Chapter Text
“Ethel! Ethel! We’re over here!” Martha frantically waved her hand to the petite, white-haired lady, who rushed over with a look of relief.
“Where's your Red Hat?”
“The dog chewed a hole in it,” Martha answered.
“Nice shirt.”
Martha looked down at her reindeer sweatshirt. “It was a present from my grandson. Didn’t Sadie ride with you?”
“No. She said she’d be with the rest of the folks from the rest home.”
“How many are coming?”
“A half-dozen or so. How did you find out about this shopping trip anyway?”
“It was on the bulletin board down at the Piggly-Wiggly for a group called AO3—”
“What kind of group is that?” Ethel quirked a suspicious eyebrow above her glasses. “If that's a political group, I’m outta here.”
“No, thank God.” Martha said. “They’re some sort of literary group.”
“A Book Club?”
“I think so.”
“Why would a bunch of bookworms want to go to a shopping mall?”
“Who knows? Who cares? There’s a big sale in a place called Dale. This lady, Wendy-something - I think she’s a travel agent – arranged it for her friends at AO3, and said there was plenty of room on the bus. You know me,” she smiled, “I’ll never turn down a good bargain.”
“I do know you,” Ethel rolled her eyes. “Oh, look, here they are!”
A blue van with “Shady Pines” in white letters pulled into the parking lot, and out came Sadie, along with her husband Saul who was wearing a Santa cap and a big grin. Three other ladies disembarked: Agnes, Sophia and Maude, and Luther, who carried Maude’s purse, and helped her out of the van with her cane.
“For Chrissake, Saul,” Sadie scolded, “take off that stupid hat; we're Jewish!"
“So? I like to keep ‘em guessing,” he laughed, as he handed over her purse.
“I still don’t understand why you and Luther wanted to come.”
“You’ll need a pack mule, to haul all your goodies home,” he tipped his red and white hat to reveal a black yarmulke underneath. “At your service, madam.”
“Oh, horse-hockey,” she rolled her eyes, “I’ll bet you two are looking for a card game to hustle.”
“That, too,” he shrugged happily and clasped his hands eagerly. “Are we all ready?”
They turned and took in the sight of the sleek black and gold coach.
Someone had pasted a huge banner on the side that said “Middle Earth or Bust! TTCon 2019!!”
“What’s Middle Earth?” Agnes asked. “I thought we were going to Dale,”
“It’s probably just the name of the Mall,” Martha said with confidence. “It will be fun! Loosen up!”
“I can’t loosen up,” Maude said. “I just had a hip replacement.”
“Will there be enough room? Maybe they should have rented a double-decker…”
“I hope there’s decent bathrooms there,” Agnes groaned. “On the last bus trip, the toilets were so dirty I would have rather gone in the bushes!”
“You worry too much,” Martha said. “We’re going on an adventure! It’ll be fun!”
“Are you sure we’re in the right place?” Ethel’s forehead wrinkled, as they eyed the unusual group by the side of the bus.
“Yes, we are. See? That Wendy-Person is waving at us! Now put on your Red Hats and let’s go meet the others!”
The group headed toward the small crowd as a plump blonde-haired woman who was also wearing a Santa hat with the words, “Scrooge Squad” embroidered on the white trim, and a sweatshirt that said “Santa’s Favorite Elf.”
Only the Elf looked nothing like the diminutive creatures from the North Pole. This Elf was…
“…Handsome,” Martha murmured to herself. “That boy could drive my sleigh.”
“Martha!” Ethel jabbed her with a giggle.
“Are you Martha, the one I spoke to on the phone?” The woman smiled as she offered a hand. “We’re so glad you could make it! My name is Wenderful52, but you can just call me Wendy.”
“Yes, I am; pleased to meet you,” she took the hand and shook it firmly.
“And these are your Red Hat Ladies?” she tilted her head at the men. “I see you are an inclusive group.”
“Oh, they’re just here to do the heavy lifting,” Sadie told her. “That one with the hat is my husband Saul, and Luther is Maude’s boyfriend.”
“Hey, the more the merrier. We’re going to have a great time!”
Martha smiled and pointed to her shirt. “I like the Elf.”
“Oh, this old thing?” she grinned. “This is King Thranduil, actually, and you'll get to meet him today.”
Ethel met Martha’s eyes and mouthed, King?
“Come on over and meet the gang," Wenderful took Martha's elbow and urged her toward the bus. "I’ve stickers for our names, so we can get to know one another. These are my fans from my latest story in the Two Thrones Series…”
“Your book club,” Ethel said helpfully.
“Er… in a manner of speaking,” Wendy admitted. “Now, let’s get your name stickers on, and you guys can make yourselves comfortable on the bus…”
Thankfully, a couple of the book club members helped the Red Hatters up the steep steps.
“Thank you,” Sophia said to a dark-haired young man with a nose ring and a tag that read “Constantine_You_Owe_Me. “I’m not as steady as I used to be. Should I call you Constantine?”
“You can call me Leo,” he said with a friendly smile. “And that’s my fiancé, Bethany.”
“Hello, dear,” Sophia said to the lovely girl as she took her seat and patted the one next to her. “Have you been to Dale?”
“No,” Bethany said, “but Leo has cousins there, and I’ve heard a lot about it.” 1
“What do his cousins do?”
“Lynne and Mona run a fabric shop in the Market. They're the nicest people, and their materials are made by Elves, Dwarves and Men.”
“’Elves, Dwarves and Men?’” she pursed her lips. “I’ve never heard of that company. Do they make drapes?”
Leo and Bethany exchanged glances. “Not exactly," he smothered a grin. “But I think you’ll like it there, just the same.”
“Are we all comfortable?” Wendy stood by the driver’s seat and picked up the microphone. “I would like to officially welcome the Broken Wings chapter of the Two Thrones Appreciation Society, and extend a special welcome to our guests from the Shady Pines Senior Center in Pixley, who have decided to join us in today’s adventure! Let’s give them a big round of applause, everybody!”
Martha, Ethel and the rest of waved back. “As spokesperson, I want to say thank you for having us!”
Another cheer went up.
“This is also a wonderful opportunity for our AO3 members,” Wendy explained. We’ve seen the different usernames on the screens, read each other’s comments and talked to each other online, but for most of us, it’s the first time we’ve actually met face-to-face. Isn’t that exciting? I hope you enjoy each other’s company as much as I look forward to talking to you each week!
“Now, there is a bathroom located there on the back of the bus, plus there will be numerous facilities set up around the Dale Market, so that shouldn’t be a problem. If any of you get lost, just stop one of the guards in uniform posted throughout the place, and they will direct you to where you need to go.
“Security guards,” Martha assured Ethel. “Nice to know we won’t have to worry about muggers or purse-snatchers while we’re there.”
Wendy continued to speak in the microphone. “Once the bus arrives, we will be taken directly to the Great Hall, where light refreshments will be served. There will be bathroom facilities located at the back of the Hall, if you need them, so once the necessities are taken care of, you can take your seats and get ready for the program to start.”
“A theater!” Martha clasped her hands together. “We’ll get to see a play!”
“Well, it is a literary society,” Ethel nodded, knowingly. “I’ll bet it’s Shakespeare; one of the Henrian works, maybe. Those are my favorite.”
“There will be plenty of opportunity to meet your favorite characters after the program, and, if you have brought your own cameras, you can even take a picture with one of them.” Wendy’s face grew serious. “Please, be responsible for your own electronics; there will be no way to retrieve them once we’ve left this evening, and any found laying around will be…destroyed, for obvious reasons.”
“What the hell,” Saul complained. “I paid $600 buck for this camera!”
“Then keep track of it,” Agnes nudged him. “They obviously don’t have a ‘Lost and Found,’ there. It’s covered under our insurance policy anyway.”
“There are several places to buy food while you’re there, but keep in mind that Dale’s Royal Chef, Lewis Cook is preparing a special Feast for us this evening, to be followed by dancing in the Great Hall, with music provided by Bofur and his band!”
Wendy picked up her clipboard. “Ok, our driver should be here soon, but while we wait, let’s do a roll call, shall we? Leemitage?”
“I’m here!” A lovely lady with short hair, and accent answered, as she settled down with her Luke Evans pillow. “Can’t wait!”
“Leemitage comes from New Zealand, where they made the Tolkien movies! Lucky her!”
A hoot went up.
“Do you have the wine you promised to bring?”
“Right here,” Leemitage triumphantly pulled two bottles out of her pillowcase. "And there's more where that came from!"
“Now,” Wenderful ran her finger down the list, “where is littbrat?”
“Here!” said a woman replied in a smooth Southern drawl. She was wearing lovely outfit, and holding a big bag of popcorn. She was sitting next to a woman in green dress, looking wonderful with henna-shaded hair.
“You look nice! Oooh, is that caramel corn?” Wendy asked hopefully.
“Yep.” littbrat held up the bags. “I’ve also got Parmesan, and plain salt and butter. Plenty for anyone who wants some!”
“Smells terrific. I see TildaTheFlowerGirl is with you, there. Nice work on the outfits, Til!”
“Thanks,” Tilda blushed. “I enjoyed meeting littbrat, and we’ve become good friends.”
“Hey, that’s what it’s all about. Now, I see Constantine_You_Owe_Me, and is that your lovely fiancé sitting with Sophia?”
“Yes, it is,” Leo put his arm around the brown-haired girl.
“Thanks for coming! Sebby1027? Oh, there you are; you look fabulous!”
And she did, in her red dress under a black fur-lined coat. “Thanks, Wenderful.”
Wendy looked over the crowd in the seats. “Okay, now we’ve got the lovely Morvidra who came to us all the way from Australia!”
“G’day,” Morvidra’s arm went up. “Glad to be here.”
“And Golden? I’m so glad you could come! How’s the leg, dear?”
“I’m here,” Golden answered with a small wave. “Thanks for the help getting on the bus. Now, you said I’d get an Elf to help get me around?”
“Yep. I’m all over it.” Wendy gave her a thumbs up.
Martha blinked in surprise and turned to Ethel. “What did she just say?”
“She’s getting Sebby some ‘help’ to get around.” Ethel whispered back. “When we get back, you need to get your hearing checked.”
“Shhh!” Martha smacked her arm and whispered. “I can’t hear!”
“BagofAngryKittens? Where are you?”
“Here!”
“Dmadddruidd? Gouniversefanuniverse? Kayakaari? Great! And were are Kyuumiahara, Less, and Levana? Kyrie_Eleison? Wow! We’ve got quite a crowd here! Mirimi, and Nafrotiel, are you back there?”
“Here we are!”
“That’s great! Jessieb, how about you? Great! LadyAurelia? Check. Living_Hazy? Ok… NightingalesAndHandGrenades? And Jeffthemermaid? Where are you? And Hanany is here! How do you like college? Where is PirateLawrence? Pirate? Where are you?”
“Present!” came the shout from the third row from the back.
“vanessaSU, is that you, sitting next to Winter_Genisis?”
“That’s me!”
“That’s me, too!”
“Yoshiaki! I’m thrilled you could make it too! Well that looks like everybody; now that we just need Gandalf—”
“Let’s see… Starfox5000? UltraFirelily? Booksandguns?”
“Here I am! And I brought plenty of cider.” Two gallon jugs were held up, to everyone’s delight.
“The hard stuff, I hope?” Wendy grinned. “I’ve got plenty of cups, plates and napkins, so let’s have a few drinks, while we wait for Gandalf!”
Saul and Luther sat up with hopeful smiles. “This might be fun,” Luther whispered.
“If you get soused before we get there,” Saul warned, "you’ll do crap at the card tables."
The drinks were poured out, and the snacks were distributed, and soon the two groups began to laugh and talk together. The AO3 group were delighted by their guests and showed them every courtesy, and it was a great party.
Saul stood and toasted their hosts. “Mazel Tov!”
“Look!” Sophia pointed to out the window. An opaque cloud of white smoke suddenly appeared to the bus’s right. “What on earth…”
“Oh, that’s our driver,” Leo leaned over and told the elderly woman.
A tall figure walked out of the fog, leaning on an old walking stick. He was clothed entirely in grey robes with a glittery blue-grey scarf around his neck, and a large pointed hat sat on his head, over long, grey hair and an even longer grey beard.
“He needs a new cane,” Maude said to Luther.
The man lifted his hand, and said in a booming voice, “Edra!” The door of the bus folded back, and he climbed up the steps to stand beside Wenderful.
“Please allow me to introduce Gandalf the Grey, our escort to Middle Earth, and our driver!”
The man put his hand over his heart and brought it out in a salute. “I am delighted to be here and to meet you all. Shall we begin our journey?”
“What a strange outfit,” Ethel murmured.
“He’s probably in the first act of the play,” Martha mused. “That makeup job must take three hours, at least; he’d have no time, otherwise.”
“I don’t remember a Wizard in any of Shakespeare’s Henrian plays.” Ethel tapped her front teeth as she considered. “Maybe this is his version of Falstaff, do you think?”
“Could he be one of the three witches in MacBeth?”
“Could be. Local theaters improvise all the time.” Ethel scowled. “And don’t say that name! Say ‘The Scottish Play,’ or it’s bad luck!”
“All right folks,” Wendy called out through the microphone. “Make sure you’re buckled up, and if any of you get travel sickness, remember that there are special bags in the pocket of the seat in front of you. Let’s go!”
And the bus began to move.
“Hey Luth?” Saul whispered. “Did you see that guy put the keys in the ignition?”
“Nope. Do you hear an engine running?”
“Nope. How in the hell is he getting this tub to move?”
“Maybe it’s one of those new, electric vehicles,” Sadie offered.
“I know about electric cars, but I’ve never seen an electric bus,” Luther shook his head. “Still,” he lifted his shoulder in a half-shrug. “It seems to be a smooth ride.”
“I’ll give him that… But… Aren’t we moving kinda fast? What’s the speed limit on this road?”
They looked out the window as the scenery blew past in a blur. Saul’s eyes bulged. “Why aren’t we feeling any bumps in the road?”
“We must not be on the road at all,” Martha pointed out the window. “We’re on the same level as the treetops! We’re flying!”
“Oy vey,” Agnes’s hand went to her throat and clutched her pearls.
“Holy shit,” Luther murmured.
“Jesus H. Christ,” Saul ran his hand over his face.
“Saul!” Sadie hissed, as she whacked him with her purse. “Watch your language, you schmuck!”
ELVEN TRANSLATIONS:
Edra! – Open!
NOTES:
[1] Legolas, Ion nîn, Ch. 35: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17088320/chapters/46563850