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Geonhak sighs as Youngjo cuts himself in a page of one of his textbooks, hissing in pain.
The young human has been stuck with his nose in his textbooks, trying to cram whole pages of information into his head one week before the exam. There was nothing his guardian angel could do about that, since it was a completely conscious decision Youngjo had made. But it still made Geonhak feel bad for the student nonetheless, although he didn't understand why humans liked to purposely bring misery upon themselves.
Geonhak has been assigned to watch over the human named Kim Youngjo when he was only three years old. He'd made sure to keep bad dreams away from the small child, blessing him with dreams about toys and animals and everything else little kids liked. He'd kept him away from major accidents and illnesses, making sure no misfortune fell upon him.
The angel had watched Youngjo grow up into the young man he was today, 24, in college, and with a bright future ahead of him.
Angels didn't have feelings, especially not towards their humans. Showing emotion was frowned upon in Heaven and seen as a weakness, since it doesn’t allow you complete impartiality towards the fate of your human. And yet, Geonhak caught himself smiling as he watched Youngjo go about his day, or noticed how he shielded him from more hardships than he perhaps should have.
Frankly, these feelings scared him. But he wasn't scared for himself, oh no, he was scared that they would assign a different angel for Youngjo, who wouldn't take as much care of him as Geonhak does. What if the new angel lets him fall sick? Or worse, bestows misfortune upon him on purpose, since Youngjo has lived such a peaceful life until now? One of the duties of a guardian angel wasn't just to protect, but also to bring balance in people's lives.
Geonhak's golden eyes return to their natural dark brown color, bringing him back to his own reality - Heaven.
"Guardian angel duties?" A voice behind him says. Geonhak turns around to see one of his brothers - Keonhee - standing there.
The guardian angel sighs again, remembering the way Youngjo's brows furrowed in concentration.
"Yes. My human doesn't know how to manage his time."
"Maybe you should appear in his dreams and scold him, then."
Keonhee has a knowing smirk on his face, being the one closest to Geonhak and who therefore knew most about his current internal struggles.
"That wouldn't be wise," Geonhak replies.
The idea sounded tempting, since it would be the first time he showed himself to Youngjo. The chance to interact directly with him made something tighten in Geonhak's chest.
As much as he knew he shouldn't, curiosity gets the better of him and he still ends up showing himself to Youngjo in his dream that night. His eyes flash gold again and he lets his astral projection be guided by Youngjo's presence on Earth and into a corner of the human's mind
Youngjo's dream doesn't have a coherence or a shape right now, it's just a series of random images he's seen during his life, and Geonhak recognizes every single one of them.
He uses his angelic power to create a plain white setting, bright and warm, much like Heaven. Youngjo stands there in the middle of it, looking around in awe.
"Who are you?" He asks, and Geonhak hesitates.
"You'll find out when the time is right. For now, I am here to warn you."
Youngjo looks scared for a second, not knowing what to expect from the mysterious stranger.
"You should use your time more wisely, Kim Youngjo."
The angel never thought the day when he'd call out Youngjo's name would come. He'd always thought he was going to watch from a distance as Youngjo's life unfolds before his eyes.
"Is something going to happen to me?"
Geonhak feels bad for saying something so ominous. He really should have ignored Keonhee. He's seen Youngjo's future. Nothing bad will happen to him, Geonhak will make sure of it. Not even his exam will prove to be a threat to his future, Youngjo will ace it.
"That is all I am going to say."
And with that, the angel disappears, before he says more things that he shouldn't.
***
Geonhak checks on Youngjo the next day, and his heart sinks. The human has been worrying thinking about the warning he received in his dream from the angel, wondering if he should take it seriously.
It makes the angel feel guilty, knowing he is the cause for Youngjo's anxiety.
He decides to appear in his dream again tonight, just so he can clear this misunderstanding and reassure his human that nothing bad will happen to him. The happiness he feels at the thought of meeting Youngjo again only brings the angel more guilt. He is torn between these two emotions, emotions that he shouldn't even be feeling at all in the first place.
They meet in the same place that night, and Geonhak feels the same familiar tightening in his chest at the sight of his human.
"It's you again."
Youngjo's tone is cautious. It stings.
"Yes. I have come," Geonhak trails off, trying to pick his next words carefully. "To apologize for scaring you. I did not mean anything bad by my warning. It was just a piece of advice."
Youngjo finally smiles, he smiles at Geonhak , and if angels breathed, Geonhak's breathing would've stopped right then.
"You're an angel, aren't you? You're too beautiful to be human. And you have, you know, wings. "
Geonhak ignores the fluttering in his chest Youngjo calling him beautiful causes. This is just a dream for him, he tells himself.
"Maybe," is all that he says.
"Can I know your name at least?" Youngjo's voice is full of curiosity and child-like innocence.
That's something Youngjo shouldn't know, no matter how much the angel would love to hear him say his name. Spending time with Youngjo even in a dream is making him crave more and more forbidden things. He wonders what it'd be like to touch and embrace him, what he’d smell like if Geonhak were to tuck his face into the crook of Youngjo’s neck.
No. These feelings are wrong. He should leave before there's no more going back.
"I'm sorry. I have to leave."
"Wait, no!"
The last image Geonhak sees is Youngjo calling out to him and asking him to stay longer, a crestfallen expression on his face.
***
Stopping himself from craving more time together with Youngjo is hard. The human makes it even harder for Geonhak since he won't cease to think about the "beautiful angel with blonde hair and porcelain skin" he keeps seeing in his dreams.
Geonhak's feelings are getting stronger and more difficult to control. He's becoming greedy. What would his brothers and sisters say if they saw him nurturing these feelings worthy of Lucifer himself? What would Father say? Would He banish Geonhak just like Lucifer was banished?
He is starting to hate his angelic self, wishing he was human. Angels do have the ability to possess humans and live on Earth, but would that be enough? Geonhak would still be immortal. What will he do when Youngjo will age and pass away while he stays the same? Would life even be worth living without Youngjo?
The answer shouldn't come to Geonhak as easily as it does.
***
As more days pass by, Geonhak becomes plagued by an idea.
Images of a life spent on Earth with Youngjo keep flashing through his mind. He sees himself holding Youngjo's hand. He sees kisses and hugs. He sees lazy days where they hang around at home - their home - cooking and watching movies. He sees quarrels, hardships and difficulties, but they all pass in the end. He sees the two of them, old and wrinkly, but still together.
And he knows just how to make all these images come true.
He will run away from Heaven. Leave behind his life as an angel, his powers, his memories. He will become human and spend the rest of his life by Youngjo's side, just the way he so desperately wishes.
He asks Keonhee to take care of them both, and then he disappears, leaving his identity as Geonhak the Angel in the past.
***
Youngjo can't believe his eyes. He has to blink twice to make sure his eyes aren't playing tricks on him.
He swears the person sitting at the table across from him in the library is the angel from his dream. They look exactly the same: blonde hair, broad shoulders, and those cute pouty lips.
Youngjo gets up from his seat and hurries towards the stranger. He needs to make sure he's real and not just a figment of Youngjo's imagination that will disappear when he closes his eyes.
"Hi. Um, I couldn't help but notice you, you have a great body-"
Youngjo mentally kicks himself. Filter, Youngjo, use it. "I-I mean, you must work out, right? What gym do you go to?"
The stranger giggles shyly at the way Youngjo is stuttering, and it's the most beautiful sound Youngjo has ever heard.
"I'm Youngjo. What's your name?"
"Geonhak," he smiles.