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Saira Bellum usually spent her free time working on one of her many inventions or watching cat videos on the internet. Normally, she enjoyed these pastimes, but today they seemed a bit boring. For once, she had actually managed to finish all of the various projects she had started, and at this point, she had seen pretty much every video of cats playing instruments that the internet had to offer.
With the exception of one particularly stupid operative shooting a hole in his foot while trying to see if his steel-toed boots were bulletproof, nothing exciting had happened in quite a while. There had been no news about Carmen Sandiego in over a week, as all recent assignments had gone off without a hitch, and island life was starting to become stale. If nothing interesting happened soon, Dr. Bellum was going to snap.
Suddenly, an idea hit her. If there wasn’t anything particularly interesting going on, why not create a little drama of her own and watch in ensuing fireworks? The only issue was figuring out how she would stir up drama.
A rumor involving operatives was always fun, but it usually got dispelled too quickly for any drama to come from it. Either the operative wouldn’t be popular enough for more than a few others to care, and the rumor would be soon forgotten, or if said operative was popular enough for people to actually care, other operatives would quickly get together and find out if the rumor was true or not. Either way, the entertainment value was never worth the amount of work.
Starting a rumor about another Head Faculty member would really create a stir, but Dr. Bellum knew that if she went through with it and got caught, she could actually lose her position as Head Faculty. In order to maximize the entertainment value and minimize the risk she decided to spread a rumor about herself.
In order for the rumor to actually spread, she had to come up with something that was juicy, but still believable. It had to be something that would get people talking, but not extreme enough for them to know it was fake. After much debating, she finally decided that a rumor centering around her being pregnant would work the best.
In reality, Dr. Bellum was a lesbian, not to mention infertile from an experiment gone wrong a few years back. While she liked to believe her sexuality was obvious, she also knew that a good enough rumor could change the way people thought about something. As for the issue of her being infertile, not many people, including most if not all of the head faculty, knew about it, and they would have no reason to suspect that she was unless she said something.
The next morning, while breakfast was being served, Dr. Bellum made sure to take extra food before making her way back to her living quarters.
“Saira, you must be really hungry this morning; I’ve never seen you take that amount of food before.” Countess Cleo commented.
“Well, Cleo, I am eating for two.” She replied, leaving the Countess speechless.
When it came to spreading a rumor, subtly was key. Dr. Bellum couldn’t just outright tell people she was pregnant, no that wouldn’t be interesting and would probably cause the rumor the fall apart. Instead, she would simply lead others on and allow the rumor to grow on its own.
After eating more than she normally would in one meal, Dr. Bellum was feeling a bit ill. Normally, feeling the effects of overeating would be a pain, but she quickly realized that she could use it to her advantage.
Dr. Bellum called up Coach Brunt on her communicator.
“Saira, you know I don’t like to be disturbed during my morning run.” Said Brunt. “Whatever you’re calling me for, it better be important.”
“Oh, it is.” Replied Dr. Bellum. “You see, Coach, for the last month or so, I have been feeling a bit sick in the mornings. Normally, I can manage it, but today it is worse than before, and I am certain I will vomit. Can you please leave a note on the door of my classroom telling my students that class is canceled? I am usually better by the afternoon and will resume teaching then.”
“Of course.” Replied the other woman. “Being sick in the mornings doesn’t that usually only happen to-“
Before she could finish her sentence, Dr. Bellum ended the call, holding back her excitement until she had done so. Everything was going according to plan.
By the afternoon, the rumors had spread to the students and the operatives. Dr. Bellum could hear whispers about her in the hall and knew her plan was working. Within just a day or so, the entire island would erupt into chaos, providing her with the excitement she craved.
Meanwhile, a group of operatives found themselves discussing the rumor going around.
“So, ya guys think Bellum is really pregnant?” Gray asked the group.
“I’m pretty sure she’s a lesbian.” Replied Sheena. “The whole pregnancy thing is probably a prank.”
“Why would she be pulling a prank now?” Antonio wondered out loud. “It is not April fools; it is November.”
“We do not know for certain that Dr. Bellum is a lesbian.” Added Jean-Paul. “She has never told us; she could be a bisexual, or as unlikely as it sounds, a heterosexual.”
Sheena shrugged. “Yeah, I still think it’s a joke.”
Gray stared at her. “Wanna bet? Loser has to do whatever the winner tells them for an entire week.”
“You’re on!”
In order to try and settle their bet as soon as possible, Grey and Sheena sought out somebody who might know a thing or two about it: Neal the Eel. Neal liked to sneak around in the vents and spy on other operatives and faculty alike, so it was very possible that he had overheard something of interest.
“Hey, Slimeball, we need to ask you something.” Said Sheena.
“A little advice for ya, love; if you want somebody to do something for you its best not to start out by insulting them.” Replied the Kiwi. “Anyways, what would you like to ask me?”
“You’re always in the vents, correct?” Ask Sheena. “We’d like to know if you’ve overhead anything of interest about what everyone’s talking about.”
“Heard it? I saw the whole thing.” He chuckled. “First that little psycho from the year after yours decides to wonder out loud in front of Moose Boy if steal toed boots were bulletproof, knowing full well that he would try it after she left. So, of course, the second she’s out of sight, the fuckwit takes out his gun, and fires it right into his own foot. That went as well as you would imagine.
“And, of course, the first thing he does when he realizes he put a hole in his bloody foot is call Otter Man over to see. Otter Man-I don’t know how that bloke has survived in VILE this long-takes one look at it, and passes out, hitting his head on the way down. Moose Boy seems to forget about the huge hole in his foot, and picks up Otter Man, who’s now unconscious and bleeding as well.
“He runs in to the infirmary, leaving a trail of blood behind him. The first person who sees them is Dr. Vess, and when he asked what happened, Moose Boy tells him that Otter Man passed out and hit his head. The dumbass doesn’t remember that he shot a hole in his foot until Vess asks him why Otter Man passed out. Those two blokes were in my year, and sometimes it’s a wonder that they even graduated in the first place.”
By the time Neal was finished recanting the tale, he was almost in tears from laughing.
Sheena rolled her eyes. “No, you dumbass; I was talking about the rumor that Dr. Bellum is pregnant. Have you overheard anything about that?”
He shook his head. “Sorry, love, can’t say I have any details that you don’t already know. But if we were to hack into the VILE medical records, however, we could find out anything we wanted about Dr. Bellum and her supposed pregnancy.”
“You know how to hack, right?” Asked Gray. “Can you hack into the medical records for us? We need to settle a little bet we made.”
“Of course not, love; I only know the basics of hacking, and the VILE medical records are far outside my abilities.” Neal chuckled. “Fortunately for you two, my old pal Data is one of the best hackers in this entire organization, and for her, hacking into them would be a piece of piss. She may even have admin access to them already. Let me just call her up and see if she’s not busy.”
Neal typed a number into his communicator before speaking into it. “Kia Ora, Heidi, how’s it going with you?”
“What do you want?” Was the response.
“Why do you think I want something?” He asked. “Maybe I just wanted to call up an old friend and see how she’s doing?”
“Because you only call me when you need something. I am a very busy person; skip the formalities. What do you want?”
“If you’re not too busy, would you hack into the VILE medical records for us?” He asked. “You see there’s a rumor that-“
She cut him off. “What’s in it for me?”
“Nothing really, but since we’re friends, I thought you would be willing to help me.” He told her.
“Nein, we are not friends.” She told him. “We were roommates back at the academy, but now you only call me when you need something. I consider you to be just an acquaintance. Auf Wiedersehen.”
She hung up without another word.
Neal shrugged. “I tried, love; some people just can’t be reasoned with.”
It wasn’t just the operatives who were worried about Dr. Bellum possibly being pregnant; Countess Cleo and Coach Brunt found themselves panicking about the mater as well.
“Right now, Saira can be a little much, but imagine what she would be like with pregnancy hormones.” Said the Countess. “If she actually is pregnant, we’re doomed.”
“I don’t know about you, but I’m more concerned about who the father is.” Replied Brunt. “Safe for the male operatives, the only men she spends time around are Shadow-San and Professor Maelstrom, meaning one of them would likely be the father. My money’s on Maelstrom. He’s such a creep!”
“I always thought Saira was a lesbian.” Said Cleo. “But I see that relationship existing, despite how gross it would be.”
The next day, Professor Maelstrom approached Dr. Bellum while she was working in her lab.
“Saira I have a matter I would like to discuss with you.” He told her.
“Make it quick; I am very busy.”
“There has been a rumor going around that you are pregnant, and I am the father.” Said Professor Maelstrom. “Why would this be?”
“Because I was bored and spread a rumor that I was pregnant.” She told him. “I do not know where the part about you being the father came from.”
“You know they’re going to find out sooner or later. After all, you are infertile from that experiment you messed up a few years back. They’re going to find out about your lies sooner or later.”
She shrugged. “I know that, but for now we can sit back and watch the chaos unfold.”
Maelstrom gave a nod. He enjoyed drama as much as she did.
It wasn’t until a few days later when Countess Cleo and Coach Brunt decided to finally get a clear answer about if Dr. Bellum was pregnant or not. The knew that they couldn’t ask her and get a straight answer, so they headed to the infirmary, knowing that if she actually was pregnant, the VILE medical staff would know.
Dr. Vess didn’t appear to be doing anything at the moment, so they decided to inquire with him.
“Dr. Vess, we would like to ask you something about Saira Bellum.” Said Countess Cleo. “There’s something we need to have cleared up.”
The doctor sighed. “Cut to the chase; I am a very busy man.”
“Is Saira pregnant?” Ask Coach Brunt.
Dr. Vess shook his head. “Of course not, and she will never be. Thanks to one of her little experiments a few years back, her uterus is non-functional; she does not even menstruate. If you have no further questions, please leave my presence.”
Countess Cleo and Coach Brunt looked at each other. Dr. Bellum had got them again.
Neal, having been in the vent above the infirmary at the time, was able to relay the story to the rest of the operatives. Almost everyone was relieved by this news, except for Gray, knowing Sheena would be in charge of his every move for the next week.