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"So here's the thing," Aomine said in a too-casual tone Kagami didn't like one bit.
"What have you done this time?" Kagami asked, looking up from his training schedule.
Aomine stood in the bedroom doorway with the cat cradled in his arms: a transparent attempt at having safety in numbers. Momo the Siamese bore this insult to her feline person with increasing irritation. Her black-tipped tail, dangling from between Aomine's folded arms, danced and wiggled.
"What makes you think I did anything?" Aomine asked with a huff, then sighed. "Fine, fine. I signed us up for But Can They Cook?"
Kagami had heard of this "celebrity special" cooking show in Kansai. They brought in people famous for things other than cooking and made them take part in live cooking competitions. Against each other.
"A-o-mi-ne," Kagami said, making himself voice each syllable to distract from the overwhelming desire to chuck his phone at Aomine, cat or no cat. "You can't cook."
Aomine grinned with childlike triumph. "Yes, I can. I've been taking classes for the past two months."
Kagami blinked. "You took cooking classes. On purpose."
"You know it."
"When--?" Kagami began to ask, but the answer came to him before he finished speaking. He'd known something was shady about Aomine meeting Satsuki every Tuesday and Thursday at eight in the evening sharp. He would never have imagined anything like this, though. "You lied about hanging out with Satsuki?"
"No, she took the classes too."
With a squeaked mew, Momo twisted out of Aomine's hold and leaped right onto the bed, immediately curling up against Kagami's hip.
"She ran away," Aomine said, a bit forlornly.
"Don't change the subject," Kagami said, petting Momo's back.
"I'm not. Anyway, I signed us up," Aomine said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "I'm gonna kick your ass on TV."
Kagami sat back against the headboard and closed his eyes. He knew Aomine hated anyone being better than him at anything, but this was ridiculous. "You are literally the worst."
"You can't know that until you've tried my cooking," Aomine complained, lying down next to him. He tried to pet Momo, but she gave him such a look that he withdrew his hand.
"I'm not talking about your cooking," Kagami said. "You're the worst in general."
*
Kagami was listening to music on the in-flight radio when Aomine returned from the bathroom. He seemed about to say something, so Kagami lowered the volume to zero and looked up expectantly.
"People who say they've had sex in airplane bathrooms are all liars," Aomine told him, settling back into his seat. "I could barely turn around in there by myself."
"Most people aren't our size, dummy," Kagami muttered.
"I thought business class was supposed to be fancy," Aomine said, undaunted. "That bathroom wasn’t big enough to be fancy."
"Try the economy class one," Kagami advised. "Might change your mind."
Aomine leaned over. "Wanna try sneaking into the bathroom to see if we can do it? I have some ideas." His lips were warm against Kagami’s ear, and for a breathless second Kagami forgot he was still mad. Then the plane hit a bit of rough air.
"No," he replied.
Aomine nuzzled his cheek. "Why not?"
Kagami turned away. "Because we're in a fight."
"Why do we have to be in a fight?"
"Because I don't want to go to this stupid cooking competition," Kagami said, eyebrows drawing together.
"If you didn't want to go so much, you could've just backed out," Aomine said with a scowl.
Kagami glared at him. "Their producer called Hikitani, who decided it was gonna be good PR for the team. The show already ran a preview with us in it." The thirty-second segment had featured a montage of Kagami and Aomine at their absolute sweatiest, sinking shot after shot to the most dramatic music in the world. "How am I supposed to back out after all that?"
"You could've backed out before all that. It's not my fault you were too lazy--"
"Yeah, nothing's ever your fault," Kagami snapped. He turned the music back up and turned to stare out of the window, seething. Aomine hated feeling responsible for anything. Everyone knew that about him. Everyone just rolled their eyes and let him get on with it. It was easier that way. But Kagami wasn't everyone.
Aomine plucked at his shirtsleeve in a fairly good imitation of Momo when she knew she had been a bad kitty. When Kagami didn't react, Aomine leaned across the wide armrest that separated them and tried to nuzzle him again.
"Stop it," Kagami hissed, pushing Aomine away with force. One of his earbuds fell out, so he put it back in and turned to the window again.
Aomine yanked both earbuds out and let them drop into Kagami's lap. "If we're gonna fight, then let's fight," he whispered. "You'd hate it if I gave you the silent treatment."
He had a point, but Kagami didn’t want to concede. "Can we talk about it when we're alone?"
"We’re pretty much alone now," Aomine said with a brief glance around. There were only three other people in business class, none near enough to hear their angry whispering. "What's the big deal? I didn't know you hated being on TV so much."
"It's not about being on TV," Kagami said. "It's about you making decisions for us without talking to me."
Aomine made a sceptical face. "You make decisions for us without talking to me all the time. Nine times out of ten you don't even ask me what I want to eat when we're at home, you just start cooking for both of us."
Kagami's eyebrows shot up. "That's because I already know what you like, and you always take forever to decide on one thing."
"See? I already knew you were fine with being on TV, so I signed us up. It's the same thing," Aomine said in a tone that suggested the subject was closed.
"No it's not," Kagami snapped. He hated it when Aomine acted like this. "Why do you want to be on TV so badly, anyway? Hoping another one of your gravure idols sees you and calls you up, like last time?"
Aomine's eyes went huge, and Kagami bit his tongue. That had been a different fight and it was already over. "That was dumb," he said.
Aomine looked away, swallowing. "No shit."
Kagami reached for Aomine's hand, lacing their fingers together. "I shouldn't have said that."
Aomine rested his other hand on top of Kagami's. "I hate it when we're in a fight," he murmured.
"We're still in a fight," Kagami said, giving him a surreptitious kiss on the cheek. "And tonight I'm gonna fight you on a cooking show."
*
"I can't believe they made bitter melon the main ingredient," Aomine said as they sat down in an empty car of an early-morning express train bound for the airport.
Kagami, still half-asleep, grunted. "You drew the bitter melon card from the box."
"Shut up." Aomine settled deeper into the train seat and slumped a little bit. Instead of adding sweeter vegetables to his stir-fry to offset the bitterness, he'd opted for hot sauce like the rookie that he was. All the judges agreed that Kagami's pork-stuffed bitter melon roulade with tomato sauce was the clear winner for both flavour and presentation. Aomine didn't get even one pity vote.
"Just tell yourself you lost because of bad luck," Kagami advised. "You'll feel better."
"What part of me looks like Midorima to you?"
Kagami regarded him. "You're tall..."
"I didn't mean literally, dumbass. After we get Momo from the kitty hotel, I'm gonna make you breakfast."
Kagami yawned. "Are you gonna force me to make breakfast too and invite all the neighbours to judge whose is better?"
Aomine looked thoughtful. "Maybe I should've done that in the first place instead of going on TV."
"Maybe you should have," Kagami agreed. "Now everyone knows I kicked your ass." He was still dreading turning his phone back on after the post-show deluge of messages last night.
"You got lucky with the ingredient card."
"If you say so, Midorima."
"If you like Midorima so much, why don't you marry him?"
"I'd have to divorce you first. Too much trouble."
"Asshole. You're lucky I don't hate you."
"Lucky I'm better at cooking than you, lucky you don't hate me, lucky I'm the superior basketball player--"
Aomine's eyes flashed. "Nobody said that!"
Kagami showed him his teeth. "I know, I'm just adding it to the list."
"It's not true, though."
"So you admit the part about me being better at cooking is true?"
"No! Shut up, you're stupid."
"And yet you married me." Kagami said, rubbing his face with both hands to try and wake up.
"That was six years ago."
Kagami peered at Aomine between his fingers. "Was I smarter back then?"
Aomine looked smug. "Must have been, since you married me."
"That doesn't even make any sense," Kagami objected. "I was smart to marry you, but now I'm stupid? Does that mean I shouldn't have stayed married to you?"
Aomine winced. "I hate it when you say stuff like that."
"I hate it when you drag me to Kyoto for no good reason, especially when it’s almost New Year’s Eve."
"Fine, fine, I'm sorry. I'll ask you in advance next time."
Kagami sighed. "Next time?"
Aomine's eyebrows drew together. "I'm not giving up."
"You're lucky I don't hate you," Kagami said, leaning his head onto Aomine's shoulder. He yawned. "I'm gonna go back to sleep, wake me when we get to the airport."
Aomine put an arm around him. "Does this mean we're not in a fight any more?"
"Ask me again after breakfast."
"But that’ll be after we get off the plane."
"We’re not having sex in the bathroom, Aomine."
"Damn it."
[end]