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Feelings small as fragments. Feelings delicate as falling snowflakes. Feelings unknown to them.
Time flew different for them these days. Well, to be totally exact everything started to feel kind of different to them since that short touch, that short deep look into each other’s eyes, that short, yet burning feeling rising up in both of them.
It had been just a normal photo session for promoting IDOLiSH7’s new web series “Let’s explore Japan together!”, but for Sougo and Riku, it felt as something extremely overdue was finally hitting them right into the face. Or rather heart.
Prior to this photo session, the management had the idea to shuffle the normal units – letting the fans decide which pairings they’d like to see hosting episodes together. Unfamiliar pairings, not the typical MEZZO”, Fly Away! or Pythagoras Trio groups they already knew and loved. To everyone’s surprise and delight, the fans really liked that idea and came up with unusual, yet oddly fitting pairings: (1) Tamaki and Mitsuki, (2) Iori, Nagi and Yamato and (3) Sougo and Riku. Each of them would be in charge of deciding where to go and what to explore there.
Sougo and Riku had always enjoyed each other’s company, cleaning together, watching documentaries (cough TRIGGER concerts cough), going to exhibitions and overall, they shared a lot of common interests and favorite spots. The latter lead them to instantly know where to go…
…
…
“Aizu-Wakamatsu! The city of the last samurai, the city of their last stand! Ahhhh~ I always wanted to go there. Samurais are so cool”, Riku was smiling brightly, jumping a bit in his seat, while looking out of the window of their private bus.
Sougo was sitting beside him, chuckling because of this cute, pure view, “It sure will be a lot of fun, Riku-kun. I am so glad that we had the same destination in mind”
Something in Sougo’s belly was tingling again, aching to be heard, but he just dismissed it as being the excitement for their trip together. What else could it possibly be? Yes, he felt a bit unsure about being near Riku since their promotion photoshoot, since the touch of their fingers that made his feet all wobbly and his heart racing like crazy. But Sougo did not like to consider his own feelings, his own desires. Therefore, they were ignored and locked away in the depths of his mind. He was the elder. He had the responsibility. Besides, Sougo did not know what Riku was thinking about all of this. For him, it was probably just a normal touch between friends. Coincidental. He had for sure already forgotten about all of this.
Before Sougo could get more lost into his own worrywart world, he was yanked out of his thoughts by a sudden movement of his chair.
“Onii-san is rather looking forward to the Onsen hotel afterwards…I can already feel my feet bleeding from all the walking…isn’t Aizu-Wakamatsu a mountain city? We should have started with our choice…that would have been more relaxing…”, Yamato was sitting in the row behind them, pressing his face though the space between their seats, looking rather disgruntled. He was too old for this kind of sightseeing…well at least, he felt that way.
“Did we make a bad decision, Yamato-san? I am really sorry for putting you through so much trouble…but now it’s a bit late to change plans…”
“Don’t worry, I am just fooling around, Sou”, Yamato let out a loud laugh as he was pushing himself back into his seat, “You are always way too considerate of other’s feelings. Listen to your heart for once, will you? Onii-san’s orders! I am sure it will be a lot of fun”
…
…
And it was. Everyone truly enjoyed themselves. They were visiting Aizu Bukeyashiki, Iimoriyama and – to Yamato’s great pleasure – the Suehiro Sake Brewery. The day could not have gone any better.
Both Sougo and Riku did their best in remembering all the details and explaining them to the audience and to their fellow members. During the visits and being the historical guide, Sougo nearly forgot about all the strange thoughts, the fuzzy feeling he had in his belly for the last few weeks every time he was near Riku. Maybe everything was fine after all? Maybe he just misread his feelings? Would not be the first time he worried too much about certain stuff. Hell, he was a walking, worrying disaster.
…
…
After filming their last sightseeing spot, Aizu Castle, only the stay at Higashiyama Onsen was left. There everyone had to share rooms in pairs as well, but at least had their own private sleeping space. So, Sougo and especially his heart and mind were safe.
Or so…he thought.
“Oh, we are truly sorry, but the bookings got mixed up. We only have one room with a king size bed left, b-but on the bright side, it has a private onsen. Free of charge of course! Again, we are very sorry! We can understand that you must be angry about this. We humbly apologize”
Sougo was staring at the bowing staff members, unable to speak a word, but internally screaming like a maniac. Sharing a room was one thing, b-but sharing a bed? Maybe he could ask for an additional futon to lay on the floor---
“Please, don’t worry! It is totally fine! When I was a kid, I used to share a bed with my brother too. No worries at all, right Sougo-san?”
Oblivious. Totally oblivious. And so…soooo innocent. How the hell could someone as sweet as Riku survive in this rotten world? Furthermore, why was he smiling so sweetly and kind of excited? Now Sougo could not possibly ask for a futon without making Riku feel unwanted. Shoot.
“O-Of course, it is not problem at all. We thank you so much for giving us an even better room. Please, everything is alright. As Riku said, it is like sharing a bed with your…sibling---”
Sougo had to pause before nearly whispering the last word.
Sibling. Ouch. Why did that word hurt so much? Why did he not want to be seen as a brother? An older, caring brother? But even the thought made Sougo feel sick. Wrong. Everything about this term felt wrong. He wanted to be seen differently by Riku. He wanted to be seen as---what? What exactly wanted he to be to Riku? A fellow member? A friend? M-More than a friend?
Suddenly Sougo felt his cheeks growing extremely hot and his legs started to get all wobbly. One wrong move and he would collapse right on the spot. On top of it all, his head started to spin like he was intoxicated.
“Sougo-san, are you alright? Your whole face is red! Oh no! Do you have a fever?!”, Riku was right beside him trying to support his body before pushing his forehead against Sougo’s, “Mh…you are not hot at all. Maybe you just need some rest? Let’s go to our room. Here, take my arm, I’ll help you walk”
Sougo would die. He would definitely, without a doubt die. His heart could not take such actions anymore. How should he sort out his feelings if Riku was always so sweet to him? Holding his arm, having no boundaries when it came to touching Sougo…did Riku even realize the rising tension between them? Knowing Riku and his happy-go-lucky attitude, probably not.
Sougo was still deep in thought, when they arrived and entered their hotel room.
“WOOOOAH! SO HUGE! Sougo-san, look, look!! The view!! Ah, we even see the mountains! Ohhhh and there’s the private onsen, the staff was talking about. It is outside!! We have to try it out tomorrow before breakfast!”, Riku’s eyes were sparkling as he carefully shoved Sougo and himself into the main room, not letting go of his older group member yet. Riku was still concerned about Sougo’s unstable state and his red cheeks. What if he really was getting sick? Riku had to be there for him now!
For Sougo on the other hand, everything happened in a kind of trance. Riku shoving him from room to room, excitedly pointing out how awesome their interior was. Last thing to observe was the big king size bed, which they would share during the night. Only then, Riku let go of Sougo’s arm to let himself sink into the cozy, tender sheets.
He started to giggle, “So soft…ah I can’t wait to sleep in here. Sougo-san, you have to try it out as well. It is fluffy like cotton candy. The bed, Tenn-nii and I used to share was not so fluffy, but still it was warm, because we snuggled together and---”
“Wrong.”
“Sougo----san?”, Riku set up on the bed and stared at Sougo in total confusion. What…was going on?
Sougo was clenching his hands into fists, his eyes firmly locked to the floor. The repeated sibling-comparison made him finally snap. Heat was rising up his whole body. Heat of shame for yelling at Riku. Heat of anger for not fully understanding his own feelings. But he had to say something, he had to clarify it right here and now. Sougo needed to hear Riku’s thoughts on the matter, even if it would hurt their current relationship. Even if it would hurt Sougo’s heart. He took a very deep breath, challenged every ounce of courage in his body and looked straight into Riku’s eyes.
“It is wrong, Riku-kun. Comparing me to something like your brother”
Sougo took a few wobbly steps forward, still unsure of what the hell he was actually doing. Would everything be…okay? There was no going back anymore though.
“Riku-kun…how do you really feel about me?”
Sougo reached the bed, leaned down to Riku, who still was totally flabbergasted, and extended a shaky hand to caress his cheek. Riku flinched a bit under the sudden touch, but he did not not like it. He could not even take his eyes off Sougo. He looked so vulnerable, so…unsure, even his hand was shaking. Riku knew that it took Sougo a lot of bravery to ask him such a question and to touch him so nonchalantly.
Then for the first time in weeks, Riku let his thoughts go back to the day of the promotion photo session, to the electrifying touch he and Sougo shared. To the dizzy feeling in his head, the butterflies in his belly and the urge to repeat this kind of delicate touch again. Riku was just so afraid to admit how he felt about his fellow group member, his elder, his trusted friend. What if Sougo did not feel the same? What if he would ruin their friendship? Their bond as IDOLiSH7? Their dream? Riku could not put it all at risk. Not for his own dumb, pubescent feelings.
He felt tears forming in his eyes. Why was he so selfish? Sougo seemed to suffer since that day as well. Why didn’t Riku see that? Why didn’t he help? Talk earlier? Sougo was someone so special to Riku that he could not even put it into words.
As the tears started to run down Riku’s cheeks, Sougo suddenly felt deep regret. He literally cornered Riku and gave him no choice at all. Of course, he would cry and be afraid of Sougo now.
“R-Riku-kun, I am sorry. I was too harsh, please forget about what I just asked. L-Let just take a bath and ask a staff member for an additional futon---”
Before Sougo could remove his hand from Riku’s cheek, Riku put his own hand on Sougo’s, prolonging the touch. Riku smiled brightly, while the tears still did not stop at all.
“No, Sougo-san. I will not forget about your question. I will answer it…t-the best way I can right now”, Riku put his free hand around Sougo’s waist, pushing his body closer to him and burying his face into Sougo’s soft sweater, “I cannot really name this feeling, because everything is so extremely new to me…but I think…I-I think I feel very strongly about you. Not like a brother and way more than a friend. I really treasure you, Sougo-san”
C-Cute. So, SO CUTE. Sougo needed a bit before fully understanding that Riku just confessed to him. Their feelings…were mutual? Sougo did not destroy anything by listening to his own heart? It…worked?
Sougo did not know how he should properly respond with words, but instead he just could not contain himself anymore. He gently stroked Riku’s hair before leaning down to put a kiss on it.
“Riku-kun…I-I feel the same”
As fast as the weather changes after a storm, Riku stopped sniveling into Sougo’s sweater, looked up to him, shooting one of his most brilliant smiles ever at Sougo.
“You do?! I am so glad, Sougo-san”
In the next moment, Riku was gently tossing Sougo on the bed beside him, their faces only centimeters apart. Sougo let out a high yelping sound, squeezed his eyes shut before opening them again just to stare into Riku’s wonderful sunset-colored eyes. Did all of this just really happen? Sougo had to make sure. He moved his face a bit forward, softly touching Riku’s nose with his own. Both of them instantly blushed and then started to giggle like little children.
“So, it is mutual then, huh? Whatever it is though…”
“Mh, apparently…my heart is racing like crazy…I hope it won’t burst”
“Riku-kun, please take care of your body! Not that you’ll get an asthma attack!”
“Mh, to prevent that, my body needs to be warm. I guess, you have to keep me warm then, Sougo-san?”
Riku did not know that he could be that cheeky. Neither did Sougo. He had to blink a few times before realizing what Riku just asked him to do. The blush on his face intensified, Sougo’s whole body was shaking with utter excitement.
“W-Well if it helps to prevent your attacks, I will gladly oblige…”
Sougo was slowly extending his arms to put them around Riku’s slim body, pushing him closer to his own. He could feel Riku’s breath on his skin as he was snuggling against Sougo’s collarbone.
This just felt so incredibly nice…so right. Finally, everything felt right again. They still did not fully understand their feelings, what would become of their relationship, but for now, both of them were just content feeling each other’s warmth, their closeness and their…infatuation?
They were staying like this for quite some time, before Sougo noticed that Riku started to drift into sleep. Sougo chuckled and started to lovingly rub the other’s back. They should at least take a bath before really going to bed.
“Riku-kun, please don’t fall asleep. You still need to take a bath…come on, wake up”
“Mn-mn-mn, don’t wanna…wanna stay like this. Wanna feel Sougo-san’s warmth on my whole body…”
Critical hit. Ousaka Sougo might not be able to recover from that. Sougo bit his lip. It was not that he wanted to change positions either, but they really needed to wash themselves after all the hiking and sightseeing today.
“But…”
Riku moved a bit away from Sougo so that he could longingly look into his eyes and then on his mouth, “I might reconsider, i-if Sougo-san would do something for me…”
Now Riku had to take initiative. He had to state what he wanted right now, in this exact moment. And what he wanted was---
“A kiss…I want Sougo-san t-to kiss me”
“E-Eh? ----- EH? Y-Y-You want me to k-k-k-kiss you?”
“Yes”, Riku replied sharply without any doubt in his voice. His hands started to shake and his cheeks nearly had the same color as his hair though, but he had to be strong. From now on, he had to be honest with Sougo.
What to do, what to do. How to kiss? What? How? Sougo’s thoughts went crazy. He started to feel extremely dizzy, not sure what he should do. Of course, he wanted to kiss Riku so badly, but would it be the right thing to do?
“Listen to your heart for once, will you? Onii-san’s orders!”
And then Sougo did what his heart was saying. He put a hand on Riku’s cheek, slowly closed his eyes and gently pushed his lips on the other’s. Riku instantly reacted by nibbling at Sougo’s underlip, but not going any further. Both of them wanted to act slowly, savoring every little thing they would experience together – just not rushing this utterly wonderful thing that started to arise.
After more innocent kisses, Sougo and Riku had to gasp a little bit for air and smiled happily at each other.
“So…bath time now?”, Sougo chuckled, being the first to break the silence.
Riku just nodded with a smirk, sat up on the and took one last, long look at his precious partner.
“I am going first, Sougo-san. And I will be waiting in the bed for you when you have finished. Be prepared for a lot of cuddling during the night though. I think you just made me addicted to your body heat and touch~ Well then, I am off for now”
He jumped off the bed without taking another look, took his backpack and rushed into the bathroom. Riku did not want to let Sougo see how much of an effort this last statement was. He could feel his face burning with shame, but also excitement.
And Sougo? Well…his heart burst at last. He was unable to say anything, unable to think straight, unable to breath. The only thing he was capable of, was to scream silently into his pillow, overflowing with joy.
Sougo was just so in love with Riku.