Chapter Text
It’s not like Ryan never expected this might happen. Him and Shane were colleagues and best friends. They spent so much time together, they might as well have been an old married couple. They did argue like one either way.
Recently tho, Ryan has caught himself thinking more about Shane than usual. He’d always sneak into his train of thought somehow. When he’s ordering dinner, he’ll catch himself thinking ‘wonder what Shane’s eating for dinner?’ Or when they’re doing a shoot, he’d suddenly be focusing more on how Shane has let his hair grow out more than usual, than the fact they’re standing in a haunted building.
Even now, as he’s lying in his bed attempting to sleep, all of this is going through his head. By now he’d realized, he had a crush on Shane fucking Madej. He covered his face with his hands as he let out a groan in frustration. This could end up complicated real quick. He just simply couldn’t help it.
When Ryans alarm went off, he wanted to jump into the sea. He hadn’t gotten much sleep. His head had been swarming with thoughts all night. Thoughts about Shane. Shane. Ugh he just couldn't get him out of his head. How he’d started being very aware of Shane’s every touch. How he’d realized how much he valued Shane’s opinion over anyone else's. Shane who had calmed him down numerous times when he was on the edge of a breakdown on a haunted location. He was very slow that morning. Practically dragging himself out of bed. He only made it to work in the nick of time.
As he slipped into his chair next to Shane, He turned to look at Ryan.
“Someone didn’t get much sleep, huh?” He grinned at Ryan. Despite Ryan’s immense exhaustion, he couldn't help but feel a warmth in his chest when seeing Shane smile at him.
Ryan let out a half-laugh-half-sigh noise. “Is it that obvious?”
“Yeah you look dead buddy.” Shane chuckled. “Here, i think you need this more than i do.” Shane pushed his coffee closer to Ryan. He took the coffee in his hand, his fingertips briefly brushing the back of Shane’s hand as he retreated it.
“Thank you.” Ryan took a sip of the coffee. Shane liked his coffee more bitter than Ryan, but as Shane said, Ryan really needed it. Besides it was Shane’s, which somehow made it taste better to Ryan despite it’s bitterness. They both turned back to their computers and got to work. Ryan occasionally sneaking a glance at Shane. He felt an unpleasant knot forming in his stomach, he couldn't quite make out what it was. Guilt? Shame? longing? Fear? Maybe a mix of all of the above. All he knew was that it was definitely connected to his new found feelings for his tall counterpart.
Ryan was working on the script for their next unsolved video, or trying to at least. He kept getting distracted, his thoughts trailing off. For several minutes at a time he’d just be staring blankly at his screen, thinking of something else, someone else. It was hard not to, considering that someone was sitting right next to him. Due to this, the day felt 3 times longer than usual, but he also felt as if he’d only gotten in half the work.
Even though it was early to drink, Ryan decided to go to a bar not far from his apartment building after work. He needed something to take his mind off-- everything.
“Hey there handsome, rough day?”
Ryan looked up, searching for the source of the voice. It came from a tall blonde man (He looked almost as tall as Shane, Ryan thought) that was slipping into the chair next to Ryan with a smile. Ryan felt a blush creep up his neck under the gaze of the man's intense blue eyes.
“How can you tell?” Ryan laughed nervously and avoided looking in the man's piercing gaze.
“Don’t get me wrong, you look wonderful. But i figured since you’ve come to drink this early.”
The man ordered a drink for himself. Ryan felt his cheeks heat up. He wasn't sure what to say, he’d never been great at taking compliments, especially not from strangers. But before he could get a word in, the man continued.
“Oh i'm David btw” He held his hand out for a handshake. Ryan took it.
“I’m Ryan. Nice to meet you.”
“So what caused a pretty boy like you to have a rough day?” He was laying it on thick. Jesus.
“I, um, just a lot of work to get done.” Ryan lied looking away from David, at his drink shyly. He figured it wasn’t a great time to mention he’d been distracted by the crush he has on his best friend all day. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the blonde man sporting an amused grin on his face. Clearly enjoying seeing Ryan shy and blushy. That only served to make Ryan’s blush even darker and more prominent.
He felt David’s fingers caressing his jaw and looked up at him. He was looking at Ryan's lips with a darkness behind his piercing blue eyes. “Mmm, i see” his voice sounded dark and rough. Ryan let out a small noise in surprise when he suddenly felt the tall man’s other hand roaming up his left thigh. “W-what are you-?” Ryan breathed out flustered, he could barely hear it himself, and he thought David must not have heard it when he ignored it and simple continued the conversation, his hand still on Ryans thigh.
“Where do you work beautiful?” He asked, his hand slowly inching further up Ryans thigh. Ryan shifted uncomfortably in his seat. This guy sure was handsy considering they just met like literally 5 minutes ago, Ryan thought.
“um- i work at buzzfeed. i um- i host a show called buzzfeed unsolved along with my best friend Shane.” Ryan tried to move back in his seat to get David’s hand off his thigh, but David didn't move his hand away. Instead he just a leaned a little further into Ryans space.
“Buzzfeed huh? I think i know where that office is. Not too far from here right?” David said, ignoring Ryan’s clear uncomfortableness.
“uh yeah, um- listen i better head home, i uh-” Ryan stammered, trying to come up with an excuse.
“I’ll walk you out,” David interrupted, standing up. Ryan stood up next to David, and it came apparent how much taller than Ryan he was. But not as much taller as Shane was. David put a hand on Ryan's back, a little too low for Ryan’s liking, as they walked to the door.
“I-it was nice meeting you, David.” Ryan said once they were standing on the sidewalk outside the bar. He held out his hand for a handshake, but David ignored it and wrapped his arms around Ryan. Ryan felt the tall man's hand sliding dangerously low on his back. He didn’t feel warm in the nice, comforting way Shane did. Instead he just felt sticky and sweaty, like wearing a thick hoodie on a hot summer day.
“I’ll see you around handsome.” David whispered in his ear, as they parted. He felt Davis gaze on his back as turned and walked away.
As soon as Ryan was sure David couldn't see him anymore, he ran the rest of the way to his apartment.
Well that was unpleasant, Ryan thought as he unlocked the door to his apartment. He made a mental note to never visit that bar alone again.
“Hey is that guy new? i haven’t seen him before.” Shane said, looking over at the entrance to their office. Ryan looked up from his computer, and his heart sank when he recognised the tall blonde man.
“Oh god, i told him where i work.” Ryan mumbled when it struck him. Shit. He’d made a huge mistake. What was he thinking when he told that guy where he worked?! Shane looked at him with a confused look, but before he could question what Ryan meant, The blonde man had spotted Ryan and was already at his desk.
“David? W-what the hell?” Ryan sputtered, David just smiled down at him.
“Hi beautiful. I figured since i never got your number but i knew where you worked, i’d just stop by to say hi. I just couldn’t let such a pretty boy escape so easily.”
Ryan felt a shiver run down his spine. He did not like the way David worded that. As if Shane could sense his discomfort, he put a hand on Ryan's tensed up shoulder and interjected. “Hey, im Shane.” He held out his other hand for a handshake.
“Oh, hi, Shane, i think Ryan spoke of you yesterday. Right darling?” David smiled at Ryan as he shook Shanes hand.
“U-um, yes, uh i did.” Ryan nodded, noticing he’d unconsciously leaned further away from David and closer to Shane. His brain was working at high speeds attempting to come up with a way to get David to leave and never come back.
“Im David.” He looked back up at Shane. “I met Ryan at a bar yesterday.”
“Nice to meet you David.” Shane’s voice sounded harsher than normal and his smile looked forced. “Listen, Ryan and i have to go film some stuff for an episode now. Sorry.” Shane stood up and gestured for Ryan to do the same. Ryan quickly scrambled to his feet, and thanked whatever gods had created Shane and his cool convincing aura.
“Oh, that's alright. See you around then handsome” David winked at Ryan as Shane dragged him away.
Shane dragged Ryan to an empty break room. He gave Ryan a look he couldn't quite decipher. A mix between worry and anger. Ryan felt himself shrink under it, like a child about to get scolded for breaking the rules.
“What the hell were you thinking Ryan? Telling some random guy you just met at a bar where you work?!”
Ryan was looking everywhere but Shanes eyes, in the end he settled on gazing down at his hands fidgeting.
“I-” Ryan inhaled sharply. “I didn’t mean to. I didn't even realize what i did until just now.”
He could hear Shane sigh somewhere above him, but he kept his eyes low. He felt both of Shanes hands on his shoulder. The warmth of his palms seeping through Ryans shirt. He looked up and met Shane’s eyes. They were soft but tinged with concern. it made something in Ryans stomach move. Guilt. But at the same time a warm feeling of being cared for.
“Ryan, you-” Shane took one hand off Ryans shoulder to pinch the bridge off his nose. He sighed again. “I don't think you should go to that bar again.” Ryan nodded.
“I wasn’t planning to either,” he laughed nervously.
“To be honest, Ry, i don't really feel comfortable letting you go home alone after work today, with that guy roaming around.” Ryan felt his heart warming in his chest and butterflies awaken in his stomach. Shane really cared a lot for him.
“Maybe come home with me? Just for today?” Shane suggested with a smile, as he tousled Ryan's hair. Ryan Smiled back up at him. “Sure big guy.”
“Alright, we better get back to work now.”
Shane took his hands off Ryans shoulder, and Ryan found himself immediately missing the warmth of his touch. He followed Shane back to their desk walking behind him.
Ryan had lost all focus once again. He kept thinking about him going home with Shane after work, which was strange considering they’d stayed at each other's houses countless times, usually binge watching movies while eating (proper) popcorn (not that microwave bullshit others considered popcorn.) But this felt different to Ryan. Maybe because he’d just realized he had a lot of feelings for Shane that weren’t exactly just friendly. Or maybe it was because Shane was doing this to protect Ryan. Either way it was all he could think about, which is immensely impractical when you're trying to focus on work.
After what felt like an eternity, Ryan and Shane were finally packing up their stuff to go to Shane’s. They both seemed to realize they had driven in seperate cars to work at the same time as they started to speak in unison,
“Oh, I can drive you-”
“I can just drive-”
They both started laughing, and Ryan gestured for Shane to speak first.
“I’ll drive you to mine now, and then to work tomorrow, so you can just let your car be here.”
“Okay, that sounds good.” Ryan smiled up at Shane, internally panicking realizing how much one on one time him and Shane were going to spend together in the midst of his gay panic-
O h
He hadn’t realized until just now. Shane was a guy. Ryan was crushing on a guy and-
A wave of realization hit Ryan and he stopped dead in his tracks. Oh my god. He finally understood why he’d never really found relationships that great. He’d thought it was just him being weird or he just hadn’t been with the right girl. But now he realized, the issue was the fact that they were girls.
But-
He couldn’t be- that. He was Ryan Steven Bergara. Straight as a ruler. That ruler is fucking broken in half the voice in the back his head contributed. Not very helpful.
He snapped back to reality when he felt a cautious but reassuring hand on his shoulder.
“Hey Ryan, you okay?” Shane was looking at him with a concerned expression.
Ryan did his best to compose himself.
“Yeah- yes. i'm fine. Sorry, just spaced out for a sec.” He cursed himself for stumbling over his words. Especially when Shane squinted his eyes at him, clearly not believing him.
“Alright. But, you know i'm always here if you need to talk.”
“Yeah, i know, thanks.” Ryan mumbled, not quite meeting Shane’s eyes.
Shane gave his shoulder a little squeeze before he let his hand slide off, and started walking back to his car this time with Ryan right behind him.
As he sat down on the end of Shane’s couch, he was suddenly acutely aware of how the taller man had plopped down right next to him even tho there was plenty of space left. It made him feel warm inside, but it also made him panic at the same time-
And then the thoughts came back again. Ryan liked guys. Ryan liked guys? He didn’t like girls, but he liked guys. Yes, you’re gay. He heard the voice in the back of his head pipe up again. Was he really gay? He’d never even considered it a possibility. But now here he was, sitting right next to the guy he had a huge crush on in the midst of having a gay panic. Oh god would he have to tell his family? What would they think? What would his friends think?
What would Shane think?
“Ryan, i can practically hear the wheels turning in your head from here. What’s gotten you so worked up?”
Ryan jumped a little at Shane’s sudden voice interrupting his uncontrollable stream of thoughts. Shane noticed this and put a hand on Ryan’s knee. Which, frankly, only made Ryan panic even more.
“Whoa there calm down. Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” He started, “But seriously Ryan, What’s up? You’ve been off all day. Did- did that guy do something to you yesterday?” He spoke that last part a bit quieter, more cautiously.
“Wait, David? Oh, no. no don’t worry, he was just a bit… uh- persistent is all.”
“Persistent? In what way?” He could see Shane inspecting him with a worried expression.
“Shane, I’m fine. He just got a bit too up in my personal space, a bit handsy maybe.”
Ryan could clearly see that this didn’t calm Shane and that he wanted to pry more, but in the end he let it go for now.
“You didn’t give him any other information about you than where you work, right?”
“No i didn't.”
Shane let out a sigh of relief. And then, without any warning, he suddenly pulled Ryan into a tight hug, making Ryans breath hitch.
“Just be more careful another time, please.” Shane murmured into his ear, Ryan could feel his breath on his neck. He was glad Shane couldn't see the blush creeping over his cheeks right now. Suddenly Shane pulled back and held Ryan in front of him, clearly having had some sort of realization. Ryan found himself itching to pull Shane back into the hug immediately, but resisted.
“But, if it isn't about that guy- David or whatever- Then what's bothering you?” Shane asked.
“I- um..It’s-” Fuck, he couldn't back out now, it definitely wouldn’t sound convincing in the slightest if he said he was ‘just fine.’ “I can’t- it’s- i don’t want to-” Ryan stumbled over his words as he suddenly felt a lump in his throat and a small pressing behind his eyes. He couldn’t tell Shane that he’d just realized he was gay, and especially not that it was him that made him realize it. What if Shane didn’t accept it? What if Shane would hate him for it? What if he found it disgusting and wouldn’t want to be his friend anymore? He sniffed and realized he was crying. He put a hand up to his face and surely enough he felt a tear fall down his cheek.
“O-oh, i’m crying, i’m sorry, i didn't mean to-”
Ryan got cut off by Shane’s hand on his cheek, wiping away his tears. “Shh, Ryan, it’s okay. Please don't apologize.” Shane let his arms slide around Ryan’s back again. Ryan let his head fall down on Shane’s shoulder as he felt a sob run through his body.
“It’s okay Ryan. You’ll be okay.” Shane whispered reassuringly next to his ear. Ryan nodded into Shane’s shoulder.
He’d just been overwhelmed with emotions all day. His crush on Shane. David showing up at the office. The realization that he was gay and everything that came with it. Now he was just letting all those emotions fall out of him, as he felt himself sobbing into Shane’s shoulder. He felt guilty that Shane had to deal with him like this. But at the same time incredibly grateful that he had Shane.
After a bit when he felt he had control over his voice again, Ryan lifted his head from Shane’s shoulder, and leaned back enough so that he could look Shane in the eyes.
“I-i’m really sorry, i didn’t, i didn’t mean to cry on you.” He managed to get out between hiccups.
“Ryan please don’t apologize about crying. It’s okay.” Shane looked at him with the softest eyes Ryan had ever seen. “Do you want to talk about it? It’s okay if you don’t feel up to it right now.” Shane added.
“I don’t… it’s not that i don’t want to, i just.. Not yet.” Ryan looked down at his hands. He did want to tell Shane. But he just didn’t feel ready to risk it yet. He was still too scared that Shane would find it disgusting or wrong, or something along those lines. Ryan knew that was probably an irrational fear. But he just couldn’t help but worry. There was always a minimal chance he was right.
“It’s okay Ry. want to watch a movie and eat some popcorn instead?”
Ryan looked up and smiled at Shane, that was an offer he couldn't decline.
“Hell yes.”
Shane got up to make the popcorn while Ryan chose a movie. Then they both sat down to watch the movie when Shane came back with an unholy amount of popcorn. They ended up spending the rest of the day watching movies on Shane’s couch. They bought some pizza and got it delivered for dinner. Ryan looked at his phone to see what time it was and groaned when he saw. It was 1 at night, they had work tomorrow. Shane peaked over his shoulder and sighed when he saw it too.
“We should go to bed.” He said, “I’ll take the sofa, you can get the bed.”
“What? No, Shane, this is your house, i’ll sleep on the sofa, you sleep in your own bed.”
Shane was about to protest, but Ryan gave him a stubborn glare and he let it slide.
“Fine. I’ll find you a blanket and pillow then.”
Ryan curled himself up under the blanket on Shane’s sofa.
“Night Shane.” He mumbled, already dozing off. It had been a long day.
“Goodnight Ry.”
He could hear Shane walk back to his bedroom, and before he knew it, he was fast asleep.