Chapter Text
The last person Charles expected to find on his front door steps at 9pm during a Boston snowstorm had to be Hawkeye Pierce, wrapped up in a thick coat and scarf and looking like he was about to pass out.
Charles was literally rendered speechless for a moment – a moment that Hawkeye used to hoarsely mutter, “Had nowhere else to go, Chuck.”
And Charles doubted that Hawkeye had no other place to go, at least, generally speaking. But before he could utter his incredulity, Hawkeye was already stumbling forward. Charles managed to catch him just in time, because as he looked down to ask him what the heaven he thought he was doing, he realized that Hawkeye had passed out.
Charles’s predominant reaction was worry and, after shifting Hawkeye in his arms somewhat, he pulled him inside the house as carefully as he could, given that he was handling a grown adult of no little height.
After a short trip, he put him down on the couch in the living room. He took a long look at the thin, lanky man in front of him, his hair even grayer than it had been the last time Charles had seen him. There were still lots of snowflakes all over his hair and coat, only slowly starting to melt now that he was in the warm. Charles shook his head in wonderment. Then, he got to work.
Hawkeye was regaining consciousness by the time Charles had spread a warm, cozy blanket over him and moved his head to rest against a soft cushion. The smell of tea and warm pastries already filled the room, as he slowly blinked his eyes open and was met by the sight of Charles, who sat in an armchair opposite of him, wearing a cozy-looking sweater and a concerned expression.
“I passed out, didn’t I?” His voice seemed to surprise him with its scratchiness, and Charles silently pushed a mug of tea over the coffee table between them and toward him.
“Thank you, Charles.” Hawkeye smiled at him, but his smile was met by a raised eyebrow.
“I have to admit that I have some questions. The most important one, as you can probably imagine, concerns your being here.”
Hawkeye took a slow sip from his tea and closed his eyes for a moment, savoring the warmth of the hot drink running down his throat. Then he opened his eyes again and looked straight at Charles.
“I think I managed to tell you before Morpheus got the better of me.”
“That’s one way to put it. But it doesn’t explain why you are here, in Boston during a snowstorm, of all places.” He paused and looked at Hawkeye, whose gaze wandered down to the floor for a second. “Please, do go on.”
Hawkeye took a deep breath, holding onto his mug of tea with both his hands like a lifeline. “Alright. But the story isn’t as dramatic as you might expect it to be. Sorry if I disappoint you.”
Charles didn’t let it on, but he felt relieved somewhat. The humorous Hawkeye Pierce he had known in Korea wasn’t a pale, cold icicle anymore, but thawing instead and crossing his legs as he made himself more comfortable on Charles’s couch.
“You know, there was this medical conference at the Boston General that ended earlier today.”
It was a question and Charles nodded. “I gave a lecture there today.”
“I know.” Hawkeye gave him a little smile. “I was there, in fact. In the back.”
The room had been rather large, so Charles didn’t feel bad about not having seen him. He was surprised though.
“You came down all the way from Maine to attend a two-day conference in Boston?”
“I heard you were giving a talk and I didn’t wanna miss it.”
Both of Charles’s eyebrows rose of their own accord, and he blushed. Then, rationality returned, and he shifted in his armchair, hands interlocked as he looked Hawkeye in the eyes.
“I’m not sure if you’re planning to play a very strange, very elaborate sort of practical joke on me five years after we last saw each other, Pierce, but–”
Hawkeye sighed.
“I am not.”
He didn’t meet Charles’s gaze as he raked his hands through now his slightly wet hair for a moment.
“I will gladly explain everything to you, but... ah.” He looked at Charles sheepishly. “Could I perhaps borrow some dry clothes from you first?”
Charles was beginning to itch to know more about Hawkeye’s sudden arrival, but, after a closer look at Hawkeye and his damp-looking clothes, he relented.
“Give me a few minutes, Pierce. You can already discard your damp clothes in the bathroom; we can wash them and put them in the dryer later.”
After showing him where to leave his wet shoes, he pointed Hawkeye, who was looking around the house in badly hidden curiosity, toward the bathroom and left to select some clothes his visitor could wear during his stay.
Charles found himself rummaging through his closet for a good couple of minutes until he settled on an old but soft beige sweater and some warm, black pajama pants that he hadn’t worn in ages. He also picked out a warm pair of socks – he had no idea how long Hawkeye had spent outside in the snowstorm, but judging by his boots’ state it must have been a rather long time. As unexpected as his visit was, Charles wouldn’t let anyone coming into his house get sick due to a lack of care on his part.
He knocked on the bathroom door and placed the folded clothes on Hawkeye’s outstretched hand. Then, the door closed again, and Charles turned around to return to the living room.
“Thank you, Charles.”
Charles paused and turned around halfway.
“Don’t mention it, Pierce.”
Somehow, Hawkeye’s last name came out softer than he was used to saying it.
Charles made for the kitchen and placed the croissants he had been warming up in the oven on the table in the living room, as well as two glasses of red wine, and waited.
About ten minutes later, a much more comfortable-looking Hawkeye returned to the living room. He had his hands stuffed into the pants pockets awkwardly and gave Charles a smile when their gazes met.
“Thanks again, Charles. I don’t think I’ll turn into Frosty now.” The joke fell flat somewhat as Charles gave him a court nod and indicated for him to sit down on the couch next to him.
“Wine, Charles?”
Charles nodded as Hawkeye sat down on the other side of the sofa.
“I thought you might enjoy some later. Now, how about you finally explain to me what had you come to my house of all places?”
Hawkeye nodded slowly, then turned slightly toward Charles, not quite looking at him.
“I booked a hotel in the outskirts of the city... I had only heard about the conference pretty late, and most hotels in the city center were either full already or overpriced.”
Charles nodded, even though he kept wondering what had Hawkeye make such a last-minute decision. It couldn’t have only been his lecture.
“Anyway, as you surly noticed, the snowstorm outside kicked in some time after the conference ended. Just when I was about to return to my hotel.”
Hawkeye still wasn’t looking at him, fiddling with his fingers instead.
“I, ah–” he started. “I looked up your address in my address book and saw that your place would be closer. I thought I could make it before the storm got too bad.” He laughed drily. “Well, I miscalculated.”
Charles didn’t notice that he was leaning in closer, interested in hearing how Hawkeye’s story continued.
“I realized halfway here that my money wouldn’t be enough for the entire cab ride, so I walked the rest of the way. The storm caught me and I spent the last forty minutes or so outside in the lousy weather. ...the end.”
Hawkeye gestured to dramatically underline the end of his story. He blinked in surprise when Charles caught one of his hands in his own hands and carefully ran a thumb over it.
“May I?” Charles said, then shook his head in embarrassment. “Sorry, I should have asked in advance.”
Hawkeye mirrored him.
“No, no, it’s alright, Chuck. Nothing warms me up more than a little hand-holding.”
“You could have gotten serious frostbite on your hands, Pierce,” Charles commented with a hint of worry in his voice. “Your hands are still cold and red, despite how long you have been in the warm already by now.”
He let go of Hawkeye’s hand and looked into the distance pensively for a moment. When he spoke again, Hawkeye was quietly staring at his own hands as if he was trying to figure something out.
“How long are you staying in Boston?”
Hawkeye looked up and shrugged.
“I don’t know. Depends on a couple of things, I guess.”
Charles looks at him, disbelieving.
“Such as the snowstorm out there. I obviously can’t fly back as long as it’s still wreaking havoc across the city.” His answer sounded almost defensive and Charles leaned back again a little.
“How long have you booked your hotel room for, then?”
“...two more nights.”
Charles nodded, not knowing what to add, or rather, how to ask what Hawkeye was planning to do in Boston the next two days. For some reason he wanted to know if there was anything else to Hawkeye’s visit besides a medical conference and perhaps some sight-seeing.
“You can stay here for as long as the situation outside remains this bad,” Charles found himself offering without thinking.
Hawkeye’s answer was a soft smile.
“Thank you, Charles.”
Charles wondered what prompted the occasional shift from Hawkeye’s nickname for him to his given name, then chided himself for feeling an odd warmth in his chest at considering the question.
This wasn’t Korea anymore. They were two doctors who weren’t colleagues anymore, but they also weren’t strangers anymore. A lot of their differences had been circumstantial. And the remaining ones...? Charles found that they didn’t matter even half as much as they used to anymore.
Trying to think of something to do or say, Charles spotted the wine glasses on the table next to them and picked them up. He handed Hawkeye his glass and smiled a little tightly.
“You worried me earlier, Pierce. The way you passed out on me without warning...” He took a sip of his wine and watched Hawkeye over the rim of his glass.
“Sorry about that again.” Now Hawkeye was hiding behind his glass. He looked... pensive and a little sad and Charles wasn’t sure what to do about it.
“It’s not like I don’t appreciate the company. But you could have called in advance. I could have sent you a cab.”
The thought had apparently escaped Hawkeye before and he looked up at Charles, his cheeks flushing.
“I might not have thought that far when I saw the heavy clouds after the conference. Sorry, Charles.”
“You don’t have to keep apologizing, Pierce.” Charles turned away a little, looking out of the window in front of them. “Lousy weather, that. I haven’t seen a snowstorm this bad since I was a young boy of about five years.” He looked into the distance, making a mental note to check in on Honoria as soon as possible. Perhaps they could go on a walk through the snowy Boston Common park sometime in the next few days.
He felt the couch dip slightly and saw Pierce turning around to look outside the window, as well. Somehow, he was sitting closer to him than before, and the tingling warmth inside Charles’s chest returned.
“You have a lovely home, Charles,” Hawkeye commented, looking outside and sipping slowly at his wine. They both looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes, and Charles nodded gently.
“Thank you.” Sometimes, however, a big house like this does feel lonely, is what he wished he could add but gulped down instead.
“I mean,” Hawkeye said, turning his head more toward Charles. “It’s not the house I mean, or not only the house. Ah–” He looked a little helplessly at Charles for a moment. “It’s clearly your house. It’s cozy and warm and just. Really nice. It’s not what I expected your house to be like but... I like it a lot.”
Charles could hear the sincerity in his voice and felt the warmth in his chest grow even further.
“I changed some things around here when I returned.”
Hawkeye nodded in understanding.
“A lot changed for all of us when we returned.”
He looked at Charles, and a smile spread on his face as he remembered something.
“Hey, did you know that BJ and Peg have a little son now?”
Charles looked at him in surprise.
“No, I didn’t. I’m afraid I haven’t been keeping in touch with many people from Korea. I never found a good enough reason to write.”
Hawkeye laughed softly.
“Charles, sometimes simply wanting to say ‘hi’ is a good enough reason. ...Peg let me know in confidence that she and Beej are working on organizing a reunion meeting next year.”
“That’s... really sweet.”
“I know. That’s just... how they are.” He fell quiet for a moment, then looked at Charles with slightly watery eyes.
“They named their newborn son Ben, you know?”
Charles didn’t know what to reply for a moment, he was rather touched by the gesture himself. Then he smiled.
“Congratulations on being the little Hunnicutt’s namesake then.”
“Thank you.”
“You... look rather sad – what’s the matter, Pierce?”
Hawkeye didn’t reply at first and put his glass of wine down instead.
“I just haven’t seen them in a long time. It must have been over a year now – last summer, when Ben was born. Erin has grown older and taller every time I see her. Did you know she calls me ‘uncle Hawk’?”
“I can’t say I’m surprised that the Hunnicutts have taken you into their family. They seem like fine people.”
Charles looked at Hawkeye for a long moment, hoping his attempt at making this conversation a little lighter and less sad was going to work. Somehow, Hawkeye looking sad even now that the worst was long over felt awful, and Charles wanted to fix it.
“The finest kind.”
“What about you?”
“Huh?”
“You mentioned your father a lot – how is he doing?”
Hawkeye smiled.
“He is well and still working more than he probably should at his age. But his hands are as steady as ever, and... he smiles a lot. I’m glad I came back and could give him that. He sounded older than he is over the phone back then.”
Charles turned a bit more toward Hawkeye.
“I’m glad.”
Charles genuinely was. He wondered, however.
“Did you ever settle down?”
“No, still as free as a bird. How about your sister, is she well?”
Charles pretended not to notice the swift change in topic.
“She is, thank you for asking. I see her at least once every week when we take walks through the city’s parks together.”
Hawkeye smiled again, and Charles felt oddly proud.
“I, ah,” he started. He might just tell Hawkeye now that he was here. “I did try to... make some friends at the General since I came home.”
“You did?” Hawkeye looked surprised, then somewhat ashamed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean–”
“I know,” Charles said, reassuringly. “And you’d be right with your assessment. I didn’t have a lot of friends before Korea. And I must admit I still have some trouble striking up friendships as fast as you do, but... Your and Hunni– BJ’s friendship taught me that it’s good to have someone to talk to who understands.”
Hawkeye looked at him rather intensely, and Charles soldiered on.
“I haven’t found anyone who quite understands what we saw in Korea, but... I did make some work friends, at last.”
He smiled at Hawkeye, who was still looking at him silently.
“So – thank you, Pierce.”
Hawkeye just shook his head lightly. Charles wasn’t sure if he heard correctly but Hawkeye muttered something sounding suspiciously like “You keep amazing me, Charles” under his breath. Then, Hawkeye looked away and nodded.
“It’s good that you’re meeting people, Chuck.”
“Work colleagues, but... yes.”
“I know how hard it is to find someone who understands.” Hawkeye’s voice was quiet, and he picked up his wine glass again. “There are some other things... most just don’t understand. Still don't, sadly.”
The non-sequitur made Charles hold his breath for a moment. He didn’t want to misinterpret what Hawkeye was saying but...
Charles realized that Hawkeye had noticed his wondering look and was staring back at him. And, all of a sudden, something in the atmosphere shifted.
Hawkeye laughed hoarsely, and Charles knew that it was his nerves. He knew he was expecting something to happen, but just what it was, he couldn’t tell.
“You should be a cardiologist, Charles.” Hawkeye’s eyes darted away for a moment but found Charles’s again when Charles froze.
“You do some very odd things to my heart...”
Charles’s stomach did some funny things at that, but, despite his open mouth, he didn’t know how to reply. His face felt hot, but he couldn’t look away from Hawkeye’s almost hopeful expression.
“I’d specialize in you, you know?”
“Pier–”
“I know all the causes for heart attacks, but... I can’t explain why I feel about you the way I do. Still.”
Still?
Charles’s own heart did something he couldn’t quite explain either, and Hawkeye was going to have to stop soon or Charles might just end up having a heart attack himself.
“Maybe...,” Hawkeye started again, shifting a little bit closer to Charles. “You should take my temperature?” He was seemingly starting to regain his nerves, while Charles was on his way to lose all of his. “Because I’m feeling rather hot right now.”
He was smirking, oddly proud of what was perhaps the cheesiest pick-up line Charles had ever heard.
“This is horrible, Pierce,” Charles couldn’t help but reply, his trembling hand covering his eyes for a moment and the laughter evident in his voice. There was an appreciative sparkle in Hawkeye’s eyes when he looked back at him. “What, did you lose all your charm back in Korea?”
The second it was out, he already regretted what he had said. The smile on Hawkeye’s face had faded for just a moment, then it was back again, but Charles wanted to, needed to apologize.
“Pierce, I–”
He hadn’t wanted to break the moment they were having.
But Hawkeye was much closer all of a sudden and Charles could feel the ghost of his breath against his throat.
“I beg to differ. How about you... let me prove you wrong?”
And Charles’s gaze escaped to wherever Hawkeye’s didn’t meet his, and his breathing hitched. Then Hawkeye laughed, his hand resting on Charles’s chest warmly – grounding – for a moment.
“I didn’t think you were this easy, Chuck!”
And Charles flushed and glared at him. Tilted his head and moved closer than Hawkeye had and countered in a much quieter, meaningful voice: “I think it takes more than whispered words to prove one’s charm.”
And he about smirked more than Hawkeye had ever seen him do and leant back against the couch again. Inside, he was shaking with nerves, but the result was more than worth it: Hawkeye was left staring at him with his mouth slightly open and his gaze full of confusion and awe.
“Pierce, I–”
“It’s ‘Hawkeye’, Charles.” Hawkeye’s voice was soft.
“Hawkeye, I–”
He didn’t know what to say, where to start. Hawkeye did, however. Of course he did.
“I already liked you six years ago, Charles. Back in Korea.” Hawkeye scooted closer, and their knees touched lightly.
“I always assumed you were flirting with everyone because that was your... ‘Thing’.” Charles shook his head, not looking away. “I... didn’t think you could have been serious, not about me.”
“You never reacted to any of my attempts at getting something out of you.”
“Did you think I would, back then?”
“You never said ‘no’, either.”
“But I avoided your hints, as you well noticed.”
“Would you do so now?”
Charles noticed Hawkeye’s hand resting between their legs only then; an offer, perhaps. And, suddenly and with a surprising certainty, he just knew that this was going to be alright and that he could finally let go of the burden he had carried all of his life.
The moment he did, his hand covered Hawkeye’s softly, and Hawkeye’s eyes were wide open like he was still unable to comprehend that Charles was not avoiding him any longer but was actively reaching out for him.
Charles smiled, and he couldn’t help himself, his eyes kept flickering down to Hawkeye’s lips once or twice before they returned to the most gorgeous set of blue eyes he had ever seen.
“No, not anymore.”
And yes, he knew very well that Hawkeye was expecting a kiss, it was written all over his body language, and Charles would have complied happily, but something inside him made him stand up slowly, telling a confused Hawkeye ‘wait here for a moment, please’, and put on one of his favorite calm records.
He smiled down at Hawkeye as he returned to the couch and offered him a hand up.
Hawkeye looked at him in surprise but followed him to the middle of the living room, his hand holding gently onto Charles’s. And Charles’s heart started beating even faster when Hawkeye moved to stand in front of him without a single word from Charles.
“You are one of a kind, Charles. And I mean that in the best way only.”
Charles didn’t reply, but he felt color rise to his cheeks as he reached forward and carefully pulled them closer together.
The first steps around the room were awkward, Hawkeye moving far too stiffly and neither of them sure where to hold the other, but then Charles placed his hands on Hawkeye’s waist and steadied him.
It went more smoothly from there on. Yet, Charles could see the great vulnerability Hawkeye was feeling in his eyes, could feel it in his still somewhat stiff posture.
Charles felt brave enough to continue acting as the more confident one and reached out and placed Hawkeye’s hand over his heart.
“Relax.” He felt his own heart hammering against Hawkeye’s fingertips. “I feel it, too.”
The sweet smile Hawkeye gave him in return was worth it.
They continued dancing around the living room slowly. Hawkeye eventually moved closer and rested his head on Charles’s shoulder, and Charles could feel that he was starting to relax at last. He considered the vulnerability Hawkeye was openly letting him see and vowed to never betray his trust.
“Charles, I–”
Hawkeye broke the silence and lifted his head slowly. Charles turned his head to look down at him, and, for a moment, they both hesitated, simply breathed into the air between them. Then, Hawkeye closed his eyes with a shaky breath and kissed him.
Charles found himself kissing back without needing to think about it, and he started to gently run his fingers through the back of Hawkeye’s hair as they kept kissing. He felt the urge to close his eyes and savor the feeling as well, but he kept them open to savor the sight of Hawkeye right in front of him, instead.
It took them several minutes until they managed to break apart, slowly. Hawkeye held onto Charles’s arms as if to steady himself.
“I came to Boston to see you.” Hawkeye looked at him, his gaze urgent. “But I didn’t plan on coming here to take shelter from the storm.” He gulped. “I didn’t think I’d ever get to kiss you, Charles.”
He turned his head, looking out of the window, but kept holding onto Charles’s arms as he added, with a chuckle and in a much quieter voice: “But maybe, I was hoping for a chance after all. Maybe that’s why I came here all along.”
Charles reached out and gently turned Hawkeye’s head back toward him, smiling at him happily.
“If so, please let me know how I can offer my thanks to you for following your heart.”
Hawkeye just smiled and kept his eyes open as he leaned in again and kissed Charles softly.
“Slowly, if you will.”
“I would love that.”