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Junhui came into his life uninvited. He was like a whirlwind. A natural disaster that Wonwoo couldn't quite understand but he found himself unable to look away. About as subtle as a jackhammer. Shameless but shy. Messy but beautiful. Attractive but appalling. Wonwoo couldn't make up his mind about Junhui. He didn't even realise when his mind decided to stumble across Junhui and linger there.
But Junhui's mind was on him. Obviously. Constantly blocked by the likes of his unsuspecting best friend Soonyoung or Mingyu whose admiration for Wonwoo had reached almost alarming levels at the time. Junhui tried. Came close but backed away. Again and again. For years, it seemed like there was never the right time for him to get closer to Wonwoo.
And Wonwoo was intrigued. Although, he would never admit. He wanted to know what it would be like to let him in. What would happen if he decided to reach out to Junhui and pull him in a little closer? And he did. A smile. A word. A touch. Then a hug. Then a bite to Junhui's arm. Then friendship before he even knew it. It didn't feel bad at all. Despite his advances, most of the time he stayed away just observing from a distance. Just taking Junhui in. Just trying to find out what it was. He never did.
Wonwoo stopped looking for what it was that made him want to make sure Junhui was alright at all times. How awkward it sounded. But it was nothing more than that. He just needed to know that the other was fine. Taken care of. Safe. Whatever that meant.
Debut came and with it, their lives began to stack up on top of each other even more. Junhui somehow became the caretaker, nursing Wonwoo through illness and stress and controversy. He never asked for anything in return. He never even complained. Wonwoo didn't know what to make of it.
Then a comeback. Then another. Then a win. With all of it came many nights of Soonyoung sneaking out of their room in the middle of the night. Probably to dance. Probably to come up with something better than he already taught them all day long. Those nights Wonwoo would let his arm hang down from the upper bunk bed to be taken and held by Junhui from underneath. Sometimes he would feel slender fingers softly stroke the backside of his hand until he fell asleep and sometimes his arm would be pulled, fingers intertwined by a Junhui wandering off into his own dreams. No matter what. When he let it hang off the side of his bed, his hand would always be held. No exception.
And soon everything started to remind him of Junhui. From the stray cats he'd meet on the street to the Chinese takeout menu they pinned to the refrigerator. Dancing, eating, playing games and trying to fall asleep, for Wonwoo everything had something to do with Junhui. Even just looking at the moon. He was everywhere.
And Junhui was everywhere. In an apartment with thirteen boys, they shared a room and a kitchen and the bathrooms. They shared waiting rooms and stages and salons. They shared hotel rooms more often than not. Wonwoo didn't see it coming. He didn't see it build up. In retrospect, he thought he must have been blind. Like a frog that had been put in cold water and placed on a stove not realising that its surroundings were slowly heating up until it was too late. The glamorous hell of falling in love.
He tried to hide in his routines. Hobbies, books and rarely friends. Even though he didn't want to, he pushed back. Pushed away. Created a distance between them that couldn't be misunderstood in any way. Junhui went with it. He never asked. Wonwoo ignored how it ached.
He still watched him from a distance. With the excuse to support Soonyoung, he watched them dance. Watched him dance. Junhui had a way to move that was almost unbearable. Just like everything with him, it was impossible to look away. So, Wonwoo stayed even when he didn't have to practice. Even when everyone else had left. He didn't think it was possible for it to grow but his heart proved him wrong again and again.
With more success came more space. Two apartments. Separation anxiety. How weird it was to miss someone so much when they were just a flight of stairs away. But Junhui barely came to visit and why would he? What for?
It took months barely seeing him for Wonwoo to decide that things couldn't go on like that. It took all the courage he had left to demand to be placed in a hotel room with Junhui again.
Even now he doesn't know how they got here but he feels gratitude before anything else. He's grateful to see the man sprawled across the hotel room bed when he enters. He's grateful for the smile that spreads across Junhui's face when he sees him. He's grateful for that tangible dream.
What a miracle to have Junhui moan underneath him. To be able to press his lips against any bit of skin he chooses on that body that kept his mind occupied for years on end. To be able to whisper sweet nothings into that pretty ear and make Junhui giggle at that. To say 'I love you' and hear it back.
Junhui came into his life uninvited. But Wonwoo hopes he stays.