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The wind blew gently, and the snowflakes danced in the night. Little dots of white chaos against the dark sky.
In this still and silent scene, Tonegawa stood in the city park, looking up at the stars.
The moonlight caressed his face and threw tiny shadows around the wrinkles of his eyes. He smiled.
It was after sunset, maybe about 9 PM.
And it was Christmas Eve.
Tonegawa liked the city park at night. It was not too dangerous, had big open spaces and lovely ponds, and many winding paths to walk and ponder on.
He normally took this route to get home, but today, he stopped here, in the middle of it all – a silent island inmidst of the bustling city.
But this was not the only new thing that happened today.
For he was not alone.
His guest had just arrived.
“ACHOO!” sneezed a deep raspy voice next to him.
Tonegawa turned to the person, and smirked.
It was Endou, in his usual brown trench coat, which was maybe not the best choice in this snowy night.
Endou shook himself, a few snowflakes fell off his hair, and he fished a handkerchief out of the depth of his pockets to blow his nose.
“Feeling a little cold, Endou?” Tonegawa asked warmly, to which Endou immediately responded, muffled through his cloth, “What do you think I feel like, it’s in the middle of the night in winter, and it’s snowing! Why did you call me after work?!”, wiped his nose and stuffed his handkerchief back into his coat.
Tonegawa chuckled at that energetic answer. “Don’t worry, I know just the thing. Follow me.”
Endou looked at him and they slowly walked to a nearby park bench under a tree. Endou wiped down the thin layer of snow from the wooden bench boards. As they both sat down and Endou wrapped his arms around himself, Tonegawa reached into his briefcase and pulled out a silver thermos with two silver cups.
Putting the briefcase down, Tonegawa took the thermos into both hands and opened the cap. “Here…” he said to Endou and handed him one of the cups. Endou took it with slightly trembling hands and tilted his head. “Something to drink…?” asked Endou.
“Not just any drink!” said Tonegawa gleefully back. As he unscrewed the top, a lovely smell came out of the bottle that caressed Endou’s nose through the cold night.
“Oh… what is that?” asked Endou.
“Mulled wine.” smiled Tonegawa and poured some into Endou’s cup.
Slow white smoke and a fine aroma of spices arose from the small container in Endou’s hands.
Then Tonegawa poured some for himself as well and lifted his cup for a toast.
“To us… and Merry Christmas, Endou!” smiled Tonegawa. Endou looked a little confused but answered the toast. “Merry Christmas, Tonegawa.”
After they both took a sip in the cold night, Endou’s eyes widened and he licked his lips, turning the cup in his hand.
“Whoa… That tastes really good!” exclaimed Endou and looked at Tonegawa, who grinned back: “It’s my own recipe! Red wine, sugar, oranges, cinnamon, clove, other carefully selected spices, with a shot of Grand Marnier to round it all off.”
The snowflakes continued to fall in silence all around them, the distant city sounds in the background, cabs honking, people chattering, neon shops trying to sell their last presents and gifts for loved ones in a hurry. But that mayhem of commercial noise didn’t reach them fully. They were here, in silence.
“… It really does taste good.” Whispered Endou and took another sip. “Warms you right up… Well done, Tonegawa.” He added with a quick shy sentence.
“Thank you…” answered Tonegawa right back in a soft manner, and looked at the park again.
White slopes and small hills, getting covered with more snow, distant lights between the trees in the far back. Some Christmas lights blinked and flashed in the distance, red, green and white.
It was a serene moment of silence.
However, Endou felt like he had to say something.
“… Why did you call me here on Christmas Eve?” he asked quietly, to not disturb the rising festive mood.
Tonegawa sighed, white smoke escaping his parted lips in the cold, and he answered with a far-away stare.
“To share some mulled wine with a friend.”
The sentence had a certain melancholic gravitas, so Endou just curiously looked and listened, and took another sip.
“… I have made mulled wine for myself for a decade now, every time around Christmas. I had picked up the recipe on my travels to Europe, when I had to do the Western advertisement excursion for Teiai.”
He waited for a beat, took a sip himself, and continued.
“I feel as if the recipe gets better every year, with honing and finetuning by me, finding the right sizes and ratios. But…”
He turned to Endou, his face overcome with a bit of sadness he tried to cover with a smile, his voice cracking a little:
“Drinking alone is just not the right way for such a nice festive wine… Drinking with someone else you know and care for… is better than sitting alone at home on such an evening, don’t you think?”
Endou gasped seeing Tonegawa like this. They rarely opened up in such a way. So… direct.
He, Endou Yuuji, ‘a person to care for’…?
It took Endou a bit to react, but then he answered, a bit coyly, “T-Thank you… It was really nice of you to invite me…”
Simply not being able to resist, his heart beating a bit faster, Endou held his cup a bit tighter, and asked: “… Why me, though?”
Snow flakes continued to fall, and Tonegawa chuckled. His warm voice seemed to make all the cold vanish, as he spoke:
“We both get older, Endou, and you mentioned yesterday in the canteen that you had no plans for Christmas Eve - just ‘my TV, my whiskey and me’ - to quote you. … It felt appropriate to ask you to share this little drink with me, since we both would have been alone on this very evening.”
The city sounds continued, and so did Tonegawa, gently turning the cup in his hands.
“Call me a little nostalgic or melancholic, but maybe I start craving a bit more warmth on special days like these… Time passes so fast, we all get older, and in our cold world of loan sharks and yakuza business, we should savour all the little calm moments we can. … And… Maybe share some of the things I normally just do for myself… Like this mulled wine here.”
Endou listened, and grew a little melancholic as well, a certain bittersweet warmth around his heart.
It was true, they rarely took some time for themselves. Even on Christmas day, they had to work. And now, as dusk fell and night arose, they were finally free from the shackles of their professional life.
Endou inched a little closer and said: “You’re right. We should savour the little moments.”
They both looked at each other and shyly smiled.
Then they turned back to the park view, looking at the peaceful hills, snow-covered trees, dark hedges and winding pathways that shielded them from the busy world outside. They both took another sip, the warm and sweet wine heating up their hearts and souls.
“Tonegawa…” asked Endou quietly, and Tonegawa answered, “Hm…?”
“Why did we meet in the park and not somewhere warm?” Endou said, rising one eyebrow.
Tonegawa chuckled, and blushed a bit, but then he responded:
“I think the cold outside is the final little detail that makes the mulled wine taste so good. To feel a warmth run down your throat while your skin and limbs feel cold is what truly makes it so satisfying. As if your body is exceptionally more grateful for that drink - a treat, a little act of self-care and comfort. A true winter experience you cannot have in any other season.”
“Haha…!” chuckled Endou, and after a beat, he blushed himself and said: “That really sounds like you… A very Tonegawa Christmas idea…”
Maybe it was the alcohol kicking in, but Endou inched even closer on the park bench…
… and rested his head on Tonegawa’s shoulder.
“O-Oh…” gasped Tonegawa, but Endou whispered warmly: “Do you mind…? I feel like savouring said ‘little moment’…” Then he smiled, as his cheek rested on Tonegawa’s coat.
The snowflakes continued to fall, and the silence that surrounded them felt like a comforting blanket of time and emotion.
“Yes… You can…” said Tonegawa and rested his own head against Endou’s.
On this Christmas Eve, both men finally were not alone anymore.
They sat in the city park, watching the city unfold behind trees and hedges, in the comforting silence of each other’s presence. The feeling of calmness and the certainty of not being alone made them glow with emotional warmth.
While work would return and they would both be hurled into distress once again soon, to have this little moment together to drink was priceless in value. They both continued to drink, then looked at the stars that twinkled above them, and smiled as their cups left their lips.
Endou remembered all the times Tonegawa had been kind to him. They knew each other for so many years, and had been together as senpai and kouhai at Teiai. Back when Endou was still a blacksuit, Tonegawa had taken him under his wing. Endou smiled quietly to himself: Back in the day, Tonegawa’s hair had still been black with streaks of white - and now, it had fully turned lily white. Endou’s face had gotten more wrinkled, and he had his own company now, “Endou Finance”. He had made a name for himself, and still worked together with Tonegawa, his mentor. The young, eager novice had become a seasoned loan shark. How fast time passed…
Wandering through his old memories made Endou emotional. More emotional than he had expected. So many images came back: Tonegawa standing there, with a pizza when they had worked overtime at Teiai, still stuck in the stuffy office. Tonegawa offering him his first cigar, and them both having a good laugh when Endou was coughing so much from not being able to take it. Tonegawa patting his shoulder, when Endou had done his first mission by himself without guidance. Tonegawa bringing Endou a bottle of water to his desk in the seething summer. Tonegawa hugging him goodbye and wishing him well, when Endou had left Teiai to start his own finance company. Tonegawa being happy to hear from Endou after he left, always talking for longer on the phone than they expected…
Endou swallowed, feeling his heart beat in his throat from all these memories rushing back. His head still resting on Tonegawa’s large shoulder, he rubbed his cheek against it, once more. It was so warm and supportive, and now he could even feel Tonegawa rubbing his cheek back against his head.
“...” thought Endou for a while, his mind blank and at peace with this serene snow around him, but his heart telling him many things he seemingly had ignored for a long time. Feelings he simply had brushed aside, or not acknowledged fully, like a shapeless cloud that had always been there. Never been able to grasp these thoughts or to name them, smoke running through his fingers.
But now, all of these memories, these emotions, these feelings, they slowly… gained shape. A certain weight he could feel. A weight that was now pressing gently on his heart.
“Tonegawa…?” whispered Endou, and raised his head again to sit more upright, Tonegawa lifted his own head from his, and asked with a soft voice: “Yes, Endou?”
Endou inched a bit closer, his voice a bit raspy in the cold: “... T-Thank you for everything, Tonegawa. For your support, your help, and believing in me. I really appreciate it.” Tonegawa raised his eyebrows in surprise, and then chuckled, “Are you also feeling a bit sentimental now, my dear Endou?”
In a move that was a bit unexpected, even for both of them, Endou came closer, his face turned to Tonegawa’s. “I… I just…” whispered Endou, his brown eyes big and emotional behind his sunglasses, he was now so close that Tonegawa could see Endou’s look. “Endou…” breathed Tonegawa back, looking straight at him.
Their eyes fully met. And they both came closer to each other.
This wasn’t really happening, was it? Endou could feel his heartbeat bursting in his chest, and now he saw that Tonegawa was also breathing a bit faster with rising nervousness. Endou tilted his head, his lips parted and quivered, coming even closer. “Tonegawa will surely pull away or tell me to stop, right? And I will play this off as a joke, right? We will all have a good laugh and everything will be like always, right?” he thought, his mind racing in all directions, and he began to close his eyes.
But to his surprise, Tonegawa did not tell him to stop, but he began to close his eyes as well, coming towards Endou as well. White smoke escaped Tonegawa’s lips, as he whispered in his softest baritone: “Yuuji...”
Endou gasped slightly, trembling with nervousness, and he now fully realised: This was going to happen. Tonegawa wanted it too.
And with a gentle touch, their lips met.
They kissed. For the first time. In all of these years and decades they had known each other, they now kissed for the first time. With their eyes closed, a drink in each hand, on a public bench in a snowy park.
Endou could feel Tonegawa’s lips on his, they were so soft and gentle, he had never imagined it to feel so good. It was… liberating, as if some invisible shackles around his heart had been smashed away, as if something that had always been there was finally allowed to be center stage.
“Hm…” moaned Endou gently into the kiss, repositioning his lips to kiss Tonegawa anew. Endou’s eyebrows were knitted, he held on to his cup, he was shaking, but it all felt so good. So kind. So endlessly emotional. As if many years of friendship had culminated into this singular point, blossoming into something new.
It was overwhelming, emotion pouring out of his heart, filling his chest with a radiant warmth he had never felt so intensely.
Tonegawa, equally overcome with emotion, emotions he had expected to always lock away, was trembling gently as well, kissing Endou anew, his lips meeting gently with Endou’s, warm and soft on this cold winter day.
“Ah…!” gasped Endou into the kiss, when he suddenly felt: Tonegawa’s hand on his cheek. Holding him, this warm palm against Endou’s rough skin. Calming him down, supporting him. Telling him that everything was alright.
Endou’s heart was now fully overcome with raw emotion, and a tear began to well up in his eyes. How long had he waited for this to happen? Without even knowing that he wanted this? Finally being able to kiss Tonegawa was simply overwhelming, to his mind, to his heart, to his entire being. So many years of friendship, memories and emotions pouring out with full force.
And Tonegawa was here with him - holding him, supporting him, answering him. Their kiss, even if it was just a small meeting of lips, gently, over and over, a shy first meeting on a cold winter’s day, meant a lot to the two, for it was the glowing new starting point for a yet undiscovered part in their relationship.
With a slow gasp, they disconnect from each other, still panting slightly, white smoke of cold engulfing their warm lips. They looked at each other, blushing and nervous at this first step they had now taken together.
“I… I don’t know what to say…”, mumbled Endou, a tear now finally rolling down his blushing red cheek. Tonegawa wiped it away with his thumb, caressing Endou’s cheek with his big palm again, and answered: “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to…”, and smiled, looking at Endou with kind and teary eyes.
Snow continued to fall around them. In the distance, they could hear cars and people chatter. The sky above them was dark blue and twinkling with many shining stars.
“I will say one thing though…” began Endou again, and looked at the sky above them. “... I didn’t expect our first kiss to taste like mulled wine.” And Endou grinned widely, one last tear rolling down his cheek. “Hahahaha!” laughed Tonegawa in a hearty, deep manner, and his hand patted Endou’s shoulder with a gesture of deep sympathy and appreciation.
They both looked at the sky again and snuggled up against each other, heads resting against one another again. Both smiling from the depth of their hearts at their new experiences in the future. They both took another sip of Tonegawa’s delicious mulled wine, which was just as warm as their beating hearts brimming with love.
THE END
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS