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The first time scared her because she’d never felt power like that before.
“Ahsoka, what is on your mind?”
Ahsoka started at the Twi’lek’s voice. “Oh, nothing important, Master Secura.”
“But it is something.”
She glanced at the other Jedi, then back to where Anakin was floating in a bacta tank with a sigh. “I knew, objectively, that he’s… “the chosen one.” But I never saw his true power until all this happened. He always just felt like any other Jedi, no more powerful than you or Master Kenobi.”
Aayla hummed. “Skywalker has learned to hide his power. I confess that I was one of the Padawans who… expressed jealousy at how quickly he progressed, how much stronger his presence is than ours. I fear we were the cause of much of his constant shielding.”
“But I didn’t even know he was shielding. And then—on the ship, he just, it felt like he was everywhere. When our gunship crashed into the hallway it felt like there was a cushion around it that prevented anyone from flying off or getting injured. When our contingent caught up with him before we found you, we didn’t have to fight a single droid because he’d destroyed almost an entire battalion. When everything started blowing up not only did he sense it before anyone else but he Force Pushed us all dozens of meters into the ship before doing whatever the hell he did. It felt like he was holding the ship together, pushing back a Forcedamn fireball while he was at it. And all through that his presence was… astounding. I’ve never sensed anything like that. And then later, he was badly injured and still jumping around, destroying as many droids as you and I combined. He got the tanks too and still didn’t sound any more than winded.”
“There is a reason the Senate has made him the poster boy for the Jedi. He and Master Kenobi have earned their legends. The Hero With No Fear does not have fear if he is strong enough to vanquish all who stand before him. I am surprised you did not have occasion to see him in full action before.”
“I was… I was terrified, when he was holding the ship together,” Ahsoka admitted. She looked away from where Anakin was, down at the ground. “And I know, I know, that’s not a “Jedi emotion” but…”
“You cannot prevent emotions, Ahsoka. That would make us no better than the droids. What you must do is not let them control you, and you succeeded at that. He is well on his way to recovery.”
“Master I— I don’t know what I was afraid of. Losing him, yes, but also…”
Aayla shifted next to her to look at the sedated Knight floating in bacta. “When he shows his full power, it is terrifying. This is not the first time I have sensed him do something similar. Geonosis was already terrifying. But when we sensed Skywalker, in the middle of the arena, his shielding down and the full force of his power on display… Perhaps it is because of the sheer amount of it, or perhaps because his shields only drop when things are dire. Either way, I do not want to be on the receiving end the day he loses control and it comes out of its own accord.”
“You mean, if he falls to the Dark Side. But he’s Anakin Skywalker, he can’t do that.”
“Perhaps not. Let us all hope he continues to live up to his titles.”
The second time scared her because he was so far away, and the fighting was supposed to be over.
Ahsoka woke up when she sensed Anakin’s Force presence in her immediate vicinity. (And also because he was arguing with Obi-Wan. Again.)
“I’m fine, Obi-Wan.”
“You were close enough to it that you need to get checked out, and you’re looking pale enough to be concerning.”
“I said, I’m fine. I’m just tired, that’s all.”
“Ani,” a small voice emanated from the bed next to her. Anakin was immediately by the speaker, not quite as subtly as he thought holding her hand.
“Yes, Padmé?”
“Whatever Obi-Wan is telling you to do, do it. Even I can sense how concerned he is.”
Anakin deflated at that. “Fine.”
“Thank you, Senator.”
Only once Anakin had trudged out of the room did Padmé speak again. “Obi-Wan, what… what happened?”
Obi-Wan sighed and sat down in one of the chairs between them. He angled himself so he could see them both. “Anakin and I were helping clean-up around the lab, so that the decontamination team could move in and begin destroying all the samples of the virus. One of the hazard covers over the hatch came loose.”
Ahsoka was sure her eyes were as wide as Padmé’s. “Was he—oh Force is he okay?”
“He was standing fairly close to it, but he’s the only reason the entirety of Naboo isn’t contaminated now. When it opened, he… he grabbed the virus.”
Padmé frowned. “Grabbed it?”
“I don’t know how else to explain it. I felt danger behind me, so I turned around and then all I could sense was Anakin. He’d grabbed the airborne virus with the Force, preventing it from spreading beyond the hatch until the decom crew fixed the hazard cover.”
“So that’s what I sensed earlier.” The panic-edged motion Ahsoka has sensed over their bond earlier made more sense now.
Obi-Wan nodded. “He’d definitely lowered his shields to do that, I’d not be surprised if you sensed it even without the Force Bond.”
“He’s okay, right?”
“Yes. I’m fine, see, Obi-Wan? Medic pronounced me as fine as a Talz in a snowstorm. No contamination here. Just tired.”
The three of them turned to look at Anakin, who had appeared in the doorway again. “Well that was fast. Should I believe you?”
“Hey, you got Padmé in league with you. I did what you asked.”
“Ah, so if I ever need you to do something, I should just ask Padmé, got it.”
Anakin glared at Ahsoka. “No.”
“Sure seems like it.”
“No.”
“Alright, Skyguy, whatever you say.”
(When she woke up in the middle of the night to find Anakin asleep in a chair, leaning against Padmé’s arm and a subtle string of his force power wound around her, healing energy flowing through it, she decided she was right anyway.)
The third time scared her more than she already was because she finally had a comparison.
The tank was dark, all power lost as the rubble overtook them. Barris only had one of the lightsabers active, Ahsoka’s green one by the color of the glow surrounding them. The only other thing she could sense was the overpowering worry over the Force bond.
She tapped the power cell to her comm one last time, energy spent, and felt a spark of hope through the worry as her Master tracked the signal.
“He’s coming.”
“Master Skywalker?”
She nodded. “He’ll figure out a way to get us out.”
“But, all the rubble—there’s no way they can move all the rubble before we run out of air.”
“He’ll find a way.”
That was when a rumble shook the debris on top of them, and they felt the Force presence extending into the rubble, grabbing pieces and pulling. The rubble barely moved. Another joined it, quieter compared to the thunderstorm next to it, but the rubble still did not budge.
Barris gazed sadly at the top of the tank. “They can’t lift it.”
“They can. I know they can, I’ve seen Anakin hold a kriffing ship together, they can move the rubble.”
“Hold a ship—“
Ahsoka felt a flare of annoyance and desperation over their bond, and then suddenly she was surrounded by Anakin, his shields down and presence expanding outwards, downwards, grabbing everything and pulling. The rubble moved, rising into the air, the groan of broken metal paired with the one of exertion from the Jedi Knight standing at the top. The second presence stopped extending itself, merely watching in awe as every single piece of the factory moved from on top of the Padawans and crashed down somewhere behind them.
It was only later, when Anakin was holding her shoulders and looking her over, healing energy in his hands and shields still down, that she realized just how small Master Unduli was in the Force next to him. She realized now just what Master Secura has meant several months ago, about not wanting to be on the receiving end of Anakin’s loss of control. His power was awe-inspiring when it was used in her favor, but it was terrifying to face.
She didn’t know how many times later it scared her because she had never felt him like that before.
“Commander—“
“Not right now, Rex.”
“Ahsoka. I need to know what happened back there.”
“I—I can’t.”
“Look, I understand—no, you know what? I don’t understand, because I don’t understand the Force most of the time. But I do understand what it’s like to lose a brother. And the look on your face back there…”
“It— I’ve never felt him like that before. Anakin. He—Force I don’t even know where he was and I could feel him. He was so angry and scared and he’s the Hero With No Fear he’s not supposed to be like that and it just exploded outwards like it was taking up the entirety of the Force he was using so much power and Rex I can’t— I can’t feel him anymore.”
She was crying, tears streaming down her cheeks because a Force Bond she’d had for half her life was gone and its other side with it, leaving a hole in her chest she’d never be able to fill. Rex’s arms around her were the only thing keeping her from breaking down completely.
The next time she allowed herself to acknowledge it, it scared her because it was so weak.
She stood at the edge of the temple, staring the dark figure before her down, trying to get a handle on her own swirl of emotions. It wasn’t going very well. All she could focus on was him. He was in so much pain, he was so scared. He was the Hero With No Fear, he wasn’t supposed to be terrified. And yet, he was. She knew he’d always been terrified. Terrified of losing people, terrified of the war.
Terrified of himself.
Darth Vader was the most terrifying figure she’d ever faced, and she’d fought Grievous alone with one lightsaber. Fighting Vader was like fighting her deepest, darkest fears come to life.
Because he was. She could admit to herself that he was, that the Force bond hadn’t broken all those years ago, merely been shut down at the other end because the other half couldn’t bear to lose her too because he’d known he was walking down a path she could not follow. He’d let the all-encompassing fear she’d sensed every time he dropped his shields take control, drive him forward to the one thing he thought could save everything.
But he’d lost everything, and he lived in fear of what he could do. Even now, encased in a life-support suit as black as his old robes that she didn’t want to know how he’d acquired the need for, even with his presence so diminished by his own lack of control, his own lack of body, he was terrified.
Darth Vader lived in fear of Anakin Skywalker, and Anakin Skywalker slumbered in the form of the icy cold fear that had overtaken his heart.
She cried for her former master, even as he reached out with his full power, so tainted and weakened by the Dark Side, to choke her.
The last time she felt his full power, she wasn’t terrified, because he finally, finally, felt at peace.
She felt the change over the tattered remains of their Force Bond. Something in him shifted, his rolling emotions settling into a single point of clarity, and then his shields dropped and she felt the all-encompassing power of the Chosen One, the Hero With No Fear, with all the astounding power he’d had before his fall. He drowned out the Sith Lord he stood next to, he drowned out the young Grey Jedi by his feet. She felt them both feel it too, the surprise and horror from Sidious as he was subjected to the power he had once controlled so tightly, and the relief and note of happiness from the other Skywalker.
But even as it filled the Force, his presence was slowly fading, thinning out. She could feel the mortal wounds as his son dragged him into the hangar, as she ordered her fleet to move out of range of the explosion she knew was coming.
She felt as he reached out, one last time, holding the explosion of the Death Star back in such a similar manner to the fireball that had run through the Infinity that for a moment, she felt like she was fourteen again, dragging her critically injured Master through the ship’s airlock. But it was Luke doing that now, pushing a shuttle faster than it should have gone with his father’s body in the back.
And then, just as Luke’s shuttle reached the point where the explosion wouldn’t reach, as Leia and Han’s troops reached a point where the debris wouldn’t land, he released it, and with it went his presence.
Ahsoka closed her eyes against the blinding light of the explosion. A tear made its silent way down her cheek.
“May the Force be with you, Anakin Skywalker.”