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When Jeonghan comes stumbling into Seungkwan’s kitchen, there’s only thirty minutes left until midnight.
Joshua’s been hiding in here for nearly forty-five minutes now, doing his best to avoid his drunken friends and their antics. Considering what happened at last years new year party, he’s surprised himself that he even decided to show up this year. Four hours in and he decided to retreat to the kitchen, having had more than enough of Soonyoung’s hysterical screaming in his ear and the horrendous job Seungkwan and Seokmin were making of karaoke in the living room.
He’d been in the middle of pouring himself a cup of coffee when a series of heavy footsteps had echoed around the room, and he turned to find Jeonghan tripping over his own feet through the doorway. Carefully, he puts the kettle back on the table, turning to face the older boy who is looking quite disheveled and confused of his surroundings.
“Drink that much?” Joshua asks, an amused undertone to his voice. He watches for a few seconds more as Jeonghan’s eyes dance around the room, likely trying to help his brain make sense of where exactly he is right now. Joshua sighs, pushing himself from the counter he was leaning against and makes his way over to the other.
He snaps his fingers in front of Jeonghan’s face, “Earth to Jeonghan.” The older boy’s eyes immediately snap forward to meet his and Joshua raises an eyebrow. “How much did you drink?” He questions, more to himself than anyone else, a hint of exasperation in his words.
He makes his way back over to the counter to finish making his coffee, opting to pour one for his very evidently hammered friend too. Jeonghan runs his hands over his face, groaning loudly and shaking his head. Joshua spares him a glance over his shoulder, only now taking notice of how truly terrible he looks. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say Jeonghan had been dragged through a hedge backwards and maybe even thrown over the edge of a cliff just for added effect.
In short, he looks like absolute shit.
“Never seen you so roughed up before,” Joshua comments, turning back to fixing up their beverages before the water goes cold and he has to wait for the kettle to boil again. He hears a faint thud behind him, turning to find Jeonghan slumped in one of the bar stools by the island in the middle of the room.
“I’ve never felt so roughed up before,” Jeonghan grumbles, face hidden in his hands. He hears a noise from somewhere nearby and raises his head, finding a mug of warm coffee sitting on the table in front of him and Joshua sitting perched on the edge of the table.
He nods towards the mug in front of Jeonghan, “Drink up, it’ll help you.” He takes a sip of his own drink, “And trust me, you look like you definitely need it.”
Jeonghan gives an appreciative smile, lifting the mug to his lips and taking a sip. It’s not too strong, but still strong enough to bring an ounce of awareness back to his clouded brain. He feels like shit, and he vows to himself never again will he drink as much alcohol as he has tonight.
“What were you doing in here?” He suddenly asks, catching Joshua by surprise. “I realised you disappeared a while ago, but as you can tell,” he motions to himself, “I’m far too drunk to have conducted a proper search to find you.”
Joshua hums, speaking around the mouth of the mug, “Maybe you should’ve sent a search party out to look for me. I could’ve been kidnapped, you know.”
Jeonghan huffs out a laugh, “But you weren’t.” He takes a long drink, the more coffee he downs the more his thoughts are slowly coming back to him and the more he’s gaining awareness of the fact that he’s so fucking dizzy. “Not that I imagine anyone would ever want to kidnap you, anyway.”
Joshua raises an eyebrow, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Jeonghan shrugs, “You talk too much.”
Joshua lets out a fake gasp of hurt, clutching his chest dramatically. “So cruel, Yoon Jeonghan. I can’t believe I ever let myself think you cared about me.”
Jeonghan chuckles, “Who ever told you that?”
Joshua deadpans, drawing another laugh from the blond. Jeonghan reaches over and delivers a sharp prod to Joshua’s thigh, the younger huffing and turning away from him.
“You know I wouldn’t let anyone kidnap you,” Jeonghan hums in thought for a moment, “unless it was me, of course.”
Joshua swings back around to face him again, looking at him questioningly. “Why are you kidnapping me?”
“Why not?” Jeonghan shrugs, “You can be my personal maid. My designated chef. Coffee maker. Cleaner. Something like that.”
Joshua huffs, “So you’re kidnapping me to do chores?” He drums his fingers on the side of the mug, “Because you’re too lazy to do them yourself.”
Now it’s Jeonghan’s turn to gasp in faux disbelief. “Me? Lazy? Hong Jisoo, you’ve hurt me. Truly the bane of my existence.” He tuts, turning his head away and screwing his eyes shut so he doesn’t have to look at said bane of his existence.
He hears Joshua laugh, a warm sound and it flows into his ears like a river. Jeonghan smiles unknowingly, too focused on the sound to be paying any attention to his expressions. You can’t blame him, he’s had too much to drink and suddenly something about Joshua’s laugh is like an anchor and he’s honestly beyond thankful that it’s there. After having spent the past few hours amongst his abundance of drunk friends, each screaming and shouting and singing and laughing, their voices had mixed together with each other and the alcohol in his system until he could no longer differentiate anyone from everyone else.
To be sitting alone in the quiet kitchen with just Joshua, the sound of his voice and laugh the only ones in the room, is like a breath of fresh air. He was drowning and suddenly he came to the surface and tasted oxygen again for the first time in what felt like forever. Wow, he thinks to himself, I did drink far too much alcohol.
“Jeonghan?” Joshua’s voice brings him back to reality and his eyes snap open, landing on Joshua’s concerned expression and he can see the hint of worry in his eyes. “You okay?”
Jeonghan runs a hand through his hair, nodding. “Yeah… Yeah, sorry about that.”
Joshua shakes his head, “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” He pushes himself off the island and stands in front of Jeonghan. “Do you want to rest now? Since I refuse to let you drink any more, because I’m not hauling you back to your apartment when you pass out on Boo’s living room floor.”
Jeonghan laughs softly, “Sure. I think rest is what I really need right now.”
Joshua hums in agreement, “Definitely.” He deposits his empty mug in the sink, moving to help Jeonghan manoeuvre himself off the bar stool because he really doesn’t trust him to do anything for himself right now. “You’re staying here tonight, right?”
Jeonghan nods, swaying slightly in Joshua’s grip. “In one of the guest rooms. Second door on the right side of the hallway.”
Joshua nods, pulling Jeonghan’s arm around his shoulders and wrapping his arm around the older boy’s waist. “C’mon then. No more sitting around. I’d give you another fifteen minutes before you literally cannot stand up anymore.”
“I have to say I think you’re right,” Jeonghan chuckles. “Hi ho Silver!” He shouts, pointing towards to doorway. Joshua laughs brightly at his foolishness, carefully guiding him out of the kitchen and towards the room he’s been designated for the night.
They reach the top step, Joshua pulling Jeonghan towards the door of his room. “Are you staying here tonight?” Jeonghan poses, turning his head towards Joshua as the younger pulls him through the doorway, kicking the door shut behind them.
Joshua deposits him on the bed, his body bouncing lightly as he hits the mattress. Jeonghan laughs in amusement as he bounces softly, and Joshua is just thankful that he’s too occupied to notice the fond smile that curves on his lips.
“I’m not supposed to be, no.” He answers, and Jeonghan’s laughter suddenly dies down.
“So you’re leaving me?” He asks, voice coming out small and frail. There’s a small pout on his lips and Joshua swears he can actually hear sadness laced in his words somewhere.
He sighs, running a hand through his waves of mousey brown curls. And if the older boy thinks he looks oddly stunning, then he doesn’t say. “I won’t leave if you don’t want me to.” Joshua meets Jeonghan’s gaze, his eyes soft and gentle. “I can stay.”
Jeonghan hums, “Only if you want to.”
Joshua narrows his eyes at him, “Do you want me to?”
“Yes,” Jeonghan answers too quickly for his own liking, carefully backtracking on himself. “But you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”
Joshua shakes his head, “No, no, I’ll stay. If you definitely want me to.”
Jeonghan purses his lips, nodding slowly.
“Okay,” Joshua says, moving to sit on the chair across the room.
Jeonghan lifts his head, giving him a stern, questioning gaze. “What are you doing?”
Joshua freezes in place, a confused expression taking over his features. “Staying?”
Jeonghan rolls his eyes, “How are you supposed to take care of me from over there?” He points to the space beside him on the bed, “Come lie down.”
Joshua should’ve known he wasn’t making it out of here unscathed. Of course, of all people, Yoon Jeonghan has to be a drunk cuddler. He sighs, moving back over to Jeonghan and flopping down on the bed beside him. Jeonghan gives him a warm smile, scooting over so he’s pressed to Joshua’s side. Almost immediately, Joshua starts to feel a burning heat creeping up his face, praying that Jeonghan is still too drunk to notice the way his ears are slowly blooming red.
Jeonghan shuffles around a bit more and Joshua just focuses on the ceiling, trying his hardest to ignore the way Jeonghan’s skin radiates so much warmth against him. Deep breaths, he reminds himself. This is fine.
“Joshie,” Jeonghan calling his name drags him back down to Earth and oh shit, did he hear him right? Joshie? Joshua has to suck in as much air as possible to keep himself from choking.
He answers with a hum, turning his head to come face-to-face with the blond, who now has a wide grin curving on his lips. “You look like a scared lamb,” Jeonghan giggles, trailing off to himself, “cute...”
Joshua clears his throat, averting his eyes to peer over Jeonghan’s shoulder and looking out the window. The sky is completely dark now, a few stars dotted around the place and the moon shines brightly in the darkness. It’s pretty. But not as pretty as him.
Joshua screws his eyes shut, a stream of fuck being screamed inside his head.
He knew this would happen again. Just like last year; stupid Yoon fucking Jeonghan with his perfect face and his sparkling eyes and blinding smile, just had to go ahead and have too much to drink and ended up flirting with everyone and anyone in the room. Including Joshua. It was too much for his heart to take, especially when the clock struck midnight and Jeonghan then proceeded to kiss every one of their friends. Again, including him. By the time morning came, Jeonghan had completely forgotten about all of it, and Joshua didn’t know what hurt worse; the fact that he was the only one who remembered everything, or the fact that none of the previous night’s encounters actually meant anything to Jeonghan.
“What are you thinking about?”
An innocent enough question, but right now Joshua is in too much of a dilemma to feel like talking about it. He shakes his head, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling again. Jeonghan must be wondering what he finds so fascinating about the ceiling of Seungkwan’s guest bedroom.
“Nothing, really,” he draws a deep breath and keeps his eyes focused ahead, missing the way Jeonghan watches intently as his chest rises and falls as he does so. “What are you thinking about?”
Jeonghan hums, joining him in admiring Seungkwan’s ceiling. “You.”
Joshua’s breath hitches in his throat and Jeonghan must hear that, because he’s turning to Joshua with an eyebrow raised and confused look on his face. The younger boy coughs for a bit, brain completely frazzled because why is Jeonghan thinking about him?
“Me?” Joshua repeats, making sure his brain didn’t just alter whatever Jeonghan had really said. He swears he barely drank anything, but ever since Jeonghan tripped through that kitchen door his mind’s been playing up on him.
Jeonghan nods, “You.” There it is, the confirmation. Maybe Joshua isn’t losing his marbles after all.
“Why were you thinking about me?” He asks, genuine curiosity laced in his voice. There may also be a hint of fear in his words. Maybe.
“Because,” Jeonghan smiles like it’s obvious and Joshua raises an eyebrow at him, causing the older boy to roll his eyes. “Because. You’re always so kind to me and you’re so caring and gentle and,” a long, drawn out breath falls from his lips. “You’re so cute.”
Joshua’s brows knit together, “Thanks?” His face just has puzzled written all over it. Not that he isn’t accepting drunk Jeonghan’s compliment, or anything. “You’re cute too, I guess.”
Jeonghan huffs in annoyance, “You’re not catching on!” He rolls onto his side and drops his head onto Joshua’s chest, feeling the younger tense up beneath him. He feels slightly guilty, something telling him that Joshua is somewhat uncomfortable right now. But his rationality is too clouded right now and his mind and thoughts are swimming in an ocean of alcohol, so it’s now or never, he tells himself. Before the alcohol wears off and takes his courage with it.
“You,” he points a finger accusingly, and Joshua near flinches at the sudden motion. “You are the best person in my life. Honestly, the best. You’re so great, Joshie. You know that?” His voice is stern but his words aren’t, and hearing the two put together makes Joshua laugh. Jeonghan thinks that sound alone is capable of making flowers bloom in the middle of winter.
“Jeonghan,” he takes Jeonghan’s hand (which is still pointing in his face) in his, lowering it back down to his side. “What are you rambling on about?”
Jeonghan wants to punch him. Well... maybe not punch him. He’d risk actually hurting him if he did that. Maybe he wants to reach for his neck and stop just a few centimetres away and strangle thin air. Yeah. That’ll do.
“You’re so fucking stupid, y’know that?” Jeonghan hisses at him, but there’s no spite in his words.
Joshua smiles, “After you just complimented me so graciously?”
“Fuck you, Joshua Hong.” Jeonghan grumbles, crossing his arms over himself. Joshua watches with the smile plastered to his face, a fond glint in his eyes.
He hums, “What are you trying to say then?” He rolls onto his side to face Jeonghan again. “Explain what your random outburst was about.”
Jeonghan looks at him dumbfounded, as though he’s genuinely the most thick-headed person he’s met in his entire life. The older boy groans in annoyance, hands coming up to massage his temples. “Tell me you’re joking.”
Joshua shakes his head, and he feels that familiar heat crawling back up his neck at the disbelieving sigh Jeonghan lets out.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he mumbles, then turns his head to face the brunette. “Want me to make this easy for you?” A sudden rush of adrenaline kicks in — or maybe it’s just the vodka coursing through his veins — and he decides once and for all that this is it.
“I like you! Surprise! I like you. Happy now?”
As soon as the first few words reach his ears, Joshua’s brain goes into overdrive. The remainder of Jeonghan’s words end up jumbled into one big stream of vowels and consonants and Joshua doesn’t have a clue what he just said because what the fuck?
The lack of response makes Jeonghan panic and he starts tripping over his words as he rushes out, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just... I’m sorry, Josh. Shit.”
Joshua shakes his head, senses gradually coming back to him. “It’s fine.” He laughs breathily, and maybe a little bit nervously, “How much did you drink?”
“Too much,” Jeonghan replies, “but that wasn’t the alcohol talking, that was me.”
The younger hums, “Drunk you.”
Snarky bastard, Jeonghan thinks. “Yes, drunk me. I’m drunk, I’m aware of that.” He narrows his eyes and gives Joshua a sharp look, “But that wasn’t a ‘drunk confession’, that was real.”
“Well,” Joshua points out, “you confessed and you’re drunk. So, you know, it kinda was a drunk confession.”
“Jisoo,” Jeonghan grits out. On second thought, maybe he does want to punch him.
Joshua laughs, all warm and comforting and it melts Jeonghan’s insides a little bit.
“Okay, sorry,” Joshua bites his tongue to stop his laughter and Jeonghan deadpans. “Continue.”
“What’s the point in continuing?” Jeonghan throws his hands up dramatically. “I told you I have a crush on you and you completely blew me off.” He glares at Joshua, “Get out my room.”
The smile disappears from Joshua’s face and instead his brows knit together, as though he’s deep in thought about something. There are traces of a pout on his lips and Jeonghan kind of wants to lean over and kiss him. But that’s the alcohol talking, definitely not him.
“You like me?” Joshua breaks the silence, his words oddly heavy and Jeonghan feels them weighing down on his chest. He nods, and Joshua continues, “As in, like like me?”
Jeonghan rolls his eyes, “Yes, I like like you. What are we? Ten?”
Joshua chuckles, “Just making sure.” There’s the ghost of a smile on his face when he turns to Jeonghan and asks, “And these are definitely your words? No intoxication-induced fantasy in which you have a crush on me because your brain somehow alters my face to look like Ryan Reynolds?”
“God, no.” Jeonghan replies almost immediately. “If that was the case, I definitely would’ve jumped your bones by now.”
Joshua snorts, “Fair point.” A bright smile curves on his lips, “So you really like me?”
Jeonghan huffs, loud and fed up with Joshua’s bullshit. “Yes, I really like you. How many confirmations do you need?”
“Many,” Joshua states. “Because you have a tendency to drink too much and then throw yourself at every person within a five-metre radius.” He grins at Jeonghan’s jaded expression. “And I need to know it’s safe for me to say that I feel the same.”
Jeonghan’s eyes widen slightly, “For real?” He has to take a few seconds pause to run the words over in his head again and make sure he isn’t losing it. “You’re not pulling my leg just because I’m drunk or anything, right?”
Joshua shakes his head, “I’m a man who tells no lies.”
Jeonghan snorts, “Right. Because that in itself wasn’t a lie.” He hums, “You keep telling yourself that, Shua.”
Joshua giggles softly and Jeonghan can practically feel the warmth radiating from him. Flowers bloom in winter, he thinks to himself, an overwhelming fondness bubbling up inside him. Having finally gotten his little secret out in the open, he feels a lot calmer. It’s just a pity it took so much alcohol and mental pep talks to get him to fess up.
“So, you like me too?” He wants to hear him say it again, just in case his mind was playing tricks on him.
Joshua smiles, happy to repeat the words that have been sitting on the end of his tongue for so long. “I like you too.”
Jeonghan’s face practically lights up at that, and rolls closer and wraps an arm around Joshua’s waist. Joshua looks at him with the softest gaze Jeonghan has ever seen and throws an arm around him in return.
“See? Me being absolutely teeming with alcohol isn’t always a bad thing.” Jeonghan asserts, and Joshua hums in response, nodding.
“Fair enough. But trust me, you’ll regret it in the morning.”
A sudden sense of dread washes over Jeonghan and he thinks he might break into a cold sweat. He clears his throat, “Let’s not think about that right now.”
“Good idea,” Joshua mumbles. Jeonghan peers up at him, seeing Joshua’s eyes are closed and his cheeks are dusted a faint pink colour. He smiles at the sight, staring in wonderment and questioning how someone can be so cute.
That same alcohol adrenaline rush from earlier washes through him and before he realises what he’s doing, he’s placing a soft peck to Joshua’s lips. The younger jumps from fright and his eyes fly open, meeting Jeonghan’s wide ones once he realises what he just did. His face goes red and all coherency leaves his mind. He should apologise, but his words are quite literally gone.
A smile spreads on Joshua’s face and he narrows his eyes at him, “A little warning next time would be nice.”
Jeonghan perks up at that, a newfound ability to formulate sentences coming to him. “There’s going to be a next time?”
He watches Joshua roll his eyes, soft gaze fixing back on his. “Of course. If you want a next time.”
“Duh,” Jeonghan blurts out, making the pair laugh. Joshua takes a deep breath, calming himself and Jeonghan swears he could get lost in his eyes.
After that, it’s like everything goes in slow motion. Joshua slowly inching forward, his eyes fluttering shut and Jeonghan’s heart is pounding in his ears and he thinks he can feel it about to jump out of his ribcage. He mirrors Joshua’s actions, leaning into him until their lips meet a second time, a little more pressure this time with Joshua reciprocating. They stay like that, breathing each other in, sharing warmth and the same space.
And then there’s fireworks. A series of loud cheers thunder from downstairs and Jeonghan smiles against Joshua’s lips, butterflies fluttering their wings in his stomach. They draw back to the sound of their friends yelling and declaring their love for each other from the living room and the loud banging of fireworks outside. Jeonghan grins and Joshua can’t help but mirror him.
His eyes float over to the window, watching as an abundance of bright colours pop in the night sky, dancing over the darkness and illuminating the room. Maybe new year is more than just drunk friends and bad karaoke. Right now, Joshua admits to himself, he feels more at peace than he can remember ever feeling before.
Jeonghan hums, his voice soft, “What are you thinking about?”
Joshua can’t fight the smile that takes over his features, “You.”
A warm laugh, a light peck on the cheek and arms wrapping tighter around his waist. Joshua thinks this is what perfect feels like.
“Happy new year,” Jeonghan mumbles, muffled as he smiles into Joshua’s shoulder.
Joshua nudges his head against the his, “Happy new year.”
And for once, maybe it is.