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“It’s open!” Kai called as a knock sounded at her door.
Rekke poked his head through a moment later, grinning in a way she found both charming and suspicious. “I have something for you,” he said in greeting.
Definitely more suspicious than charming, then. She gestured for him to come in, and she stood up to walk around her desk as he shut the door behind him.
“I sent a letter with the first explorers past the Mortar.”
“You’re the first explorer past the Mortar, darling,” she interrupted, but then his announcement caught up to her and she stopped abruptly, reeling in shock.
“Past where the Mortar used to be,” he continued as if he didn’t notice her distress. “My sister was very surprised to hear that I did not die. Less surprised that I did not want to come home.” Without another word of explanation, he pulled a book out from one of his pockets and held it out to her. “You said you enjoy history, ta? This is a book of the history of Lipsalis. You can learn about my people and practice your Seki at the same time.”
“Is there something wrong with my Seki?” she asked as she took the offered book, turning it over slowly in her hands.
“Spoken, no. You learn very quickly. Written, your letters are still… very Aedyran.” His smile was disarming, making sure she didn’t think he was insulting her. “It is good to practice.”
“Rekke, this is… very sweet. And very stupid.” That felt like an understatement, Kai thought as she traced her fingers over the soft leather cover. “It was probably really dangerous to send that letter.”
“My sister is not that scary,” Rekke said with a laugh. “Okay, maybe sometimes she is.”
She sat the book carefully on the table and looked up at him again. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
“I know. It does not matter. If I get in trouble, I get back out again.” His dark eyes were very sincere. “Do you like it, Kiki?”
“I love it,” she said, because it was the truth. “But I don’t know whether to smack you or kiss you.”
A coy, inviting smirk spread across his face. “If you are looking for suggestions, I know which I would prefer, ta?”
“I think I know which I’d prefer too,” she said quietly. She took a slow step closer.
Then she smacked him on the arm, just hard enough to make a point. She doubted he could even feel it through the padding of his armor, but he still let out a startled yelp.
“That is for smuggling historical documents across the Mortar before we’ve even established diplomatic relations.” She grabbed his armor by the collar to drag him closer and stood on tip-toe to brush her lips across his cheek. “But thank you for the book, darling. It’s perfect.”
She pulled away, but he stopped her before she got far, curling his hand gently across her cheek. His thumb brushed lightly along her bottom lip. “I thought you were going to kiss me, Kiki.”
He waited for a handful of endless seconds to see if she would pull away or tell him no. She didn’t, and he leaned back down to her again.
Even though she saw it coming, Kai still gasped when his lips touched hers. Rekke froze like he hadn’t actually expected to get that far. They stayed that way for a long moment, neither of them pulling away or pressing forward, and when it became clear to her that he wasn’t going to take initiative, she took matters into her own hands. She slid her hands up into the soft, magnificent waves of his hair, pulled him closer, and kissed him like she meant it.
It was not a storybook first kiss. Both of them were so surprised it was actually happening that they couldn’t remember how. Rekke seemed to have forgotten where to put his hands; they flitted from her face to her hair to her waist before finally coming to rest on her shoulders.
The reality of the situation came crashing down and Kai pulled away from him, scrambling halfway across the room. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have–I didn’t mean–”
“It is okay, Kiki.” Rekke chuckled, holding a hand up to calm her down. Still, his other hand drifted to his lips and he couldn’t seem to stop grinning. He looked her over, and whatever he saw made his grin turn teasing. He asked, slyly and entirely too knowingly, “Was that your first kiss?”
“No!” She looked away from him, feeling her face get warm with embarrassment, and reluctantly admitted, “It was my second. My first kiss was a few weeks ago. With Edér, under the damn mistletoe.”
His chuckle became a full, delighted cackle and he collapsed on the edge of her bed, shaking with laughter.
She crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t see what’s so funny about that.”
“All… All the times I have wanted to kiss you,” Rekke said through his laughter. “To know… to know I could have been the first and it was taken from me by a holiday tradition. I really do have the strangest luck, ta?”
“How,” Kai’s voice came out an undignified squeak. She cleared her throat and tried again, “how often have you wanted to kiss me?”
“Every day since we met.”
“What?”
“You did not know? Yukag?” She couldn’t tell if the look he gave her was awe or pity. She chose to believe the former. “I have not tried to hide it. No less than four of your friends have approached to gently threaten me. Twice from Aloth, but one was the… the other Aloth. The angry woman. At least, I think she was threatening me.” Softly, nervously, he added, “Was it that bad?”
“No! It was–that’s not–” Curse her uncooperative tongue. She knew a dozen different languages and couldn’t seem to form a coherent sentence in any of them.
“It is okay, Kiki,” he said again, and he seemed to understand what she was trying to say even if she couldn’t say it. “You do not have to be scared of me, ta?”
“I’m not scared of you, darling. I’m scared of…” but she paused, unsure how to finish that sentence. There was too much noise in her head right now. Her quarters were too small to contain both of them. Rekke seemed both very close and too far away. Unable to find the words she wanted, she changed the subject entirely. “You are looking entirely too pleased with yourself, Rekke.”
“I have never seen you so unsure of yourself. I did not know you knew how.” He took a step toward her, and when she didn’t bolt in the other direction, he took another. He still couldn’t stop smiling, giddy and smug and insufferably attractive. “It was only a kiss.”
“Only,” Kai scoffed. His grin only grew wider. “What happens now?”
“Now, I will leave you alone so you can panic in peace.” Something must have shown on her face, because his smile softened. “I am not offended, Kiki. It is part of who you are, ta? One of the things I–” he cut himself off abruptly and looked away, face turning red. “You panic, you take your time, and then you come find me. Nothing will happen that you do not want to happen.”
“What do you want to happen?”
“I do not think I should answer that.“
“Oh, it’s like that, is it?” Kai couldn’t help but smirk at him, trying to get herself back on steady ground. “Keep your secrets then, darling. For now.”
“No secrets,” Rekke said plainly. “They are yours when you are ready for them. As am I.”
She was very proud of herself for not outright flinching at that, though she did inhale sharply like the words impacted a little too hard. In a carefully controlled tone, she said, “I will take that under consideration.”
“Good. You should come find me, if you need a reminder.” He brushed his knuckles across her cheek, and she looked up at him in surprise; she hadn’t realized he was so close. He dropped his voice to a sweet, gentle murmur. “Let me try again, when you are ready, ta? Let me do it right.”
She was still trying to figure out how to respond to that when he left the room.
——-
Kai managed to avoid him for almost two weeks. It wasn’t hard to do in a city like Neketaka; there was always work that needed doing, especially for a woman of her reputation. She spent the time she couldn’t fill with work pouring over the book Rekke had given her as if it held the answers she was looking for. If it did, they were enigmatic; she could only decipher two-thirds of the book at her current ability to read Seki, and… well, it’s not like she could ask him for help. Not yet.
Rekke was respectful of her need for space, which she appreciated, though it also brought to light exactly how much time she’d been spending with him. His absence now made her feel like she had when she’d first cut off all her hair - clumsy, off balance, strangely light-headed. She missed him.
Serafen did not respect her need for space. He was there every time she turned around, never saying anything but always watching. He clearly knew something, though how much she didn’t ask and he didn’t offer the information. She didn’t want to talk to him about it, but she knew she needed to talk to someone and he clearly had no intention of leaving her alone until she did.
Edér was the first thought since he knew her best, but as sweet as he could be he lacked the right perspective. Aloth had even less experience in romantic endeavors than she did, and was even more cautious, so she couldn’t ask him, and she couldn’t ask Tekēhu either for the opposite reason. That left her options very limited.
"I wish Kana was here,” she said to the empty ocean, leaning on her elbows and staring off the side of her ship.
“Ain’t that Maia’s brother?” Xoti said jovially as she leaned next to Kai. Kai tried not to make it obvious how much the priestess had just startled her half to death. “Are you friends with him?”
“That’s a very long story, but yes. We met in the Dyrwood, more than six years ago now. He gives good advice,” Kai admitted, “and I find myself in need of some.”
‘Anything I can help with?“
"Maybe.” She looked down at the water lapping at the side of the ship. She considered which was a worse fate: confiding in Xoti and her knowing but sympathetic smile, or the crushing depths below. She took a deep breath to put the steel back in her spine. “I kissed Rekke.”
“I knew it!” Xoti exclaimed, clapping her hands together in glee. “Y’all’ve been actin’ real weird the last couple o’ weeks. I knew something must’ve happened.” She tilted her head, curious about the carefully blank look on Kai’s face. “I woulda thought you’d be happier about that, Kai.”
“Did you.”
“Well, sure. You’ve been dancin’ around each other for months now. You’re smitten. You both are. Everyone can see it.” She tilted her head the other way, bird-like, keen eyes seeing through Kai’s attempts at stoicism. “It scares you, huh?”
“It terrifies me,” Kai admitted quietly. “I’ve spent most of my life trying to avoid getting… attached to people. It took a long time just to get used to the idea that I had friends. That I could have friends. This…” she struggled once more to find the right words “this thing with Rekke is far beyond that.”
“You could start by callin’ it what it is. You’re smitten, Watcher.”
“I am. Beasts take me, I am.” She turned and slid down to sit on the deck of the ship, leaning her head back against the familiar, worn wood. After a moment, Xoti sat next to her. “What do I do, Xoti?”
The priestess tapped her fingers against her chin thoughtfully. “What do you wanna do? That seems like the best place to start.”
Kai closed her eyes so she didn’t have to look at Xoti as she whispered, “I want to kiss him again. I can’t stop thinking about it. About him.”
“Then I don’t see what you’re still waitin’ on.”
“I may have…” Kai groaned and covered her face with both hands, “I may have panicked a bit last time and then spent the last two weeks avoiding him.”
Xoti laughed, clearly delighted by this whole conversation. “You sure don’t like to do things the easy way, do ya?”
“So I’ve been told.”
Xoti nudged Kai’s shoulder with her own. “Got good taste, Watcher. He’s real pretty.”
Kai grinned, wide and infatuated. “He is.”
“Lookit you. Smitten.”
“How long do you think it will take someone to notice if I toss you off the boat, my dear?” Kai said dryly, raising an eyebrow.
Xoti’s smile was completely unrepentant. “Gettin’ rid of me won’t hide the truth.”
——-
Kai still avoided Rekke for another two days, trying to get her thoughts in order, but she couldn’t stall their next trip out into open water. Once they were out there it was clear there could be no more hiding from it.
She tried to keep her mind active and her nerves in check while she waited for the proper opportunity to present itself, so she sat down at her desk to sort through and reply to some of the letters spread across its surface. She had just finished writing and sealing the last missive when a soft knock sounded at the door. She had a sinking feeling she already knew who it was. “Come in, darling.”
Sure enough, Rekke cracked the door open just enough to poke his head in. “Serafen said you wished to speak with me.”
Of course he did. As loudly as she could without risking being heard by non-ciphers, she thought NOSY BASTARD. She was pretty sure she heard his familiar raspy laugh from somewhere past the door. “Come in,” she said again.
Rekke stepped into the room and shut the door behind him. He glanced at the pile of papers in front of her, the top one with a still-drying wax seal. “You are busy.”
“I am always busy. But I can always make time for you, darling.” She was willing to forgive how sappy that sounded if only for the way he lit up at her words. “I was actually about to come looking for you. Good thing I have such thoughtful friends as Serafen to save me the trouble.”
“He is a nosy little bastard, ta?”
Kai laughed in surprise to hear her own thoughts echoed back at her. “He is. But maybe I’ll forgive him, just this once. I…” she took a deep, fortifying breath. “I want to start by apologizing. For avoiding you. For… for running away.”
Rekke took a slow step further into the room, expression uncharacteristically serious. “You did not run away. You are still here.”
“I thought about it. I’m still thinking about it.” She stood up and paced the small space from her desk to her bed and back, feeling cornered even though the only one making any demands of her was herself. “I’m very good at running away, darling. I’ve been doing it for a very long time. Sometimes I don’t think I remember how to do anything else. But I don’t… I don’t want to. Not this time. Not from this. Not from you.”
“Then if you run, I will just chase you,” he said, like it was obvious, like he had never even considered anything else. “For as long as I need to. You are worth it.”
She grimaced and had to look away. “Rekke, you can’t just say things like that.”
“Why not? It is the truth.” He waited until she looked back at him and held her gaze, every inch of him radiating sincerity. “You are worth it. You deserve to be happy. I want to make you happy.”
Kai fought the urge to back away from him and instead took a couple steps closer. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“Do not worry, Kiki. I can be very patient.”
“Yes. I can see that.” She took a few more steps forward. She stopped in front of him, close enough to touch. He didn’t reach for her. She could see that he wanted to, but he didn’t move. The next step had to be hers. “May I…?”
“Ta,” he said quickly, not even waiting to know what she was asking. “Please.”
She slowly, very slowly, lifted a hand toward his face. His eyes fluttered shut as soon as she touched him, leaning into her careful caress, and so she let herself do what she’d wanted to for months and trailed her fingers softly down the length of his scar, across his cheek and lips and chin.
Her whole life, she had never understood the appeal, had never seen what everyone found so attractive about her red hair and freckles. Looking at Rekke like this, it finally made sense. He really was beautiful, with his long copper lashes and dark green eyes and the hint of mischief ever-present in his smile. She traced the pads of her fingers over his jaw and cheeks, finding patterns among his freckles, and a part of her wondered if she could convince him to do the same with hers.
Rekke moved suddenly, turning his head to press a kiss to her palm, then took her hand in his and pressed another kiss to her knuckles. He lowered her hand from his face and held it to his chest instead; she could feel his heart racing underneath her palm.
“Too much, darling?”
“Ta. But also no.” His voice shook with barely contained emotion. Kai wanted to ask what that emotion was, but was scared he’d actually tell her. Then he opened his eyes and met hers and he may as well have told her anyway. There was such an endless depth of longing in them that it took her breath away. “Kiki,” he whispered, and then softer, reverently, “Kai.”
Oh. Oh no. Kai felt like the solid deck beneath her feet shifted and the world tipped sideways. She moved closer to Rekke as if his presence could help steady her, even if he’s what had her reeling in the first place.
His free hand curled around the back of her neck; his eyes shifted to it momentarily, as if he was surprised to see it there, as if he hadn’t meant to do that. “I think I should go.”
Kai bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from protesting. Instead she just nodded. Rekke took a large step backwards and she let her hand fall away from his chest back to her side.
He took another step back, moving away from her to make his way to the door. He paused when he got there, considering, and pulled something out of an inner pocket of his jacket, turning around to place it wordlessly in her hands.
Kai looked at the object she held, turning it over in her hands. “You got me another book? How many of these do you have?” she asked incredulously. “You remember I told you how dangerous this was right now, right?”
“I remember. I also remember you said ‘thank you’ and ‘I love it,’ and then you kissed me.” His smile finally returned, proud and a bit impish. “I have done much stupider things for less worthy reasons.”
“There are easier ways to get me to kiss you than smuggling me books.”
“Ta. Tell me and I will do those instead.” He nodded stiffly, almost a formal bow, and gave her one last sweet, hesitant smile before he opened the door. “Good night, Kiki.”