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Junhui has always been bad for rushing when he eats. But he can't help it- he's like a little kid, excited about his food, excited to eat it. And so he rushes without even realising it. Minghao is always the one telling him to slow down, grasping at his wrists and warning him that he's going to choke is he keeps going at that rate.
Jun always laughs. He may act like a kid sometimes, but he is actually an adult. He knows how to eat properly.
Maybe he should start reminding himself that Minghao is usually right.
*
They're running rehearsals for the concert they have tomorrow and so they've spent the day at the venue, currently backstage. It's lunchtime and half of the members have disappeared to find food and coffee- especially the latter. Junhui always brings his own lunch, though. He loves finding new portable or instant meals that he can prepare in the dressing room.
He's excited for his hot pot today, sitting down at one of the tables on his own and tucking in, tearing through it as he usually does. He only slows down for a breath when he piece of vegetable catches in his throat. He coughs in an attempt to get it to move, but it won't budge. He tries to swallow it down, but that only makes it worse.
It's only when his heart rate begins to increase and he tries to take a panicked breath to placate it that he realises what is happening. He can't breathe. That one bite of food is lodged in his windpipe and he can't draw in any air around it.
His throats contracts of its own accord, but it does nothing but hurt. Junhui brings his hands up to his neck, fingernails scratching at the flushed skin there as if that will help at all.
With blurry eyes, he looks towards the other end of the room where the other boys are sat, lounging on the sofas, distracted by their phones of a book or simply fast asleep. His mouth hangs open, spit dripping from his tingling lips- he tries to call for help but all that comes out is a strangled gurgle. He needs help.
He tries to get up, tries to reach out to someone, but his knees go weak as soon as he puts any pressure on them. He only succeeds in falling out of his chair, landing heavily on his elbow. He keeps one hand wrapped around his throat, the other keeping him from hitting the tile face first.
The jolt causes his throat to pull again, his body convulses as he desperately tries to breathe around the blockage in his windpipe. His head is throbbing and he makes the most disgusting noise, but at least that- along with the sound of his knees hitting the floor- manages to alert the other boys that something is wrong.
"Jun-ah?" Minghao calls from the other side of the room, footsteps getting closer. Junhui can already tell from just the tone of his voice that he thinks he's having a panic attack. His instinct is to tell Minghao what's wrong, but it comes out as nothing more than a garbled, breathless groan. "Junnie?"
Minghao crouches down by his side, a hand pressed to the centre of his back and drawing slow circles. He's the picture of calm and collected like he knows exactly what's happening. Junhui doesn't know how to tell him that this isn't a normal freak out. He continues to choke, squeezing at the base of his own neck with clammy fingers. Minghao tries to grab his hand but Jun won't let him. He needs to get it out.
"Junnie, you're going to be okay. Listen to me. Everything's okay, bug." Junhui desperately shakes his head, which only makes him dizzier. He can feel his fingers going numb, the sound of blood rushing past his ears drowning everything else out. His vision tunnels and he knows that he doesn't have long. He needs to tell Minghao what's happening or he's going to die here, choking on a chunk of vegetable.
"You'll feel better if you sit up, love. Come here." Minghao says, wrapping an arm around Jun's shoulders and trying to lift him up. Junhui struggles against him, shaking his head again. He feels like he's going crazy. He can't breathe, he can't think- the only thing he can focus on is the searing pain in his throat and the clenching of his lungs as they fight for air.
"What's wrong with your throat?" Soonyoung asks. He's kneeling on Jun's other side, bent down to peer at Jun's face. Junhui drags his eyes over to meet Soonyoung's, trying his best to convey that something is wrong. If the look on Soonyoung's face is anything to go by, it does the trick- that, along with another strangled gurgle. "Are you choking? Oh my god, he's choking, Minghao- Minghao, his lips- Minghao-"
Soonyoung sounds just as freaked out as Junhui feels, voice going ragged as he points to Jun's mouth, where the corners of his lips are going blue from lack of oxygen. Minghao falls silent, fingers tightening around the back of Jun's T-shirt, just staring as Junhui continues to heave. Minghao's usually calm and collected exterior is gone, falling away in a matter of moments, leaving him exposed, helpless and terrified.
At this point, everything descends into chaos.
Minghao's voice is ragged with fear when he speaks again. If Junhui had the mental capacity to focus on anything else, he would be reaching to comfort his boy. "I don't know what to do, god, what do I do? How do I help you, I can't-" He rambles, desperate hands grasping at Jun's back and shoulders, trying to figure out a solution.
Soonyoung cuts him off, voice high-pitched and wet. "We need to get it out, he's not breathing. He's- Minghao, he's not breathing."
The other boys are yelling, too. So many pairs of feet running around, trying to figure out what can help their hyung when they have no idea how to. And through all of his, Junhui is still on his hands and knees on the cold floor, his body convulsing as he fights for air, his arms growing weaker and weaker as his vision blurs and his eyes slip shut.
Minghao is repeating his name over and over, trying to keep him awake and responsive, but it's not helping when he can't breathe. Jun's protective instinct is still burning- even in this state- understanding just how scared Minghao is. He's scared as well.
The level of noise in the room increases even more when the rest of the members return, startling at the sight they walk in on. Jeonghan tunnels in on him immediately. "What's going on? Jun, baby? An anxiety attack?" Junhui doesn't have the strength to even try to respond, his throat pulls again, his face gets closer to the ground.
Minghao replies for him frantically as he rubs Junhui's back and holds him up by the shoulders, watching on as his face drains of colour, his beautiful golden skin replaced by a sickly blue colour and a sheen of sweat. Minghao doesn't know what to do. His Jun isn't breathing and he doesn't know what to do. "He's choking. Hyung, he's choking I don't-"
Jihoon is the only one who remains calm. He pushes his way through the crowd, nudging Soonyoung to the side so that he can take the spot next to Jun. He gets down onto his knees, bracing himself with a hand hooked over Junhui's shoulder, and then he brings his palm down flat, hard, in the centre of Jun's back.
Jun manages to cough, drawing in a startled breath, his first taste of oxygen in nearly three minutes. His brain jolts back into awareness. Jihoon does the same thing again and, this time, it works. Junhui spits up the gob of food onto the ground with a hacking cough. He only gets a moment to desperately gasp in a breath before the rest of his meal is coming up behind it.
Jihoon has to hold him up as he vomits, Jun too weak-limbed and floppy to keep himself from falling. Minghao is sobbing, scared and overwhelmed, but he's relieved. At least he knows what to do now.
Even as he cries, Minghao wraps an arm around Junhui's chest and hangs onto him, keeping him from landing face-first in his own sick. Jun clings a hand around his elbow as Minghao presses his face into his hyung's sweaty hair.
When his stomach is finally empty, Minghao helps Jun to sit up, hauling him back into Jihoon's lap and away from the mess on the floor. Junhui refuses to let go of Minghao's arms even when he's settled, fingers gripped tight and relentlessly.
"You're okay, I'm here, baby. You're okay, I've got you. I've got you, now." Minghao reassures him, wrapping Jun up in his arms, messy face hidden against Minghao's shoulder. His clothes are getting just as soiled as Jun's are, but he couldn't care less. All he knows is that Junhui is breathing and safe, but the laboured sound of his breathing tells Minghao that he's not quite comfortable yet.
"Hao- Hao-" Jun says around his desperate breaths, throat raw and scratchy. Minghao laces a few fingers in his hair, stroking softly. "I can't-"
"I know, I know. I need you to relax a little bit, Junnie. I know you're scared, but you just need to calm down a little bit. Panicking is only going to make you feel worse." Junhui lets out a strangled cry, burying his face in Minghao's chest. Minghao rests his chin on the top of Jun's head, ignoring his own tears.
"What can I do?" Jihoon asks quietly. He's still cradling Jun on his lap, nervous hands hovering over his ribcage.
"Just hold onto him, hyung. He's okay." Jihoon nods, curling his arms around Jun's middle and pressing a lingering kiss to the back of his neck. In response, Jun relaxes a little, trying his best to follow the pattern when Minghao starts counting to four. He's still crying, heavy tears rolling down his cheeks, but his breathing is getting more stable.
It's only when Minghao pulls back to look at his face, skin flushed and sweaty, eyes hazy and bloodshot, his chin covered in spit and vomit, that he breaks. It's only now that he realises what he's done. He cradles Jun's jaw between his palms. "Jun, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have helped you- I should have- why couldn't I- I'm sorry. I let you-"
Junhui visibly startles at the sight of his boyfriend in tears, leaning forward as far as he can to drag Minghao closer again. "Hao- don't-" He whispers. Minghao presses a kiss to the top of his head.
Following all the commotion, the dressing room is now silent, save Junhui's muffled sobbing, Minghao's sniffles, and a few other sad noises from the boys around them. Now that no one's in danger, though, they all chill out a little. Jisoo begins herding the kids away, Jeonghan laying a towel over the mess to keep anyone from stepping in it, and Seungcheol crouches down beside the three sorry states on the floor.
"Jun-ah?" Junhui draws in a shaky breath, turning his head a tiny bit to peek up at Seungcheol. "Do you need me to call for the medical team?" Seungcheol lifts a hand to comb through Jun's messy hair, pushing it back from his face. With a pitiful sniffle, Jun shakes his head.
"Are you sure? Not even just to check you over?" Jeonghan asks, appearing next to them with a couple of fresh pairs of clothes and a packet of makeup wipes in his grasp. Jun shakes his head again, hiding his face back in Minghao's chest. Jeonghan lays a hand on the back of Minghao's head, ruffling his hair a little.
"Okay. But if you change your mind, just say something. You've really been through it." Seungcheol adds, but Junhui doesn't budge. They can all tell that he's embarrassed, he doesn't want to talk about this, he doesn't even want to remember that it happened. "Even just a headache, bug. Lack of oxygen can lead to some pretty scary stuff, okay? This is important. You've got to promise me that you'll say something."
Seungcheol is being insistent, which is probably scaring Junhui more, but it's only because he cares. "I promise," Jun replies, peeking one eye up at Seungcheol again as he does so. Seungcheol gives him a sad smile, running his thumb along the bridge of his nose.
"Why don't we go to the bathroom, get you pair cleaned up? Yeah?" Jeonghan asks, and Minghao quickly agrees, coaxing Jun to his feet and freeing Jihoon, who is quickly pulled into one of their leader's comforting hugs.
Jeonghan leads Junhui and Minghao to the bathroom that is just down the hall, Junhui refusing to let go of Minghao until they get there, away from prying eyes.
Jeonghan presses a T-shirt and a pair of sweats into Minghao's hands- Minghao recognises them as being Wonwoo's. Minghao thanks him and turns away to change.
"Come here, Jun-bug. Sit down for me." Jeonghan says, his voice so soft and Jun can't help but feel comforted. He's still crying, tears dribbling onto his cheeks and his sinuses sticky, but he gives Jeonghan a wavering smile. "Oh, precious." Jeonghan coos as Jun sits cross-legged on the floor, leaning back against the wall and wringing his hands in his lap.
Jeonghan settles beside him and wipes his face clean, trying to catch his tears as they fall, pressing gentle kisses to his flushed skin. "I love you." He whispers. "How are you feeling, baby?" Jeonghan asks, running a fresh wipe along his hairline and pushing his fringe back. Jun doesn't respond In words, his face simply crumbles and his eyes fill with fresh tears.
"Oh no, Junnie. I'm sorry. Don't cry." Jeonghan is quick to comfort him, a hand on either side of his face, thumbs caressing his cheekbones. "Don't cry, honey. It's okay. You're okay, now. You must be so shocked, poor love." Junhui lets out a pitiful sob and Minghao reappears, dressed in his clean clothes.
He hooks a hand around the back of Junhui's head and presses a lingering kiss to his temple, shushing him. "Let's get you out of these clothes, huh?" Junhui nods with a sniffle, eyes sad.
Jeonghan and Minghao help him change, one holding him up to support his shaking legs whilst the other strips him out of the soiled jeans and shirt before replacing them with a soft jumper (Seokmin's) and a pair of track pants (Soonyoung's).
Junhui is quiet, but his eyes won't stop dripping. Jeonghan gives him a sad smile. "Tell me how you feel." Jun tries to stay quiet, but Jeonghan gives him a stern look and he's forced to give in.
"Tired. Sad. My throat hurts. I'm sorry." He collapses in on himself, hiding his face in his own hands and leaning forwards. Minghao wraps him up in a hug and Jeonghan strokes his back.
"Don't be sorry, love. It's okay. You've done nothing wrong." Minghao rocks Junhui gently from side to side, nose pressed against his temple as he murmurs softly. He really doesn't want Junhui to get panicked again. Jun doesn't have the strength to pull him through another one.
"I'm so stupid." Minghao holds him tighter.
"No. No, you're not. Don't ever say that." Jeonghan's own voice is sounding a little teary. Minghao glances up at him, catching the heartbroken look on his face. Jeonghan has such a soft spot for Jun- they all do, really, but Jeonghan is very fond of him. For only being a year younger, Jeonghan is constantly worrying about him and coddling over him and looking after him whenever anything happens.
They nearly lost Junhui today. Jeonghan very nearly walked into the scene of his greatest nightmare. He wasn't breathing. Jeonghan will never forgive himself for not being there, for not being able to help Jun when he was struggling, for almost walking in too late.
"But- I-" Jeonghan cuts him off.
"No. You've done nothing wrong. Come on, bug. I think you need a lie down." Jeonghan tugs Jun forward, pulling him away from Minghao and into a hug. Junhui melts against him, nose tucking into the familiar dip of his collar bone. "I love you so much, my precious boy," Jeonghan whispers against the top of his head, warm hands drawing circles on the planes of his back.
Junhui whimpers, whining a little as his tears start falling again. Jeonghan just holds him close. It might take a while for Junhui to stop crying.
The dressing room is still quiet when they return. The floor has been cleaned and the members are all huddled up together on the sofas, no one saying a word. Jeonghan leads Minghao and Jun towards the only empty sofa, encouraging them to lie down. Chan is on hand with a blanket, pulling it over the pair of them.
Minghao curls himself around Jun's back, one hand on his stomach, the other on the back of his neck, fingertips resting against his hairline. Junhui watches the ground with drooping eyes, gaze shifting to Seungcheol when he crouches down in front of them.
"Hi, sweetheart." He says, leaning forward to kiss Jun's forehead. "We're going to do one more run through and then we'll get you home, okay? You two stay here, get some rest. We won't be too long, I don't expect." Junhui knows what their leader is doing because he would have done the exact same.
Glancing up at the other boys behind him, Jun can sense the sheer amount of restless energy in the room. Soonyoung especially, both knees jerking up and down, chewing on his lower lip, fingers laced in his own hair. All of the kids- they're so shaken up. Going straight back now to sit around and worry about Junhui would do nothing good for them. They need to be worn out first.
Junhui nods, accepting another kiss before turning his face against the sofa cushion and closing his eyes. Just so that Seungcheol knows that he's okay, that it's okay to leave him.
*
Minghao is trying to remain calm and steady for Jun's sake, but he just can't get the thought out of his head. He has to say something. He has to apologise.
"Baby, I'm so sorry." Junhui makes an unhappy noise, squirming a little. Minghao expects him to roll over, wanting to look at Minghao and figure out why he sounds so upset. But Jun isn't acting like his normal self right now, which is in no way surprising.
"Why?" He asks, his voice barely a whisper.
"I should have been able to help you. You were- you weren't breathing, you could have died, and I just- did nothing. I should have done something." Jun lets out a long sigh, curling his legs up higher, pulling Minghao's arm higher to nose at the soft inside of his wrist.
"I don't blame you. I should have been more careful." Minghao goes to complain but Jun doesn't let him. "Please don't be sorry. I'm alright now, aren't I?" Minghao kisses the crown of his head. He doesn't want to argue, but that doesn't mean that his guilt has faded. This feels like a weight he might always carry on his shoulders.
"I'm still sorry." He just needs Junhui to know. He wasn't able to show him that he cared, and so he desperately needs to do it retroactively. He can't carry on in life if Junhui believes that he didn't care enough to help. "I'm so glad that you're alright."
"I know."
*
Minghao heads straight for the shower when they get home. Junhui decides that his can wait until morning. He's too tired right now to do anything more than crawl into bed. He's just settling against the headboard, phone in his lap when there's a soft knock on the door. "Hello?" He asks, keeping his voice low. He doesn't like the sound of it.
"Hi," Jihoon replies, poking his head around the doorframe. "I brought you some tea." Jun smiles, beckoning him forward. Junhui takes the warm mug from him as Jihoon sets down on the mattress by his feet, twisting the hem of his sweatshirt between his fingers and watching the fabric bunch up.
"Thank you," Junhui says, taking a sip. The warm liquid is soothing on his poor throat. "Are you alright?" Jihoon won't look at him, keeping his head dipped low. With a deep sigh, he nods, then he looks up. Junhui startles at the sight of tears in his eyes. He quickly puts the mug down and reaches for his hands. "Hoonie?"
"I'm just really glad that you're alright," Jihoon admits, shuffling closer when Jun tugs on his arms, letting himself rest against Jun's warm chest. Junhui holds him close. "I thought- it was so hard seeing you like that, like- I'm just glad that you're okay."
It's fair to say that Junhui and Jihoon aren't the closest pair within their group. But that doesn't mean that they don't adore each other. Jihoon is picky with who he talks about his feelings with, especially when he isn't feeling his best. He only comes to Junhui with the major things.
The main reason for that is that Jun is the main destination for emotional support for so many of the other boys, and Jihoon doesn't want to make him responsible for any more peoples' feelings. Nevertheless, Seungcheol and Jeonghan are his main ports of call in a crisis- he only goes to Junhui when he really needs Junhui. Because sometimes, you just do need Jun.
"I have you to thank for that, Hoonie," Junhui whispers back, cheek resting against Jihoon's hair, slightly damp from his shower but still soft nonetheless. "It is very probable that you saved my life today. I know you won't want me to make a big deal out of it, but I'm grateful. Really. Thank you." Jihoon just cuddles closer, Junhui letting him stay there as he reaches for his tea.
"Hey, Ji." Minghao greets his hyung when he returns, shorts on and a towel laying over his shoulders. Junhui smiles at him as he slathers his face with moisturiser. When he's finished, he comes over to Jun. "Look at me." Junhui tilts his face to meet the kiss Minghao plants on his forehead before his hands get to work moisturising Jun's face as well, gentle fingers making tiny circles.
"Thank you, Hao." He whispers when Minghao kisses the tip of his nose.
"Welcome. Looks like you've got yourself a koala." Minghao says, amusement obvious in his tone- it's not often that Jihoon clings like this. Minghao wraps an arm around Junhui's shoulders and leans into him, looking down at Jihoon, face hidden in the dip of Jun's chest.
"I'm collecting them." Junhui strokes his hands over Jihoon's back, fingertips pressing into his stiff muscles. Jun knows that it must be making Jihoon feel relaxed because he's not complaining about them cooing over him.
Minghao chuckles. "You'll probably have another two, soon." He kisses the top of Jun's head before leaving him to find himself a T-shirt, tugging it on and shaking his hair out.
"Where are Soonyoung and Channie?" He looks over to the other bed in their room, the covers still unmade from the night before, pillows spread all over the place because that pair cannot seem to sleep in a normal position.
"I think they're giving you some space." Junhui hums. Soonyoung and Chan are very careful not to intrude when on Junhui when he's feeling vulnerable. They know that they are part of his safe space, but that doesn't mean that he always wants them around when he's upset. Minghao is his first preference, and sometimes Jun just needs Minghao and Minghao only, or no one at all.
Most of the time they're too careful. Right now, for instance, Junhui would love to see their smiling faces and listen to their laughable commentary as they try to get ready for bed without making each other laugh and entirely delaying the process. They're the best.
"I'm sure they'll be through soon. They've probably convinced someone to make them dinner." Minghao runs a hand through his hair, looking down at him with all the love in the world held in his dark eyes. "You staying here, Ji?" Jihoon nods, stubbornly, hair tickling the underside of Jun's chin. "Move over a bit, then. I need my Junhui cuddles, too."