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‘Don’t come home for Christmas.’
You could feel the dread pending up as you stood outside the large house. You had been staring at the building by the pavement for at least 15 minutes yet you kept finding more excuses for you to do anything but walk up.
You did not want to be here. You did not want to be here at all.
You had protested when your mother asked you to take the stuff she had bought for Mitsuki to her house, saying that it could be a good chance for you to catch up with the woman who watched you grew into who you were.
“Perhaps Katsuki would be there too! You two could hang out, it’s been a while.” Your mother said with a wide smile as she shooed you out of the front door and slammed it in your face despite your whines and groans. She thought that she found a good reason to convince you that the task was not as bad as you painted it out to be, completely unaware that what she thought was a selling point was exactly why you were so hell bent on refusing in the first place.
You had no idea what you would do if you see him. You sighed, feeling the torment in your heart boiling up as you remembered how there was a time when you would have felt the exact opposite to reluctance when your mother told you that you would be going to your childhood friend’s house.
Considering how your respective mothers were best friends since high school, it was only natural that you would grow up around Bakugou Katsuki starting from a young age that you could barely remember exactly when. He was, for a long while, your best friend and you were certain that you were his as well. Back then when there was nothing more to the world than the tiny neighbourhood you lived in, the few hours per week that you got to spend with him was the happiest times your young self could experience.
He was never an easy child to be around, always so quick to act on whatever he deemed as appropriate and getting you into trouble as he dragged you along with his plans. You were always yelled at for being slow or not being strong enough to completely follow his lead during the games of pretend you would play together but despite the harsh tone of the child, he had never left you behind even once, always waiting on you with a sneer while you ran to his side with a grin. Although there really wasn’t much things of importance that went through your mind at that age, you had always seen Katsuki as someone you could rely on.
There was this time when you were both five and your parents decided that it would be cute to go out and have dinner together during Christmas break. After the meal, you took a stroll on the busy streets. It had been a while since your mom last meet up with her friend and she was overjoyed to be reunited with Mitsuki again. Your mother was happy talking to her friend, unaware as you were trailing behind her. But you didn’t mind, you were ecstatic that you got to spend time with your friend as well.
“Oh Kacchan look!” You pointed to the side of the road excitedly. There was a street performer setting up right by the street. “Look at that!”
He let out a soft “Tch” as you tugged at his sleeve to go closer. He was not like you, he had no interest in theses stupid performances. At least that was what he said as he “unwillingly” stayed with you so you could watch the magic tricks by the street performer. He felt like there was something the both of you had forgotten about, but he could not exactly pinpoint what it was.
“That was so cool! Right, Kacchan?” You said to your friend but he didn’t seem to hear what you said as he looked around with slight worry in his eyes. You tilted your head, confused as to what got him like this. Did he not enjoy the performance?
You followed his gaze around and froze in place when you realised that all of the tall figures that blocked your view were of people you did not know, your mom nowhere to be seen. As people come and go on the bustling street that was starting to dim, the darkness only added to the panic you were feeling.
You shouldn’t have been distracted, now you couldn’t find your mom anywhere. What if she didn’t notice? What if you never find your way home? What if you never see your parents again?
As your young feasible mind travelled down and down the worst possible scenarios there could be, you felt a burning at the back of your throat. Katsuki immediately snapped his head towards you when the first choked back sniffle got to his ears. “Don’t… don’t cry you idiot!”
He was never the comforting type, and the sight of his best friend tearing up only messed up his best attempt at being logical even more. Was he not scared? Of course he was, the many people walking past where the two of you were standing made him feel a bit dizzy almost. But you were already on the verge of crying, and as the strong one in this friendship, it was his responsibility to protect you at a time like this.
The sob came out as a hiccup when you felt Katsuki gripping tightly onto your hand and started walking. Getting pulled to go along, you had forgotten about the discomfort at the tip of your nose that made you want to tear up as you were too shocked by his tight hold on your hand.
If you had been a little bit more observant, you would know that he was just as nervous and unsure of the whole situation as you were. He was holding onto your hand just a bit too tightly and sweat was starting to form on his palm. You took his action as a way to comfort you but little did you know that it was his clumsy way of trying to be braver himself. He had to look brave in front of you, he took on the role to look after you even when he could practically feel his own hand shaking.
You did not say a word, only trying to keep up with your friend who was marching forward, the small figure of the blond leading the way through the crowd of people forever engraved into your mind even years after that.
Bakugou Katsuki did not say anything as his mother fumed, yelling at him for not staying close to the adults. You watched as he bit on his lips, trying to stay silent as he took all the blame for what was necessarily your fault.
You had decided that he was the most heroic person you would ever know right then and there, even though you were merely a child who had no idea what a hero was.
And you grew up.
You should have known better than to think that nothing would change. He changed, you changed.
For you, the turning point was when his quirk started to manifest. When he got the first grasp of his own explosion, you were the first person he rushed to. “I’m showing this to you before I show anyone else!” He had proudly said to you when you watched in awe of his powerful quirk. Yours was nowhere near as flashy as his and although it was hidden under his usual facade of mean words and rude tone, he had guaranteed you that you would always be a part of his team no matter what you quirk was.
Imagine the hurt and betrayal you felt when you went up to him like usual that day, excitedly wanting to show him a new trick you had discovered you could do with your quirk only to have him tell you that he did not have time. With the wolf whistles of his new group of friends from afar that made you unease, he raised his voice at you for the first time ever and told you to leave him alone. When he walked away without doing so much as sparing one glance your way, the dull ache in your chest as simply too much to bare.
You did not see your friend stopping in his tracks as he heard a familiar sob passing through his ears. You did not see his knuckles turning white as he clenched his fists, biting the inside of his cheeks so hard that he could almost taste a metallic tang.
You only knew that he had left you behind. All you could hold onto was the faint memory of him gripping your hand tightly in the crowd. And like that, the boy who you once trusted with all your heart was gone forever.
He apologized to you the next day, his head dropping low and his eyes avoiding yours. The void in your heart was still there, tearing it open by the seams. But still you smiled at him and said that you didn’t mind, hoping that you could latch onto whatever false hope that you could find for yourself that he was still the same person you grew up with. The same person who was grumpy, impulsive, and even offensive sometimes but you had come to love even when there was only so much you know about that feeling at that age.
But you knew that no matter how hard you tried to pretend that it didn’t bother you, that thorn that was stabbed onto your heart would never truly be removed. Not while the two of you pretended that nothing happened.
No words could be used to explain that odd mix of emotions in your mind as you noticed that you now had to look up to meet the eyes of your friend. You watched as the softness of his cheeks faded, replaced by the rounded edges that would soon turn into the sharp angles of a young man. You watched as he got more and more powerful each day. You watched as he slowly stopped coming over to your place with his mom. You watched as Mitsuki apologetically say to you that her son was out with some friends whenever you swung by in hopes of catching up with him. You watched as the image you had of Katsuki in your head slowly started to mismatch the boy in reality.
You watched as the distance between you and your once best friend grew further and further apart, until that was all you could do, watch. Until the day finally comes when you stopped missing the warmth of his hand on yours.
That was what hurt you the most to think of. There was no fight, no big moment that made you stopped talking to him. Only time, time and the painful truth of knowing that nothing stayed the same forever.
It had been years since you last talked to Katsuki, you realised as you remained still in front of the gates of his house. You had been here multiple times even after he moved into the dorms of his school, so why were you so nervous this time round?
It was winter break, you smacked your own face as you remembered, he might be there, that’s why.
You would never admit it out loud, but you always paid extra attention to the news whenever the famous academy that you knew you friend were at was mentioned.
You should go in. You had to at some point, why not get it done and over with? You thought to yourself as you lifted a finger to press onto the doorbell only to have it froze in place midair as all the worries in your head rushed through once more.
Please don’t be at home, please don’t be at home, please don’t be-
‘You’re the last thing I want to see underneath the tree.’
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
Fuck.
“Oh, Ka-” You paused as the name that was once so familiar to you stopped at the tip of your tongue. That name was not yours to call anymore. “Bakugou.”
His eyebrows twitched at how stiff you sounded. It did not sound right, but he let it slide. “Are you gonna go in or what?”
Gingerly following him in, you stood behind him as he twisted the key and flicked the lights on. The house was the same as how you remembered it to be, it was nice to see that at least something didn’t change. “It’s just me, the stupid parents are out.”
You nodded, trying to hide the drop in your stomach as you heard that it was just him. You were here for a reason, just put down whatever you mom wanted you to get to Mitsuki and leave. “I’m just gonna-”
“Do you want anything?” Bakugou asked as he motioned to the kitchen at the other end of the hallway. Why couldn’t you act all formal and find a proper respond like normal humans do when you were with him? Perhaps it was because you would always remember how there was a time when formalities were non-existent between the two of you and now you felt like you were talking to a stranger, a stranger that you knew so so well.
“Water would be fine.” You forced out a polite smile as he huffed and the blonde’s figure disappeared into the kitchen. With a deep sigh, you sat down onto the couch and wondered what you were supposed to do under this worst case scenario you had thought of.
It was awkward. It was really awkward.
Taking a huge gulp of the cold water, you tried to distract yourself from the sheer torture that was sitting next to Bakugou while neither of you say a word. In all honesty, there were many things that you would like to say to him but you were not brave enough to say any of them out loud. Instead, you watched him in the most discrete way you could manage.
Yes, you watched. It seemed like you spent most of your time with him watching his every move while he enjoyed being watched.
He had grown a lot since you last saw him, that was a given. You had been shocked when you watched the live stream of the UA sports festival and saw the way your friend fought. It was still the same cut throat, ruthless way you had known but only more skillful. The arms that were once lanky now adorned with muscles that came from pure hard work. The line of his jaw now so sharp that the last hint of boyishness in his features were threatening to slowly fade away.
Bakugou got hot. Was that inappropriate to say about your childhood friend?
“What are you staring at?”
“What?” You tensed up when you were suddenly met with the direct glare of those crimson eyes.
“You’re staring at me.” You immediately backed away when he stood up and looked right at you, only there was nowhere to hide as your back hit the couch.
You held your breath as he just stayed there, standing right in front of you with his hand at the side of head, his legs trapping you in between them. What the fuck was this? Your eyes widened at the realisation of how close he was to you. You went so long without even talking to him and all of a sudden you were faced with this?
He sighed, slightly backing away at your startled expression. “You’ve always been like this.”
“Like what?”
“Like you had no sense of danger towards anyone.” He hissed, “Like you would just be nice to anyone. Like you would not say anything if someone pick on you. Like you would cry, but not fight back if something goes wrong. Like anyone could get close to you and you would accept them. Like if it was someone else, you would still not back away when they trap you in between their arms like I do now.”
“Oh no,” you whispered, “only you.”
He bit his lips, lowering his head as his eyebrows knotted together. That was all he wanted to say to you, all the things that he did not have the guts to say when you were still somewhere within his reach. Only him, that was all he wanted to hear for so long and he had no clue that you could still tug at his heart strings with those words he had only heard in his wildest fantasies even after so long.
You had changed so much, and he could not hold it back after seeing you like this.
“Then what about this? Would you let other people do this to you?” He growled before dipping down, capturing you in a sudden kiss that sent your entire body into a frenzy. It was not pretty, he barely moved at all as his mind was overwhelmed by the fact that you were actually there, letting him kiss you without even protesting a bit. Closing his eyes shut, he almost started to think that you might be enjoying it as well.
When he pulled away, your brain was still foggy from what just happened. That was the boy you were in love with, with his eyes closed and his face just mere breaths away from yours. The same person who torn you apart. Bakugou Katsuki. That Bakugou Katsuki, and he just kissed you.
“I missed you.” The Katsuki you knew had never been a soft person but at least for now, he sounded almost tender, like he was afraid of what you were going to say next.
“You fucking leave me behind.” You said, and the way you clenched your jaw made his heart ache.
“I’m sorry.” He mumbled and looked away, the way he lowered his head reminded you an awful lot of the time when he shielded you from the blame that you should have took.
You sighed and reached out to touch his face, he immediately snapped up to look at you at the tender touch. You could never truly stay mad at him. “If you do that to me again, I swear to god I’ll cry right in front of you.”
He did not let you go on as he placed another chaste kiss on your lips. Never, he would never make that same mistake again. He had went through way too many nights wondering what you were doing, cursing himself for pushing you away to hurt you like that all over again.
Never, he was not letting go again. After all, he had failed his role as the one who was supposed to protect you for far too long.
‘Merry Christmas, I could care less.’