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Lift Your Spirit Up

Summary:

After an accident the year before, Nicole finds herself to be struggling with coping during her recovery. The sequel to last year's fic A Miracle In Purgatory

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Purgatory - One Year After Nicole’s Accident

“But we can’t show up empty handed!”

“We won’t show up empty handed, Wave,” Nicole chuckled.

“You said no pie, what else are we supposed to show up with? I always bring the pie, Wynonna loves my pie,” Waverly sighed and Nicole could feel the nervous energy radiating from the other side of the call.

“I said no pie that isn’t vegan, silly. I don’t want you to make a dessert you won’t be able to eat,” Nicole corrected.

“Okay well...I guess that’ll do. How’d the appointment go?”

“I’m just waiting for Chrissy to come back with the results from the scan and then I should be good to go,” Nicole smiled.

“But everything else checked out?”

“Everything else checked out. Rosita says my legs are stronger than they ever anticipated.”

“Good,” Waverly sighed, relieved. “Hurry home, okay? I want to make this pie with you.”

“Is that code for sexy time?” Nicole asked hopefully.

“Sheriff Haught! That is not code for anything but I want to make vegan pie with my girlfriend.”

“Okay okay,” Nicole chuckled. The door to the room opened and Nicole smiled. “Hey, babe? I gotta jet. The Doctor has returned.”

“Oh alright,” Waverly pouted. “Tell Chrissy hi for me!”

“I will. I’ll see you at home, Waverly,” Nicole smiled and ended the call.

“You know those signs for no cellphone use back here are there for a reason, right?” Chrissy stated as she closed the door.

“It was official police business,” Nicole replied with a shrug.

“So is pie baking with Waverly code for another top secret Revenant Gang bust?” Chrissy turned to face Nicole with a raised eyebrow.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Nicole smirked.

Chrissy rolled her eyes and smiled at the redhead before sitting down on a stool next to the chair where Nicole sat.

“I’m glad to see things are still going well for you two. I like to see my best friend so happy, and safe.”

“I promised I’d keep her safe at any cost,” Nicole stated.

“Right,” Chrissy nodded, “and while that’s a wonderful promise, and one I’m sure you’ll keep until you’re both buried six feet under or strapped to a scaffold and devoured by birds,” Chrissy paused to shiver at the thought of Nicole’s sky funeral, “you might want to make sure you’re not pushing yourself too far.”

“What do you mean?” Nicole asked, looking down at the papers in Chrissy’s hands.

“Well, while your physical health checks out, the scans showed us something that makes me worry a bit.”

“What...what do you mean?” Nicole repeated.

“Your legs are...miraculously healed and in good working condition, obviously,” the blonde motioned to Nicole’s legs.

“But? There’s a but in there.”

Chrissy sighed before looking back at Nicole. “The tissues in your right leg are still not fully healed. And the tendons in your left leg are still very weak in comparison to, say, how they were before.”

“So what does that mean? I don’t feel any different. Well, to an extent. You know what I mean,” Nicole’s hand flexed against her thigh, lightly gripping the muscle over her pants.

“You may not feel different, Nicole, but you nearly lost your ability to walk a year ago. You weren’t expected to recover.”

“But I did,” Nicole pointed out. “I mean, I...I recovered, right?” She stood from her seat to prove a point.

“You recovered, but you’re still recovering,” Chrissy reached up and grabbed Nicole’s hand, gently pulling her back into her seat. “I’m just worried. I don’t want you to push yourself too hard.”

“Chrissy, stop avoiding my question and tell me the deal. What’s wrong with me?” Nicole glanced back down at the files in the blonde’s hand again.

“Nic,” Chrissy placed a hand gently on Nicole’s knee, “have you ever considered maybe using a wheelchair?”

“A wheelchair ?” Nicole raised an eyebrow.

Chrissy nodded. “To help you get around? So you’re not standing as much?”

“Do you think I’m unable to take care of myself?” Nicole questioned. “Just because I have a slight limp now after surviving a bullet practically going through my spine you think–”

“– I think you are perfectly capable of doing your job without assistance, but I also think that maybe you should consider taking a break from field cases for a while.”

“I’ve been doing just fine, Chrissy,” Nicole defended.

“Oh, yes, I know. Trust me,” Chrissy smiled brightly. “It’s amazing how quickly you’ve overcome these obstacles. But your results show that your legs are still struggling to get used to all of this activity again.”

“So this wheelchair…” Nicole finally said after several minutes of silence.

“I don’t mean for you to be chained to it 24/7. Just when you’re at the office. Instead of standing and talking to Jeremy or Dolls, you could be sitting and still ready to move at a moment’s notice.”

“I don’t know,” Nicole sighed, rubbing her face. A wheelchair would make her look weak. She wasn’t weak.

“Nicole, I know you’re stubborn but please just listen to me. I’m your doctor. I care about you beyond that, as well.”

“It’ll make me look weak,” Nicole finally admitted with a tight jaw, an attempt to keep her tears at bay.

“It will not ,” Chrissy assured her. “Will you at least think about it?”

“I…” Nicole sighed and nodded. “I’ll think about it.”

“Thank you,” Chrissy smiled. “Now go on and get home. I hear you’ve got some pies to make. And some baking to do,” she winked and laughed when Nicole’s face became as red as her hair.

Leaving the medical center, Nicole’s head was swimming with thoughts. Should she use the chair? Would it really be that bad if she didn’t? She was a survivor, and had recovered from something no one thought she would. Using a wheelchair would negate the progress she’d made over the past year. She decided to talk to Waverly about it and see what she thought, even though she knew her girlfriend would be the first person to get her ass in a wheelchair.

But not right now. Not today .

Nicole got into her cruiser and headed home, her fears mingling with her insecurities. She decided she would talk to Waverly and make a decision, but not until after Christmas. What’s the worst that could happen before then?

- - - -

“I keep saying I need to get this damn oven fixed, but I never actually do anything about it,” Nicole coughed through the thick cloud of smoke pouring out of the open kitchen appliance.

“You said you got it fixed,” Waverly questioned and began fanning the room off with a kitchen towel. “I asked you specifically for this reason and you said you fixed it.”

“Did I?” Nicole turned her back to Waverly and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Well I...think you did,” Waverly sighed and kicked the oven shut. “Maybe that was Wynonna I was talking to. I don’t know. Things have been so crazy lately, with the shop and everything.”

“So you’re really selling it, huh?” Nicole turned back around.

“Signed the papers today,” Waverly nodded.

“You don’t want to be selling it,” Nicole observed after a moment. She pushed herself off of the counter and walked over to Waverly. “You say it’s okay but your face says otherwise.”

“I’d be more okay with it if it weren’t being ripped from my hands by my sister,” Waverly huffed and crossed her arms.

“I know you and Willa never got along, but she seemed genuine this time. At least when I was with you around her.”

“That’s what she always does. Pulls the nice card so you don’t worry.”

“Did she at least give you what she offered for it?”

“Wynonna made sure she did,” Waverly nodded.

“So that means you’re doing it? You’re going to follow through?”

“Yes,” Waverly smiled. “I’m going to finish taking my online classes and take Constance’s offer to teach at Ghost River University.”

“That’s my girl,” Nicole smiled. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Sweet talking will get you nowhere, Sheriff Haught. Especially not after lying about your oven being fixed,” Waverly gently slapped Nicole with the dish towel in her hand.

“I didn’t lie! I said I forgot!” Nicole laughed, holding her hands up in surrender.

“Oh whatever,” Waverly giggled and rolled her eyes. “Now come on. Help me bring all of this to the car. We’re going to the Homestead to finish baking.”

“Is Wynonna there?”

“She’ll probably be at Shorty’s, so no. Why do you ask?”

“I’m not really in the mood to be harassed by your sister right now,” Nicole deadpanned.

“Understandable,” Waverly shrugged and kissed Nicole’s cheek. “Come on now, I’ll go let the car warm up.”

“Alright, I’ll be out in a minute,” Nicole called after the brunette.

After she heard the door close, Nicole leaned back against the counter. She bent over and squeezed her left thigh, trying to alleviate some of the pain she felt in her leg. Standing was always taxing on her legs, this was something she knew from the start of her recovery. It sucked and it got real bad at times, but Nicole refused to rely on crutches to get her around. She was the Sheriff of Purgatory, she had to act the part.

The last thing she wanted to do was worry Waverly. Christmas was one of the most hectic times of the year for Waverly and Nicole both, and she didn’t want to add any additional stress to their lives by having the wheelchair conversation now. So she needed to suck it up and deal with the pain until at least after Christmas. Nicole took a deep breath and stood up straight, wincing slightly as she stretched her leg. She grabbed the bottle of pain meds Chrissy had prescribed to her, popping one into her mouth and swallowing with a sip of water from the sink. She shoved the pill bottle into her coat pocket and headed for the door.

Baking pies at the Homestead was going to be a lot more challenging than Waverly claimed it would be, especially if Wynonna was going to be there eventually. Nicole silently cursed under her breath at the thought of not being able to drink because of the pills.

- - - - -

The house smelled of pie crust and filling and Waverly and Nicole found themselves curled up on the small couch in the living room of the Homestead, fire blazing and music softly crooning from an old record player. Waverly held a glass of white wine in her hand while Nicole clutched a glass of water in hers. The pies were cooling in the kitchen and the couple was finally relaxing after nearly three hours of playful arguing and baking.

“How’s your leg feeling?” Waverly asked after a while. She used her free hand to trace mindless patterns onto Nicole’s jean-clad leg.

“My leg is fine. What do you mean? My leg is fine ,” Nicole insisted, replying a bit too quickly.

Waverly’s hand stilled as she looked up at Nicole. “Don’t lie to me. How is your leg feeling?” She repeated, this time slower.

“Why do you need to know?” Nicole asked, removing her arm from around Waverly’s shoulders. “It’s as fine as it’s been since I got out of the hospital.”

“I just...I saw you limping around a bit earlier, more than usual and I–”

“And you what , Waverly?” Nicole stood up, though a bit too fast as her knee locked up and she nearly fell over. Waverly jumped to help but Nicole only waved her off as she regained her balance. “My leg is fine. It’s fucked up and will probably never work properly again, but it’s fine . Got it?”

“Did I cross a line?” Waverly asked hesitantly. “Baby, I thought we worked past this. I thought you were okay to talk about it.”

“I’m a disabled cop, Waverly. A disabled sheriff! I won’t ever be okay to talk about it.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry,” Waverly apologized, her eyes screaming worry. “I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. Everything meaning more than just your legs.”

“It sucks,” Nicole sighed, sitting back down on the couch. “It really sucks, Waves.”

“I know,” Waverly gently rubbed Nicole’s back. Her hand stopped momentarily as she gathered her thoughts. “Well, actually, no I don’t know. But I’ve seen the toll it’s taken on you, I’ve seen how badly it’s affecting you. That much I know.”

“Each day I think I’m getting better, I move the wrong way or I run too far and the pain comes back and reminds me that I’m not one hundred percent better, and that I never will be.”

“We all have our setbacks. Though some are greater than others.”

“What do you mean?” Nicole questioned.

“Well, it’s no physical battle with my legs, but I still can’t step into the shop without having my phone out, ready to dial your number. I can’t walk in there without being on edge and thinking he’s still back there, waiting to shoot me. It’s one of the reasons why I was so eager to hand the keys over to Willa.”

“I had no idea,” Nicole said softly.

“Trauma comes in all forms, Nicole. We’re all fighting a battle that others can’t see. But that doesn’t mean we have to fight alone.”

“I know,” Nicole sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “I guess this is just...not who I am. I like to get things done on my own, not have anyone, or anything, help me.”

“What do you mean by anything?” Waverly asked, eyebrow raised.

Before Nicole had the chance to respond, her phone started vibrating viciously from the coffee table in front of them. Nicole grabbed it and glanced at Waverly.

“It’s Wynonna.”

“Well answer it! It might be important,” Waverly insisted.

Nicole sighed and accepted the call, pressing the phone to her ear. “Earp.”

“Haught, oh thank god! Dolls wouldn’t answer his stupid phone and he doesn’t believe in voicemail so I couldn’t figure out who to contact.”

“What’s wrong?” Nicole asked leaning forward, resting her elbows on her knees.

“Bobo and his guys are holding some people hostage down at the local drug store. Weapons have been reported and they need officers on site now.”

“Why haven’t I been informed about this sooner?” Nicole questioned, standing up and looking around for her coat.

“Jeremy said Lucado picked it up as a case for Black Badge, which I find ridiculous. This is your town, your people. This a PPD case.”

“Shit,” Nicole muttered. “Okay well I’m going to head down there ASAP. You keep me posted alright? Try and contact Dolls again. If you can’t reach him, just grab Peacemaker and meet me downtown.”

“Got it, Officer Fire Crotch,” Wynonna affirmed.

“Earp,” Nicole warned.

“Sorry, sorry. I’ll meet you there,” Wynonna huffed.

“Great. And Wynonna? Thank you for contacting me.”

“Yes, well Lucado needs to learn that she can’t just stick her big nose into everyone’s business just because she feels like it. We have rules here in Purgatory, and I follow those rules to an extent when my best friend is Sheriff.”

“Someone must be in the Christmas spirit,” Nicole smiled.

“Shut it and get to the drug store between 5th and 9th Street.”

“I’ll be there soon,” Nicole said.

“Great. See you there,” Wynonna replied and ended the call.

“What’s going on?” Waverly asked after the call ended.

“The Revenants have taken hostages down at the drug store. Wynonna said they’re armed and not willing to back down.”

“Black Badge got it covered though?”

“Yes, but I really don’t think this is an appropriate case for them. I mean, Wynonna sounded just as angry as Dolls normally would.”

“So, what, you’re responding?” Waverly slowly stood up from the couch.

“Well, I have to, Wave. I’m the Sheriff. These are my people. The Revenants are my gang. I have to respond.”

“I can’t stop you from going, and I’m not going to tell you that I don’t want you going, but…” Waverly sighed.

“But what?” Nicole questioned.

“Just be safe, okay?” Waverly replied hesitantly, not wanting to tip Nicole off again.

“Baby,” Nicole crossed the room and stopped in front of Waverly. She reached up and brushed some hair behind her ear, letting her hand rest against Waverly’s cheek. “I promise I’m going to stay safe. I’ve got my vest in my car, and your sister is going to be there with that archaic gun of hers.”

“Okay,” Waverly took a deep breath and leaned into Nicole’s touch. “Okay, I’m sorry. I’m just still a little scared. That’s all.”

“I know, I am too. But I’ve got this under control. Wynonna will be there, and hopefully so will Dolls. I’ve got this,” Nicole smiled softly.

“Be safe, Sheriff,” Waverly offered a forced smile and kissed Nicole’s cheek.

“I plan on it.”

- - - - -

“Earp, get down!” Nicole yelled from behind her cruiser. Bullets flew through the air, the clanking of metal hitting metal filled their ears.

“Get the kids and get out of here!” Wynonna replied. “Dolls, where the hell are you?!” She yelled into her walkie talkie.

“Bobo...guns...get...safety,” Dolls’ staticky voice came in reply.

“Earp!” Nicole yelled again.

“Haught!” Wynonna fired back.

“Listen to me, Deputy Earp. Get those kids and get them out of here! I’ve got it covered here!”

“I’ve got the kids, you two cover me,” a gruff voice came from behind them.

“Sheriff-” Nicole jumped in surprise and shook her head. “I mean...Randy. Nedley? I don’t know. Sir, what are you doing here?”

“Got a call from Xavier about half an hour ago. Said something about hostages and you two. I was out golfing with Moody when the call came through. Such a shame, too. I nearly won.”

“Save the sob story for another day, Ned. We’ve got bigger fish to fry right now,” Wynonna interrupted.

“Take the kids and get them as far away from here as possible. Waverly and Jeremy should be at the station. Take them there,” Nicole instructed.

“Fuck,” Wynonna muttered and grabbed Nicole’s arm. “Haught, we’ve got a runner.”

“Huh?” Nicole spun on her heel to face the store just in time to see Bobo Del Rey sprinting the opposite way down the street, gun in hand. “Shit.”

“What do we do? Call in backup?” Wynonna asked.

“We’ve got everyone here. We have to stop him,” Nicole said before taking off down the street in the same direction as Bobo.

“Nicole, wait–” Wynonna groaned and slapped a hand to the side of her head. “You’re not supposed to be running!”

“Go get Dolls and radio me when you’ve got him!” Nicole yelled over her shoulder. “I’m going to need your help!”

“I’ll get Xavier,” Nedley said to Wynonna. “With Del Ray gone, the threat level is zero. I’ll save the other hostages and send him your way.”

“Call Waverly and let her know you’re coming,” Wynonna nodded before taking off after Nicole.

Nicole ran as fast as she could, her boots slapping the ice and snow covered ground so hard she couldn’t hear herself breathe. Or maybe it was just the adrenaline coursing through her veins, blood pumping and lungs burning, that pushed her so hard. Her legs burned but damn was it a good burn. It was the burn you felt gripping your muscles after a good workout. The burn that only fueled your determination and screamed at you to keep going.

It was the kind of burn that almost made her feel whole again.

She had Bobo in her sights, his big fur coat, something Lady Gaga might have even deemed too much, was just a big target on his back and gave Nicole easy sights when she removed her gun from its holster. He glanced back at her and started running even faster when he noticed the rapid pace at which the space between himself and Nicole was disappearing. Nicole grunted and pushed herself to go faster.

Wynonna appeared next to her suddenly and she glanced to her side. Her strides faltered for a beat, but she kept going. Wynonna gave her a slight nod, paired with a worried look, and clutched Peacemaker tightly in her hand.

They rounded a corner and saw no sign of Bobo. It was a deserted area save for a few cars parked along the sidewalk. The two cops slowed to a walk, and eventually ceased their movements entirely. Wynonna turned in a slow circle and groaned.

“Where the hell did he go?” She complained.

Nicole searched the perimeter with her eyes, hand still clutching her gun. Bobo had somehow disappeared into thin air and Nicole couldn’t wrap her head around how. The sound of footsteps rapidly approaching drew their attention to where they had come from previously, and they raised their weapons. Dolls turned the corner and Wynonna sighed, lowering her gun and stomping her boot-clad foot on the cold ground.

“Seriously, Dolls? We almost shot you!”

“Take it easy, Earp,” Dolls rolled his eyes. “Where’s Bobo?”

“Don’t know,” Nicole replied, turning her attention back to the cars across the street. She sensed movement near a black Jeep and took a step forward, listening intently.

Wynonna stood by with Dolls and the two watched Nicole do what she did best: her job. The street was quiet enough to hear a pin drop, their breath the loudest sound around them. So when they heard a cough and a mutter from behind the Jeep, they knew they’d found their target again.

“Bobo Del Rey!” Nicole yelled. “Come out with your hands above your head!”

There was a curse and then Dolls was yelling, “Nicole, he’s running!”

“I’ve got him,” Wynonna offered but before she could move, Nicole had already taken off toward him. “Nicole...shit, Haught!”

Nicole ran at an alarming speed, way too fast for comfort, yet she persisted. The adrenaline kept her steady and on track. She hyper focused on the task at hand, eyes locked onto Bobo and hands gripping her gun, finger ready to pull the trigger. They ran down the street, circling back toward the drug store. Nicole stumbled slightly as her left knee locked up for a brief moment. She cursed under her breath but she kept going regardless. Wynonna was screaming her name from behind but she didn’t seem to notice.

“Haught!” Wynonna screamed again. She saw the redhead start to slow down, noticed how her legs seemed to nearly give out beneath her after each stride. She watched Nicole push herself far beyond the line of comfort.

What happened next would remain with her for months to come.

Nicole suddenly dropped her weapon and gripped her right thigh, letting throaty scream escape her mouth. At first, Wynonna thought she might have been shot; the scream was one of complete and total agony. Nicole crumpled to the ground, falling onto her side and curling into a fetal position. Bobo looked back and smirked, jumping into an unmarked vehicle waiting for him. Wynonna ran toward Nicole, dropping to her knees and bending over her.

“Haught,” she said softly.

“Get him,” Nicole gripped Wynonna’s arm tightly and looked up at her. “Don’t let him get away.”

“Haught,” Wynonna repeated firmly.

“He can’t get away,” Nicole groaned again.

“Dolls is after him,” Wynonna assured the redhead, watching Dolls jump into his van and follow Bobo.

“Fuck,” Nicole hissed and leaned her head bad against the asphalt beneath her.

“I’m going to call Doc and get Chrissy and Rosita out here. You need to take it easy,” Wynonna sighed.

Nicole remained on the ground, civilians and deputies circling around her. Wynonna was shouting to give her some space, but she was just as worried as everyone else. Nicole watched as Wynonna spoke to Doc on the phone, asking for Chrissy immediately. She groaned at the thought of getting yelled at by her doctor for practically ignoring her orders. A car pulled up next to them and Nedley stepped out, followed by both Waverly and Jeremy.

Waverly was at Nicole’s side in an instant, tears streaming down her cheeks. She placed a gentle hand on Nicole’s forehead, brushing some hair to the side. Nicole’s eyes met Waverly’s and her heart shattered. Waverly looked absolutely terrified.

“Hey you,” Nicole whispered softly, reaching up and resting a hand on Waverly’s cheek.

“Nicole,” Waverly choked out. “Nicole, please tell me it’s not–”

“It’s not,” Nicole assured. “It isn’t, baby. It’s just my leg...both of them.”

“What did you do this time?” Waverly sighed, relieved, but narrowed her eyes.

“I went too far...too fast,” Nicole admitted.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Waverly chastised, using her free hand to wipe her tears away. “Nedley got a call from Lonnie and said it was an emergency. I thought...I thought you…” She shook her head, unable to say what she was thinking.

“Hey, no,” Nicole forced herself into a sitting position and pulled Waverly into her arms. “No. I didn’t get shot. I tripped and fell. Stupid clunky boots.”

“I don’t think it was just your boots at play here,” Chrissy said as she approached the couple.

“What do you mean?” Waverly asked the blonde. She turned to Nicole and repeated, “What does she mean?”

“Waverly, can you come with me for a bit? I think they need to speak privately,” Rosita said. Waverly sighed and stood up after kissing Nicole’s cheek. The two stood back with Wynonna and Jeremy, giving Chrissy the space she needed.

“What happened?” Chrissy asked.

“I was running and my legs froze up. I tripped. I couldn’t move a single muscle for a good five minutes,” Nicole explained.

“Rate the pain on a scale of 1-10.”

“Currently? A good 8.5,” Nicole sighed. “And I’d say it was maybe an 11 when I hit the ground.”

“This is why I told you to take it easy,” Chrissy sighed and knelt down next to Nicole. “This is why I suggested the wheelchair.”

“Did you just say wheelchair ?” Waverly cut in.

“Chrissy, it’s my job to do this shit. I couldn’t just let him get away,” Nicole replied, ignoring Waverly’s comment.

“I’m sure Wynonna could have handled it,” Chrissy fires back, her voice growing stern.

“Okay, I’m sorry, but a wheelchair? Chrissy? Nicole? Someone mind explaining this to me?”

“I’m sure Wynonna could have handled it, but my instincts took over. These are my people. This is my town. I responded to the call because it was serious. I took off after Bobo because he needed to be detained.”

“HEY!” Waverly yelled. Both Nicole and Chrissy turned to the smaller woman, whose arms were crossed and her face a combination of anger and disappointment. “Why did Chrissy mention a wheelchair? And why have you not said anything to me about this?”

“I suggested to Nicole today that she maybe start using a chair around the office, at home, anywhere really, so she wasn’t putting so much stress on her legs,” Chrissy answered.

“Why?” Waverly asked, eyes landing on Nicole.

“Because her legs are not healed completely. And…” Chrissy took a deep breath. “And they probably never will be.”

“Why didn’t you say anything to me when you got home? Why have you not said a goddamn thing to me about any of this?” Waverly asked, trying to keep her voice calm.

“I didn’t want to worry you. I was going to talk to you about it. But after Christmas,” Nicole replied. Waverly just stared at her, jaw tight. “You already have so much stress in your life right now. I didn’t want to add to that.”

“This isn’t just something you can brush off, Nicole. This is your physical health you’re talking about. This is your future!”

“I know,” Nicole breathed in deeply through her nose and closed her eyes. “Waverly, I know .

“You can’t just run into danger like that. You know your body still can’t handle it.”

“Waverly, I know, ” Nicole repeated.

“What if he came back while you were down and got you? What then? You’d be unable to move and–”

“Baby girl, calm down,” Wynonna spoke up, placing a hand on Waverly’s shoulder. “I think Haught knows she fucked up. Screaming at her about it won’t fix it.”

“I just don’t understand why you didn’t talk to me about this,” Waverly said, eyes burning holes into Nicole’s soul.

“She’s been traumatized,” Rosita said. “She’s recovering from an accident, and has several physical injuries to deal with along with it. She’s also a cop. Her job relies on the very thing that brought her to where she is right now.”

“It’s very common for someone suffering with PTSD to become closed off and reluctant to talk about their accident, and even their recovery,” Chrissy added.

“I can’t let you see me being weak,” Nicole answered Waverly, finally.

“Nicole Haught, you are the strongest woman I know. You took a bullet for me and lived . Do you really think me seeing you use a wheelchair will change how I look at you?” Waverly asked.

“I don’t know. And I really don’t want to find out,” Nicole winced as Rosita helped pull her to her feet.

“I love you, and I don’t care how you get yourself around. I don’t care if you use crutches or a chair, or even if you crawl on the damn floor. I just want you to be safe and okay,” Waverly said.

“Can we wait until we get home to have this conversation?” Nicole asked quietly, her face red from being both cold and embarrassed.

“Nicole…” Waverly sighed.

“Look, why don’t we let Chrissy and Rosita check Haught Sauce out, and you and I can talk some more about the antique shop while we wait,” Wynonna slung an arm around Waverly’s shoulders.

“Yeah...yeah, okay,” Waverly nodded and reluctantly walked over to Jeremy with her sister. Nicole watched as they walked away, hands clenched into fists to keep herself calm.

“Nicole,” Nedley’s voice brought her attention back to the situation.

“Sir?” Nicole asked, surprised.

“Can I speak with you for a moment?” Nedley placed a hand on Nicole’s shoulder and guided her away from the doctors. He walked slowly so she could follow, though her limp was more prominent now than before and drastically slowed their pace even more.

“If you’re here to yell at me for Chrissy, sir, you can really save it for another time. I know I messed up,” Nicole sighed.

“I’m not here to yell at you,” Nedley replied. “I want to check on you. I know you have a lot on your plate, and that your recovery has been throwing you off.”

“I really am alright. I just still have to learn what my limits are, is all.”

“Well, I’ve gotten a few worried calls from some of your deputies and they’ve all asked me to check on you.”

“What?” Nicole stopped walking, causing Nedley’s hand to fall from her shoulder He turned to face her and shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants.

“Lonnie...Jeremy...Hell, even Champ Hardy. They all see how much you’re struggling.”

“With all due respect, sir, I’m not-”

“But they also see all of the progress you’ve been making,” Nedley finished.

“What are you on to, sir? You’re starting to sound like Chrissy,” Nicole asked, eyebrow raised.

“You walked out of an incident that most people, that most cops , aren’t able to. You got lucky, and it’s a damn miracle your legs work as well as they do now considering how damaged they were.”

“Is there a point to this? Or are you going to just make me feel worse than I already do?” Nicole crossed her arms.

“I think you should use the chair, Nicole,” Nedley finally said. “And no, before you ask, Chrissy didn’t ask me to talk to you about it. I just really think you need to step back for a while. You’re the greatest Sheriff Purgatory has seen in a while. We can’t have you hurting yourself.”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I could get used to it. Forget about my dignity, I really don’t think I could sit for that long,” Nicole sighed.

“Well, there are other options, you know. You could get a cane, maybe a crutch. You limp heavily on your left leg. Maybe get a crutch to support your left side.”

“I just don’t want people looking at me like I’m some kind of failure,” Nicole said, letting her guard down. “I don’t want people thinking their town is being run by a cop who is incapable of doing her job efficiently.”

“Wha... That’s what you’re worried about?” Nedley asked, astonished. “Nicole, you’re a hero. Do you have any idea how many people look up to you? Just the other day, I was grabbing a coffee and overheard someone say you deserve to be awarded a Medal of Bravery.”

“Do you really think I deserve it?” Nicole asked, skeptical.

“You jumped in front of a bullet without a vest on, and lived. You saved Waverly’s life. Of course I think you deserve it. I know you do.”

“You know, sometimes I think about what my life would be like if I hadn’t been on patrol that day,” Nicole said softly, looking back in the direction of Waverly. “I know it was only a year ago, but my life has changed drastically since then.”

“You beat the odds, you found love, and you served an entire year as Sheriff. Bullet in your spine or not, I think you’d be doing just as amazing as you are now.”

“You think so?”

“Kid, I know so,” Nedley wrapped an arm around Nicole’s shoulders and gave her a brief side hug. “You’re the best deputy I’ve ever had. You were meant for this position, and you were built to serve.”

Nicole sucked in a sharp breath and turned to face the man beside her. Tears sprang to her eyes when he looked down at her, mustache curled into a smile. The throbbing in her legs was enough to bring her to tears alone, but looking into the eyes of the man who never doubted her, telling her that she was enough and that she wasn’t a fuckup, pushed her over the edge entirely. Against her better judgement, Nicole threw her arms around Nedley and hugged him with all of the strength she had left. She felt him chuckle, the sound causing his chest to vibrate and ring in her ears.

“Now, I think I need to bring you back over to the paramedics before my daughter kills me. You seem to be just fine, but you still need to be checked out. And please, Nicole. Think about the cane.”

“I will, sir,” Nicole wiped her eyes and nodded as they slowly approached Chrissy and Rosita.

“Better now?” Chrissy asked when her dad had walked away.

“I’m sorry,” Nicole apologized. “I’m not used to handling pain like this. I’m so used to hiding it and pushing it under the rug, and now that I have no choice but to acknowledge it…”

“It’s beating the crap out of you? Yeah, that’s how trauma works. It takes no mercy,” Chrissy nodded. “But that’s okay. That’s what we’re here for,” she motioned between herself and Rosita.

“To help you get through it, and to help you heal,” Rosita added.

“But we can’t do this on our own. We need you to meet us halfway. Which means you have to be more open to getting the help you need.”

“I know, you’re right. And I’m sorry for being so stubborn. I just don’t like to admit I need help when I think I can do it on my own,” Nicole sighed.

“I get that, Dad is the same way. You two are very similar,” Chrissy smiled and nudged Nicole’s shoulder.

“I guess that’s why it’s so easy to listen to him. Even when he’s telling me the same thing as everyone else,” Nicole admitted. “Which is also why I...I’ll stop fighting you.”

“You’ll start using a wheelchair?”

“Well, no...Not the chair. But a crutch? Maybe a cane? Would that suffice?”

“If it means you’ll stop putting so much pressure on your legs then...yes,” Chrissy smiled.

“A cane might actually benefit her more than a wheelchair,” Rosita pointed out to Chrissy. “Her legs are in perfect working condition, they just need a little extra support. I think keeping her on her feet, but taking away most of the pressure, would help her more in the future.”

“I agree. If you promise to stop running and putting so much stress on your shoulders, I won’t take you back to the hospital and assess you again. I’ll just give you the cane and see you again for your monthly visit after the new year,” Chrissy reasoned with Nicole.

“I plan on going home and not moving until we have to go to the Homestead next week,” Nicole promised. “Or unless there’s another emergency, in which case I plan to just report to the station and send out troops.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” Chrissy nodded. “Let me just go grab you a cane and then I’ll send you on your way,” she gently patted Nicole’s back and made her way to the other side of the truck.

“Nice uniform,” Rosita joked with a laugh. “Flannel with your belt and boots? That’s a combo I’ve yet to see.”

“Well, when duty calls,” Nicole chuckled and looked down at her clothes. She had tucked her red flannel into her jeans before buckling her utility belt around her waist and throwing her boots on.

“I like it. And I’m guessing Waverly does too?” Rosita tilted her chin in the direction of the two Earps, where Waverly was watching them from afar, eyes trained on Nicole.

“I think that’s mostly because she’s mad at me right now,” Nicole sighed.

“With those eyes? Hardly. She’s giving you The Look.”

“The Look? What do you mean?” Nicole raised an eyebrow.

“You know, The Look ,” Rosita repeated with a wink.

“Oh... Oh ,” Nicole’s eyes went wide and her face turned as red as her shirt.

Chrissy rounded the truck and cleared her throat, suppressing a laugh, and handed Nicole the cane. “Here you go, Sheriff.”

“I, um, thanks,” Nicole coughed through her cracked voice. “I should...I should go talk to Waverly.”

“You two have a lot of talking to do, if you know what I mean,” Rosita winked again and laughed when Nicole’s face reddened again before she walked away.

Nicole limped toward Waverly, Rosita and Chrissy’s laughter dying in her ears the further she got from them. Wynonna was talking, probably about her whiskey or how drunk she was bound to get that night, but Waverly didn’t seem to be paying attention as her eyes were trained on Nicole; her eyes were trained on Nicole’s legs and the cane she now clutched in her left hand. When she neared the sidewalk, Waverly took off and practically ran into Nicole’s arms. The redhead caught her, her instincts perfectly in tune, and held her as tight as she could with one arm.

“I’m sorry. Waverly, I’m so sorry,” Nicole whispered, her face buried in the top of Waverly’s head.

“Nicole, just shut up and hold me. Stop apologizing. Please,” Waverly whispered and gripped the back of Nicole’s shirt tighter in her hands.

“I love you so much, and I promise things are changing. I won’t keep anything from you again.”

“You better not. This was serious, Nicole. You had me worried.”

“I’m sorry,” Nicole sighed. “It won’t happen again. I promise.”

“Hey there, crutchy,” Wynonna mock saluted and came to stand next to her partner.

“It’s not a crutch…” Nicole sighed and shook her head. “You know what? Never mind.”

“You folks want to hit up Shorty’s with me? First round is on me.”

“I can’t with the pain meds I’m taking,” Nicole shook her head. “So no thanks.”

“Yeah, and I’d rather just go home. Maybe light a fire and lay on the couch,” Waverly looked up at Nicole with pleading eyes. “What do you say?”

“I say that sounds absolutely perfect,” Nicole smiled and kissed Waverly’s forehead.

“You guys are disgusting,” Wynonna made a face of mock disgust. “I guess I’ll just go drink with Nedley again. Boring.”

“I’ll buy you a drink after the new year, Earp,” Nicole promised. “As soon as Chrissy gives me the green light and takes me off of these pills, we’ll go to Shorty’s.”

“Make it Pussy Willows and you’ve got yourself a deal,” Wynonna reasoned.

“I um,” Nicole looked down at Waverly, whose face bore a scold and raised eyebrow. Nicole shook her head and looked back at Wynonna.

Fine , Shorty’s it is.”

“Just go get your drink on, Wynonna,” Waverly smiled softly at her sister.

“I’ll see you two next week on Christmas, right?”

“Of course. We didn’t make pie for no reason,” Waverly replied.

“You had me at pie,” Wynonna grinned. “I’ll catch you two lovebirds later.”

Nicole and Waverly watched as Wynonna turned and made for her motorcycle, hopping on and riding off. Nicole kept her eyes on the retreating form of her friend until she felt Waverly press a gentle kiss to the underside of her jaw.

“Hey there, Sheriff. Why don’t we hurry home so I can give you your Christmas gift early?” Waverly whispered into her ear.

Nicole looked down at Waverly and smirked, biting her lip and thinking that maybe Rosita was right.

- - - - -

Christmas Day

Nicole stood tall and with pride, decked out in her dress uniform. She scanned the crowd before her, smiling at each Purgatorian she locked eyes with. She was happy, but it was a different kind of happy. Nicole would later come to find that feeling to be contentment, something she hadn’t felt in an entire year. She always felt her best when she was dressed her best. It was a stupid way to put it, but being in her dress uniform always brought her a sense of glee. The hat sitting atop her head, all pristine white and navy blue, reminded her of her early days as a rookie deputy walking the streets of Purgatory in khaki pants and a Stetson.

The blazer wrapped around her torso molded to her body in every right way possible. It displayed her badges and stripes, letting anyone who didn’t know before that she was the Sheriff. The pin on her tie gleamed brightly in the midday sun, creating a stark contrast against the royal blue shirt beneath it. She had one hand resting on her holster, the other clutching her cane, and for the first time in months, Nicole finally didn’t feel ashamed of her disability.

“...So on behalf of Purgatory and the entire Purgatory Police Department, we are absolutely honored to award you, Sheriff Nicole Haught, with this Medal of Bravery.”

Bunny Loblow’s voice boomed from the speakers flanking either side of the small stage set up in the center of town. The crowd erupted into thunderous applause. Some whistled, some held up various signs with Nicole’s name painted on them. Waverly stood at the front of the crowd, next to Wynonna, Dolls, and Nedley, beaming up at her girlfriend. Bunny turned to face Nicole and gave her a quick wink before pinning the medal to her coat.

Bunny returned to the podium and introduced Nicole one last time, causing the crowd to clap and cheer once more. Waverly then broke free from the crowd and made her way up the steps of the stage, instantly attaching herself to Nicole’s side. More cheering and flashes of cameras caught them both off guard, but Nicole couldn’t seem to bring herself to care. She had her girl by her side and a medal on her chest that shed new light onto the darkness that had been consuming her.

“We’re still going to Wynonna’s, right?” Nicole asked.

“Oh, of course. I want to show off my best baby to everyone there,” Waverly nodded, her head resting on Nicole’s shoulder. “Plus, we spent way too long on those damn pies to not go and eat at least one slice.”

“You make some good points, Waves,” Nicole chuckled.

“I’m so proud of you,” Waverly whispered and turned to hug Nicole from the front once the crowd had dispersed.

“I know I said it last year and you slapped me for it, but jumping in front of that bullet was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made,” Nicole replied, holding Waverly as tight as she could with one arm.

“It was the dumbest decision you’ve ever made, but the sentiment is still there and I won’t argue with that,” Waverly placed a gentle kiss to Nicole’s shoulder.

“I wouldn’t trade any of what we’ve been through over the last year for anything,” Nicole said softly.

“Not even the fights we’ve had?” Waverly looked up at the redhead and bit her lip.

“Not even the fights, cutie,” Nicole smiled and kissed Waverly’s nose. “You make me so incredibly happy. I can’t even begin to put it into words.”

“The feeling is definitely mutual, Nicole,” Waverly smiled softly.

“Oh that’s really good to know,” Nicole nodded. “I’m glad you feel the same way. Because you understand how hard it is to describe how much I love you, and how much I want to be with you forever.”

“I do,” Waverly nodded.

Nicole’s heart fluttered at the two words, which gave her all the confidence she needed.

She smiled and reached into the inside pocket of her blazer, pulling out a small velvet box. Waverly gasped softly.

“Waverly Earp, you are the most amazing woman I have ever met. You are everything to me, and I would jump in front of a thousand bullets for you. My duty as a cop is to protect and to serve, and I vow to keep you safe for as long as we both shall live. Not only that, but I vow to love you unconditionally until the end of time. I want to spend forever with you.”

“Nicole…” Waverly tried to manage.

Nicole smiled and slowly got down on one knee with minimal grunts and winces. She laid the cane by her feet and looked up at Waverly as she revealed the contents of the box.

“Will you marry me?” Waverly’s hands flew to her mouth as it hung open. Tears started rolling down her cheeks and she tried to nod, tried to give Nicole some sort of answer in the midst of her complete emotional breakdown.

“Hey, WayHaught! You guys coming to my place or not?” Wynonna yelled from her truck. Everyone who stuck around to watch the proposal - all of their friends - turned to face the older Earp with annoyed looks. Wynonnas’s eyes went wide and everyone heard her hiss “oh shit!” before running over to the group.

“Dude, what the hell? I thought you said you were waiting until you were at the Homestead.”

“Well, things change,” Nicole shrugged, eyes still locked with Waverly’s.

“Shit, I’m sorry. Please, do carry on,” Wynonna nodded and stood next to Rosita.

“Waverly Earp, will you marry me?” Nicole asked again.

“Of course I will,” Waverly gave a watery giggle and wiped her eyes before bending over and helping Nicole back to her feet.

Nicole slid the ring onto Waverly’s finger and cupped her face, kissing her as fiercely as possible. Waverly gripped the lapels of Nicole’s jacket and deepened the kiss, taking Nicole’s bottom lip between her teeth for a brief moment before someone coughed and they broke apart breathless.

“Best Christmas ever,” Waverly whispered, resting her forehead against Nicole’s.

“You can say that again,” Nicole replied. She took Waverly’s hand in her own and examined the ring. “Does it fit okay? I wasn’t sure of your exact size.”

“It’s perfect. You’re perfect,” Waverly smiled brightly.

“I don’t know about perfect, but I do know that I’m hungry,” Nicole chuckled.

“Pie?”

“You read my mind,” Nicole smiled.

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