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You went into this relationship knowing exactly what you were getting yourself into.
Being a hero was not just an occupation but a whole lifestyle. Heroes don’t get day-offs, their duties follow them wherever they go whether they are wearing a suit or not. It was simply the kind of things that you must accept in order for the relationship to even work and believe it or not, it might be hard at first but you thought you did a fairly good job at being supportive in general.
Dating the number two hero meant waking up to an empty bed most mornings. It meant having to treasure every spare second you could have for each other because it would probably be the most you could get. It meant having to be alone on holidays despite the bitterness in your heart questioning time after time as to why you had to be all by yourself when you indeed had someone.
It meant all of those things and more. He hated it probably even more than you did, always feeling ridiculously guilty for thinking that he was holding you back for having to wait on him. But you loved him, and the times when he could be besides you made it all worth it. You were ok with it, you would take anything you could get.
You were ok with it when he ditched you last minute on Valentine’s Day last year.
You two had been talking about it for weeks. Planning and thinking of all the things you could do together. Valentine’s Day was a commercial holiday, he had said jokingly when he told you that he managed to free out his night, but if it meant that he could use it as a valid excuse to spend time with you then he would fall into the trap with contentment.
The excitement didn’t help the disappointment you felt when you suddenly got a call from Keigo saying that there was a sudden case he had to handle in the city center. Your heart dropped as you glanced at the table that you were setting up before picking up your phone, the chicken still roasting in the oven.
“Can’t someone else do it?” You tried to forge being hopeful but deep down you knew that the authority wouldn’t let it slide when your boyfriend was the one who could get it done and leave them the least trouble to clean up after.
As you gripped onto your phone, you could hear people shouting at Hawks to get on with it and the noises of people pacing around. He was a much sought after hero and you couldn’t be prouder that he had become a wonderful one at that against the odds that he grew up with but sometimes, the more selfish part of you hoped that he would be just a little less capable so he could spare more time for you.
“I’m sorry, love.“ He sighed and the many noises in the background only got more hectic. “Promise I’ll make it up to you?”
He was only trying to comfort you and in all honesty, he probably believed it even less than you did. But still you smiled, despite the fact that he couldn’t possibility know what expression you were wearing, and said, “Ok.”
You poured the glasses of champagne down the sink first thing after he ended the call.
That time when he forgot about your birthday didn’t go nearly as pretty as that.
Perhaps it was the pent up frustration, perhaps it was the fact that you had turned down all of your other friends’ offer to celebrate with you right after he told you that he could make it for your birthday, but you just couldn’t keep it in anymore when he told you that there was a sudden change of plans and he had to be on patrol that night.
You cried, and boy was it the most gut wrenching bawl you’ve had in a good while.
It was the pure conflict inside your mind that tear you apart the most. You knew that he was not the one to blame and he was probably beating himself about it as well, but you also knew that you deserved more than that. You loved him, and most of the time you were ok with the knowledge that saving people over being with you was simply a priority that he didn’t get to pick for himself. But it was all too much when you see the many messages from your friends congratulating you on turning one year older and having to pretend that nothing was wrong when replying to them, no one but yourself knowing about the void in your heart at how alone you were.
You had done all you could to pretend that it didn’t bother you but when he wrapped you in his arms and told you that he was sorry, the last defense you had in your mind collapsed and you sobbed into the nape of his neck. Keigo didn’t say a word as you cried, only patting the back of your head. The part that hurt was how he couldn’t even find the proper things to get you in a better mood, he knew perfectly well that whatever empty promises he could give to stop your tears would only come back and stab you even deeper when he would inevitably break it once again.
It was the price he had to pay for what he had. Only he would gladly give them all up if it means that he could come home on time each night to see you being happy instead of being out there knowing full well that you were with him at the expense of your loneliness.
It was he who cried when he forgot about your anniversary last year.
Takami Keigo was not an insecure person by most means. He knew that he was capable and that he was of importance to many, seeing how the authorities couldn’t go long without going to him for favours. He was well-aware that he was an attractive man and the public adored him. He had never doubted that you loved him with all your heart and the way you stared at him with so much adoration in your eyes was enough of an ego boost for him over anything else.
But when he was called in on a mission right on the day of your anniversary, it was the first time he truly felt inadequate.
You didn’t say anything when he told you about it with his hands shaking as he dialed your number. Nothing, no blame, no bitter tone, no screaming at him. Nothing. You only sighed and told him that it’s ok, reminding him to be careful and that you loved him. It was like you had already expected it to happen.
What kind of boyfriend was he to have you mentally prepared to be left alone each time you were supposed to spend time together?
He broke down sobbing the moment he saw you nearly dozed off to sleep on the couch when he came home that day. The way he pursed his lips together to prevent them from trembling had you immediately on alert and you got up to him once he got closer.
“Keigo?” Cradling his face, you wiped away the first drop of tear that rolled down his face with concern. “Keigo, what’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry.”
“What-” You couldn’t react as he suddenly locked you in a tight embrace, barely able to move as he wrapped his arms around yours tightly when all you wanted to do was hold him and told him that whatever he was upset about, it would be ok.
Your heart broke into a million pieces when you felt his entire body shaking, the feathers on his wings trembling along as he let out a weak sob and buried his face in the nape of your neck. Your eyes widened in shock when you heard him chocked out muffled words in between broken sobs. “Please don’t leave me.”
You had no idea where that came from and your mind went blank as to what could possibly got him to even think that you might leave him.
“What? I’m not…”
“I know I have been shit of a boyfriend but please,” he took a deep breath but it only came out as a hiccup as he continued to tear up, “please don’t leave me. I can’t stand it, please.”
The back of your throat tightened. You would be lying if you say that the thought of calling it quits and just ended those lonely nights once and for all but you could not do it. Every time you sees him, whatever you wanted to say would just be pushed back to the bottom of your stomach.
You could never leave him, not while one look from him was enough to send you down a spiral of your own.
“You won’t be able to get rid of me that easily.” You whispered in his ear and felt the slightest bit of relief when you heard a chuckle from him.
For a while, things were alright and no matter how lonely it might get, you found home in his arms and you could never give it up.
So really, you were fine with having to take the little time you could have with him. At least you were most of the time but as you stared out of the tall windows to see the city down below lit up with all the beautiful lights, you were starting to feel the loneliness creeping up on you for the first time in a long while.
Being alone on a holiday like Christmas hit hard. Everyone was out there having fun and celebrating with their loved ones while you were here in your house all on your own. Keigo didn’t say anything about whether he could be back in time for any form of celebration but you had assumed that he wouldn’t. Crimes could get especially hideous during the festive season.
Letting out a soft sigh for no one to notice, you got up from the couch and made way to the kitchen. You could use a drink, anything to spice up the night and distract your mind from getting to where you felt it heading towards.
Watching as the milk warmed up in the microwave, you wondered what your boyfriend was doing. The more malicious part of you hoped that he was having an even rougher time being away from you than you were.
You missed him, you always do. But you missed him the most on Christmas.
Preoccupied with your thoughts, you didn’t pick up on the door opening and yelped when you felt something sneaking around your waist and hot breath on your neck.
“Keigo!” You exclaimed in delight when you turned around to see that grinning face of your lover. “You’re early.”
Pressing his forehead against yours, he smiled as he spoke and you couldn’t help but feel a bit giddy. No matter how long it had been, he would never fail to make you feel like you were falling in love with him all over again. “Can’t possibly ditch you on Christmas, can I?”
“Well, I don’t know,” you meant for it to come out as a tease but perhaps the drop of your voice indicated that there was more truth to it than you wished, “you know how holidays never stopped them from calling you into work before.”
You were hiding so much behind your smile and it pained him. You had done so much for him, if only he could do the same for you. Knowing that you would never ask for it was what hurt him the most about thinking that he couldn’t give you what you deserved. “I’m sorry about that I really am.”
“Don’t be.” You smiled and pulled him into a hug which he gladly returned. “At least you’re here now.”
Humming in response, he nuzzled into your hair. “Yeah, and I’m glad.”
The microwave beeped, breaking off the cozy moment. “What are you making?” He eyed the mug that you took out.
“Hot chocolate,” you smirked and he quirked his eyebrows in amusement, “spiked hot chocolate.”
“Oh.” He watched as you poured in the liquor, thanking you as you let him take a sip.
“Feeling warmed up?” You leaned back onto the kitchen counter as you watched him smacked his lips in satisfaction.
“Yeah,” the grin on his face turned into a teasing smile as he put down the mug next to you and trapped you in between his arms, leaning down to your ear before whispering in the most sultry voice he could manage, "but I know a way that could get us even warmer-”
He yelped as you smacked his arm. “I’m just kidding.” He said with forged hurt as you playfully glared at him.
You laughed, “How bout you go get changed and we put on some cheesy Christmas movies, hm?”
Your smile only got wider as he quickly gave you his answer with a peck on the lips. “Sounds good to me.” He winked before walking down the hallway.
See, that was what you were talking about when you said that you could never leave this man. You might feel lonely when he was away, but he always pulled through when you wanted him there with you the most.