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The first time Bede remembered feeling uneasy towards his body was when he was five.
There could have been times before that where he felt like something was wrong, that he shouldn't be in this body. But his earliest memory was looking towards a young boy dressed in a suit. Bede's parents had taken him to some relative he no longer remembered's wedding. He remembered thinking that the suit was fancy, and that he hated the dress he was forced to wear at that moment. Bede had already made a fuss about dressing up, so he stayed quiet about his envy. He didn't want to hear his parent's stern voices telling him to shut up and suck it up again that day. Many adults had come up to him that day. You're so cute! they had said. You will be such a pretty young woman. He had hated that, too.
Bede was around eleven when he had learned what transgender meant. He instantly looked into it more, shocked at how closely some of the explanations mimicked his own life and feelings. But of course he was just overthinking things, right? It sounded completely silly, and far too confusing to the young 'girl'. But then, why did he feel these ways about himself?
Bede had just turned 14 when he decided to come out to his parents. He had finally accepted that he didn't identify with the gender he was born with after so long of denying it and feeling horrible about it alone. He was absolutely terrified, his parents had always been harsh and he wasn't quite sure on their views with these matters. However he knew they loved him, so he decided to go through it anyways.
It had gone well at first. Bede decided to kill two birds with one stone and tell his Mother and Father at once. His mother was confused, and his father was silent, they wanted to know more, but the more he explained himself the more hateful and hurt their expressions became. He could still remember the panic he felt when his Father started yelling at him, it welled up inside him like a tsunami, tears pricking at his eyes and body posture shrinking. His father had told him such horrible things he wished he could forget that day, but it would probably be something that stayed with him forever. His mother stayed silent, her expression somewhere between sad and disgusted. Sometimes Bede thinks that hurt more.
His father had told him that Bede best stop having these gross fantasies about himself, or else he could hit the curve. He went to his room and cried for hours, his lungs burned and his eyes where puffy by the time he stopped. He decided that night he would leave. He cut his hair, stole his mother's far too over-sized jacket, took some money and bought the first morning ticket out of this hell hole of a town where too many people knew him. He decided he would keep his name, it probably wasn't a very good idea for distancing himself from his parents, but that was the only thing he liked about himself for a long time. His parents never seemed to look for him, anyways. maybe they thought he would come crying back to them, saying how right they where. maybe they just didn't even care.
Bede had lived in an orphanage for about four months. The people who ran the place tried to find out who he was and where he came from, but he never talked and their searches proved fruitless. Bede was very surprised to see that most people automatically assumed he was a boy, albeit a feminine one. Even people who called him by the wrong pronouns at first had apologized once he corrected them. He even remembered a time when someone admitted they where not sure of his gender for a long time, this at first made him a bit paranoid, but he calmed down soon after. It seemed nobody had any idea, and he absolutely adored that fact.
Paranoia never escaped Bede though. He wore the same over-sized magenta jacket constantly, worried about his voice at times, and made sure his hair never got too long. It got so bad that he had made a plan to run away from the orphanage, scared that people would find his well guarded secret. But before he could, he met the man that would jump-start his life into a new direction. Chairman Rose himself.
For whatever reason Rose had seen potential in Bede. Rose had decided to take Bede in, however he was never officially adopted by the man. Bede didn't know the legalities behind it, but honestly didn't care, he didn't want any family anyways.
Bede was gifted a young solosis and began training. He was to enter the gym challenge and on his journey would search for Wishing Stars for the chairman. Rose had made sure to let Bede know he was counting on him, and that these stars where very important. Bede made it his goal to not let the chairman down, he was chosen by the most popular man in the region, despite his unknown past. So he would be the best, he would not let anyone get in his way.
As the universe would have it, he failed. He let the chairman down, and was disqualified from the challenge. At first he was angry at the trainer who beat him. Gloria was her name, and he absolutely hated her at that moment. Then the chairman had told Bede he was going to cut off his money supply, he could have a single additional weeks stay at the closest hotel, but after that he would no longer be paying for Bede. Bede was sad, angry, and scared all at once when he heard this news. He had done everything for the chairman since meeting him, he had been trying to help him, yet this is what happens? Hasn't life been hard enough on him?
He had run into Gloria a few days after the incident with the monument. He didn't hate her nearly as much as he did when she beat him at that time, but he was still bitter and resentful. It was her fault, if she hadn't interrupted him then they would have seen the statues hidden behind the monument sooner, and Bede could have been praised instead of punished. But then he met her. The old fairy gym leader, Opal, had come running at him, getting into his personal space and yelling something about being pink and misguided, he thinks that was the most uncomfortable hes ever felt in his life. well, maybe second to you-know-what from his past.
She had mentioned something about helping him and despite the uncomfortableness, he went with her. he felt as though he didn't have any options left.
Opal had kicked his life into a new direction, but into a far better direction than Rose ever had. Months gone by and a new champion later, Bede was now the new fairy gym leader. Opal had still mostly handled the quiz and technical section of the gym, but the battles where all Bede. He was easily one of the most challenging gym leaders to get through, and no one was any the wiser to his identity.
Now he sat in the changing room, trying to reflect over the matches he had today. only one person was able to beat him out of all the challengers, and they had used almost exclusively poison type Pokemon. Bede wasn't going over his defeat too much though, something else was distracting him.
The tight piece of cloth around his chest was crushing him, it was hard to breath and it had tired him out fast. when he originally was told he must wear the fairy outfit to battles, interviews, and photo shoots, he was instantly scared of how close the clothes touched his body. Up until this point he hadn't worried about appearing too feminine with his body type or chest, he always wore his huge jacket anyways. But he wouldn't be able to hide behind that anymore, and he was not going to risk the truth coming out and Opal kicking him out.
So he had taken a flying taxi a few days later and met someone in one of the obscure areas of Motostoke and bought a cheap chest binder. He had told the woman that he was buying it from it was for a friend of his. He wasn't sure if she believed him but no rumors or questions had come Bede's way, so he tried not to worry about it.
The binder was far too tight and uncomfortable, and Bede had never worn it this long before. He had a large photoshoot for a magazine as well as his matches today, so he had worn the fairy outfit and binder for longer than he should have. In the middle of the matches he was able to ignore the pain, breathing issues, and dizziness that came his way. But now he was alone and the only thing he could focus on was how utterly horrible he felt.
He had just reached the bottom of his shirt to pull it over his head and change when a knock at the door startled him. "Y-yes?" he stammered out, he hated that he stuttered and was unable to control the shakiness in his voice. "Im coming in child! You'd best be decent by now" It was Opal who had said this, Bede had barely been able to mutter out a soft ‘ok’ before she opened the door and shuffled in slowly. She was wearing her usual fairy outift, even after all these months of Bede being the gym leader she was still proud of her colors, Bede could respect that from her.
"You did well against those poison types, I most likely would have lost way before you did." she said, Bede gave a small sly smile at that, sweat running down his forehead. "I should have been able to beat them, especially with how careless and I-idiotic they where at times. If I chose different moves then maybe..." He tried his best to make sure his voice didn't sound strained, cringing a bit at how he failed. he wanted nothing more than to claw his way out of these clothes and hide behind his jacket. "Battling against poison types is hard, let alone six of them! Honestly boy you need to be less hard on yourself, haven't I taught you that much at least over this past year?" She exclaimed, sighing after. “Yes, Opal." Bede replied. he was feeling way too horrible to defend his pride right now, something almost unheard of from the young fairy trainer.
"Are you alright Bede? Goodness, you look like you're the one who should be retiring" Opal jokingly asked him. Despite the joke it was clear she was concered, Bede was known for being hardy and resilient, he had not been sick or totally exhausted once since he got here. Bede, however, felt like he was about to pass out. "I- I don-t" He barely was able to stammer out the words before he fell from the bench and began to fall, he was able to catch himself with his hands so he did not completely crash down onto the floor.
"Bede!" Opal had yelled, moving her fastest to walk over to where the boy lay on the floor, dropping her umbrella in the moment. Before she could kneel down to check on him, he reached under his shirt, ripped some light grey apparel from his body, the sound of torn fabric loud, and thrown it across the changing room. He began gasping, and only then did Opal realize how shallow his breaths where before.
"Bede, are you-" Opal had started, but he had interrupted her before she could finish. "D-don't say anything!" Bede yelled as he shifted his body to sit up onto the floor, he would regret being so loud later, but right now he was panicking. His breaths where wild with panting, sweat ran down his face, he was shaking and he looked absolutely horrified at what he had just done.
So Opal didnt say anything, instead moving a step back from Bede and looking at what he had torn from his body. She may be old, but after a second she was able to tell what it was, and she definitely knew what it was used for. "Oh Bede... Why didn't you let me know?" She had said softly, sympathy filling her eyes.
Tears began to prick at Bede's eyes and fall slowly down his face, his expression only grew with more fear and worry as he brought one of his hands up and began rubbing his eyes . "P-Please don't make me leave. Im sorry, but I-Im not-" Opal started to cut him off, she couldn't stand seeing him like this. what had made him so scared to be open about who he was? "Bede, my dear child, don't be sorry for who you are." Bede moved his hand from his face, his eyes where already red and his throat hoarse. "w-what?"
"You'll always be the pink boy I found and made a proper gym leader out of, nothing can change that." Her voice was soft, and despite how upset she was that someone most likely made Bede feel horrible for this, she gave him a small smile. "But I-" He cut himself off with a sob, Arceus, he must look pathetic right now.
"No buts now, I won't make you tell anyone you dont want knowing about this, but I am buying you a better binder! you worried me there, child." Bede could not believe what he was hearing. He thought if Opal knew about this, she would cast him out, expose him to the other gym leaders, and he'd be the new freakshow of Galar. But this? He couldn't stop himself as he began to cry more. Not only had she accepted him, but she would really support him like that? was this a dream? He began to shakily stand up, groaning and flinching at the pain he still felt. definitely not a dream. "Opal... Tha-nk you..." He said, his emotions where confusing and jumbled, and his face began to flush with embarrassment.
He may not have wanted any kind of family for a while, but he was glad with the one he had at the moment