A REAL WEAPON!"
"Smores! Not a bad idea!" Terrence agreed, grabbing a pack of marshmallows and skewering them on a stick.
"FELIX! STOP SCREAMING AND AIM!" Trexdis yelled. When the hose sent Felix flying into the glued-down Captain Ninjago, she sighed and grabbed it herself, planting her feet onto the ground and blasting the Fire Demons. They hissed as they began to evaporate into steam.
"Good!" Metallicus yelled as Arakchos and Scors came out with another hose, blasting the fires, while Draik absorbed the flames into his wand. "That should take care of them!"
"Say, what about Frared, Buzz, Lloyd, and our Fourth of July Cake?" Scors wondered.
The cake monster smashed through the doors.
"BRRRAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!" Frared, Buzz, and Lloyd were wedged into its icing, slowly being absorbed. Frared took one glance at the Fire Demons and squealed.
"FIYAH!!!!!" The Cake monster swallowed up the demons, even as a spark of flames lit the fuse on Yelatem's missile, which he had dropped earlier.
"ACK! There's still other fires!" Gene muttered, pointing at the flames.
"Oh, well," Arakchos muttered, shrugging and taking out a remote. "If it's the school that's getting destroyed this year, might as well do the full job!"
She pressed the button, and an enormous monster with the head and long neck of a dragon, the body of a frankenstein, the left arm of a crab, a cyborg arm, spider legs, and a scorpion tail smashed through the walls.
"BBBEEEERRRAAAAUUUGGHH!!!!"
"WILL YOU MORONS STOP CONTRIBUTING TO THE CHAOS?!" Metallicus screamed, practically losing it.
Trexdis got on the stage, snatching the microphone from Draik.
"GUYS!" she yelled. "STOP IT, all right? This isn't how we should celebrate the Fourth of July!"
"As corny as you're beginning to sound, I agree!" Metallicus said, getting on the stage with her. "And I don't normally agree with you on anything! The Fourth of July was meant to celebrate our FREEDOM, not punching!"
Yelatem averted his eyes guiltily.
"Or unleashing evils!"
Brad whistled inconspicuously.
"And DEFINITELY not creating evil monsters!"
Arakchos shrugged. "I'm just exercising my freedom!"
"So we should stop all this nonsense and just enjoy the day, and actually TRY to not destroy stuff!" Trexdis declared.
The cake monster and Arakchos' beast just shrugged and began pummeling each other. Before everyone knew it, chaos reensued.
"Oh, well, we should've expected it, given the purpose of the school," Metallicus sighed.
Scors suddenly tripped as he began blasting more Fire Demons with water, landing on the Kragle. The Kragle began squirting its glue everywhere, leaving everything in a perfect, indestructible film.
"I LOVE super-giant-monster-fighting movies!" Seamus cheered as he watched the two monster brawl. "Except this is REAL!"
"The cake monster will TOTALLY win!" Richie declared. Gene frowned. "NO, Arakchos' beast!"
"ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!!!" Spirius-5 declared, throwing kazoos at the Fire Demons along with the other drones.
"Didn't we have a Fire Truck?" 4 asked.
"We DID, but I set it on fire!" Spirius-$ cackled.
"WHY?!"
"Because I thought the irony would be hilarious!"
Meanwhile, Metallicus and Trexdis sat in a corner, silently enjoying the Fourth of July and the eccentric fireworks from the other towns.
"Well, might as well let them do what they want," Metallicus muttered. Trexdis shrugged. "Honestly, I guess this Fourth of July was pretty fun- chaotic, not very patriotic, and outright destructive, but still fun."
And during all of this chaos, no one had remembered about Yelatem's missile, which had already been lit and had soared into the sky, thousands of feet, going all the way to the tips of the atmosphere, before slowly falling all the way back down to the school....
"BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Scors was now blasting Kragle at everything, leaving a perfect, indestructible sheen. "Say! This thing ain't so bad!"
Scors blasted glue onto Yelatem.
"HEY!!!!" he screamed. "WHAT. WAS. THAT. FOR!!!?!?!!"
Scors shrugged. "Gluing people is patriotic!"
"Hey, what's that whistling noise?" Arakchos muttered. The three of them stopped, trying to listen.
"Yeah.... it's all, 'eeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!' and it's getting annoying!"
Yelatem looked up, and gasped. "IT'S A FOURTH OF JULY MIRACLE!"
Arakchos and Scors looked up, and gaped. "It's the missile."
"BWWARGH!" Arakchos' beast dealt a blow against the cake blob.
"HEY! Watch it! We're in here too!" Frared muttered from within the icing.
"I don't think it cares!" Buzz pointed out.
Meanwhile, the drone of the missile was becoming all the more evident, and for a brief moment everyone, from students, panicking staff, fire demons, cakes, and biological beasts paused for a moment, and looked up.
"Oh... no..." Arakchos muttered. Draik looked at Yelatem. "Um.... YELATEM! H-HOW DO WE STOP IT?!"
"YOU CAN'T!" Yelatem cried happily.
Everyone began running in circles, screaming their heads off.
"I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE BLASTED BY A MISSILE!!!!!!" Seamus sobbed.
"I'M OLD ENOUGH- BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME ANY MORE ENTHUSIASTIC!!!!" Captain Ninjago wailed, tugging at the sheet he was glued to.
"OH, SAY CAN YOU SEE- BLAGH!"
Scors slammed the end of the Kragle on Yelatem's head.
"THIS IS YOUR FAULT, YOU BERSERK PSYCHOPATH!!!!"
Metallicus glanced up, and shrugged. "Why am I not surprised?"
Then the missile landed- right into the screaming cake monster's mouth.
"Hey! I think something landed in here!" Frared cried out.
"Yeah! It's all hard... pretty big... and REALLY hot..."
The cake monster bulged, and exploded.
"BBBBBBBWWWWWAAARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
Super-heated cake batter blasted through the halls of Darkley's Boarding School for Bad Boys with the force of a tsunami, smashing through the windows, and the pressure causing the walls to crack. By the time it stopped, the entire school looked like a giant, droopy cake.
In the auditorium, everyone's heads popped out.
"CAKE!" Lloyd squealed, and he and the other students began eating. Arakchos' beast roared in victory. Yelatem pranced around, singing O say can you seeand the YMCA song. The Fire Demons had been extinguished by the cake.
"We're alive!" Scors sobbed. Captain Ninjago began to slowly move, unnoticed- until the Spirius Drones tackled him.
"Where do you think YOU'RE going?!" they sneered. Ninjago sobbed.
"Ugh- there's cake everywhere." Metallicus groaned. Trexdis shrugged. "Let's just leave it to Spirius-1, and besides- we've got all of this cake and a bunch of memories. So maybe we were wrong after all!"
"I can taste the vibranium!" Arakchos cackled, licking the cake.
"Well, I guess it's a Happy Fourth of-"
Frared slammed his bat on Metallicus' head.
"THIS IS DARKLEY'S!!!!"
And as Metallicus and Trexdis chased Frared, Draik got up, eyes swirling in his skull.
"Happy... Fourth.... of JULY!"
Draik fell over, face-first in the cake.