Chapter Text
The ocean was a flat blue mirror. He could see it through the fleeting gaps in houses and trees as the car crested the last hill on the way down to their neighborhood; whatever late afternoon plans they might make, surfing clearly wouldn't be on the table.
Of course...plans of any sort would hinge on Tana's mood as well, and he wasn't entirely certain his husband had yet made it home.
He'd fully expected, when he'd walked into the dojo at noon, that Tana would still be present. His involvement with Young Lion training was much more extensive than Shinsuke's own, and he had a baffling preference for taking morning classes as opposed to those held at any sort of sensible hour. That the chanko was only just being ladled out, and that Tana's distinctive orange motorbike was still parked just outside the door certainly indicated his presence...but after a discreet, thorough search, Shinsuke was forced to make casual inquiries.
By now, he was used to feigning the perfect amount of sarcastic disinterest in his "rival," so formulating something just insulting enough to fly beneath curiosity as to why he'd care about Tana's whereabouts wasn't difficult; if the question was easy to come up with, though, the same could not be said of answers.
Oh, people were completely willing to confirm the Ace had left...but an epidemic of sudden emergencies, memory troubles, and unfortunate bouts with rapid onset laryngitis left everyone apparently incapable of telling him why, or how.
If the way nobody was quite meeting his eyes was faintly concerning, the way they all looked very much like they wanted to start laughing at him was a great deal moreso.
Mystified, he'd grit his teeth and resorted to cornering skittish young Tanaka with a direct question (a poor notion even at the best of times). He'd finally established eye contact, anyway, if the deer-in-the-headlights look of terror Sho defaulted to whenever he was addressed by a superior could be counted as such.
"I dunno!"
"He didn't say!"
and a desperately blurted "WOULDN'T START!" was all he got for his troubles, followed by the rock-solid guarantee he wouldn't see the kid for the rest of the day: "I'll go find out!"
A few hours later, as he was preparing to leave, Shinsuke was fairly sure he'd seen Komatsu trying to coax someone out from the laundry room...
There seemed to be one in every group, he thought, Yamamoto and Nobuo's sweetly blank faces flitting through his mind.
The newly-dubbed YOSHI-HASHI himself might have been a prime source of information, if he'd been there in the morning; sadly though, he himself missed whatever mysterious (and apparently hilarious) incident had occurred by an hour, and for once his complete obliviousness was born of circumstance rather than a symptom of his...uncomplicated...nature.
If it'd been the car rather than the bike, Shinsuke could've just made a quick check with his own key to see if it was, in fact, suffering some sort of mechanical issue...but he had no key to Tana's little orange deathtrap himself, so the option was out. Texts went unanswered, as did one particularly daring phone call attempt made from the hall closet.
He wondered if the fact that the screen door off the dojo building was firmly shut despite the warmth of the day, and the unusual absence of hurricane Hiromu were clues, or mere coincidence.
With nobody talking and no other resources to exploit, Shinsuke had no choice but to go through the routines of practice and training as usual. To be on the safe side, he stayed an extra twenty minutes...no reason to arouse suspicion by seeming more eager than usual to escape the endless series of mundane tasks he could never quite remember signing on for, when he decided as a child to become a pro wrestler.
Nothing seemed outwardly amiss, when he pulled into the driveway; of course, he couldn't gauge Tana's presence or absence by the missing motorbike, which was presumably still sitting where he'd left it, outside the dojo. Out of habit, he did a cursory check for Suzuki-san as he headed up the walk (Tana always appreciated knowing when he was "loose in the wild," as he put it). Their unlikely neighbor was nowhere to be seen either, though.
That the door was unlocked when he tested it wasn't at all unusual; unless they were sleeping, they didn't tend to bother locking up if they were home. The immediate, overwhelming sound of the HIGH-LOWS crashing over him as he opened it, too, was evidence of Tana, home and unwinding with a little light air guitar.
The first thing to strike him as strange was the out-of-place cardboard box just inside the door; he'd never seen it before, and Hiroshi was so meticulously tidy that he nearly tripped over it in his assumption that the way would be clear as always.
Shinsuke peered curiously over the half-open lid. It was empty save for what looked like one of the dojo trainer's towels, and...a bunch of tied-together shoelaces?
Before he had time to properly analyze what he was seeing, a sudden voice sounded over the music, leading him to the second thing to strike him as strange: his husband, on his hands and knees on the floor, eye-to-legs with the living room couch.
"Hana?!" he called, as distressed as Shinsuke'd ever heard him.
'...Hana?' he mouthed to himself, cautiously sliding his shoes off and creeping into the room. He took a moment to merely observe, watching Tana crawl determinedly from one end of the couch to the other, periodically repeating his entreaty; "Hana!"
Numerous theories popped into Shinsuke's head, none of them particularly likely. The possibility occurred to him that somebody'd just dropped Tana on his head during practice, but it was hard to envision why everyone would have thought brain damage was funny.
"Hiroshi," he said finally, unable to contain his curiosity as to what the hell was going on. The left-behind bike, the closed sliding door, the cardboard box, the long string of shoelaces, the towel, and now Tana crawling around on the floor sounding as though he was calling for someone or something he expected to answer...a terrible suspicion was forming in his mind.
Tana jumped at the sound of his name - which was unfortunate, as it resulted in him smacking his head into the side of the couch - and whirled around to face him.
"...Oh! Heh, uh...you scared me," he said, rubbing his gently-traumatized forehead.
"...why," Shinsuke asked, selecting the least-likely of his theories first, "are you looking for flowers under the couch?"
"Ah...ok well...you're gonna laugh, I promise," Tana said. The hand soothing his cushion-related injury drifted to the back of his neck; the only thing missing from the image was a vintage anime sweat-drop positioned carefully at the side of his face.
Shinsuke folded his arms. "Try me."
"Well the thing is, I-- Shinsuke, don't move!" he interrupted himself, hands outstretched in warning. He was staring fixedly at a point just beyond Shinsuke's feet: a moving point, by the look of it.
Obedient to the urgency of his tone if nothing else, Shinsuke stood still, watching Tana watch whatever was very...slowly...creeping up behind him. He became gradually aware of an odd snuffling sound, and the even fainter click of what sounded like tiny needles on the white wood floor. As Tana's expression shifted from alarm to concern to that very specific look he always got when he was seeing something very cute, something cold and wet smushed against his right ankle, just under the bone.
It sneezed.
Drawing on every fiber of willpower he had, Shinsuke resisted the urge to jerk his leg away from the source of the fine mist now coating his foot. With deliberate control, he slowly lowered his gaze from Tana's contorted face to the floor: something that looked like a doll-sized wad of brown shag-pile carpet skirted his leg, business with it apparently concluded, and toddled towards Tana on stubby little legs. A tail like the stroke of an exclamation point wagged absurdly on what was presumably the back end of it; his husband emitted a high-pitched noise like a muffled teakettle whistle, and held out his hands, scooping up the tiny monstrosity as soon as it got within arms reach, and depositing it in his lap. Even from his vantage, Shinsuke could see the miniature pink tongue darting out to lick his thumb.
There was, he thought, no possible means by which he could defeat this new challenger for Tana's affections.
"Darling," Shinsuke began sweetly. Hiroshi jumped again, like he'd momentarily forgotten he was being observed. "...where did that come from?"
"She," Tana corrected him sternly. "Uh...at least, the vet said she was a girl," he continued, adjusting his tone at the the raised eyebrow.
"The vet?"
"Well we...look, can we sit down?" he pleaded, unleashing puppy eyes ten times deadlier than the enormous black ones on the fluffy little creature in his lap.
"Ignoring the fact that you are already," Shinsuke nodded wearily. He wondered how many times today he was destined to face total defeat. Sinking onto the couch and watching Tana carefully get up to join him without jostling his tiny burden overmuch, he guessed the answer was 'at least a few more.'
"I don't expect us to keep her," Tana lied, lying reassuringly with his lying, lying mouth. "But she needs a place to stay until we find out who she belongs to..."
Shinsuke ignored him, narrowing his eyes at the puffball looking innocently up at him from a carefully-guarded perch on Tana's lap. "So where did...she...come from?" he said, curious in spite of himself.
"Well," Tana began, shifting visibly into Storyteller mode, "You know how Hiromu sometimes forgets to shut the screen door when he goes out to leave water for that cat?"
"...Uh huh..."
"There I was, finishing up with the morning class, right? And getting ready to do a bit of lifting. I had the weights on, and I was just laying down on the bench, when I thought I heard something."
"'Something?'"
Tana nodded. "Something. Like...snoring? But if the nose was really small."
"Small but powerful," Shinsuke muttered, wiping at his ankle.
"So I looked around," Tana continued, ignoring him, "but I didn't see anything. I could still hear it, though, so I got back up and looked under the bench...and there was Hana, all curled up asleep underneath it!"
"You're trying to tell me that a puppy magically appeared under your weight bench like the kami-sama of gains left her there?"
"Well not magically...I told you - Hiromu left the door open. She must have wandered in during practice, looking for someplace out of the sun."
"That still doesn't explain what she's doing here," Shinsuke pointed out, still looking accusingly at the vile little dog usurping his position in Tana's lap. She blinked at him, and licked her nose. This was going to outstrip the Nortje fight for sheer, insurmountable odds.
"Well I must have made a noise without realizing it," Tana said, "because all the guys came to see what was going on. Hiromu figured it out first, and before I knew it he was face-down on the floor, cooing at her...and then Yohei was down there with him, and before I could blink Sho turned up with one of the boxes from the closet...Goto figured out she must have come in when we were all busy, and Nagata thought she probably was just lost. Liger-san wanted to keep her at the dojo until we found out for sure - you know how he likes dogs - but Kojima said if she did belong to somebody she might have one of those microchips..."
"So you took her to the vet to find out," Shinsuke concluded for him. Tana nodded, scritching between Hana's obnoxiously fluffy little ears. She was draped across his thigh, tiny paws dangling over the side in a clear attempt to curry favor; he rejected the sight utterly.
"Hiromu volunteered to come with me...and we couldn't really take the bike, since we had to keep her box safe...so we ended up taking a cab...I took another one home, and the kid took it back to the dojo. "
"That still," Shinsuke repeated patiently, "doesn't explain what she's doing here."
Tana cleared his throat, looking exactly as guilty as a little boy who brought home a puppy. "Well..." he said, "she didn't end up having a chip. And it's a while til the next tour...and she has to stay somewhere while we look for who lost her..."
"The pound wasn't good enough?"
"Shinsuke!! She's just a baby!"
"And this isn't a daycare! We don't even have anything...we'd...need...to..." he trailed off, watching the guilty look get at least 50% guiltier.
"...Tana, what did you do?"
His husband waved away the accusation with the hand that wasn't currently occupied providing pettin's. "Just a little shopping."
"Hiroshi, you're not capable of doing a 'little' shopping."
"Hey, we needed the essentials! I mean, she has to eat, doesn't she? You wouldn't want her to starve, would you?" he asked dramatically, scooping the little devil up and dangling her inches from his face for emphasis.
"Don't sneeze," Shinsuke warned, holding one finger up to her wet raisin nose.
She licked it.
"Aww," Tana had the nerve to say. "She likes you!"
"Well, I don't like her," he said firmly, folding his arms again. He could have sworn they both looked at him skeptically, but it might have been a trick of the light. "How much of the retirement fund did you blow on squeaky toys and little winter coats, anyway?"
"I didn't buy any-- ok well, a few toys...but her young mind needs stimulation, Shin-chan!"
"Right, she might miss out on the university of her choice if we don't start her off properly in life," Shinsuke deadpanned.
Huffing, Tana bounced the puppy on his knee. "You ignore him, princess," he said soothingly, "he's just grumpy today."
"There's a dog in the house," Shinsuke pointed out, sounding perhaps a tad sulkier than he'd intended, "and she's such an attention hog that I haven't even gotten a welcome home kiss yet."
"Puppy kisses don't count?"
"Hiroshi."
"Ok, ok," he laughed. Carefully, he stooped to lower Hana to the floor; after pausing a moment to allow her tiny brain to process this new development, she toddled unsteadily off towards the kitchen. "We should tie a balloon to her tail or something," Tana said. "That's how I lost her the first time..."
"Didn't buy a playpen, papa?"
"Hey, that's not a bad idea! Just until she's big enough to-- uhh, not that she's staying, of course," Tana corrected himself sheepishly, seeing the glare Shinsuke was giving him. To his credit, he recovered smoothly...though the promise of kisses might have given him an unfair advantage, in that regard.
Irritated though he might have been by their unscheduled 'guest,' Shinsuke still leaned in eagerly to accept it, sweet and warm and lingering. The fact that Tana's hands were contaminated with Dog didn't, surprisingly, dampen his enthusiasm for feeling them slide into his hair and up the back of his shirt. He shifted closer until he could swing one leg over Tana's thighs, triumphantly settling into his lap and reclaiming his territory in the process. At least he didn't taste like dog, even if there was a faint but undeniable Odor.
"Mmmm. Welcome home," Tana rumbled into his ear, making him shiver a little as he nestled into his favorite spot.
"Finally," he said, but couldn't hide the smile in his voice. Cradled securely in his husband's enormous arms, he let himself relax and regroup: clearly, Negotiations were imminent, whether Tana would admit it or not. He wasn't the world's most accomplished multi-tasker, but with nothing else to do but sit and enjoy the feeling of rough hands wandering over his back, he privately began his pro-con list.
Pros:
Increased frequency of that look he gets on his face when he thinks something's cute
Potential reinforcements RE getting him to hold still long enough to nap with/on
Suzuki would think it's hilarious
Cons:
It's a dog
In the house
Mima would also think it's hilarious
Scenarios flitted through his mind: suppose he insists on keeping it? Suppose the owner does turn up, and then he's sad? Suppose both of the above happen one after the other, and then he wants another one? If random chance dealt them some kind of miniature puffball the madman named 'Flower,' what might he actually select himself?
"Why 'Hana?' he asked idly, speaking into the side of Tana's neck.
"Hmm? Oh...well. Read it in a story, once. It works, don't you think? Like she sprouted under my weight bench..."
"'Weed' wouldn't have worked? Or 'fungus'?"
"Shinsuke!" admonished Tana, sounding absolutely scandalized. "She's a delicate little lady!"
"I'll give you 'little,' anyway," he muttered. Draped against Tana's chest, he rose and fell with the deep sigh; it wasn't the fond exasperation sort, either, he could tell. Feeling strangely apprehensive about it, he pulled back enough to meet the warm, wounded eyes of his beloved. As he'd feared, Tana looked a great deal more somber than their usual banter should have left him, and a bit concerned.
"You really don't like her, huh?" he said, searching Shinsuke's face.
It was a struggle not to squirm a bit under the scrutiny; for some reason he was reminded of the time he had to explain to his mother why he rejected one university on the grounds that the wrestling uniforms were ugly. "I...wasn't expecting her," he said carefully. "I don't know if that's the same thing. Anyway, I wasn't expecting Tacos either, but once we got him housebroken he settled in ok."
The joke was weak, and he knew it - one corner of Tana's mouth quirked up slightly, more out of obligation than amusement; he still looked far too serious for Shinsuke's liking. "I just thought that...but if you'd rather she stay somewhere else, I can--"
Shinsuke cut him off with a kiss. That, at least, had never been an awkward method of communication. The release of the breath Tana'd been holding ghosted against his lips as they broke apart. "You like her," he said. "And she probably won't be here for long...but if she is, she's got someone very persuasive in her corner."
"I am pretty good at bribing you," Tana admitted, rubbing his chin speculatively.
"And I can make a few suggestions, if you run out of ideas," he agreed.
"I have a feeling I'll enjoy doing the bribing, too..."
Calloused fingertips teased the small of his back; another shiver ran up it's length, as Tana got a headstart in convincing him. Impromptu makeout sessions, he thought, slipping his tongue into Tana's mouth, were a much more acceptable homecoming activity than being sneezed on by dogs. If he played his cards right, the puppy would be entirely forgotten about for the rest of the evening. It seemed to have already flitted out of his darling's easily-distracted mind; he hummed in approval as Tana trailed sweet kisses up his jaw.
They stopped abruptly, accompanied by another tiny noise of cute-related distress. Heaving a sigh, Shinsuke twisted around to follow his gaze; as he suspected, Hana was making her wobbly way back from the kitchen, little tongue running over her furry lips.
"I think somebody found her din-din!" Tana exclaimed, sounding a great deal more excited about it than the situation warranted.
"Which does bring up a related question," Shinsuke said, silently praying for patience. "When you were out buying her din-din, did you think to pick up anything for ours?"
The answer was plain on Tana's face even before his sheepish "Uhh..."
"Down to Lawson's, then?" he sighed. At least they'd get a pleasant evening's stroll together, unless-- "Or can she even be unsupervised that long?"
Two dueling mental images struck him at once: being sent alone to do the shopping while the big lovestruck sap stayed home and played with the puppy, or the even more appalling prospect of being stuck minding her himself while Tana went on his own.
"Oh, she won't need to be!" his husband said brightly. "I planned ahead! Ah, sort of, anyway."
Shinsuke found himself egregiously dislodged from his cozy cuddle and tugged by the hand into the kitchen. They passed Hana on the way; her little processors kicked into overdrive sorting the problem of switching direction to trot after them - a question of having brand new legs, he supposed.
"Tada!" Tana said, gesturing broadly to an assortment of shopping bags taking up most of the counter space. Some had clearly already been raided; two small pink dishes patterned with flowers sat in a discreet corner, one licked clean, the other half full of water. The rest remained a mystery Shinsuke wasn't at all sure he wanted solved...though the possibility existed that Tana hadn't removed their contents yet because he wanted someone to ooh and ahh while he did so. It was almost a sweet thought.
"...I had to get her a proper set," Tana was explaining, rummaging in one of the bags, "The shoelaces were a good idea, but it's hardly something she can keep using...she's so little, though..."
With a triumphant noise, he pulled free the smallest dog collar Shinsuke'd ever seen, and a pink nylon leash. The collar, upon inspection, had a tiny rhinestone'd fish-shaped charm dangling from it; he didn't dare look any closer, lest he find it already engraved with her chosen name and their address.
"I can't remember the last time you bought me jewelry," he joked halfheartedly, poking the charm with his finger.
"You want a collar too, sweetheart?"
"Something tasteful and sparkly," Shinsuke agreed. He refused to be out-innuendo'd by a babyface. He was half expecting a retort about a matching muzzle, but Tana clearly knew he was still in the metaphorical dog house himself, and abstained.
"It's actually a cat collar," he continued. "Smallest one they had...but they still had to add an extra hole to make it fit her..."
Shinsuke leaned against the counter, watching him squat down to attract Hana's attention. She looked blankly up at him, frozen in the doorway.
"Rub your fingers together," he suggested, "Like you've got food."
Tana threw him a skeptical look, but dutifully followed the unsolicited advise; to his obvious surprise, Hana made a beeline directly to him.
"Works on cats," Shinsuke shrugged, answering the unspoken question.
"Full of surprises," Tana mused.
After a brief, admittedly very cute struggle, he managed to secure the tiny collar in place and attach the lead; the development seemed to deeply addle Hana's fuzzy little brain. It took no less than six attempts to walk away before she seemed to realize that the pink tether was at fault for her failures, and Shinsuke had to silently endure watching the stages of grief pass over Tana's features as she sat unmoving, knawing impotently on the leash and ignoring her foster-papa's enthusiastic talk about "Walkies!"
"Well..." he concluded finally, scooping her up again, "We'll work on it."
-----
He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so grateful to be outside. Cheerfully whistling beside him, Tana swung their joined hands in time with the halting progress they were making down the sidewalk, taking cues from Hana's somewhat faltering attempts at propelling herself forward. She went in fits and bursts, stubby little legs churning mightily for ten seconds followed by twenty more spent wandering off into the grass to sniff at things; Shinsuke idly wondered if they'd make it back by sundown.
At least she'd somewhat grasped the concept of 'walkies,' in that now she seemed capable of actually walking rather than staring vacuously at Tana until he picked her up and carried her a few more feet. He'd thought briefly that his husband was going to drop to all fours in the middle of the street in an attempt to demonstrate, but fortunately a light had come on somewhere in that empty little head before it was necessary.
When they'd reached Lawson's, though, it was a whole new world of confusion and uncertainty; in his pride over Hana's display of enough brainpower to understand walking, Tana seemed to have forgotten the no pets rule. It had been all Shinsuke could do not to laugh, as both man and animal stood there as one, coming to terms with the sign bearing the unmistakable image of a crossed-out dog.
Undeterred, his rock-stubborn husband had declared it a silly rule, and marched in anyway. Shinsuke was about to suggest discreetly tucking their unusual contraband under his jacket when the full extent of his husband's persuasive powers again became clear to him: Tana had a slightly different tactic in mind. He'd strode directly up to the nearest teller, turned the Dimple up to full power, and explained the situation in a tone at least as charming as it was apologetic. Whether it was Tana's natural charisma or the sight of Hana's tiny face, Shinsuke wasn't certain; all he could say for sure was before he had time to crack a joke, she was sitting primly in the child's basket of their shopping cart while Tana somehow accomplished pushing it and strutting at the same time.
"It's just a matter of letting people see reason," he'd said sagely, while Shinsuke fought the irrational urge to kick him.
Of course, the combination of two extremely conspicuous wrestlers accompanied by a wide-eyed puppy had been enough to turn the venture into an unscheduled meet & greet - he'd only just managed to slip down an adjacent aisle before the first wave hit, but he could hear the cooing and gushing through the shelves of greeting cards and toiletries. He spent a few minutes searching for a "Condolences on your upcoming divorce" card, to no avail.
What should have taken less than ten minutes stretched out to nearly forty, between the snail's pace of the walk there, and all the interruptions inside; by the time Tana'd shaken free of his adoring public, Shinsuke was already leaning against the wall outside waiting for him with the shopping.
He'd at least had the grace to look apologetic about it, even taking his hand again right away and leaning in for a kiss, in spite of the risk of being seen.
The divorce card would have been a waste of money anyway, he thought, squeezing the idiot's hand.
It was still a nice evening, warm and bright with the sinking sun. Once or twice when Hana paused, or sat down for no apparent reason, or started walking in the exact opposite direction, he paused to snap a few pictures of the clouds, fantastically streaked with sunset colors.
Lost in thought, Tana's sudden stop as they rounded the corner didn't register as anything but another response to Hana's erratic movements, until he found his hand abruptly dropped.
"Wh--" he began, following Tana's line of sight down the street. "Oh, hell."
Of all the times, of all the places, of all the people. Suzuki on his own, that they could handle...but this...he made a quick scan for bushes to dive into, but alas, the corner yard was fenced in; at any rate, the two approaching figures had clearly already spotted them, if the smirking was any indication.
"What the fuck is that thing?" Taichi demanded, already starting to laugh. Absurd as he looked hobbling along with his cast and crutch, Shinsuke didn't think he had any grounds on which to judge; but then...that had never stopped him before.
"This is Hana," Tana said defensively. The subject of their scrutiny displayed moderately greater self-preservation instincts than she had seemed to possess hitherto, hovering uncertainly around his ankle and sniffing the air like she could smell a nameless danger. "The vet thinks she's a toy poodle."
"Looks like you got a perm and it crawled off your head," Suzuki observed, which really started Taichi snickering. "Was 37 persian cats too on the nose?"
"She's not mine," Tana forced out through gritted teeth. He stole a glance at Shinsuke. "Not yet, anyway...I found her hanging around the dojo, she's staying with...me...until her owner turns up."
"And Nakamura's what...helping you housetrain her? You don't even have a dog, do you, Shin-chan?"
He didn't at all care for how shrewdly Taichi was looking at him; Suzuki knowing Certain Things about him and Tana was one thing, but as their neighbor had pointed out before...the same information in Taichi's hands would be another matter entirely.
"Don't you know?" Suzuki grinned, a terrible thing, but oddly reassuring in its unconcerned laziness. "Nakamura's the king of doggy style, too," he cracked, with a few thrusts for emphasis. It was enough. All traces of contemplation fled from Taichi's smug, greasy face in the burst of delighted, braying laughter at the vulgar innuendo. He leaned on the crutch, slapping his uninjured knee; what on earth Suzuki saw in his choice of lieutenants was beyond Shinsuke, but at least they were dumb enough to distract easily.
As if sensing the tension had eased, Hana made her waddling way out of Tana's protective shadow, sniffing curiously. Demonstrating the weakness for vulnerable, stupid things that still caught Shinsuke by surprise, Suzuki leant down to present his hand for inspection, briefly scritching her ears upon receiving some dog-language signal of approval he hadn't perceived himself. Tana was still tense beside him, as though he was expecting Suzuki to pick her up, bite her head off and use the blood to summon a higher demon. He only gave her a last pat, though, and straightened up. "She's cute, for a mutant rat," he offered.
"Thank...you..." Tana said, in a tone that transformed his politesse into something too profane to utter in polite company.
Oblivious to her papa's tenuous grasp on civility, Hana moved on to investigate Taichi, a looming figure looking skeptically down at her. "I'd say she's more of a mutant dust bunny," he snickered, glancing away to Tana's face, the better to check how well his mockery was finding its mark.
It was an ill-timed distraction; Shinsuke watched the world become a slow-motion replay, as Hana sniffed the cast briefly, turned around, and lifted one curly back leg. It wasn't until he heard the unmistakable sound of a tiny, contemptuous stream of pee that Taichi looked back down in horror.
Several things happened at once. If he'd had to guess, Shinsuke would have said Taichi triggered all that followed himself, jerking his leg away in a manner that very much looked as though he was about to follow through with a swift kick. Before he could even register movement beside him, Hana was back in Tana's arms as though she'd teleported there. Taichi staggered backwards, caught in the fastest sleeper hold he'd ever seen. His abandoned crutch toppled sideways and hit the fence before clattering to the sidewalk.
From his position over Taichi's shoulder, Suzuki spoke directly into his ear. "We do not," he said menacingly, "kick dogs."
As Taichi made a strangled noise of what was probably intended to be protest, Shinsuke slowly turned his head; his own fist, he realized with some surprise, was clenched, cocked back and ready to let fly. He relaxed it with conscious effort, and lowered his arm.
"I wasn't gonna kick her," wheezed Taichi, pinwheeling dangerously as Suzuki let him go. He sounded sincerely indignant, though whether his objection was to the accusation or the sad little puddle at his feet wasn't quite clear. "I was moving my foot! She peed on my cast!"
"She doesn't have thumbs," Tana pointed out cheerfully. "She was trying to sign her name."
For the sake of keeping the peace, Shinsuke attempted to smother his laughter; Suzuki didn't bother hiding his own. He supposed it was a perk of leadership - it wasn't as though the many and varied disasters of Tacos' life weren't fodder for friendly ridicule from his fellow CHAOS members, after all.
To his credit, as pissed (pun absolutely intended) as he was, even the butt of the joke looked moderately amused. Leaning heavily on his boss's shoulder, Taichi was clearly fighting not to ruin his glower with a smile. "Tanahashi told her to do that," he insisted. "Somehow, he told her."
"Hey, she doesn't understand anything I say yet," Tana assured him. He set the wiggling bundle of fur back down on the sidewalk. "Not even her name. Hana: sit!" he said encouragingly.
All four men watched with keen interest as Hana waddled around in a broad circle, stumbled over her own leash, and wandered off the path to play with a cluster of dandelions.
"See?"
Suzuki clapped Taichi roughly on the back, and bent to retrieve his crutch before it, too, suffered an unfortunate baptism. "There you have it," he said, shoving it back under his lieutenant's arm. "The dog's as stupid as he is."
"She is not!"
"He's right, boss - she's definitely a little brighter," Taichi snickered.
"I'd say it's about even," Shinsuke volunteered, hoping it didn't sound too fond. He rarely got the chance to tease Tana in this context, where someone else already had a head start.
"Anyway," his husband said firmly, "we need to be getting home; Hana's getting sleepy, and she has a new cushion to try out."
"I thought that bag looked too big to just be chicken!" he exclaimed, looking accusingly at the only one Tana'd come out with himself. There wasn't a trace of guilt on his handsome face, either.
"One for upstairs, one for downstairs. Variety is the spice of life, swee-- uh, Nakamura."
"The owner does turn up, they better have a big car," Suzuki cut in smoothly, covering for the fumble before Taichi could get suspicious again. "to haul away all the crap you bought her. We'll leave you dumbasses to your interior decorating."
"...Right," Tana managed weakly. It was hard to say if he sounded grateful for the save, or only for the fact that they were leaving; probably both, Shinsuke thought. He nodded to Suzuki, whose parting sneer was mirrored impressively by his underling; it admittedly took a measure of talent to sneer contemptuously while hobbling on crutches in a cast covered in dog urine.
"Come on, Hana!" said his husband, the eternal optimist, tugging on the pink leash. "Time to go home!"
"That genius, and now a yappy little mutt," he could hear Suzuki mutter behind them, as Tana sighed at the blank look he was getting and picked the puppy up again. "I shoulda bought a house in Hokkaido."