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Shirabu knows this is a mistake. Nothing could ever go right on a Christmas get-together planned by Tendou. Why did they even let him take the initiative? Why not just… not do anything? It isn’t as if they don’t see each other often, most of them still go to Shiratorizawa’s matches.
His original plan of staying home reading all night by the fireplace was so much better. Yet there he is, sandwiched between Semi and Kawanishi at a table way too small to host all of his old teammates comfortably. They could have just gone to an izakaya, but no, Tendou had to have his way and somehow convinced Ushijima to use his apartment instead.
Dinner goes as quietly as one could expect from a Shiratorizawa reunion—that is, not quiet at all. Unsurprisingly, most of the ruckus is caused by Tendou and Semi’s bickering, who knows what about. Shirabu has long stopped listening. His attention keeps drifting to the other end of the table, where Goshiki’s talking Ushijima’s ear off about his last match but won’t stop throwing glances his way every few sentences.
Goshiki, whose smile doesn’t seem to be as bright as he remembers. Goshiki, whose ears turn the most curious tone of pink every time their eyes meet. Goshiki, who makes Shirabu’s ears turn the same shade in return.
Goshiki, who he hasn’t seen since he graduated almost a year ago.
It isn’t that Shirabu has been avoiding him. He has been going to his matches, even if he always leaves as soon as they finish instead of waiting with the rest of their old teammates to congratulate him. Ignoring the disappointment in Goshiki’s face every time he sees him leave is easy. Ignoring the annoying feeling on his chest, not as much.
Their last year of high school together had brought a lot of changes. Goshiki had proved he was more than ready to fill in Ushijima’s role as the ace of the team, and by the time Shirabu graduated he realized he didn’t find him as annoying as before. Something had shifted between them and one day he found himself thinking he no longer wanted to shut him up with a volleyball to his face. Maybe he wanted to shut him up with a kiss.
So yeah, maybe he has been avoiding him. What else are you supposed to do when you don’t know how to deal with your feelings?
Avoiding someone is simple when you’re not living in the same dorms anymore. But now they’re both stuck inside a tiny one-room apartment. A tiny one-room apartment with mistletoe hanging from every light and every doorway. He knows it was Tendou’s doing, who else would keep replicating everything he sees on movies?
“I’m gonna get SemiSemi to kiss me tonight, and might even help some of you in the process,” Tendou had said, winking at Goshiki. Shirabu had laughed under his breath when Goshiki went red and knocked down one of Ushijima’s plants. He had stopped laughing when Tendou turned to wiggle his eyebrows at him.
He does his best to ignore everything that’s annoying him—Tendou, Goshiki’s poorly concealed staring, the mistletoe, his own thoughts. After fifteen minutes of hiding in the restroom, he decides he’s had enough and it’s time to leave. But he really, really should have stayed home. Because as soon as he opens the door, he bumps into the very same person he’s been trying to avoid all night.
“Oh, if it isn’t my two favorite kohais,” Tendou smiles once he notices Goshiki about to pass out in front of Shirabu. “And what would that be?”
Shirabu doesn’t even need to look up to know what he means. It’s obvious in Tendou’s stupid grin, in Goshiki’s blush, even in Semi’s exasperated sigh. He tries to move past them, but Tendou is faster—he throws an arm around Goshiki’s shoulders, the other around Shirabu’s. “Where do you think you’re going so fast, Kencchi?”
“Anywhere but here,” Shirabu glares at him. He’s so pissed his brain barely registers the nickname.
“No can do, you know the rules,” Tendou replies, tightening his hold on them.
“Fuck your rules, Tendou, I’m not kissing anyone,” he spats, but all he gets is a laugh in response.
Goshiki looks like he wants the earth to swallow him and Shirabu’s seriously considering murder when Tendou starts singing something about kissing and mistletoes. Luckily for him, Semi intercedes and drags him away before he can make it a reality. Shirabu doesn’t even get the chance to thank him—movement catches his attention from the corner of his eye and he turns just in time to see Goshiki storming off.
A part of Shirabu wants to let him go and use Tendou’s nagging as a valid excuse to finally escape home. But there’s another part of him that’s been getting so much harder to ignore, and all it wants is to go after him.
So he does.
He leaves the apartment without a word—and without his coat, he realizes as soon as he’s out on the street frantically looking around. He doesn’t have much time to lament that fact before a voice calls out to him.
“Shirabu-san?” He whips around and there’s Goshiki, standing against the wall of the building. He looks like he’s about to cry and it makes his heart plummet to his stomach.
“Why did you leave?” He asks.
Goshiki simply shrugs and averts his gaze—is he pouting?
“Goshiki,” Shirabu insists, taking a step closer. “Why did you leave?”
“You didn’t seem to want me there,” Goshiki seems to shrink into himself. Shirabu feels a sudden need to go back upstairs and punch Tendou. “And then you got mad at Tendou-san, and Semi-san had to get involved and it’s my fault because—”
“Goshiki,” Shirabu says, but he’s ignored.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come in the first place, I know—”
“Tsutomu,” he tries again. Goshiki freezes, Shirabu half-expects him to run away again. “I’m not mad at you.” Another step. “I’m mad at Tendou.”
“Why?”
Shirabu tilts his head, considering what he’s about to say. He knows this will change everything between them, and that’s exactly what he’s been trying so hard to avoid. Even if he doesn’t doubt Goshiki feels the same way about him—he’s too easy to read—he’s still afraid. What if it doesn’t work out? What if it does?
“That’s not how I wanted it to be,” he finally says. One last step, and there’s almost no space between them anymore.
“What do you mean?” Goshiki breathes out.
“Our first kiss, you idiot,” he says and has to bit down a laugh when Goshiki’s eyes go wide with surprise. “It wasn’t supposed to be in front of everyone, or because of Tendou and his constant nagging.”
“Oh,” is all Goshiki says, voice barely above a whisper.
Shirabu looks the other way when Goshiki stays quiet, feeling his cheeks burning. He’s sure they’re as red as Goshiki’s. He can feel his eyes on him, and it’s driving him insane that he’s not saying anything. He’s freezing his ass off, he just openly admitted to having thought at least once about kissing him, and all the moron can say is ‘oh?’
“So?” He sighs, and Goshiki blinks at him. What a dork. What a cute, adorable dork. “Are you gonna kiss me or not?”
He barely gets the words out before Goshiki’s smashing their lips together.
It’s exactly as he imagined it would be—eager, clumsy and just a bit too rough. And warm. So warm he immediately feels cold when Goshiki suddenly pulls back.
“Wait,” he says, and all Shirabu can do is stare at him in confusion. “You said first kiss.”
“What about it?” Shirabu frowns.
“Does that mean we get to kiss more than once?”
“Yes, moron,” he resists the urge to roll his eyes. “If you want to.”
His reply comes in the form of another kiss, gentler this time. Goshiki’s lips glide smoothly against his, and a voice at the back of his mind reminds him they could have been doing this much sooner if he hadn’t been so much of a coward. The thought doesn’t linger for too long in his head—a shiver running down his spine stops him from thinking altogether. If anyone asks, he’ll just say it’s the cold. It has nothing to do with fingers finding their way to his hair, or a hand cupping Shirabu’s cheek.
“You’re cold,” Goshiki breaks the kiss to look at Shirabu with those dumb, big eyes of him. Well, at least someone would have bought his excuse.
“I forgot my coat upstairs,” he says, slightly exasperated. Why does he have to keep stopping to point out the most irrelevant stuff? Can’t he just keep his mouth shut? Well, maybe not shut, just—not talking.
“Wanna go back inside?”
It takes all of his energy to hold back a groan. “No,” he shakes his head. I’d much rather go back to kissing you, his mind adds, but that isn’t something he’s willing to voice just yet. He’s done enough feelings for the day.
Before he has any time to protest, Goshiki’s taking his coat off and throwing it over Shirabu’s shoulders.
“Now you’re gonna get cold,” he says but makes no move to give it back.
“I’m too happy to be cold,” Goshiki replies and the smile on his face tells him he has no shame in how sappy he’s being.
“Ugh,” he groans, hiding his blush on the crook of Goshiki’s neck. “How can you just say stuff like that?”
Goshiki only laughs, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him closer to press a kiss on the top of his head. It doesn’t take long for Shirabu to stop pretending he’s uncomfortable and hug him back. He’s pretty sure Goshiki can feel him smiling against the skin of his neck, but he doesn’t really care that much anymore.
Maybe change isn’t so bad. Maybe it’s time to let his walls down. Maybe putting himself on the line is worth it if it means he gets to have this warmth surrounding him, Goshiki’s dumb happy giggling in his ears. It’s embarrassing, really, how much Shirabu loves it. Maybe he’s just as dumb. There’s only one thing he knows for sure: he can’t let Tendou know his plan actually did help him. He would never hear the end of it.