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It was a normal day for Catra, she sat on her favorite bean bag chair, as you do as a feral lesbian cat girl.
"Dangit, why won't Adora, my one true love, just break up with her new girlfriend Glimmer and be sexy again!??" Catra said, defeated.
It had been tough for Catra ever since Adora left the horde, with no sexy blondes to pretend to seduce, what was the purpose in life?
"Hey Catra, my wonderful and amazing friend who I love, what's up?" Said Scorpia, as she walked in the room with 3 bags of Flaming Hot Cheetos in her claws.
"Shut up, Scorpia, I'm being emo, it's my night time routine." Catra grumbled, snatching one of the Cheeto bags.
But what Catra didn't know was...something was different about these Cheetos.
"Scorpia… these Cheetos have a toy inside of them...what kind of Cheetos have a toy inside of them?? Has the Cheeto man gone mad??" Catra was seething at this point, first no more sexy Adora, now this?
"I-I'm sorry Catra but...this is all they had at Walmart… and you know we're both banned from the CVS after...the incident…" Scorpia tried to reason with her, but it was no use, Catra was already tearing the bag open with intensity.
And what fell out was…
"Ball Monokuma...?"
A small figurine lay on the ground, one bearing a striking resemblance to…
"Wait...D-Dad!?!?" Catra shrieked in terror, her long lost father, reduced to nothing but a figurine in a Cheetos bag?!
"Wait, Ball Monokuma is you dad?? I thought he was married to Frosta!!" Scorpia was even more confused, if she got her way, would she end up related to Frosta? No, no, no time to think about your wedding plains, Scorpia, this shocking twist is way more important.
"It's complicated...and I'm not going to tell you why because that would be way to convenient…" Catra sulked, her lesbian colored eyes tearing up.
She paused for a moment, what now? Frosta would definitely come looking for her husband, and to show her a meer trinket would only implicate the horde for a crime that they didn't do, for once. Wait, what if…
"I have to find my long lost brother!"
~~~
Ever since that day, Catra has been trying to figure out her brothers name. Eventually she knew what she had to do to find out.
"Scorpia, we have to go to Frosta's home, and ask what she knows about my dad." She said, snatching the last bottle of Adora's toe grease for good luck.
"B-but Catra that's…"
"I don't care if its dangerous, we have to do it!" She screamed at her Mr. Krabs Transvestite™ friend, tears running down her face.
"I was gonna say "not guaranteed to work" but...that's much more emotionally impactful, I'm sorry." Scorpia apologized profusely, and they carried out their plan.
Catra and Scorpia began to pack their bags preparing for a long journey to Frosta's kingdom. All the essentials were packed, 7 bottles of Gucci SmartWater to drink, 2 boxes of Fruit Gushers to eat, and, but of course, a Sans Undertale themed blanket to stay warm. They had everything they needed, and would begin the adventure of a, well, not really lifetime. They just had to drive for a couple hours, really.
"Is that all we need?" Scorpia asked, as she zipped up her bag.
"Yes...well, wait," Catra paused, and then grabbed the Ball Monokuma figure off of her shelf and plopped it into her pocket. "Now we're ready."
Scorpia nodded as she got into the driver's seat of their Minions themed car.
"Y'know, it really sucks that this was the only car Shadow Weaver would give us for free…" Catra complained about their cars motif every time they went somewhere, but Scorpia was much too afraid to tell her that she actually enjoyed it.
"Y-yeah, it really does suck huh...imagine being a Minions fan...That'd be really, uh, cringe…" Scorpia half heartedly agreed with her, trying to focus on driving the car.
The car was fairly silent for a while, save for Catra's occasional remarks about how bad Scorpia's driving is, or how a street sign had a word like "gay" in it somewhere.
"Hey Scorpia, I think we're getting close to Frosta's kingdom" She eventually piped up, looking out the window at the icy surroundings.
"Yeah, I guess so." Scorpia said as she parked the car in a nearby parking lot where the car TOTALLY wouldn't get towed. Doesn't really matter if it was towed, though, Catra hates Minions.
"Alright Scorpia, you stay here until I give you... the signal " Catra got out of their car, discarding the Sans Undertale blanket wrapped around her.
"W-what signal. What signal are we talking about here-"
"Shh, shh,don't worry about it. Just shut up, okay?" Catra's lesbian colored eyes shone with determination that she would soon unravel the mystery of her Ball Monokuma family.
"Tomco as always, I'm goin' in..."
~~~
Knock knock knock
Catra paused after knocking on the door for the 2nd time.
What kinda place doesn't have automatically opening doors for someone important like Catra? This whole princess alliance thing was really getting out of hand. First no more sexy Adora, second Cheetos with toys, now this? What is the world coming to?!?
"Alright, that's it!" She exclaimed, before kicking down the door with her rancid cat-like toes.
"Frosta, I know you're in here, we've gotta have a talk!!"
All of the sudden, the unthinkable happened... he appeared…
"Nagito Komaeda!?!??"
"Yes, Catra, it is I, Nagito Komaeda." He said, Nagito-ishly. Well, his voice had a striking resemblance to Chat Noir, but now's not the time for a triple crossover.
"Wh...what are you doing here!? Where's Frosta!? Don't tell me I came all this way in a MINIONS CAR, of all things, just for YOU to be here!!" Catra was enraged. Nagito shouldn't be here...no, he COULDN'T be here…
"Oh, Frosta? It's funny you mention her… she just stepped out with her husband, Ball Monokuma, to go to CVS and buy some...Cheetos…"
Nagito began to ramble, his facial expression turning into… something. It was definitely something...
"Shut up, what are you doing here!? And you know I can't go to CVS because of the incident, what are you plotting!?" Catra knew that something was up, and, wait, did he say that Ball Monokuma was still alive?
"Ahaha..well you see...Ball Monokuma is an in law of mine… and ever since my gay Boyfriend™, Kokichi Oma went Missing well...we've been discussing how to get him back and-"
Catra stopped in her tracks...Kokichi Oma...could that be…?
"Kokichi Oma? Is that..?"
Nagito began to do his...laugh? More of a wheeze, really.
"You're long lost brother!?!? Ahahaha- but of course!! This is all going according to my plan...ah..such hope...hah..." Nagito was beginning to be actually creepy now, as if that was a surprise to anyone.
"W-wait, your plan!? What are you talking about?? Ball Monokuma is alive??" This was probably the most contrived thing since...well...who knows when, really, probably since whenever this began.
"Yes...eheh...my plan to lure you here...so that we could both..ahah.. solve this mystery of the disappearance of Kokichi Oma...was a success!! This hope...it's so..-" All of the sudden, Nagito was tackled by Catra,
"What was your plan!?? How..how did you do it??"
Catra's absolutely putrid toes sank into his flesh, a bit of a Bruh Moment™, but nothing a little bit of Spongebob themed band aids couldn't fix.
"Wh-what can I say?? My luck...it was my luck that I won the Cheetos toy design c-contest and...was able to… lure you here...hah.." Nagito choked out, the smell of Catra's toes would never fail to choke someone… even Nagito "got actually choked once for trying to blow up an island" Komaeda!
"L-luck!?!? You can't just get lucky like that...r-right!?? Don't you have to like, get hit by a car first?
Catra began to ramble, utterly confused by… whatever this is…
"This isn't the Danganronpa 3 anime, Nagito, your luck works in a cycle,, right??"
Catra began spewing what was basically the equivalent of nonsense in all but Danganronpa v3's universe, which due to the existence of Kokichi, they're arguably in some version of, but there's no doubt it was still confusing to both of them.
I mean come on, Catra, an anime fan? Well...it's more likely than you think.
Nagito began to wheeze once again,
"Ahahah!!! Bold of you to assume y-you're not in an anime, Catra!! ..B-but yes...some bad luck did occur...where you not paying at-attention??...hahah..the bad luck I recieved was the disappearance of my Gay Boyfriend™, Kokichi Oma!! Hnhff-" He was cut off suddenly.
Catra began to ACTUALLY choke him, bad ideas, Catra. This scene isn't going to be M rated, keep that at a minimum...yeesh…
"Nagito Komaeda, I need you to give me every detail you have on Kokichi Oma, okay? I'm going to then leave, and never speak to you again, got it?" She released her grip on Nagito just enough for him to talk.
"Wig...okay...hhngffgs-" Catra has had enough of this.
"Oh my God, please just shut up, just tell me, Nagito, what do you know!?" She felt like screaming, is this guy insane?? Well, yes, probably.
And this will probably be exaggerated so much that you'd think you're reading some kind of cringe compilation put together by a 13 year old in 2016...
"H-hah...fine...I can see now that your," Oh thank God, he's talking. "h-hope is...hahheh...m-much..brighter than mine is!! Ahhahahahahahahaah-!!!" Nevermind.
"Oh my god PLEASE JUST TELL ME OR I WILL PUT MY TOES IN YOUR EYES!!" Catra yelled, probably loud enough for Scorpia to hear.
"Sexy moment!" Nagito exclaimed, suddenly smiling now.
Catra looked at him with disappointment in her eyes. "The only sexy moment I'll accept is Adora coming back to the horde, you clown."
Suddenly, Scorpia came rushing through the door, "You called!?? Was that the signal?!? Was "Or I will put my toes in your eyes the signal???" She exclaimed, panting from running from their Minions car.
"No you idiot, of course it wasn't the signal!! I'm trying to interrogate right now, get out!" Catra yelled, but it was too late. Scorpia had already walked in and started to take off her socks and sandals.
"Oh my God...why is my life just a collection of bruh moments…" Catra wanted to cry. All she wanted to do was get info on her long lost brother, Kokichi Oma… why does it have to be so difficult?
"Wait...Nagito Komaeda? Is that really you!?"
"Scorpia!?"
Oh no. Oh no no no.
"Bestie!!!" They said in unison, Nagito shaking himself out of Catra's grasp to embrace Scorpia.
They had been best friends back in the day, and, oh no, oh God ….they both knew about the incident.
"O-okay guys, hurry it up!! This is no time for a reunion!! Nagito was in the middle of telling me everything he knew about Kokichi Oma, that's my long lost brother, by the way...uh.." She tried to interrupt them but it appeared that they were in a deep conversation.
Catra, full of rage, slapped Nagitos face. "Snap out of it, you himbo!!"
Nagito was startled a bit, although being called a himbo had sort of become a daily occurrence.
"Ahah...yes, it's true that Frosta and her husband Ball Monokuma should be coming home soon from CVS...so I ought to hurry it up before they come home and reprimand me for allowing a CVS criminal in the house.." Nagito mumbled to himself.
"Wait, you know about the incident !?!?"
Oh boy, here it comes.
"Oh, but of course! Eheh, I was with Catra here on the day it happened…"
Catra was panicking now, she had to get the information on her brother, and leave before they start talking details.
"GUYS, THERE'S A CAR OUTSIDE,AND IT'S NOT MINION THEMED, PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!" She screamed, scrambling for any excuse.
"Ah, f-fine!!" Nagito began, "Well to tell you the truth...all I know is that one day, Kokichi Oma just went missing, we suspect he's in the "Nostraightsallowed" kingdom, but...the o-only non-straight who might be able to get in is garbage like me...ahahahAH,!!"
He rambled again, great, now he was self deprecating and creepy. Awesomesauce moment.
"Okay himbo, let's go Scorpia." Catra said, she was way too tired to be frustrated with the lack of information now, and began to walk out the door.
"Ah, Catra, wait!! My socks and sandals!" Scorpia scrambled to put her signature fashion accessory back on.
Nagito waved them goodbye, "...Ahah...Good luck!"
~~~
Scorpia and Catra had decided to recheck the authenticity of the "NoStraightsAllowed" kingdom, and surprisingly it was...real. Somehow, it was real. And Kokichi was it's self proclaimed leader.
"I can't believe this dude, who names their kingdom something like... that??" Scorpia huffed, frustrated.
Catra stopped. "What's the matter Scorpia?? You going to straight pride tomorrow?? Marrying a man maybe???"
"Ah-! No, no no! I just meant-" Scorpia stumbled over her own words to explain herself, but it was no use.
"Well clearly this is going to be a solo mission, then. You can stay here, you straightie. " Catra scoffed, not that she would have let Scorpia take her anyways. As if she was going to ride in the Minions car again .
Despite her numerous protests, Catra ended up making the journey by herself...in the Minions car. Okay maybe she just wanted to ditch Scorpia, who's gonna stop her, Nagito? Doubt it.
Catra is stopped in the middle of the road by Nagito's body. No longer doubt it.
Catra groaned as she got out of the car. "Get lost, you clown!"
"Ah-! Wait! I..hah.. want you to...take me with you...to find my Gay Boyfriend™, K-kokichi Oma!! Ahah.." He wheezed out, has he been hit by a car already?
Catra reluctantly agreed...well, it took a while. At first the answer was no, then it was no, and after about 69 more tries to reject him she eventually just said "Fine.".
And thus, is how Catra and Nagito ended up in a Minions themed car together, blasting old town road of the speakers, as per Nagitos request, in pursuit of Kokichi Oma.
6 hours. 6 entire hours they stayed in that car, and Nagitos Spotify playlist was awful. I mean, "Girls Like You" in a tomco playlist?? Are you kidding !??!
And of course, they made conversation as well. The likes of which was… questionable.
"He-..hey Catra...do you think you're toes have a hope of their own?"
"No, unless wanting to one day have a newly sexy again Adora be entranced by their foul smell counts as a hope, that is."
"I think it does." Nagito smiled knowingly.
Eventually, they reached the borders of the "Nostraightsallowed" kingdom, and parked the car. It was a wonder it hasn't been towed already…
"We're here. Let's go, and Nagito, give me back my Sans Undertale blanket." Catra stated, it was time. It was time to meet her long lost brother.
They walked inside the gates. Oh my god. It was like the bedroom of a TikTok e-boy but...bigger and...somehow more gay??
Catra was absolutely entranced by her surroundings, but she had to snap out of it, she had a goal in mind. She tapped the back of the nearest person to her, "Hey, uh, any idea where-" the figure turned around. "Oh- Oh my god are you…"
"S-sans Undertale!!" Nagito fell to his knees in shock, anime blush overtaking him. "I can't believe that I have finally m-met you in person...You're my idol, aha,.., Sans Undertale, I love you!!" Nagito was absolutely enamored, alright, we've lost him. We've lost Nagito to Sans Undertale.
"W-wait, Nagito? Aren't you here to see your Gay Boyfriend™, Kokichi??" Catra was shell shocked, what was going on anymore!?!
"Heheehe *sans noises* you're looking for the HimboClown King himself, huh?? Fellas play the entrance music." Sans Undertale said, Nagito was drooling at this point.
Suddenly, speakers all around the kingdom began to blast "Thank u, next" by Ariana Grande.
"St-straight music!?? What's going on??" Catra was absolutely bewildered by this point.
It only took a few minutes for it to happen…
For him to arrive…
"Kokichi Oma?"
"It is I!! The HimboClown King himself!!" He said, wait, why is he wearing a Supreme sweatshirt?? Oh my god is he straight ? Also, why is he basically a midget?
No time for that now, there were much more important things to handle.
"Kokichi...it's me, Catra, your long lost sister, Catra!!" She finally said, God, what a day this has been!
"...I have a sister? Wig, alright!" Kokichi laughed kokichishly, you know the laugh. You know the one.
Ah, of course he didn't remember her...but wait, what about Nagito??
"Nagito, what are you doing here." He said, turning to the absolute himbo mess that was his Gay Boyfriend™ at this point.
"Whah...Kokichi..i-" He started but was soon cut off by-
"VIBE CHECK, BONK!" Kokichi yelled, before hitting Nagito on the head with a giant hammer that he got from thin air. Or maybe he had it the whole time, it was hard to tell with the e-boy lighting.
Nagito was now passed out cold on the floor at Sans Undertale's feet.
"Wh- Kokichi?? What, why?? I thought you two were dating??" Catra exclaimed, shocked by the sudden turn of events.
Kokichi smiled, "Well, we were dating! That is, until Nagito here was kissed by Hajime! Well, Hajime was imprisoned for 15 years after that happened, buuuut, whatever! Plus I have plenty more Gay Boyfriends™! Four, to be exact, maybe Five of you ship me with [REDACTED], though…" he trailed off, but at that point he really wasn't making much sense anyways.
"I'm so confused…" Catra was dumbfounded, what the fr*ck was going on?? Her lost long brother is almost exactly like her but...so much more chaotic…
"Aaannd rightfully so!" Kokichi was talking so much, good God… "Did you know that this kingdom has 420 subsections? Just kidding, that was a lie! Or was it? Well you could probably ask Sans Undertale over there, but I doubt he's listening! He's too busy doting on his new husband, Nagito!"
What's with this lie stuff? Why is her brother talking like a weirdly written character from some anime game?? Wait, she can just say Danganronpa, but what would that mean for this timeline…??
"Kokichi, just...explain…" She was at a loss for words. What had she traveled all the way here for?
"Welcome to No Straights Allowed! The only kingdom where no straights are allowed! Except Kanye...I let him in yesterday. " Oh my god is Kanye really here!?? Wait no, why would you even want Kanye here?
"I get that but-" She started, but it was no use.
"Soooo?? Why don't ya just live here now then?? I mean, that Minion car of yours has already been towed so it'd proooobbaly take a while to get home….WAHHHHH, I HATE TOW TRUCKS!! MINION CARS ARE MY FAVORITE!!!" Kokichi was now crying, what a guy. How does he have 4-5 Gay Boyfriends™ again?? Well, they probably all hate him.
Catra was growing to be annoyed by her brother, I mean, he's basically the most intentionally annoying person on the planet...but, wait, maybe she should stay here! I mean, what was she really doing back at the horde, looking for more sexy Adora and attending straight pride with Scorpia? You know what? It's decided. She was going to live in the No Straights Allowed kingdom!
"I..okay. I'll stay here. I'll stay in the No Straights Allowed kingdom!!" Catra said with confidence, this was a new chapter in Catra's life, and the gayest one yet! (Let's just forget about sexy Adora…" Goodbye, horde-
"Ahahah, tea!! Who knew my long lost sister would be joining my kingdom today!? And who knew my long lost sister was actually the infamous Default Dancing CVS bandit!!?"
Actually, no. Back to the horde.