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Yasha sat on the floor in the main living-room of Xorhouse next to the fireplace, but her mind was somewhere else. The warm orange glow of flickering fire bathed her in light as she thought of those she’d loved and lost. It was the time of year for reflection.
Zuala was the kindest and most loving woman she’d ever known. When she closed her eyes she could still hear her voice in the distance, but her image was clouded by her own cowardice. If she’d stayed, and fought maybe everything would be different.
Or, maybe they’d both be dead. Lord knew she deserved it. But, that wasn’t entirely true. Her Lord hadn’t wanted her dead, he’d found her twice. Once with the help of her friends. Her friends, no, her family. They’d come for her and freed her from Obann’s control. They wanted her to be with them. And, maybe she could be theirs? If she worked hard enough to make amends.
Molly would want her to be with them, he wanted her safe. He was a clown of a man. Her clever friend who’d helped pull her back towards the light. He’d shown her love and affection when she felt she couldn’t have it again.
Why? Why did she deserve these people?
Yasha was pulled from her thoughts by a hand on her shoulder.
“Hey, uh. You’ve been sitting here for a long time. I thought you could use a cup of tea. Caduceus couldn’t remember how you took your tea so I told him.”
Beauregard smiled down at her holding a cup in her hand. Beau was sunshine, she was light in the darkest places, she was determined.
“Oh, thank you.” Yasha accepted the hot cup. It was purple, purple like Molly. “You, you remembered how I like it?”
“Yeah, sure is that weird or something?” Beau’s chuckle was a nervous one.
“No, it’s not weird, it’s sweet. Very thoughtful. Thank you.” She took a long sip of her tea and sighed. It was good. Perfect even.
“Sweet?” Not many people called anything she did sweet. “Cool, cool. No problem. I’ll let you get back to your thinking or whatever.”
“Beauregard.” Yasha reached up and grasped Beau’s forearm. She hadn’t meant to show it, but there was a flash of panic in her eyes.
“Yeah?” Beau gulped down a lump in the back of her throat when she thought she saw fear in Yasha’s eyes.
“Would you, would you join me?”
Beau simply nodded and sat down next to her. “That’s a nice roaring fire you’ve got going.”
“Thank you. It’s warm. Roaring, that’s kind of like me on the inside.” Yasha laughed nervously attempting to lighten the mood.
“Really? I always pictured you more like a steady rain. It might snap harshly against the ground, but the ground needs a good rain.”
“Mm. I think I like that better. That’s… an interesting analogy.”
“Yeah, well I’ve been doing a lot of extra thinking lately, my brain hurts.” She chuckled.
“What have you been thinking about?”
“I’ve been doing a lot of research at the Cobalt Soul while you’ve been gone.”
“I’ve heard. I’m proud of you. That’s a big change.”
“It’s not, not as bad as I thought it would be. Having my nose in a book.”
“Caleb is still the bigger nerd.” Yasha’s grin was wide.
“Oh, yeah totally!” Beau nodded and laughed. “What I do is completely different!”
“Of course! And, far more important, too!”
“You bet it is!”
“Yasha?”
“Yes?”
“I, when… when you were gone. When you were gone and we didn’t know if… we didn’t know if we were going to get you back. It was scary.”
“I’m sorry, Beau. It must have been very difficult for you. I know losing people is hard. ”
“Wait, let me… let me finish?” Beau paused, carefully thinking through her words.
“I didn’t want to lose someone else, not like that. I know you didn’t have a choice… ”
“Oh, Beau… No, I did have a choice. I chose to follow the drow, to find out what he knew about me. I wanted all of you to stay back, and stay safe. I made the wrong decision.”
“If we didn’t go after him if he’d completed the ritual things would be far worse. I’m not saying it was a good thing you got taken. That was fucking awful. But, it’s a good thing we went chasing after him or the first of chains would be broken. And, who knows how many more after that.”
“If you need to... if you need to run again. I’ll understand, but could you, would you do me a favour and at least say goodbye first?”
“I’m not planning on running, Beau. So, I don’t know how to promise that. But, how about this: the minute I feel like running, I’ll tell you first, okay?”
When Yasha looked over, Beau was looking into the fireplace. Beauregard nodded her head.
“Thank you. I’m really glad you’re still here. ”
“Me too,” Yasha looked to the flames again. "I can't, I can't lose someone else that means so much to me... " Yasha reached over and put her hand on Beau’s knee.
"You won't. I'm too stubborn for that." Beau covered Yasha’s hand with her own.
“I nearly... " Yasha trailed off.
"But, you didn't. And, scars are sexy."
"Beau, I'm serious. I don’t think I can ever make up for anything I’ve done. Or, apologize enough… ”
“I know. So, don’t. Don’t, it wasn’t you. I know it wasn’t you.”
“It wasn’t really me,” Yasha said it to try and convince herself. Despite herself Yasha whispers in Beau's ear. "I'm so sorry." She scooted closer to Beau and rested her head on Beau’s shoulder.
"Shh, I know. Everything's okay, now. He can't hurt you anymore." Beau roped her arm around Yasha’s waist, she felt Yasha shake as she cried silent tears. Beau held her tightly. They sat like that together until the fire died out. They fell asleep leaning against each other.